the final solution

Fun Georgia Bill: Give Death Penalty For Having Abortion OR Miscarriage

Sticking his cyanide needle in those buns.Look, there’s a limit to exactly how illegal you can make abortion, and conservative legislators are always trying to one-up each other by proposing new ways to make it illegal-er. It takes a stroke of luck to come across a great idea like giving women the death penalty for having an abortion for any reason. But it takes a true genius to decide that women who merely have miscarriages can also be arrested, charged, and put to death. The great mind we’re talking about, Georgia state Rep. Bobby Franklin, has introduced this in a 10-page bill, a work of staggering conservative brilliance it may be made into stone tablets and brought up Mount Sinai so God Himself can read it and weep at the beautiful work of His second-greatest human being ever.

Under Rep. Franklin’s bill, HB 1, women who miscarry could become felons if they cannot prove that there was “no human involvement whatsoever in the causation” of their miscarriage. There is no clarification of what “human involvement” means, and this is hugely problematic as medical doctors do not know exactly what causes miscarriages.

Women. Women cause miscarriages by being women. Do you see any men having miscarriages? No. Men are awesome at not having miscarriages. A woman will probably even cry if you see her have a miscarriage and you interrogate her about what she did to murder her fetus. (She will cry because she’s guilty.)

Holding women criminally liable for a totally natural, common biological process is cruel and non-sensical. Even more ridiculous, the bill holds women responsible for protecting their fetuses from “the moment of conception,” despite the fact that pregnancy tests aren’t accurate until at least 3 weeks after conception. Unless Franklin (who is not a health professional) invents a revolutionary intrauterine conception alarm system, it’s unclear how exactly the state of Georgia would enforce that rule other than holding all possibly-pregnant women under lock and key.

No, the answer is to have the government of Georgia kill all the women in its state right now just to be safe. DUH, Mother Jones writer, who is a WOMAN (no surprise). Women don’t understand anything, and then they purposefully have miscarriages.

But still, what’s the problem if they decide to lock up all the women and not kill them? Is this Mother Jones person trying to take away Georgia’s states’ rights? How dare she do such a thing to this poor man and his beautiful, very logical bill? Smite the women. Smite all the women. [Mother Jones]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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        1. BarryOPotter

          …are we FOR a Nanny State or not?

          The Hon. Bobby Goober Franklin is trying to institute a MANNY State, librul!

        2. Terry

          We apparently are aiming for a State modeled after a Margaret Atwood novel entitled The Handmaid's Tale.

    1. StephKat17

      Ooh, but what if they are carrying twins but only miscarry ONE of them? Then do you wait until after the other twin is born to kill the mom? I mean, this is really not a well thought out bill proposal, OBVS.

      1. sati_demise

        and boy oh boy, are those fertility clinics in trouble! They will have to be killed thousands of times. The whole staff and the garbage collector.

      1. Barbara_i

        That would be funny, Radio.
        Half the men think that we are trying to get pregnant to snag them into marriage and the other half think that we are trying to jar the fetus from our wombs to kill them. We sure are busy little beavers if we can do this and still make it to the shoe store when it opens.

        These opinions do not reflect upon any of the tripod Wonkateers.

    2. threetofifteen

      Actually the "miscarriage" bit is qualified:
      (2) 'Prenatal murder' means the intentional removal of a fetus from a woman with an intention other than to produce a live birth or to remove a dead fetus; provided, however, that if a physician makes a medically justified effort to save the lives of both the mother and the fetus and the fetus does not survive, such action shall not be prenatal murder. Such term does not include a naturally occurring expulsion of a fetus known medically as a 'spontaneous abortion' and popularly as a 'miscarriage' so long as there is no human involvement whatsoever in the causation of such event.

      "human involvement whatsoever" is incredibly vague (and likely what wonkie is complaining about) and I have a feeling that this will be the first clause stricken from the statute (assuming it's passed as-is) when someone applies common law standards.

      No, the part I find really horrifying is this:
      (12) The United States Supreme Court had no jurisdiction to hear or decide the case of Roe v. Wade or any other case pertaining to a state's punishment of the crime of prenatal murder;
      Basically, "We can contradict Roe v. Wade because we think you had no jurisdiction." (Note: this is the same as nullifying a federal law, because the Supreme Court's ruling on jurisdiction is binding and final.)
      You can tell that they know it's nullification a little lower:
      (17) Georgia hereby unequivocally expresses its firm resolution to maintain and defend the Constitution of the United States against every aggression, either foreign or domestic, and most solemnly declares a warm attachment to the Union of the states and seeks its preservation and continuation;
      "We swear we're not trying to start a civil war again! We swears it!"

      What a bunch of chumps, hopped up on wasting legislative time and money.

  1. Jason_inthe_Peg

    Mother Jones should just get with the motherhood program already.

    I have to hand it to Margaret Atwood, I really had no idea that the Handmaids Tale was a how-to book.

    1. emmelemm

      It's like she was a emmer-effering psychic! And here all she did was try to imagine the most awful future she could…

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Funny how the novelists with the most cruelly twisted imaginations always end up being the most prescient.

        OK, I take that back; it's not funny.

