it's morning in america

Julian Assange Can Be Tortured By the Americans, U.K. Court Rules

Directions: Bash Julian Assange's skull in with this can.

  • A British court ruled on Thursday that Julian Assange is an international INTERPOL Amber Alert Threat and must be extradited to Sweden immediately, so that he doesn’t miss his connecting flight to Bagram. (How many hours of “hanging on a meat hook” will it take before Julian confesses that he is Un-American, just like Scotland Yard sleuth “Sarah Palin” hypothesized, on the Twitter?) Julian is “not concerned about the United States” or being FedExed to Gitmo, according to a former Wikileaks colleague, but he is “very scared of going to prison in Sweden.” We’ll just have to wait and see what the teevee pundits say will happen! [NYT]
  • Kadhafi is organizing a massive mercenary/Kadhafi SS army in Tripoli. Forces loyal to this monster allegedly attacked a mosque in Zawiya, a city 30 miles west of Tripoli, maiming lots of unarmed demonstrators. Numerous other government crackdowns have been reported throughout the country, and most of them have been very violent and terrible. [AP/NYT]
  • Oil has reached $100 a barrel, hooray! Soon Americans will have to “walk” through the Taco Bell drive-thru. [CNN]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barbara_i

    I say that Oprah should buy all of the gas and then give it away. Otherwise, we are soon going to be buying gas by the half gallon. Or release the recipe so that we can make our own.

    • DeeJayKitteh

      We just need to make cars that run on meth. Plenty of people in the country know the recipe for that.

      • Barbara_i

        Flashback…..Ford Pinto. Yikes!

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        Great minds!
        See below.

        • DeeJayKitteh

          Corn syrup! That's a great idea. And then each station could have two separate pumps — one to go into the car, and the other to go directly into our morbidly obese pieholes. Efficiency!

          • NorthStarSpanx

            Toyota's new fuel conservation program:

            Recall 2 million vehicles to fix the problem of gas pedals getting stuck on floor mats.

            Speed increases fuel consumption yo!

    • genxr

      Buy it by the liter. It's cheaper that way!

  • Terry

    "…but he is “very scared of going to prison in Sweden.” "

    Why? Do they make him assemble flat pack furniture all day? That's a terrifying idea.

    • PsycWench

      Maybe Swedish surprise sex features lefse or herring or large burly blonde guys. Maybe all three.

      • V572625694

        Somebody like the masseur in "Five Easy Pieces."

      • OneDollarJuana

        Gives new meaning to "pickled herring".

      • ShaveTheWhales

        In prison, the herring comes without akavit, so yeah, terrifying.

    • Progressiveinga

      Wherever he ends up, there will definitely be some "this peg goes in this hole", but I'm not sure it has to do with furniture.

    • SorosBot

      Well Sweden is known for its' harsh, overly punitive and cruel penal system, with both the worst conditions and most prisoners per capita in the free world.

      Oh wait, sorry; that's America.

      • Barbara_i

        I'm pretty sure that when you commit a crime in Sweden you get a coupon for a free Subway sammich and a super duper back rub.

      • genxr

        I get the feeling "Lockup: Stockholm" would be a rather boring tv show

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Mikael Blomkvist's cell in that Swedish GirlDragonFireHornet movie didn't look too bad. He had a laptop/internet, comfy looking bed and desk; hell, it looked better than some hotel rooms I've stayed in.

      • Terry

        Nicer and larger than the dorm room I lived in for two years, too.

      • Barbara_i

        Did you read the Blomkvist trilogy? Play the drinking game every time he said "coffee and sandwiches" You will need a new liver halfway through the first book.

        • PsycWench

          Similar to the drinking game played when Sarah Palin and Joe Biden debated, then. Anyone who took a drink upon hearing the word "maverick" required life support by the end of the debate.
          Good memories, that.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          You could do the same every time he mentioned the exact menu down to the type of bread of whichever meal Blomkvist was eating, or the various types of frozen foods that Lisbeth bought down at the Kvikee Mart, or gave in excruciating detail every stitch of clothing being worn by Erika Berger. I read these books before I watched the movie versions and this is one instance where the movies were a lot better. TMI!

          • Barbara_i

            Good call on the frozen foods from the convienence store, my friend. I love how he always said, "strong coffee"
            I enjoyed the books and will some day get around to seeing the movies.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Oh boy! a new role playing game for Riley And Andrew, whose turn is it to be Prison Gaurd tonight?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Well, Wags has been a bad boy.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    What America needs is a car that runs on corn syrup.
    GM, are you listening?

