it's morning in america

Julian Assange Can Be Tortured By the Americans, U.K. Court Rules

Directions: Bash Julian Assange's skull in with this can.

  • A British court ruled on Thursday that Julian Assange is an international INTERPOL Amber Alert Threat and must be extradited to Sweden immediately, so that he doesn’t miss his connecting flight to Bagram. (How many hours of “hanging on a meat hook” will it take before Julian confesses that he is Un-American, just like Scotland Yard sleuth “Sarah Palin” hypothesized, on the Twitter?) Julian is “not concerned about the United States” or being FedExed to Gitmo, according to a former Wikileaks colleague, but he is “very scared of going to prison in Sweden.” We’ll just have to wait and see what the teevee pundits say will happen! [NYT]
  • Kadhafi is organizing a massive mercenary/Kadhafi SS army in Tripoli. Forces loyal to this monster allegedly attacked a mosque in Zawiya, a city 30 miles west of Tripoli, maiming lots of unarmed demonstrators. Numerous other government crackdowns have been reported throughout the country, and most of them have been very violent and terrible. [AP/NYT]
  • Oil has reached $100 a barrel, hooray! Soon Americans will have to “walk” through the Taco Bell drive-thru. [CNN]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
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  1. Barbara_i

    I say that Oprah should buy all of the gas and then give it away. Otherwise, we are soon going to be buying gas by the half gallon. Or release the recipe so that we can make our own.

    1. DeeJayKitteh

      We just need to make cars that run on meth. Plenty of people in the country know the recipe for that.

        1. DeeJayKitteh

          Corn syrup! That's a great idea. And then each station could have two separate pumps — one to go into the car, and the other to go directly into our morbidly obese pieholes. Efficiency!

          1. NorthStarSpanx

            Toyota's new fuel conservation program:

            Recall 2 million vehicles to fix the problem of gas pedals getting stuck on floor mats.

            Speed increases fuel consumption yo!

  2. Terry

    "…but he is “very scared of going to prison in Sweden.” "

    Why? Do they make him assemble flat pack furniture all day? That's a terrifying idea.

    1. Progressiveinga

      Wherever he ends up, there will definitely be some "this peg goes in this hole", but I'm not sure it has to do with furniture.

    2. SorosBot

      Well Sweden is known for its' harsh, overly punitive and cruel penal system, with both the worst conditions and most prisoners per capita in the free world.

      Oh wait, sorry; that's America.

      1. Barbara_i

        I'm pretty sure that when you commit a crime in Sweden you get a coupon for a free Subway sammich and a super duper back rub.

    3. BaldarTFlagass

      Mikael Blomkvist's cell in that Swedish GirlDragonFireHornet movie didn't look too bad. He had a laptop/internet, comfy looking bed and desk; hell, it looked better than some hotel rooms I've stayed in.

      1. Barbara_i

        Did you read the Blomkvist trilogy? Play the drinking game every time he said "coffee and sandwiches" You will need a new liver halfway through the first book.

        1. PsycWench

          Similar to the drinking game played when Sarah Palin and Joe Biden debated, then. Anyone who took a drink upon hearing the word "maverick" required life support by the end of the debate.
          Good memories, that.

        2. BaldarTFlagass

          You could do the same every time he mentioned the exact menu down to the type of bread of whichever meal Blomkvist was eating, or the various types of frozen foods that Lisbeth bought down at the Kvikee Mart, or gave in excruciating detail every stitch of clothing being worn by Erika Berger. I read these books before I watched the movie versions and this is one instance where the movies were a lot better. TMI!

          1. Barbara_i

            Good call on the frozen foods from the convienence store, my friend. I love how he always said, "strong coffee"
            I enjoyed the books and will some day get around to seeing the movies.

      1. SorosBot

        And, similar to what happens with food sweeteners, ethanol made from cane sugar is much cleaner and more efficient than corn-based ethanol, but since cane sugar is grown in foreign counties instead of in the Midwest by America's salt-of-the-earth government-subsidized giant agribusiness corporations, all our efforts go into the inferior corn ethanol.

    1. chickensmack

      Since we're burning our corn now, I guess it may be too late to ask why our food prices are going through the roof, too?

      1. GOPCrusher

        Corn grown for ethanol production is not edible. Well, I suppose if you were really hungry, you could try eating it. Chase it with a glass of sea water.

        1. chickensmack

          Cows eat that corn, and farmers are not taking them off the feedlots. So yes, indirectly that corn is edible.

  3. baconzgood

    Wait I'm confused. If Kadhafi attacked a mosque in North Africa how do I, as a tea party douche bag, feel about it. Can Bill-Rush-Sean-Beck please tell me what to think?

    1. Negropolis

      I sense a great disturbance in the force; as if a million teabaggers cried out and were suddenly silenced…

      1. WunkRocker

        Right before Tony Blair goes down on Gadafhi and says something about Locharby not mattering because Scotland is another country.

  4. LesBontemps

    "Walk" through the Taco Bell drive-thru? Not until they pry my cold dead ass off my Rascal. This is a Merka, goddamit!

