‘Lou Sarah’ Friend: Sarah Palin Had Lasik Surgery, Doesn’t Need Glasses

  pics or it didn't happen

Glasses is for smart folk.One of the “friends” on the dearly departed “Lou Sarah” Facebook account, Kermit Ketchum, is mentioned multiple times in former Palin advisor Frank Bailey’s leaked book. Who is Kermit Ketchum? According to Bailey, he’s an elderly man and longtime friend of the family. Bailey’s manuscript describes Ketchum as the one who saw a (presumably doctored) pornographic photo of Palin sent by email to the campaign. Later, Ketchum allegedly repeats gossip from Sarah’s mother saying that Sarah had Lasik surgery and just wears glasses for show. They’re not a prescription — they’re there to make her look smart.

In late 2007, according to Bailey, Ketchum approached Palin to ask her why she wears the glasses. He came back chastised.

While the question of Palin’s enhanced breasts remains open, it seems that her eyes have definitely been improved by surgeons.

But it’s a good thing she still wears eyeglasses, even if they’re fake. If we didn’t see her wearing those, some of us might think she’s not very intelligent. Can you imagine?!

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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160 comments

  1. Badonkadonkette

    You know the old saying – wearing glasses doesn’t make you a smart person any more than thinking you can see Russia from your house makes you a foreign policy expert, you stupid obnoxious phony twit.

    I don’t know why, but that old platitude really seemed appropriate in this context.

  2. SorosBot

    Lady, any impression that you're smart those glasses might make is proven wrong the second you open your mouth.

    1. Barbara_i

      I just read another blog that gives credit for this story to Wonkette:

      After being made privy to a “leaked” manuscript of a tell-all book by one of Palin’s former staffers, the Wonkette editors went curious kitten when they noticed the manuscript contained the former presidential candidate’s real gmail address:

      "curious kitten?" Sweet!

  3. metamarcisf

    Me glad blog administrator allow snarky on blog again. Cheetah want make funny on Palin.

    Tarzan, Cheetah & Palin, Attys at Law

  4. DangerHelvetica

    Maybe the glasses just make her a little less dumb, so when she's wearing them she remembers how to breathe.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Finally….

    As a nerd who has to wear glasses, I say fuck you Sarah Phony.

    You can't hide your stupid eyes
    And your glasses are a sad disguise
    I thought by now you'd realize
    There ain't no way to hide your stupid eyes

  6. Gorillionaire

    She should wear a red white and blue graduation cap at all times. That would make her look smart AND patriotic.

  7. SexySmurf

    If she wants to seem more intelligent she needs to get herself one of them Master's degrees, and then tell everyone about it so they know how smart she is.

  8. johnnymeatworth

    First the vanity glasses, next we'll hear that she drinks PBR and wears ironic t-shirts while bemoaning how Arcade Fire sold out….

    1. ttommyunger

      I repeat, if the ignorant twat was hip enough to give head, she wouldn't have a gazillion fucking kids to contend with. That's why Todd has to pay Fifty Bucks to the Eskimo Masseuse with the Groucho mustache to get his goober smooched.

  9. elviouslyqueer

    They’re not a prescription. They’re there to make her look smart.

    Oh please. She could have Stephen Hawking's brain grafted to her forehead and a tattoo of pi to the millionth place running the entire length of her body, and she still wouldn't get past looking like a complete babbling meatsack.

    1. HistoriCat

      Forget Hawking's brain – how about limiting her communications to using Hawking's voice synthesizer? It's less annoying than her voice.

  10. Weenus299

    No glasses would absolutely kill the halloween costume industry. Without those shooter glasses, it's just a red whore-dress.

    1. MegPasadena

      Not that. But Trig's birth was a miracle birth (like Mary and Jesus) since she already has her tubes tied long ago.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    The glasses are a disguise, like for Clark Kent. Mild-mannered ex-governor slips into tanning bed to emerge as Super-Cunt!

  12. widestanceroman

    My very first visual impression of the woman was that of a vapid LensCrafters model. Once I heard the voice, another word came to mind and out my mouth–as it does many commenters here. I will upfist the lucky winner who can guess what I call out when I hear her. . .

      1. MissTaken

        "dick" isn't a long word and is literally often on the tip of my tongue. But I don't think that is the word you are looking for.

    1. Barbara_i

      Yeah, if she had the monocle she'd only be a white Persian cat short of a super villain. I bet she gets contacts now to look more like a multi-tasker.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        "Do you expect me to talk, Mrs. Palin?"
        "Why no, Mr. Bond dude, I expect you to buy my new book, out this spring from Patriot Publishing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Weight Watchers meeting to whine through. TODD! Bring the Trans Am around! Toodles~"

        Yeah, I could see it.