    • V572625694

      They're way ahead of you. Ethanol = corn + about 5 million BTUs/bushel.

      • SorosBot

        And, similar to what happens with food sweeteners, ethanol made from cane sugar is much cleaner and more efficient than corn-based ethanol, but since cane sugar is grown in foreign counties instead of in the Midwest by America's salt-of-the-earth government-subsidized giant agribusiness corporations, all our efforts go into the inferior corn ethanol.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        I’m talking about bypassing all that messy fermentation and distilling. Straight to the tank with the syrup. That would be a sweet ride.

        • Negropolis

          But, possibly a bit sticky. But, yes, oh so sweet.

    • chickensmack

      Since we're burning our corn now, I guess it may be too late to ask why our food prices are going through the roof, too?

      • HistoriCat

        Invisible Hand of the market. Food prices go down, food prices go up – you can't explain it!

      • GOPCrusher

        Corn grown for ethanol production is not edible. Well, I suppose if you were really hungry, you could try eating it. Chase it with a glass of sea water.

        • chickensmack

          Cows eat that corn, and farmers are not taking them off the feedlots. So yes, indirectly that corn is edible.

  • baconzgood

    Wait I'm confused. If Kadhafi attacked a mosque in North Africa how do I, as a tea party douche bag, feel about it. Can Bill-Rush-Sean-Beck please tell me what to think?

    • not that Dewey

      Gives new meaning to the phrase "ground zero mosk".

    • genxr

      Ask yourself: are the protesters unionized?

    • bumfug

      Love the attack, hate the attacker.

    • GOPCrusher

      Bill-Rush-Sean-Beck haven't grasped the concept that Libya is not in the Middle East.

    • Numbat_Dundee

      Just keep chanting:
      "Bacon is good!"
      Allah is bad!"

    • Negropolis

      I sense a great disturbance in the force; as if a million teabaggers cried out and were suddenly silenced…

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Well as long as the Brits say it's all right then pip pip and cheerio it's off to the iron maiden for you old chap.

    • SorosBot

      Iron Maiden? Excellent!! [plays air guitar]

      • WunkRocker

        Right before Tony Blair goes down on Gadafhi and says something about Locharby not mattering because Scotland is another country.

  • freakishlywrong

    My flying car will run on the blood of "patriots".

    • PsycWench

      Scott Walker is commissioning a car that runs on the blood of union members.

      • freakishlywrong

        Zombie Reagan approves.

        • Negropolis

          I, for one, re-welcome out undead, post-presidential overload.

  • LesBontemps

    "Walk" through the Taco Bell drive-thru? Not until they pry my cold dead ass off my Rascal. This is a Merka, goddamit!

    • freakishlywrong

      Walking through a drive-in that sells steak burritos with no meat is very Merkian.

  • SorosBot

    Bring on $10 a gallon gas; then maybe the politicians who are owned by the oil companies might actually stop blocking all attempts to do something to reduce America's dependency on cars, and even to force decent standards for fuel efficiency.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Naw, you'll just here a steady chorus of "drill baby drill" and "why can't we just dump all this shit over here nobody's using this stream anyway"

    • baconzgood

      TRAITOR!!!!! OIL COMPANIES LIKE BP ARE AS AMERICAN AS TACOS!!!!!

    • V572625694

      Ever notice how, whenever the price of oil gets high enough that Americans start buying small cars and moving closer to work, the price of oil comes down again? Wonder why that is.

      • horsedreamer_1

        The Invisible Hand?

      • SorosBot

        Why, your statement implies price fixing, which is illegal, and our oil companies are fine upstanding imaginary citizens who would never even consider breaking the law.

        • GOPCrusher

          In the summer of 2008, Exxon/Mobil recorded the highest profit of any American company ever.
          Coincidence?

      • NorthStarSpanx

        No one listens. . .Alaskans pay as high as $11 a gallon. You still hear Sarah screeching "Drill, Baby, Drill."

        Maybe she'll stop now since Todd mistook it for a Hall Pass?

    • ttommyunger

      Ohhhh, Soros, you soooo silllly!

  • PsycWench

    No one could have anticipated the decline in oil supply. All oil-producing nations are happy stable places where unrest could never have been predicted.
    Next thing I know, you'll be telling me that my supply of cheap plastic crap is at risk.

