zuckerberg's law

Facebook: Sarah Palin ‘Lou Sarah’ Account Violated Our Terms of Service

Poor Lou.We’re now at the end of day two of wondering why a private Facebook account was registered to Sarah Palin’s personal e-mail address, a profile listed under the name “Lou Sarah” that was “friends” with members of Palin’s family and her political appointees, not to mention was used to “like” her own infamous public page. Palin hasn’t given an answer, but when it appeared the profile was in the process of being taken down, she issued a statement saying her public page was her only account. If the “Lou Sarah” account was hers, the statement was technically right at that point; because it was coming down, she did only have one account. So we reached out to Facebook, who sent us back a statement on why the account went down. “The account was found to run afoul of our terms and it was disabled,” wrote Facebook official Andrew Noyes. “Facebook has always been based on a real name culture.” He refused to say whether it was Facebook acting alone or a request by either the Palin team or somebody logged in as “Lou Sarah” that prompted the removal of the profile.

Facebook has always been based on a real name culture. This leads to greater accountability and a safer and more trusted environment for our users. It’s a violation of our policies to use a fake name or operate under a false identity, and we encourage people to report anyone they think is doing this, either through the report links we provide on the site or through the contact forms in our Help Center. We have a dedicated User Operations team that reviews these reports and takes action as necessary. We will consider removing a profile if we determine that it is not authentic and false information is being communicated on it. We also have technical systems in place to flag and block potential fakes based on name and anomalous site activity.

This is a standard Facebook statement, but we had no idea Wonkette is the “technical systems” Facebook uses “to flag and block potential fakes.” They should probably compensate us for that.

Meanwhile, the very mysterious “Lou Sarah” is gone forever. And the world hasn’t heard another peep out of Palin or the loyal collection of taxidermic animals who are her media team.

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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211 comments

  1. JackObin

    The poor thing looks like she is about to weep. Did someone tell her the whole god thing is an elaborate hoax to hoodwink the dim-witted?

    1. trashbot

      No, this video still captures the exact moment when the death-cries of the turkey behind her flit through her spongy brain for a few milliseconds, causing just the slightest perturbation in her otherwise impenetrable shield of smug ignorance. She was fine 1/30th of a second later.

    1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      It's true. Whenever anyone asks about her, I am compelled to say that "Sarah Palin is the meanest, cravenest, coldest, most horrible excuse for a human being I've ever known in my life".

      That can only be the result of brainwashing. Or, you know, paying attention at any point in the last three years.

    2. x111e7thst

      In the case of the Palin clan incest is probably a good thing. Let them stay with their own kind in the shallow end of the gene pool and leave the rest of us alone.

    3. Steverino247

      Phone rings. Sarah Palin answers.

      "Sarah Palin!"

      "Sarah Palin? Why don't you go fuck yourself?"

      Sarah reaches for the computer and logs into Facebook as "Lou Sarah."

  2. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    Yes, but did she forcefully violate them? If not, it doesn't really count and they should reinstate her account at once.

    1. snoopyfan2010

      I've always wondered what would happen if everyone created fake accounts with "creative" names and deliberately liked everything that popped up on the banners. Would that affect the data in any way???

    1. ChessieNefercat

      And who wrote the Zuckerburg movie? Why, Aaron Sorkin! More Bwahahahas to you, oh brainless Arctic twatwaffle.

      1. Barbara_i

        Good call, Chessie! I upfist you for your knowledge.
        Sarah is going to India for a speaking engagement. This should be a riot! I bet she mentions their casinos.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          And how awful muslins and other strange, brown religions are…

          It's just so funny that her political career rides on facebook, and she can't even manage that.

    1. Beowoof

      She better watch out, OJ when he and if he gets out of prison, may show up with a gun and want his cut.

      1. Beowoof

        I don't know I keep hearing funny stories about who Todd is screwing and where some of those kids came from.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    That's the fastest a Palin's gone down without having a Macy's gift card dangled in front of her ever.