        1. emmelemm

          Yeah, when we get to the point of seeing bills like this actually printed on paper and presented to law-making bodies as something with a nano-second of potential legitimacy, NOTHING IS FUNNY ANY MORE.

          Nothing will ever be funny again.

    2. OC_Surf_Serf

      wanna stay up at night? have 3 daughters and read Atwood's "Cat's Eye" a couple times…shivering even thinking about it.

      1. mayor_quimby

        Jeebus H fuck, my Wonkette is going to make me pick up a book or some shit.
        I am embarrassed to admit I first heard of her via her tweets.
        No!! Stop shunning me, stop it!!

  2. nounverb911

    " women who miscarry could become felons if they cannot prove that there was “no human involvement whatsoever in the causation” of their miscarriage"
    Barbara Bush better watch out.

    1. SorosBot

      Fetal alcohol syndrome can cause miscarriages, so just like W's idiocy that's probably her fault too.

    2. natoslug

      Assholes like this are a reminder of why critical reasoning needs to be taught in high school rather than college. There's no fucking way to prove that there was "no human involvement whatsoever…"

      Has Georgia Rep. Fucky McFuckerson yet proven to us he was not involved, whatsoever, in 9/11, Robin Williams' herpes and the Christchurch earthquake?

      [Edit: Critical Reasoning should actually be taught in both high school AND college. And anyone who fails should be sterilized and branded with a scarlet GOP on his/her forehead.]

    1. natoslug

      She did. He just didn't have the courtesy to die afterwards. Obviously no mental growth occurred afterwards.

    1. baconzgood

      Up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist, up fist!

      I like you Stewart. You're not like the other people here, at the trailor park.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      While not everyone in the South is batshit crazy, and there are batshit crazy people in the North, Bobby Franklin cancels out the sane Southerners. But don't blame it all on Lincoln. Those Original British North American serfdoms that declared Independence should have stopped at the fabled Mason Dixon line. The Spaniards, French, Hottentots or Martians who controlled the swamps to the south should have kept them. Maybe they knew something… Why, just why, why and why, couldn't we have kept Canada, the last bastion of civilization in North America? (Hell, I even know the words to their national anthem, in hopes…)

      1. Jukesgrrl

        You should give one of those at least once a week. The Comrad_Darkness "It Goes Without Saying Award."

  3. SorosBot

    Well god causes miscarriages, so if a woman miscarries it must be a punishment sent because she did something to piss the invisible one off, like having independent thoughts, so it is her fault.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      "They say a miscarriage is God's way of making sure a mistake isn't made".

      — Damien Jurado, Postcards & Audio Letters, track 3, "Christmas 1983, Pt. 1"

      (Not quite the exact transcription. It's actually a little sweeter than it seems.)

    2. sati_demise

      you know that is what he is thinking, because the Bible!
      All miscarriages mean the woman is totally guilty.

  4. baconzgood

    "women who miscarry could become felons if they cannot prove that there was “no human involvement whatsoever in the causation” of their miscarriage"

    WOW that takes BALLS. I mean real big brass BALLS. Not only is he picking on a woman who just went through the trama of losing her child, he's also doing away with that whole Presumption of innocence crap.

    BIG BRASSY BALLS. I salute your gumption Bobby.

    1. V572625694

      Plus there's that old problem of proving a negative…how do you prove somebody didn't do something?

    2. OneDollarJuana

      Balls were involved! Every miscarriage started with semen from said balls. Find the man and throw his ass in jail! Better yet, lynch him!

    3. BarryOPotter

      Nice try, but the swinging of brass balls had nothing to do with this abortion of a bill. It's simply the after-birth of the Idiocracy with each idiot vying to out-tard the other tards. More likely to be the result of a small penis, or even penis-envy…

    4. PsycWench

      Not only that, but a lot of miscarriages are related to chromosomal abnormalities, which could be proven only if the women had the actual products of the miscarriage and they could be submitted to testing. Have those products been flushed or otherwise discarded? Go directly to jail, do not pass go, etc.

    5. MarcelleMarceau

      I wonder if women traveling out of state would have to submit to pregnancy tests. And then again on their return.

    6. zhubajie

      Presumption of innocence is long gone. Bush introduced the Chinese system and Obama has not given it up.

  5. Mahousu

    Unless Franklin (who is not a health professional) …

    This wins the category of "least surprising parenthetical remark of the year."

    1. littlebigdaddy

      I have to disagree. He looks exactly like one of those small town optometrists who insist on being called "Dr."

  6. smokefilledroommate

    This is the type of shit that comes from the repressed mind of someone that really needs to come out of the closet.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      He's beyond the closet and halfway down the septic tank. And you don't want something that's been down there "coming out".

  7. Polythene Pam

    "Prospective studies using very sensitive early pregnancy tests have found that 25% of pregnancies are miscarried by the sixth week LMP (since the woman's Last Menstrual Period)."

    And, of course, most of these happen without the woman even being aware that she's pregnant at all. So, I'm buying stock in whatever company's going to provide the state with the mandatory monthly pregnancy tests for all females of child-bearing age!

        1. NorthStarSpanx

          And a new Koch product for the small government to purchase wholesale!

          Also too, it's going to be awfully kind of the government to point out that you suffered a loss in case you were lucky enough to have missed it.