    • V572625694

      Chinese had their rebellion in Tienanmen Square 22 years ago and squashed quite authoritatively, thank you very much. So no worries: Walmart will be okay.

      • Ducksworthy

        A point for linking Tienanmen and Walmart. Nice work.

      • OneDollarJuana

        It's my understanding that most cheap plastic crap is made from natural gas these days, and those supplies have been markedly increased due to the use of fracking, a technology that not only makes natural gas cheaper but makes your tap water burn. Win-win!

        • SorosBot

          Ah, good old fracking. Now that our new Governor has allowed it to proceed unregulated and untaxed, in central Pennsylvania bottled water will soon suddenly not be the waste of money it normally is, but necessary if you don't want cancer. Hey, it's you redneck assholes who voted for the dick; we in Philly went against him and our water will still be fine.

          • vulpes82

            I feel bad about fracking, but my family has a farm right in the middle of the bonanza and stands to make lots of money, so screw burning drinking water! I'm gonna get rich, bitch! U-S-A!

    • SorosBot

      Besides, more dead trees are going to turn into oil so we don't have worry about running out; we just have to wait a few hundred million years or so.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        We just need Obamacare to keep us alive until we can use this new reserve.

    • HistoriCat

      Maybe we could start reusing the plastic crap we have now. Nah.

    • fuflans

      freedom trays are the lifeblood of this country.

    • GOPCrusher

      Nothing wrong with the oil supply, BP just pumped millions of barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico this last summer.

  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews/ cheaphits

    What are the odds on the U.S. sending Julian Assange to one of their "black hole" prisons in Libya?

    Timing is everything.

  • freakishlywrong

    Actually, given the amount of assholishness currently taking place in US America, extradition to Sweden sounds like manna from heaven.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      If I ever have to go to prison, I sure hope it's in the European Arctic.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Instead of mocking poor Scott Walker who will be US America's next GREAT Preznit and making hay of Sarah Palin's Facebook account (She ONLY HAD ONE and EVERYONE ELSE LIES!) I'm glad that Wonkette is focusing on the terrible injustices that are happening in Libya because that's where the important things are happening.*

    *concern trolled (saw similar messages on other forums)… like a US America Teabagger troll even knows where Libya is.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      like a US America Teabagger troll even knows where Libya is.

      I was managing a project to build some toilet facilities for the troops at Al Udied Air Base (Qatar). My contractor was having fits getting his sub-contractor permission to enter the base to get the work rolling. I finally had a meeting with the major in charge of the Security Forces; sat down in his office and knew right away that he was typical neanderthal, Fox News going on the TV and all. I asked why we couldn't get the sub on base, I had a copy of the subcontract with me, he points out "We can't let them on base, because as you can see right here this company is based out of Libya, and they are forbidden." The company was based in Lebanon. Your taxes dollars at work.

      • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        One of the "good" things about war is that it teaches US Americans geography.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        I quit.

      • Ducksworthy

        Libya Lebanon Meh. Wasn't Danny Thomas from Libya?

        • vulpes82

          No, he was a Lesbian.

        • Weenus299

          Ummm, I think you mean LIBERIA.

      • DeeJayKitteh

        In his defense, I'm sure the Fox News graphic he was relying on for his information had Libya displayed as Lebanon.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Sarah knows where Libya is, it's right next to Africa.

      • aisai

        Question is: Can she see it from her house?

        • DaRooster

          Nope!

          She says, "It's too dark"…

  • baconzgood

    This is all I care to know about Sweeden
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY_Yf4zz-yo

  • V572625694

    Everyone is invited to admire my newly minted 110p score today. And Ken, thanks for increasing my rate to $200/comment.

    • Barbara_i

      Wow, can I touch it? If not, can I watch as Limey Lizzy touches it?

      • V572625694

        Oh, both of you ladies, please make free with me.

        • Barbara_i

          I'm going to let Limey Lizzy go first. I don't want to go for the "easy one" I like a good challenge.

      • PsycWench

        When Limey Lizzie is finished, it'll be more like 120 p.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Man I got ripped off. All I got from Wonkette was a cake and a card from Riley when I hit 110p despite the pathetic efforts of Mr Downfister.