  5. SorosBot

    Bring on $10 a gallon gas; then maybe the politicians who are owned by the oil companies might actually stop blocking all attempts to do something to reduce America's dependency on cars, and even to force decent standards for fuel efficiency.

    1. V572625694

      Ever notice how, whenever the price of oil gets high enough that Americans start buying small cars and moving closer to work, the price of oil comes down again? Wonder why that is.

      1. SorosBot

        Why, your statement implies price fixing, which is illegal, and our oil companies are fine upstanding imaginary citizens who would never even consider breaking the law.

        1. GOPCrusher

          In the summer of 2008, Exxon/Mobil recorded the highest profit of any American company ever.

      2. NorthStarSpanx

        No one listens. . .Alaskans pay as high as $11 a gallon. You still hear Sarah screeching "Drill, Baby, Drill."

        Maybe she'll stop now since Todd mistook it for a Hall Pass?

  6. PsycWench

    No one could have anticipated the decline in oil supply. All oil-producing nations are happy stable places where unrest could never have been predicted.
    Next thing I know, you'll be telling me that my supply of cheap plastic crap is at risk.

    1. V572625694

      Chinese had their rebellion in Tienanmen Square 22 years ago and squashed quite authoritatively, thank you very much. So no worries: Walmart will be okay.

      1. OneDollarJuana

        It's my understanding that most cheap plastic crap is made from natural gas these days, and those supplies have been markedly increased due to the use of fracking, a technology that not only makes natural gas cheaper but makes your tap water burn. Win-win!

        1. SorosBot

          Ah, good old fracking. Now that our new Governor has allowed it to proceed unregulated and untaxed, in central Pennsylvania bottled water will soon suddenly not be the waste of money it normally is, but necessary if you don't want cancer. Hey, it's you redneck assholes who voted for the dick; we in Philly went against him and our water will still be fine.

          1. vulpes82

            I feel bad about fracking, but my family has a farm right in the middle of the bonanza and stands to make lots of money, so screw burning drinking water! I'm gonna get rich, bitch! U-S-A!

    2. SorosBot

      Besides, more dead trees are going to turn into oil so we don't have worry about running out; we just have to wait a few hundred million years or so.

    3. GOPCrusher

      Nothing wrong with the oil supply, BP just pumped millions of barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico this last summer.

  7. freakishlywrong

    Actually, given the amount of assholishness currently taking place in US America, extradition to Sweden sounds like manna from heaven.

  8. ManchuCandidate

    Instead of mocking poor Scott Walker who will be US America's next GREAT Preznit and making hay of Sarah Palin's Facebook account (She ONLY HAD ONE and EVERYONE ELSE LIES!) I'm glad that Wonkette is focusing on the terrible injustices that are happening in Libya because that's where the important things are happening.*

    *concern trolled (saw similar messages on other forums)… like a US America Teabagger troll even knows where Libya is.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      like a US America Teabagger troll even knows where Libya is.

      I was managing a project to build some toilet facilities for the troops at Al Udied Air Base (Qatar). My contractor was having fits getting his sub-contractor permission to enter the base to get the work rolling. I finally had a meeting with the major in charge of the Security Forces; sat down in his office and knew right away that he was typical neanderthal, Fox News going on the TV and all. I asked why we couldn't get the sub on base, I had a copy of the subcontract with me, he points out "We can't let them on base, because as you can see right here this company is based out of Libya, and they are forbidden." The company was based in Lebanon. Your taxes dollars at work.

      1. DeeJayKitteh

        In his defense, I'm sure the Fox News graphic he was relying on for his information had Libya displayed as Lebanon.

  9. V572625694

    Everyone is invited to admire my newly minted 110p score today. And Ken, thanks for increasing my rate to $200/comment.

    1. vulpes82

      I've been at 91p for, like, EVER, and it's really pissing me off. Can I get 92p, at least? Hello, IntenseDebate! I don't think your "algorithm" is working!

  10. donner_froh

    This violates the central tenet of GlennGreenwaldism, a faith that is dear to me and whose teachings I honor, but the fate of Julian Asange is no longer my first and highest priority.

    A one way ticket to First Amendment hell.

  11. metamarcisf

    Assange's eventual extradition to the U.S. is good news for Christine O'Donnell and her search for a partner for next season's "Dancing With the Stars".

  12. BarryOPotter

    Directions: Bash Julian Assange's head in with this can

    Riles, my good man, should you ever tire of this 'blog' thing, that alt text and image combo suggest you have a bright future in marketing. You're on the money with this one.

  13. V572625694

    OT, but in other news Rolling Stone has a story about Army psychological ops people in A'stan being illegally detailed to manage/manipulate the perceptions of Lieberman, Reid and Panamanian strongman Juan McCain, for whom this is may not be construed as "good news."

    1. freakishlywrong

      That was discussed on Morning Asshole today. They were surprised, "other than Franken", that all those strong guys could be susceptible to that. I shit you not.

      1. ManchuCandidate

        It's not like it's hard to manipulate Walnuts.

        Give the fucker a few bucks and tell him the /fill in the blank/ worked with the Vietnamese to torture him while he was at the Hanoi Hilton is more than enough for him to push for more troops.