      1. tcaalaw

        Perhaps they could have random pregnancy checkpoints on the highway like drug/immigration/DUI checkpoints. I'm sure nothing would go wrong. Well, at least until they begin tasering women who can't pee in a cup on command.

    1. emmelemm

      Monthly? Try WEEKLY! You could totally have a fertilized egg (i.e., 5/5 of a whole person with every possible human right assigned to it) hanging around for 2, 3 days, then getting flushed out.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    A little-publicized codicil in this bill also mandates a prison term for any woman having a period.
    Thirty days in the hole, that's what they give you.

  9. PresBeeblebrox

    The bill is a laff riot. The General Assembly of Georgia has taken the place of God in knowing when human life begins. It also mentions pirates & murder, takes digs at the U.S. Supreme Court, etc.

    This is the real kicker, which basically 1) says a zygote is a fetus and 2) says that the burden of proof in showing that there was "no human involvement whatsoever" in a miscarriage is going to fall on the defendant, which is not exactly what the Constiution says…

    …Homunculus? WTF? How many people are growing babies in bottles these days?

    (b) As used in this Code section, the term:
    (1) 'Fetus' means a person at any point of development from and including the moment of conception through the moment of birth. Such term includes all medical or popular designations of an unborn child from the moment of conception such as conceptus, zygote, embryo, homunculus, and similar terms.

    (2) 'Prenatal murder' means the intentional removal of a fetus from a woman with an intention other than to produce a live birth or to remove a dead fetus; provided, however, that if a physician makes a medically justified effort to save the lives of both the mother and the fetus and the fetus does not survive, such action shall not be prenatal murder.

    Such term does not include a naturally occurring expulsion of a fetus known medically as a 'spontaneous abortion' and popularly as a 'miscarriage' so long as there is no human involvement whatsoever in the causation of such event.

    1. Ducksworthy

      This does not go far enough. Onanism is not addressed anywhere in this legislation. Oh this is only about the filthy women? OK then. But where's the stoning?

      1. DoktorZoom

        OT, but I always loved the anecdote about Dorothy Parker naming her parakeet Onan because he always spilled his seed upon the ground.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          Especially white people who can afford IVF. Jesus doesn't want to thwart the reproduction of RICH white people. Because they have so much more to offer children than the poors, doncha know? And they don't need any government hand-outs like public schools, also, too.

    2. SorosBot

      The "Homunculus" was the miniature person that some early so-called scientists proposed was inside the sperm and would grow into the baby inside a woman's womb; according to this view the woman had no effect on heredity at all, but were just gestating the man's child. Not a surprising view for a legislator who hates women as much as this creep.

    3. MissTaken

      Hmmm…according to the all-knowing Wikipedia a homunculus is:

      "Currently, in scientific fields, a homunculus may refer to any scale model of the human body that, in some way, illustrates physiological, psychological, or other abstract human characteristics or functions"

      So if I tear the head off my niece's baby doll that pees when you stick water in her mouth I can go to jail for murder. Woo hoo.

    4. xsluggo

      The definition of fetus neglects to include: oven muffin, Mormon disease, fuck bump, Damien, piss stick surprise, sperm fruit, and thatch angel. Correct this oversight now!

      No woman unpunished!

  10. Gopherit

    The second war of secession will have republicans fighting for the freedom of the uteruses of every liberal. Our fallopian tubed friends, our baby factories, must be protected from them.

    1. gef05

      "The second war of secession will"

      I thought you were going to say, "The second war of secession will be the North trying to secede from the South."

    1. smokefilledroommate

      Wouldn't it be funny if you got a DUI en route to the DUI? You wouldn't be able to tell anyone about it though, because I'm pretty sure they'd kill you on the spot.

  11. Dances_For_Ham

    So I guess this means no rough boat rides, no "fast" dancing, no disquieting motion pictures, no strong spices or exotic cuisine, no harsh language and certainly no sneaking up behind any female of child bearing age and saying, "Boo". Does this mean bed rest for all Georgian women, all the time.?

    1. DoktorZoom

      Perhaps, to soothe their troubled minds, the GA legislature can also provide these women with some nice yellow wallpaper, too.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      True southern ladies are reclining on their day bed, suffering from the vapors, and only occasionally boning the help.

      1. Snarke_Diem

        I'll share your question with my beloved-but-Republican parents and see what kind of whacked-out explanation they come up with. Probably after consulting with their "pastor." Jebus . . .

  12. DaSandman

    Another clear example of the fact that in the Red States they value life so much that the offspring of cracker trash and barnyard animals can be elected to political office.

  13. Hera Sent Me

    Isn't a woman's period proof that she failed in her duty to prevent the death of a pre-fertilized egg? She probably could have saved that egg by letting a bunch of guys boink her all month, instead of going out to work and practice witchcraft.

  14. freakishlywrong

    2012 should be interesting in terms of how the wingtards are going to steal the election when they've managed to utterly alienate Hispanics, Jews, the Coloreds, Moslems , the poor and working classes, and now, women. Y'know, the American People™.

    1. spinozasgod

      Apparently only right-wingers vote. There is nothing new about their bigotry yet they keep getting more and more power so either they out number everyone else or they are the only ones who get off their butts and vote..