          1. BerkeleyBear

            You sure it isn't a 4×4? Those thighs didn't build themselves.

            Ah, "animal style" – I still recall the first time I heard of that magic phrase, 20 years ago. I'm hoping my soon to be greater proximity to the Left Coast will make those words a common part of my vocabulary again.

          2. mayor_quimby

            I've done filthy things to warrant a extra layover day in LAX so I could have just one more 2×2 animal style. Totally worth it.
            But a 2×4 is just gluttonous.
            Buuuurrrppp…

        1. xsluggo

          That should be “who” she would do. Answer: the Heritage Foundation and then the entire RNC. I believe that happened in mid-2008.

  4. edgydrifter

    "We will consider removing a profile if we determine that it is not authentic and false information is being communicated on it.
    Inauthentic? Communicating false information? Sounds like ALL of the Palin clan's FB pages will be coming down shortly. Lucky for them MySpace is owned by dear Uncle Rupert.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      They're against communicating false information? When are they going to start "refudiating" their relationships with their advertisers?

    2. GOPCrusher

      If they remove all the accounts that violate that clause, Facebook will collapse in on itself and form a black hole on the Internet.

  5. mourningnmerica

    Sarah, you're nothing to me now. You're not a sister, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see Bristol, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?

  6. OneYieldRegular

    I'm torn between "Blood Schadenfreude" and dismay at the trouble that poor Egyptian kid named "Facebook" is going to encounter when he reaches age 13 and tries to register an account.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      That strikes me as very, very funny. My weiner/terrier dog hasn't come home from her days journey with the big dogs (who fucking leave her behind all the time) and I needed a laugh.

  7. iburl

    Fuck Facebook. Safer to use your real name? Safer for the corporate scumbags and government spies making money off of us and stealing our privacy. It's not safer for all the people who have been spammed, stalked, tracked and otherwise screwed by using their real name on Facebook. Hitler would have given his left nut to have facebook. I welcome their future booting of my alias.
    P.S. S.P. SUX.

      1. iburl

        Yeah, he gave it away for their era's equivalent. "Zukerstein's Encycolpedia of Jews, Gypsies, Homosexuals, Jazzmen and Communists."

    1. Come here a minute

      Whoa — if you don't like it, don't use it. Big whoop. It's not a nefarious plot, it's a web site for kids.

      1. iburl

        Facebook is worth $50 billion. That's over $100 per user. Ever wonder how they can possibly be worth that much money per user on a free website? Could it be auctioning off your identity to the highest bidder?

        1. Radiotherapy

          Which makes me wonder, how much is the Wonkette™ worth? Just a few billion?
          Certainly more than $100 per user.

  8. sportshort

    Boy, the fact that anyone takes this hatchet faced hillbilly seriously must be indicative of the fear that's racing through everyone's collective consciousness when they think of the imminent breakdown of society–that and the fact they haven't bought enough guns, stocked enough gold, or built a deep enough bomb shelter lardered with spam and government cheese.

  9. GuanoFaucet

    Now, if only being a lying idiot asshole somehow violated a news coverage policy or term of political service.

  10. dittoBot3000

    Lou Sarah is very clever. She's like Keyser Soze/ Verbal Kint if he had a concussion. And took expired medication.

  11. Snarke_Diem

    Well, Lou Sarah violates MY terms of service by her mere existence. I suffer no fools, and she is The Great American Fool Of All Time.

    1. AutomaticPilot

      It's something I've noticed the kids have been doing lately: using their first and middle names, but not their last names.

  12. gef05

    I took her full name – Sarah Louise Palin – rearranged the letters, and spelled out a message for her:

    U anal hole piss air

    No. I don't know what it means either. But I still kind of like it.

          1. not that Dewey

            Actually, it never struck me before.