    • vulpes82

      I've been at 91p for, like, EVER, and it's really pissing me off. Can I get 92p, at least? Hello, IntenseDebate! I don't think your "algorithm" is working!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      My p-ness is still stuck in the sub-100s. If only I had a big Koch to help me out.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    This violates the central tenet of GlennGreenwaldism, a faith that is dear to me and whose teachings I honor, but the fate of Julian Asange is no longer my first and highest priority.

    A one way ticket to First Amendment hell.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Greenwald shall write an angry 8000-word blog post about this!

  • metamarcisf

    Assange's eventual extradition to the U.S. is good news for Christine O'Donnell and her search for a partner for next season's "Dancing With the Stars".

    • EatsBabyDingos

      I'd like Sharron Angle for the "Assange-Angle," which I think is sex with a muffin top.

  • BarryOPotter

    Directions: Bash Julian Assange's head in with this can

    Riles, my good man, should you ever tire of this 'blog' thing, that alt text and image combo suggest you have a bright future in marketing. You're on the money with this one.

  • V572625694

    OT, but in other news Rolling Stone has a story about Army psychological ops people in A'stan being illegally detailed to manage/manipulate the perceptions of Lieberman, Reid and Panamanian strongman Juan McCain, for whom this is may not be construed as "good news."

    • freakishlywrong

      That was discussed on Morning Asshole today. They were surprised, "other than Franken", that all those strong guys could be susceptible to that. I shit you not.

      • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

        It's not like it's hard to manipulate Walnuts.

        Give the fucker a few bucks and tell him the /fill in the blank/ worked with the Vietnamese to torture him while he was at the Hanoi Hilton is more than enough for him to push for more troops.

        As for Lieberman. Just tell him that it's good for Israel. He'll vote for it.

        Harry? Just tell him do it or else.

        • not that Dewey

          Did McCain and Lieberman really need to be manipulated into prolonging a war? I assumed THEY were doing psyops on the Generals.

      • karen

        I caught a few minutes where he was discussing it with Jim Miclkwerljwencjkewkcnewski. I don't know why I continue to turn on MSNBC in the morning, I need to just stick to my Maddow podcast and The Daily Show.

        Also, I read the RS article, and quite frankly I'm not surprised. Our government and military creates wars to further their power, both collectively and for personal gain.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Mika.

          • karen

            I dunno, man. She seems like the type who you think you're going to dominate, but then she turns around and she's donning some S&M steampunk mask, with spiked handcuffs, a leather whip, and stilettos that could stab you in the chest 6 inches deep. She's…freaky.

          • Negropolis

            Methinks you've been carefully thinking about this for some time….

            Can't blame you.

    • V572625694

      And for all of us who are suspicious of Facebook, note that the colonel in question got dinged by the AR15-6 investigation (a very big deal in the Army) for "inappropriate" posts on FB.

  • chickensmack

    Will a Hoveround set off the auto-thingy in the drive through?

    • comptoneffect

      Not sure about the Hoveround but the 350+ lb passenger is more than likely to set it off.

  • Slim_Pickins

    Imprisoned in the Swedish gulag, brutal. He could die of terminal ennui.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Especially if they force him to watch a continuous loop of all 50 or so of Ingmar Bergman's films.

    • vulpes82

      He'd get really good at chess, though; Death is a grandmaster.

    • Negropolis

      Come on, anyone who can work in the phrase "terminal ennui" deserves more pee-ness.

  • deanbooth

    * cries *

  • horsedreamer_1

    100$? Why, three barrels will get me sex with that hooker on Soul Coughing's El Oso.

    • not that Dewey

      I need for you to be reasonable.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Call me evil, but while filling the 10-gallon tank in my wittle car, I do enjoy watching the OC Black SUV Brigade™ filllllll their "tanks"

    Just this morning a fashionably dressed skeletal fake-tan/boobs/lips entity dropped $100 into her single-occupant Lexus Barn XLT

    • chickensmack

      Was she a professional woman, or Mommy for children fathered by a Promise Keeper?

    • V572625694

      Moms like the big SUVs because sitting up high makes them feel safe, and they don't have to look when merging onto the freeway, and in an accident, the littler car loses.

      It's sort of like putting bars on your windows in a bad neighborhood: it ensures that somebody else will get robbed.

    • UW8316154

      Confession time. I have a big honking Suburban and I feel shame because of it. But I also live on a farm with 3 Labrador retrievers and 3 horses. I use my SUV to haul horse trailers and bales of hay, wet dogs, garbage, rocks and what have you.