        As for Lieberman. Just tell him that it's good for Israel. He'll vote for it.

        Harry? Just tell him do it or else.

        1. not that Dewey

          Did McCain and Lieberman really need to be manipulated into prolonging a war? I assumed THEY were doing psyops on the Generals.

      2. karen

        I caught a few minutes where he was discussing it with Jim Miclkwerljwencjkewkcnewski. I don't know why I continue to turn on MSNBC in the morning, I need to just stick to my Maddow podcast and The Daily Show.

        Also, I read the RS article, and quite frankly I'm not surprised. Our government and military creates wars to further their power, both collectively and for personal gain.

          1. karen

            I dunno, man. She seems like the type who you think you're going to dominate, but then she turns around and she's donning some S&M steampunk mask, with spiked handcuffs, a leather whip, and stilettos that could stab you in the chest 6 inches deep. She's…freaky.

    2. V572625694

      And for all of us who are suspicious of Facebook, note that the colonel in question got dinged by the AR15-6 investigation (a very big deal in the Army) for "inappropriate" posts on FB.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Especially if they force him to watch a continuous loop of all 50 or so of Ingmar Bergman's films.

  14. OC_Surf_Serf

    Call me evil, but while filling the 10-gallon tank in my wittle car, I do enjoy watching the OC Black SUV Brigade™ filllllll their "tanks"

    Just this morning a fashionably dressed skeletal fake-tan/boobs/lips entity dropped $100 into her single-occupant Lexus Barn XLT

    1. V572625694

      Moms like the big SUVs because sitting up high makes them feel safe, and they don't have to look when merging onto the freeway, and in an accident, the littler car loses.

      It's sort of like putting bars on your windows in a bad neighborhood: it ensures that somebody else will get robbed.

    2. UW8316154

      Confession time. I have a big honking Suburban and I feel shame because of it. But I also live on a farm with 3 Labrador retrievers and 3 horses. I use my SUV to haul horse trailers and bales of hay, wet dogs, garbage, rocks and what have you.

      My dream is to trade it in for a Subaru, but this sucker is paid off and my committment to living debt-free means it will take a another year of saving before I can replace it with more fuel-efficient transportation. I assuage some of my guilt and mitigate the financial pain of buying gas by carpooling to work when I can.

      And sitting north of Seattle with a foot of snow this morning, my roommate and I can use it to get to town if need be, whereas her Prius is not going anywhere at the moment.

      1. jim89048

        Those of us in the hinterlands have always paid a heavy penalty. Fuel costs more, and more of us drive larger than life vehicles out of necessity. Add in the fact that we also have to drive greater distances to get anywhere meaningful, and we're well and truly fucked. Plus, my truck is a diesel, which costs more at the pump despite being the cheapest of all to produce…

      2. GOPCrusher

        I drive a half ton 4×4 and commute almost 100 miles round trip everyday. Not the best situation, but Prius's cannot exist in this part of the country. They would be another lump in the snow that I drive over.

      3. PsycWench

        I would never mentally downfist someone with a big truck/SUV who uses it. My dad managed a car dealership for years (in a flat, snowfree area of the South) and according to him, people love their Denalis, etc even though they never go anywhere more treacherous than a Wal Mart parking lot.

  15. Redhead

    Americans will never walk through the Taco Bell drive-through, Riley. Ride their (electric) jazzy hoverround scooters through, yes. Walk on their own two feet? Hell no.

  16. Oblios_Cap

    The Translucent Australian Sex Machine should be a big hit in prison, what with his exotic accent and micro-penis.

  17. mumbly_joe

    Hey, waitaminute, I read Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; I'm not actually sure anyone could credibly be "scared of going to prison in Sweden".

  18. mavenmaven

    Riley- you are on to something. If we could hook up our cars to run on the left over deep fried oil from chains like taco bell, we could keep ourselves at unsocialism girth AND fuel our cars Merikan-like.

  19. user-of-owls

    I believe Julian when he says he's scared of going to a Swedish prison. But then again, I believed Br'er Rabbit too.

  20. ttommyunger

    Jeebus Fucking Christ! How much time in prison do you get in fucking Sweden for consensually finger-banging a couple of adult tarts? That has to be a misdemeanor offense! The fix is so far in on this one, Julian might as well slit his wrists now. If Barry's boys get hold of him he'll be put so far under the jail it will cost a million dollars to mail him a postcard.

  21. MiniMencken

    Look on the bright side, Jules. In prison, you'll have time to write "The Boy Who Dropped the Soap" and end up a rich man.

  22. sati_demise

    Since one of the 'ladies' fled to Israel and is refusing to cooperate, the other may be looking for the best 'make up' sex evah!
    The 'trial' is going to be a bodice ripper of meaninglessness.

  23. unseenhandjob

    Land where my fathers died,
    Land of the pilgrim's pride,
    From every mountainside
    Let freedom ring.

  24. Negropolis

    Soon Americans will have to “walk” through the Taco Bell drive-thru.

    They tell you not to do that. Something about safety, or some shit.

Comments are closed.