    2. emmelemm

      The terrifying, TRULY terrifying, thing about it is that I'm sure you can find women who would agree with this.

      I "understand" how some women can be anti-abortion (really, I do). I wholeheartedly don't agree, but whatever. This shit, however, is so far beyond, it's somewhere in the farthest reaches of space, where the universe is still expanding, so it's getting even farther beyond with each passing second.

    3. GOPCrusher

      According to them, they are only doing the Will Of The People. They don't understand that The People they are talking about only make up about 15% of the total population.

      1. SorosBot

        Nope, they want that outlawed, or at least hard to get unless you're a rich white man, too (obviously women aren't qualified to decide whether or not to use birth control); see the attempt to defund Planned Parenthood.

  15. EdFlintstone

    Well I am not paying for a jury trial for these murderers. I say trial by ordeal. Put the stone around their neck, throw them in the water, if they float they're innocent. It's common sense fiscal conservatism.

  16. BlueStateLibel

    One day, all the women are just going to say enough, and cut you all off. But Franklin was probably cut off decades ago, sigh, wouldn't make a difference.

      1. Extemporanus


        (And thank you as well to my fellow Wanketteers for miscarrying their fists up my p-hole in such alarming numbers. It makes the fact that I've spent the day regretting not putting better English on my shit before shooting it a wee bit easier to handle.)

  17. V572625694

    As for this bill's chances, even in that legendary legistlative forum which is the Georgia General Assembly, I'd say, "Put in the jar, Paula."

        1. Extemporanus

          HOORAY FOR ME!

          So, what do I win?

          (Please say "a Victoria's Secret abortion"…please say "a Victoria's Secret abortion"…please say "a Victoria's Secret abortion"…)

    1. DaRooster

      I can (although am trying not to) completely picturing him giggling and sweating every time he rights the word uterus… or sex… or woman…

  18. Trannysurprise

    Oh, I know what you're going to say. "If you kill the mother, the fetus dies, too." But the fetus is going to be aborted anyway, so why not let it go down with the ship?

  19. PublicLuxury

    I propose, a solution:

    Right after a man sprays his holy seed inside the womb of a woman, he is to bind her hands and feet. He then MUST transport her to an approved facility. If he does not do this he will be shot. Once at the facility the woman shall have the entrance to her woman surgically sewn together, so the zygote can't get out and nothing ca get in to harm the zygote. A team of prayer warriors will surround the woman night and day. They will lay hands on her womb daily until the third month. Then the woman may be released into the custody of a designated holy sanctuary until the birth. Then the woman and child are forcibly kicked out of the holy areas and must fend for themselves as God intended. Amen.

    1. comrad_darkness

      Then the woman and child are forcibly kicked out of the holy areas and must scrounge for food scraps thrown into the gutter by rich bankers, as God intended. Amen.

    2. NYNYNY

      what happened to Reply/Span. I can't span anymore? Problem with your solution pubicluxury: "he will be shot?" Let's focus on women. Women are the problem here. I think for white men a fine would be fine.

  20. JustPixelz

    The Repubicans will stop at nothing to protect an unborn human life (or fetus). But after that sacred life leaves the womb, it is every ex-blastocyst for himself. Health care, food, education, environmental safety — all these are beyond the legitimate scope of government to the 'Pubes.

    Opinion on abortion hasn't changed in the past 30-40 years. A small number say "always illegal", a small number say "always legal" and a large group says "some limits". Meanwhile the number of actual abortions has been going down. I doubt it's due to less sexytime. Contraception works. But Pope Pence has said "no" to that too.

    Perhaps the solution is free "massage services" from the government. That would reduce chances for pregnancy, right? And think how many jobs it will create!

    1. V572625694

      Yes but hand jobs aren't the kind of high-paying manufacturing work we can build a solid middle class on.

  21. baconzgood

    What about sperm that falls out of the woman? Those are millions of babies. What will happen to me in GA if I pull out and let them die? I don't want to do anymore time.

  22. Fare la Volpe

    This is the Republican Party in its purest form:
    -Murder a woman for miscarriage
    -Start a death row express lane
    -Bomb brown people
    -Stop sick children from getting healthcare
    -Declare organ transplants "elective"
    -Crash a plane into the IRS
    -Threaten political opponents with gun violence

    -Claim to be "pro-life"

  23. Boredw/Gravity

    Now that I've been able to close my mouth over this jaw-droppingly stupid proposal, I'll just say what I always say — until they can get pregnant, men need to STAY OUT of the abortion debate. Period. Sorry, no snark on this one.

    1. NYNYNY

      Didn't you hear about the Pregnant Man last year? So shut your hole. We are officially in this debate. (ps Thank you trannies)

      1. Boredw/Gravity

        Shut my hole? I'd like to welcome you, sir, to this debate. You are obviously educated and well-spoken.

  24. prommie

    This here would outlaw The Pill, ya'll, which does not in most cases prevent conception, but rather, prevents implantation of the fertilized egg in the uterous. I would suspect that taking either the Pill or the morning after pill or the old 3 regular birth control pills all at once the morning after method, which they used to teach us at UF way back in the early 80s, would all count as 'human involvement."

    I'm thinking this guy has put his whole portfolio in condom stocks, and he is banking on doubling his money when they become the only legal form of birth control in Georgia.