    2. Radiotherapy

      Remember when Billow, Whistle or Whatever had Monocle for five months? Not to cover a pregnancy or anything like that.

    1. SorosBot

      Or to stop making girls in glasses look sexy. It isn't working, I still find women in glasses that aren't this trash hot.

  13. Oblios_Cap

    Kermit Ketchum? Really? Apparently his parents really hated him. With a name like that, it's no wonder he's a Republican.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    The glasses serve to camouflage the vast wasteland that resides behind the windows to her soul. Thousand yard stare.

  15. mrblifil

    Hey that's no fair, we were calling out her "sexy librarian" schtick as early as 2008, if not before (probably not before). I also think Kermit Ketchum is an admirable nom du prøn.

  16. JadedDissonance

    Breezing through Big Government's Stunning Takedown of Slate (Cunt-Gate) and hysterical bleating about teh Wonkett, I noticed a certain proclivity for commenters there to assume that the "Left's" fixation with miss "Dime-Store Readers," was their fear of her political might.

    In reality, we are all shouting from the mountaintops: "SHE ONLY WANTS YOUR MONEY." I suppose we have their best interests at heart, somehow.

    1. SorosBot

      "their fear of her political might"

      HAHAHA. Yes, fear of her political might; sorry, but it's kind of hard to be afraid of something that doesn't exist.

      1. LetUsBray

        And yet your typical Teabaggistani lives in a constant dread of things that don't exist, from Saddam's WMDs a few years ago to the death panels and Obama's radicalism today.

    2. baconzgood

      What political might? She doesn't hold office, she's turning into the black sheep of the GOP, She's embarassed herself over and over, she's friends with Glenn Beck (probally the most un-hinged man on the teevee who isn't a character in a B movie), and her approval rating (why she has one for doing absolutly nothing is beyond me) is like 20%. Send those Big Government dolts to me so I can slap them up side the head with a vibrating dildo.

  17. SorosBot

    Between the glasses, the breasts, the hair, and most like botox, Palin's body makes Pamela Anderson's seem authentic.

  18. EatsBabyDingos

    Her stylist, Puck, said that if that doesn't work, maybe she can get the "Nick Bottom" love potion-comes with a donkey head, but might be an improvement.

  19. x111e7thst

    Sarah's self image was formed during repeated viewings of a late '80s porno starring a slutty librarian. Leave Sarah's glasses alone!1!

  20. Dudleydidwrong

    Putting glasses on a turd doesn't make the turd look smarter but it sure makes the person who put the glasses on look like a really stupid asshole.

  21. Snarke_Diem

    Say it ain't so, Lou Sarah! Kind of shatters your "I'm-so-authentic, just-a-soccer-mom" image, doesn't it?

  22. Redhead

    "They’re there to make her look smart. "

    They're not working. I think some type of gag might be more effective.

  23. GregComlish

    Guys, the glasses aren't targeted towards other smart people. Smart people can tell which people are smart without relying on idiotic stereotypes. Stupid people are incapable of judging people's ideas on merit, and therefore rely on superficial cues like glasses and extraneous use of the word "fungible". And those people are Sarah Palin's base.

    Sarah Palin is like a bizzaro "Revenge of the Nerds". It's about an attractive and defiantly vapid attention whore who is sick of being constantly dismissed by the nerds. She battles both the forces of intelligence and her own gaping personality flaws, and triumphs by the strength of sheer conventional idiocy.

  24. JustPixelz

    The glasses do make her look smarter. Not smart, just smart-er. But the talking points on her hand make her look stoopid. Plus the speeches copied from bumper stickers. And flip-flopping on breast-feeding. Breast-feeding for god's sake!

    But her followers make her look like a genius.

  25. WhatTheHeck

    Hey, lay off Louie Loua. I too, need people to think of me in an accepting way. That's why I wear pants every morning to work. Without them I would feel emotionally naked.

  26. mgardener

    Spending a lot of money for nothing.
    A geography, history, economics tutor would be money better spent for the Quitter Twitter No Nothing Queen.
    Or she could donate more the the 1,000.00 she donated to special needs children, not from a own money, mind you, but from her PAC money.

  27. kittenbomb

    Well, this is the woman who donned pantyhose and draped herself in a flag to pose for Runner's World magazine. She probably needed written instructions just to put the glasses on.

  28. Zvi_Bleindmeis

    A cursory review of the Miss Alaska footage will establish that the reason for Sarah's eyeglasses and her hairstyles (piled up and dangled down) is to give the appearance of a less-moonish face. Without them, she looks like she was drawn by Charles Schultz.

    1. KarenJ503

      http://www.koolass.com/palin.html

      Move your cursor over each photo…

      P.S. Lasix doesn't cure strabismus. Palin's been intermittently crosseyed since childhood, and the glasses most likely are needed to correct that problem. Beats me why she never got the crosseyes fixed when she got the Lasix done.