            (AND IT'S ABOUT FUCKIN TIME. I WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL LOU DEWEY AND REPLY TO MY OWN DAMN POST, DAMMIT)

    1. Jukesgrrl

      OK, I admit it. My actual name is Jukes Girl, not Jukesgrrl and I am not the head minister at the Church of Jukes for Je$u$, I am merely their accountant.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          There's no such thing as "just" a fan of the Jukes. We all serve in our own ways. I handle the spirituality, financially speaking.

  13. V572625694

    "The account was found run afoul of our terms…" Did we mean to say, "found to have run afoul.."? Or did we mean to say "run a fowl," referring to the famous video clip screenshotted in this post? Please elucidate, Facebook.

    And boy, it's good to see more people recognizing FB for the so-smooth-you-hardly-feel-it privacy theft racket it actually is.

    1. not that Dewey

      I couldn't believe that "find your old high school friends" would be worth $50B. But I can believe that a clearinghouse of 500 million people's demographics, given away for free, could be worth that much.

        1. not that Dewey

          Hence the name.

          I have found exactly two (and immediately stopped looking for more); one is a born-again xian, and the other is mildly cool. The three of us had a punkrock band when we were 15, and we no longer have anything in common. What a surprise!

          1. OneDollarJuana

            I looked up an old roomie once. Found him. His partner had just died of AIDS. Since then I don't look anymore.

    2. PocketsTheClown

      I have a friend that decided "No. Not a second more of my time," and he was from the great land of Lents/Mall 205. I wrote every word he said, desperately I scribbled his scripture.

      "Fuck it" I said. "I'm out of here, too" but I spelled it "out of her" and that was my last post in the universe. I was gone, excommunicated from the facebook, by my own, devilish hand.

      Still, it was liberating, to make phone calls. It was freedom to forward emails. It was amazing, again, to tweet, brazenly… from free internet at teh airprot.

    3. GOPCrusher

      I made the mistake of making an Ancestry.Com account. I filled out some of my ancestors, until one popped up with a "Green Leaf". I clicked on the link and was immediately hit with a "send us your credit card information to see what's behind the leaf" message. I canceled the account and to this day, I get solicitations from them on a daily basis by e-mail.

  14. Tundra Grifter

    To recycle a previous comment, this really is Catfish 2.0.

    [If you don't get that joke, rent that movie!]

  15. politics_nerd

    this brings a kind of sad, pathetic veil over the whole palin phenomenon. she so desperately wants to be "liked". sorry (not really!), not going to happen.

      1. GOPCrusher

        I'd make her the town whore, and hope that at this point she lived in a trailer, with 27 kids, a meth habit, and a raging STD slowly eating away her internal organs.

  16. Nopantsmcgee

    "Lou Sarah". That's so fucking stupid. Who does that? It's like she wanted to be caught. Why not Sarafine Pallin or Para Salin. Stupid redneck.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      If what Wonkette and the left leaning LSM are reporting about Lou Sarah are accurate, I'd hate her too.

    2. GOPCrusher

      I've got a five dollar bill that says at this moment, some Joe The Plumber wannabe is at his local courthouse trying to legally change his name to Lou Sarah.

  17. deanbooth

    Whenever I read "Lou Sarah," I can't help but think of Ted Baxter saying "Louuuuuuuuuu, Louuuuuuuuuu."

  18. PublicLuxury

    I'm so depressed. I'm so distraught. I'm so hopeless, I'm so hapless, I'm so useless. I'm so spineless. I'm so friendless. I'm so anxious. I think I'll run for president or something.

    Later,

    Sarah 'Lou' Palin

  19. owhatever

    Every time I think that family cannot get any more stupid, they prove me wrong. There is no bottom. WHHEEEEE…

  20. kissawookiee

    "And the world hasn’t heard another peep out of Palin ." This was all it took? Seriously? That's like nailing Al Capone for tax evasion.