      My dream is to trade it in for a Subaru, but this sucker is paid off and my committment to living debt-free means it will take a another year of saving before I can replace it with more fuel-efficient transportation. I assuage some of my guilt and mitigate the financial pain of buying gas by carpooling to work when I can.

      And sitting north of Seattle with a foot of snow this morning, my roommate and I can use it to get to town if need be, whereas her Prius is not going anywhere at the moment.

      • jim89048

        Those of us in the hinterlands have always paid a heavy penalty. Fuel costs more, and more of us drive larger than life vehicles out of necessity. Add in the fact that we also have to drive greater distances to get anywhere meaningful, and we're well and truly fucked. Plus, my truck is a diesel, which costs more at the pump despite being the cheapest of all to produce…

      • GOPCrusher

        I drive a half ton 4×4 and commute almost 100 miles round trip everyday. Not the best situation, but Prius's cannot exist in this part of the country. They would be another lump in the snow that I drive over.

      • PsycWench

        I would never mentally downfist someone with a big truck/SUV who uses it. My dad managed a car dealership for years (in a flat, snowfree area of the South) and according to him, people love their Denalis, etc even though they never go anywhere more treacherous than a Wal Mart parking lot.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Soon Americans will have to “walk” through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

    Soon Americans will have to “waddle” through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Waddle? Never.

      That's why God made Rascals.

    • Weenus299

      Nah. Hoverround.

  • hockeymom

    I get kind of a Walter Kurtz vibe from this Kadhafi fellow.

    • Weenus299

      Definitely a slug-on-the-razor's-edge type, I agree. It is my dream. It is my nightmare.

  • Redhead

    Americans will never walk through the Taco Bell drive-through, Riley. Ride their (electric) jazzy hoverround scooters through, yes. Walk on their own two feet? Hell no.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Translucent Australian Sex Machine should be a big hit in prison, what with his exotic accent and micro-penis.

  • mumbly_joe

    Hey, waitaminute, I read Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; I'm not actually sure anyone could credibly be "scared of going to prison in Sweden".

  • Weenus299

    So what is Assange in a Swedish prison? Fresh fish? Spicy meat-ball?

  • mavenmaven

    Riley- you are on to something. If we could hook up our cars to run on the left over deep fried oil from chains like taco bell, we could keep ourselves at unsocialism girth AND fuel our cars Merikan-like.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Morning Downfister.

    You keep trying, but all our p scores keep rising. Good luck, Don Quxiote on a Rascal.

  • user-of-owls

    I believe Julian when he says he's scared of going to a Swedish prison. But then again, I believed Br'er Rabbit too.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    When is Elisabeth Salander going to get off her ass and bring swift justice for this Julian whatsisface?

  • ttommyunger

    Jeebus Fucking Christ! How much time in prison do you get in fucking Sweden for consensually finger-banging a couple of adult tarts? That has to be a misdemeanor offense! The fix is so far in on this one, Julian might as well slit his wrists now. If Barry's boys get hold of him he'll be put so far under the jail it will cost a million dollars to mail him a postcard.

  • http://www.full-brief-panties-male-modeled.blogspot.com/ Panty_Buns

    Oh joy. Now Karl Rove's buddies in Sweden (see Icicle's blog at http://www.chillingmesoftly.com/Blog ) can put him on one of those rendition flights to be interrogated by Rep. Peter King at the House Un-American Activities, er, I mean House Homeland Security Committee hearings and be questioned about Claes Borgstrom's claim that "JULIAN ASSANGE KICKS KITTENS!" ( see YouTube video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnx-CJjHjtQ ).

  • MiniMencken

    Look on the bright side, Jules. In prison, you'll have time to write "The Boy Who Dropped the Soap" and end up a rich man.

  • sati_demise

    Since one of the 'ladies' fled to Israel and is refusing to cooperate, the other may be looking for the best 'make up' sex evah!
    The 'trial' is going to be a bodice ripper of meaninglessness.

  • unseenhandjob

    Land where my fathers died,
    Land of the pilgrim's pride,
    From every mountainside
    Let freedom ring.

  • sati_demise

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BTd4uLDm6E

    Julian asks some DAMN good questions!

  • Negropolis

    Soon Americans will have to “walk” through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

    They tell you not to do that. Something about safety, or some shit.