    1. comrad_darkness

      As a person whose spouse suffers from incredibly painful ovarian cysts when off the pill, I can assure you the pill stops ovulation. I'm sure it's not 100% but it's high.

      1. LakeAfflicted

        Depends on the pill–some stop ovulation, some create a "hostile hormonal environment" for fertilization or implantation.

        OMG I just thought of the BEST civil lawsuit for the Georgia AG to start bringing against women!

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      "I'm thinking this guy has put his whole portfolio in condom stocks, and he is banking on doubling his money when they become the only legal form of birth control in Georgia."

      Yeah, but if we sneak into all the Walgreens and Piggly Wigglys and start punching little holes in all the Sheik and Trojan containers hanging up there, his stock will drop like a rock. "Needles up, everybody. Let's go!"

  25. sezme

    So basically if a woman who gets punched in the stomach by her alcoholic spouse and miscarries as a result (assuming of course that she's married to a human), she will be guilty of a felony?

    Fucking brilliant. There is literally no way to improve this law.

    1. GuyClinch

      Hey, she shouldn't have gotten knocked up by a violent alkie and then gotten in the way of his fist. She should've just given him the desultory blowjob or can of Natural Ice he wanted in the first place. Obviously she's a felon.

    2. MarcelleMarceau

      She'd have to prove she wasn't an accessory to the crime. We know women are always asking for it.

    3. Dr_pangloss

      Better yet with a young girl gets kicked in the stomach by her alcholic step-mom because Daddy knocked up his own daughter and whaddaya know gets pregnant, the girl goes to jail?

      When you're given lemons?

  26. CapeClod

    Come on guys! The only way to make small goverment work is to take away everyone's rights and build an enormous jack booted police infrastructure to make sure that non-rights are enforced.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      As long as the jackbooted cops don't get collective bargaining rights, the fiscally conservative and morally superior Right will be good with this.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    “no human involvement whatsoever in the causation” of their miscarriage.
    What about no human involvement whatsoever in the causation of their pregnancy?
    Oh wait, we're still dealing with the problems that caused last time it happened.

  28. OneDollarJuana

    Rep. Bobby Franklin's bill = miscarriage of justice = felonious act on the part of Rep. Bobby Franklin.

    Case closed. Throw his ass in jail. With a bunch of women. With Scott Walker's bat.

  29. thefrontpage

    The psychotic obsession with aboration by many far-right Republican conservatives can only be explained by the fact that they're simply insane.

  30. BornInATrailer

    It appears he included the classic "schools can't hand out contraceptives" as well. That always has to be thrown in in any anti-abortion push.

  31. jmarsh04

    I just took an unscientific poll in my household, and 100% of women who have suffered miscarriages are apparently liberals. That could be the driving force behind this legislation.

    Also, why are conservatives so hellbent on saving all these aborted babies? Surely, they must realize the rapture is right around the corner, since they're working their asses off to ensure it happens. Don't they know saving all these aborted liberal babies is just making extra work for God when he sorts through all the people and decides who goes to Heaven? I hope God notices who's responsible for all this extra busywork and takes that into account when he's passing judgement.

    1. genxr

      I know for a fact that my rabidly pro-life sister had at least one miscarriage, but I'm not bringing this up with her.

  32. harry_palmer

    Every time a woman menstruates, she's flushing her uterus. Since there are always at least potential fetuses affected by this operation, shouldnt we make that punishable by death just to be on the safe side?

  33. Radiotherapy

    Fact: 50% of ALL conceptions miscarry, and, over 90% of women will have a miscarriage in their lifetime.

    So therefore the half-life of women will be markedly decreased and it'll be raining men.

    1. jmarsh04

      My wife has had three miscarriages, and for her (well, me too), it got harder each time. It wasn't until the third one that she started talking about it to other people and she found out that all of her friends have had at least one. She felt much better (not great, mind you, but better) after discussing this with other women and I don't understand why this is such a taboo topic amongst you gals.

      P.S. – After three miscarriages, we had a beautiful baby girl, and if I had known how awesome she'd be, I'd suffer through maybe six miscarriages. My wife may disagree.

      1. OkieDokieDog

        Thanks for that image of them trying to figure out the lol kitteh code. I needed a laugh out of all this craziness.

  34. proudgrampa

    My. God. What rock did this creature crawl out from under? Someone, please, pick it up and smash him with it.

  35. comrad_darkness

    Republicans aren't going to stop until the U.S. is El Salvador and it's illegal to treat an ectopic pregnancy until it bursts and is a medical emergency.

    God is the world's biggest abortionist. Suck on it, American Taliban/Republican Party.

    1. genxr

      This is necessary because women with loose morals are using ectopic pregnancies as a form of birth control.

      Sometimes I wonder if these people are aware of the realities of pregnancy at all, or if they think every single pregnancy in the world goes perfectly well until some nefarious doctor with an evil laugh decides to abort it for fun.

    1. V572625694

      Can we all agree to use the more-cumbersome but less-pejorative term "gynecologists who perform abortions" to describe these docs? We don't call thoracic surgeons appendectomists.