      1. Zvi_Bleindmeis

        Karen, that series is fricking amazing. Thank you for that. My theory is substantiated.

        Whether or not her eyewear corrects her strabismus, it sure seems to compensate for it in her appearance.

        Now, is it possible that she has an unattractive figure, too, without the benefit of fancy duds and infrastructural lingerieage?

  29. mereoblivion

    No matter how cleverly we mock her brain, anything we say will Palin comparison to the (alleged) real thing.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Thank you. I was trying to come up with something involving, oh, the Palomar Observatory, but yours is better and more succinct. Thumbs up!

      1. DaSandman

        Ah, its all about the word choice, Ches. "Palomar Observatory" is so much more classier than "fucking radio telescope" I am in your debt :)

  30. DustBowlBlues

    Snowbilly Grifter, whatever. Last night I offered the lives of ten millionaires in exchange for my little weiner/terrier mix (#5 of the dumped dogs we've adopted) who failed to come home. After a long night of searching, we finally gave up and went to bed while outside raged a horrific storm.

    Mid -morning when I crawled out of bed and to the door to start looking again, there was my little drowned rat of a dog. I got a towel warm in the dryer and wrapped her in it and she ate an enormous emal and now, happy ending. So, sorry to all those families of the ten millionaire who died. But the inheritance tax is gone, so it really shouldn't matter to you all that much.

    Some might say I made a deal with the devil, but really it was made with our better angels.

    1. BlueStateLibel

      This is the first happy GOOD story I've ever read on Wonkette. Glad your little dog is OK, she's probably worth all of these millionaires and thensome.

    2. Geminisunmars

      I too foster/adopt rescue dogs. I just wish I had the opportunity to choose between the Griftella and the mangiest of mongrels. Hmmm, wonder who I'd save.

    3. DaSandman

      DBB – Happy for your good fortune. We're cat people and in the summer the fuckers leave for months on walk about.

      Guess its the whole if you love something set it free concept in painful practice…

    4. Mariecohn

      DBB, you did a wonderful thing last night and today.

      Oh, and rescuing, helping and finding the dog doesn't hurt, either!

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I'm not sure about the taking showers part. She started looking awfully skanky after the election.

  31. Snarke_Diem

    Actually, Brisket could use a pair of glasses to compensate for her own dismal IQ. She could have them physically attached (stapled, maybe?) to her head for future dance competitions.

  32. MegPasadena

    I knew those glasses are not a prescription because her face does not show any optical distortion behind the glasses. But I thought she wears them because she is cross eyed and wants to distract you from noticing it.

  33. kissawookiee

    Hey, if she's wearing them to look smart, why have we never seen her with the pair perched on her nose, another pair jauntily up on her head, and maybe a pair hanging backwards from her ears?

  34. ttommyunger

    A man spots a good-looking woman, he wants to fuck her. A man spots a good-looking woman wearing glasses, he wants to fuck her and then talk to her for twenty minutes afterwards. Case Closed.

  35. SheriffRoscoe

    Putting on eyeglasses to look the part of 'smart' sounds like something Homer Simpson would do. Wait a sec, I think he did.

  36. Terry

    "But it’s a good thing she still wears eyeglasses, even if they’re fake. If we didn’t see her wearing those, some of us might think she’s not very intelligent. Can you imagine?!"

    Sarah makes those Kardashians seem intelligent and thoughtful.

  37. Snarke_Diem

    If Lou Sarah's wearing glasses to look smart, I'm throwing mine away.

    Right now.

    Just did.

    That is all.

  38. GOPCrusher

    I keep thinking that at a certain point in time, enough stuff will get dredged up about Bible Spice that she will finally regret the decision to not slide back into obscurity after the 2008 election.
    But then I sober up.

    1. Snarke_Diem

      Plenty more to come in the NEAR future when Alaska finally hands over her e-mails from her failed half term as governor . . .

  39. BarackMyWorld

    I know people sometimes wear glasses to look smarter, but she'll probably need to put on five or six more pair to counteract her mouth.

  40. lochnessmonster

    Maybe she wears them to hide the fact she has botox treatments…Bachmann could take a tip from her.

  41. Negropolis

    Bailey’s manuscript describes Ketchum as the one who saw a (presumably doctored) pornographic photo of Palin sent by email to the campaign.

    Wait, you're just going to totally slip this in, unprovoked, and right after act like you never said it? Come on, follow up!

    BTW, you know what else glasses are good for? Hiding under-eye bags.

  42. moar_plz

    She did always give off a 'soft core porn librarian' vibe. She can probably rip off the glasses and undo her bun in one sultry motion.

Comments are closed.