    1. Beowoof

      Sure because I completely trust the American Government, to quote Carlin:

      "By now, everybody's supposed to know that when it comes to survival – staying alive – you know, you have to be… you can't be too picky and choosy about the company you're going to keep. You know? Sometimes you have to cooperate with some kind of unsavory people: people you don't like, people you don't trust, people you don't respect. The kind of people you might not even invite into your own home. So, for that reason, tonight I'm announcing my intention to cooperate with the United States government."

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      When Sarah did a series of guest appearances on SNL to show how she 'got' satire, she did this terrifying "PSA" on what she would do with SNL once she got into the OEOB or the White House. I can't find the skit on YouTube, but it was her all over – cause that is what she would do with Facebook also, too.

  21. JoshuaNorton

    It kind of makes you wonder if she hears circus music playing when she comes up with these ideas.

  22. NorthStarSpanx

    Truly, I would think that "fake messages" under Sarah's brand by even badly brain damaged quadriplegics using straw power would be an improvement in finesse, rationality and aplomb of her edicts.

  23. XOhioan

    "Lou Sarah," sounds like a 60s-70s character actor. For example: "Lou Sarah," who played "Fish" on the pilot episode of "Barney Miller."

  24. KingAwesomeDawg

    So what! You librels are allways picking on poor Sarah! Typecal! Why does everone be mean to her! WHY! Its not fair! JEALOUS! I have a facebook too
    SO WHAT! Everone does!
    Stop trying and take hers
    away from her! JEALOUSY!

  25. imissopus

    Speaking of Sarah, she's reported to be planning a trip to India sometime in March. Which means the Hookworm Conjecture has an excellent chance of going from Wonkette Meme to Fulfilled Prophecy.

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      Jesus Christ. I have heard of them banning people coming into the country, so can't we ban people from leaving? Not that I don't want her to leave, but, ya know, just for diplomacy's sake.

  26. Warpde

    Buh..ulshite..
    Nice policia Fcebook.
    Sooo, How come I have 3 accounts and various E-manuales and the accounts are still going strong?
    Guess it has something to do with the gifts I give away in Farmville.
    By the way Lou, where's the frikin cow you promised?

  27. berkeleyfarm

    Way to go Wonkette! That's some old-fashioned political stupid you've brought to light. I was fearing that we might have an invasion of the Palinbots (which probably works out to Ivy Frye, the ghostwriter (Jennifer), and various Palins and Heaths on the gravy train payroll) posting stupid whiny comments, they'd probably be happy just to do the drive-by thumbs-down thing. Fits so well with the Junior-High-Mean-Girl mentality and doesn't require typing.

  28. KenLayIsAlive

    As long as we're spilling about Facebook. I have the ken lay site (cause I'm a child) and I did set up a Ken Lay account (cause I'm a child), and tho as far as I know there is zero connection at all between me and the site, the first person FuckBox suggested to friend was the actual real human living not-at-all-ken-lay me.

    Danger. Will. Robinson.

  29. lulzmonger

    Yet another deathblow to free speech from the Zuckerberg Gestapo! This heinous crime against freedumb will not stand! FACEBOOK = FASCISM!

    Sincerely,
    Monz Lulger, Esq.

  30. monkshooter

    Ironically, they would best punish her by prohibiting the deletion or editing of lil Lou Sarah account.

  31. proudgrampa

    The only thing I can compare this to is my 5 year old granddaughter's propensity to have (and play with) imaginary friends. So Sarah is either a lonely person who has to make up friends to like her, or she has the mentality of a 5 year old. Yup, that's presidential material, you stupid teabaggers.

  32. Negropolis

    Poor little Sarah Lou Who. The Gingrinch has now truly stolen Christmas, huh?

    This woman-child is a terror. I hope America workers Sarah out of its system, and sooner rather than later.

  33. xsluggo

    I guess this also means that Palin will stop using the bathroom stalls in Anchorage tit bars to scrawl anonymous diatribes against her enemies. I’ll definitely miss those.

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