      1. weejee

        Didn't mean to pan the docs, my bad. My read of that piece of shit bill was more like Planned Parenthood's Melissa Grant, in that this legislation if passed would mean open season not only on the gynecologists but the nurses, the staff of Planned Parenthood, the bus driver who took fetus there, and of course ma.

    2. finallyhappy

      the gubberint only overreaches when it is trying to help people- it is ok when it tries to kill women, browns, blacks and the poor- also foreigners

  36. PsycWench

    As someone who experienced TWO miscarriages, I have to admit that I'm not coming up with any snark. Just fury. Snark-free fury. The emotional trauma of the first one, in particular, exceeded that of finding out my parents were divorcing.

  37. gef05

    Apparently this awful man and his wife get active in the church at Cumming, Georgia.

    So, some questions for Mr Franklin:

    -what's Cumming like?
    -does your wife like Cumming?
    -is Cumming safe?
    -is Cumming mentioned in your bible? If so, what does it teach us about Cumming?

    etc etc ad nauseum


    Oh, and one more thing related to Cumming.

    If a man ejaculates while sleeping, will he be sent to prison for killing all that sperm?

      1. SorosBot

        For one thing, a man who hates women this much probably refuses to go down on or use his fingers on a woman, but only stick it in her and get off himself; she probably only knows from alone time.

        1. SorosBot

          She could start with X-Men 2 and Josie and the Pussycats (which is surprisingly a quality film), but be warned that he's gay and won't be interested in her.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Cumming, Georgia advertises itself as "The gateway to leisure living." WTF? Here we thought we knew what the "gateway to fun" was but now Franklin has made that gateway off limits lest there be a miscarriage and arrest. I wonder if there's a Fist, GA nearby? I'd like to shove it up his ass to block up his gateway.

  38. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’m thinking about running for office so I can introduce bills that:

    Criminalize stupidity.
    Make it illegal to whistle in a work environment.
    Demand public flogging for farting in an elevator.
    Call for the death penalty for anyone that starts a sentence with “Rush said…”
    Ban bumper stickers.
    Provide free jet packs for everyone that can pass high school physics.

    Remember to vote often for Grumpe!

  39. Redhead

    And if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a right defended more adamantly than the right to bear arms.

    This bill is a slap in the face to women. Oftentimes miscarriages are caused because the fetus has a genetic defect – nature's way of trying to prevent the Sarah Palins of the world. Sometimes they're caused because the woman had her daily cup of coffee every day for two weeks before she knew she was pregnant, or had a glass of wine with dinner in that time frame. Sometimes it's because *gasp* something was wrong with the man's sperm and it caused problems with the fetus. Should the father face the death penalty as well unless he can prove there was nothing wrong with his sperm?

    Of course not. This bill is being promoted by men who consider women to be not people but baby factors, only useful for blow jobs (consensual or not) and incubating babies when men choose to make women incubate babies, whether they are wanted or not. Why not go ahead and define the meaning of pregnant to mean any person with tits and a uterus who could possibly at some point in time incubate a baby? That's where they're heading with this anyway. Jackasses.

    1. SorosBot

      They're trying to turn America into the Republic of Gilead; sadly looking at the teabaggers and people like this make me afraid that Atwood was prophetic.

      1. Redhead

        It's really sad when the same people trying to outlaw abortion are also the same people trying to outlaw miscarriage, defunding sex ed and initiatives to teach people about birth control, defunding and trying to close clinics that try to teach about birth control and make sure underserved populations have access to medical care and birth control, and trying to redefine rape even to exclude the vast majority of non-consensual sexual attacks… women are not children. We are capable of making decisions for ourselves concerning our own lives, despite the best efforts from these patronizing jackasses.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          I'm sure Bobby Franklin thinks you're clearly not able to make a decision for yourself, if you're not voting for Bobby Franklin.

          And as for that "we are not children" stuff, you librul, we are ALL children … Jeebus' children.

          1. Redhead

            It's like he WANTS me to beat my head against the wall until I have brain damage putting me on the mental level of a child.

        2. SorosBot

          Well how else are those sluts who have sex without the sanction of a church marriage going to get the punishment they deserve? I'm sure they also don't want unmarried women to get to decide whether to keep the baby, instead going back to the old system where they're whisked off into hiding for six months, then as soon as the baby is born they're taken from her and adopted by some wealthy couple who will pretend it's natural kid. Note: this only applies with white babies; obviously no rich white family wants a black or multiracial baby; they'll get shuffled through the foster care system.

    2. DaRooster

      "Oftentimes miscarriages are caused because the fetus has a genetic defect – nature's way of trying to prevent the Sarah Palins of the world."

      Couldn't agree more! I often explain, "People like that are why tigers sometimes eat their young."

    3. Jerri

      Here's some reading from 2006 on the exciting concept of "Pre-pregnancy." (Now, most of these ideas make sense–don't smoke, eat well, etc., but the idea that a woman ought to do these things not for herself and her own health, but because she might get knocked up and must be prepared at all times for it is just a touch insulting).

      "New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves — and to be treated by the health care system — as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon."

      1. Jukesgrrl

        And once we're beyond ever being pre-pregnant, I guess we should just go jump off the nearest bridge … or will there be death panels for that?

        1. Jerri

          Maybe if you're a wacky, doting aunt they'll let you live? As someone rapidly approaching post-pre-pregnancy sans children, I know I've got my fingers crossed.

      2. Redhead

        So I should just go sit in a padded room until some guy decides that it's time for me to incubate a baby and then I should incubate the baby because he told me so? Because my only contribution to society is my ability to incubate fetuses? Jesus fucking christ I hate people.

  40. Pragmatist2

    They haven't followed their logic to its natural end. If you execute woman after they have had an abortion or miscarriage, you don't save a single fetus. But if you execute all pregnant woman then you can prevent all abortions and miscarriages.

  41. Gopherit

    Slightly off topic, but $20 says that guy has a neoprene suit and at least 3 baby jesus buttplugs at home. The picture says it all.

  42. NorthStarSpanx

    Every month, I instruct my uterine walls not to shed cells to inform me the grim news that I am a failure as a Fertile Myrtle.

    What good am I as a woman to not have a litter of children and shoes on my feet?

  43. DerrickWildcat

    Your Honor: The woman in the picture gave me the sexy eyes and then proceeded to not allow me to rape her. All I ask is for the court to demand that she allow me to rightfully rape her…and then have her punished for allowing me to do it.
    God Bless America and support our troops.

  44. doxastic

    Under Rep. Franklin’s bill, HB 1, women who miscarry could become felons if they cannot prove that there was “no human involvement whatsoever in the causation” of their miscarriage.
    Ladies are assumed murderers until proven naturally defective.

  45. Iam_Who_Iam

    My husband and I were discussing this story and I asked what happened to the Republicans who were so worried about keeping the government out of the doctors’ office. His response: “They don’t want government in the doctors’ office; they want the police in your pussy.”

    1. HistoriCat

      Hey now! Don't get ahead of things. Here's the order:
      1) Reduce status of women
      2) Remove business-interfering child labor laws
      3) Reintroduce slavery*

      *May need to come up with a re-branding campaign. The old brand retains some significant tarnish amongst a segment of the population.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        I find that my tears bring out the subtle flavors in a my glass of bottom shelf scotch. (close to the poor, meant for the poor)

      1. DashboardBuddha

        If something comes along to top that, I'm going to start slashing some wrist. Mine, his…I'm not picky.

  46. TanzbodenKoenig

    Criminalize everyone else's sexuality, this guy's a repugnant toad so it's not like he's getting any anyway…. You can't explain that!

  47. bravo_sierra

    Could someone who is anti-abortion and yet opposed to this bill explain to me their logic? It makes total sense to me – if you're anti-abortion, chances are you think of fetuses as people. In which case, a dead fetus demands explanation.

    1. sati_demise

      the laws of nature, the mysterious hand of God needs to explain the reason he allows miscarriages.
      Will god be brought into court by subpoena?

    2. LakeAfflicted

      Law & Order: Georgia Miscarriage Division.

      "Ma'am, you were the last person to have contact with the deceased–we're going to need to ask you a few questions."
      "Am I a suspect, Detective?"
      "Ma'am, a fetus died on your watch. Now I don't know how they do things where you're from, but you miscarry here in Georgia, you'd better have a darn good explanation."
      "I think I'd better speak with a lawyer now."

  48. hagajim

    I don't even know how to react to this….did the Republicans elected in 2010 all drink the Kool-Aid of a thousand retards? This shit is so absurd that ….that…oh fuck I'm speechless.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I can only imagine that the fact that a black man was elected President has sent them all down the rails on a crazy train.

  49. Redhead

    So now, thanks the republicans, women who have been raped have to prove that they didn't want it, didn't know the guy and were physically injured before they can be considered rape victims instead of sluts. And now, after losing a baby (wanted or not), they must prove that they didn't do anything, intentional or unintentional or, apparently, have or pass on a genetic defect in order to keep living?

    What's next? Do I have to cut open my chest and show that my heart is beating before republicans will allow me to keep breathing?

  50. johnnymeatworth

    Does this mean we can retroactively sentence Scarlett O'Hara to death for falling down the stairs and losing her second child in Gone With The Wind?

  51. mourningnmerica

    Hey, you know, I think I'm going to throw a mass suicide party. I'm thinking it's finally time. Anyone want to join me?

  52. sportshort

    Well, I knew when they started fluoridating the water back in the 60's that that shit would come back to haunt us.

  53. widestanceroman

    Every day, I mourn how that Civil War thing turned out. We should have let the south go when we had the chance. Been nuthin' but trouble from the get-go.

    1. zhubajie

      After the Sioux Revolt of 1862, the eastern Sioux were totally expelled from their old homes in Minnesota. (That was after the leaders were hanged — still the biggest execution in US history.) Perhaps the Confederates should have been sent away….

  54. Winnie_Cooper

    Is there some kind of miscarriage license that I should apply for if I go to Georgia while pregnant? You know, one that says how much I really, really want this baby, so if I miscarry (like, oh, 1/4 of all pregnancies), it's not my bad?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I have a feeling the insurance industry would be happy to come up with a product to provide us with enough money to defend ourselves should Franklin & Co. decide to prosecute. For a profit, of course.

  55. Wilcoxyz

    We're almost at slapping criminal penalties on original sin. Sorry ladies. But hey, it's not like we're making you wear burkas.

  56. weejee

    /snark off
    As a member of the Y chromosome tribe I gotta say that although we make up less that 50% of the population we gotta be responsible for about 90% of the really, really, really stupid shit done in the world. And yeah, that 90% might be a bit light, but Sara, Xtine, and someothers are making concerted efforts to join the heavy to XY gene Club Stupid.

    When it comes to female reproductive rights, why is it almost always the guys who come up with the bills? I have a cuz who gave da church a priest and a nun who is crazy anti-abortion, but that's pretty well it in our clan including both Papists, Non-Papists, and those of us floundering about agnostics and atheists. As a guy, the fact it always seems always to be the guys who are fisting women's reproductive rights in the legislature is embarrassing. It pisses me off, too, also.
    /snark on

    at sometime later

    1. Jukesgrrl

      It's almost always men who are parading around in front of clinics, too. When I was a NARAL volunteer-escort for women trying to enter Pittsburgh's Planned Parenthood offices unmolested, the vast majority of the demonstrators who were screaming at and spitting on me were men. Men I always imagined stayed awake at night worrying that their mothers had tried to abort them.

  57. JackObin

    Let's piss these morons off and just stop fucking. Oh wait. What is it they hate so much? They hate fucking, but love babies? I'm confused.

    1. MarcelleMarceau

      It's women they hate for their own failure to measure up. I've never met a fundamentalist who didn't project their own inadequacy on the female of the species.

  58. user-of-owls

    Upon hearing news of this, Koko the ape signed to her handler, "Explain to me again your preposterous idea of evolution? Ha Ha Ha!"

  59. BarackMyWorld

    The problem with people yelling "the government is taking away our freedom" every time a new corporate regulation is enacted is that when someone really IS trying to take away peoples' freedom, no one notices.

  60. ShaveTheWhales

    I rather think this is just another example of what has become a pretty standard tactic of the forced-birth people:

    1. Write 10 pages of very restrictive (and unconstitutional) stuff — like defining a blastula as a "human being".

    2. Top it off with some extra crazy sauce.

    3. "Compromise" by removing some of the extra crazy.

    4. ?????

    5. Profit!! == protect those babbies from conception 'til birth (only).

    1. emmelemm

      Step 5, for sure. Let your crazy flag fly, inch it up a little higher than everybody else's, and pretty soon you've got your own PAC and people be stone cold donatin'.

      Rent – paid! Gourmet anus burgers every night! Etc. and so on…

  61. zhubajie

    "No, the answer is to have the government of Georgia kill all the women in its state right now just to be safe. "

    Some how this makes me think of Neal Horsley, the Georgia Mule Fucker.

  62. DashboardBuddha

    This asshat should be locked in a room with a hundred surly teenagers saying, "Hey! I didn't ask to be born".

    We'll see how long his anti-abortion stance lasts then.

  63. Worthly Wokette Skum

    Don't think much of the bill, but I'd like to hear more about "holding all possibly-pregnant women under lock and key".

  64. littlebigdaddy

    His misogyny and obvious latent homosexuality don't stop him from giving Miss Corn Cob the ole reacharound.

  65. ttommyunger

    Don't blame Bobby, he didn't asked to born retarded. Blame the assclowns who keep sending him to the State Capital so he can keep getting his name in print for submitting the most inane Bills any legislative body has ever fucking seen. He's got somebody's hand up his ass just like the Koch Brothers have theirs up Walker's ass in Wisconsin. Meanwhile Bobby gets to see his picture in the paper every Month and be the darling of the Waffle House Set.

  66. LetUsBray

    if I were God I'd fix it so Franklin could be impregnated by getting raped in the face. Then I'd send a bunch of crackers who think he's got a real purty mouth.

  67. Negropolis

    I love how the writer refutes the points with logic, as if she should be entertaining this bullshit to begin with. This is exactly the kind of thing that gives these fuckers even an inkling of legitimacy. You don't attempt to logically deconstruct a totally bat-shit insane piece of legislation.

  68. undeterredbyreality

    Why wait for a zygote? Kill them for menstruating without becoming pregnant! They're killing the egg after all. And kill all men who masturbate or have wet dreams, too! (Nocturnal emission, excuse me.) And let's have everybody (that is, of course, all females of breeding age) pregnant and having babies all the time! And while we're at it, let's make it a law that men have to breed with any female of breeding age they see whenever they get a hard-on, so as not to spill that seed upon the ground!

  69. deleted4329764

    I believe I have the solution to this problem. All men residing in or visiting Georgia will simply have to surrender their genitals to state authorities! This should solve the difficulty!

  70. jheaux

    Simple fix for Georgia women. Move. It's like if women are not welcome in Georgia then maybe if they are not there, they will be valued. It's like Alaska, where there are 10 men for 1 woman so whoever gets the girl had better damn well appreciate and respect her. There apparently are too many women who live in Georgia. My plan is to ask women to depopulate places where the government has determined they are second class citizens and incubators and then let's see if this idiot gets relected. (Ah….nice fantasy.)

  71. Oblios_Cap

    Ever since they got away with drug testing, where you have to prove you're not stoned and where your employer actually owns you 24/7, these bastards just assume you're guilty. Especially if you're poor or, apparently, a woman.

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