• Lara Logan’s tragic sexual assault is NOTHING compared to the horrors she might have experienced at the hands of those greasy union rapists in Wisconsin. [Big Journalism]
  • Uh oh, the famous internet destination for truth,, is secretly the holocaust-loving handiwork of America’s most evil Jew, George Soros. [RPN]
  • President Obama keeps all his best Muslim Brotherhood buds in the White House, where they single-handidly toppled Hosni Mubarak, for Sharia. [Examiner]
  • America’s most Delphic sage, Richard Cohen, bravely exposes America’s love for faking disabilities to get welfare-cash from Richard Cohen’s personal pension fund. [WaPo]
  • Americans will soon have to find another way to compensate for their collective micro-penises, since gas will be so expensive only the wealthiest welfare queens will be able to afford a Hummer. [NewsMax]
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  • horsedreamer_1

    These figures account for why the Obama White House has exhibited its usual robust indecisiveness toward the Wisconsin demonstrators. It needs labor's political muscle, but it must also recognize that it cannot appear on the wrong side of greed.

    This is good news… for Goldman Sachs!

    Wait, what!?

    • Ducksworthy

      Yep. You don't want to get on the wrong side of greed. Them Kocksukers will mess you up.

  • Extemporanus

    Wisconsin's rapists prefer the term "forcible unions".

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hear, Hear!

    • deanbooth

      And sometimes seek "benefits by surprise."

      • Extemporanus

        Forcible union members are dicks.

  • Barbara_i

    Well, I've always wondered what the etiquette rule was on announcing that you were arriving for a gang bang and now I know that it is a sign with block lettering.

    • Gang bang does not mean rape, I love the hysterics when conservatives confront sexual language they are unfamiliar with.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You know the Snopes exposè is true because they use a lot of bold font.

    • chickensmack

      …and yet, they didn't include one goddamn link, proving Snopes' egregious failures.

      Not. One. God. Damn. Link.

      And some people will still read that page like it's canon.

      • MarshallBanana

        And some Republitard congressthing will put forth a bill to make sure that Snopes doesn't get ANY funding in the 2011 budget.

      • GOPCrusher

        There is already a growing group of Wingnuts that will tell you to your face that Snopes is nothing but a liberal smear machine that only has one purpose, and that is to contradict anything that the conservatives say.
        They can't prove any of their claims, we are just suppose to accept their supposition at face value.

        • Well, seeing as how it's the go-to site for debunking all of those forwarded email screeds (what is this? 1997?) they always like to send, I find it surprising that it's taken until 2011 for them to start saying Snopes is part of the Liberal conspiracy.

          • chickensmack

            I still get emails from my former church. They're so far behind in technology, they haven't even figured out I'm an atheist.

        • MarshallBanana

          Oh, their proof is simple! Snopes' facts disagree with what they believe, ERGO Snopes is a lying librul commie scum red smear pinko machine. Also.


      • DoktorZoom

        I like how the "exposè" also doesn't bother with liberal nonsense like a lede, or giving any context as to what Snopes said that they're grumpy about, or even what the hell the nutter is going on about: "I went to Snopes to check this out and they said it was false and there were no such dockets so I ‘Googled’ the Supreme Court, typed in ‘Obama-Kagan,’ and guess what? Yep you got it. Snopes lied. Every one of those dockets is there."

        Who needs facts when you have vague pronouns? This, it, every one. Oy.

  • PublicLuxury

    Union rape is very brutal. What the brutatlity can do to a hospital or street or garbage dump or public school are horrific. I know. I've been there.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If there you can't afford a Hummer for your micropenis you can always buy a gun and brandish it (legally) on a universtiy campus in Texas!

    • nounverb911

      This is my rifle,
      This is my gun.
      This is for fighting,
      And this is for fun.

  • mereoblivion

    Did we have to be reminded of these five "news" sites all at once? Thought I was feeling blue before, but now–crikey!

    • baconzgood

      I know. It was tough, and to add to it troll-man is fisty-fisty-downy-downing now.

    • Exactamente – WaPo, NewsMax, something called BIG Journalism (I guess that's for people who want to feel all grown up), but that Conservative Examiner, whew, I wandered into their comments section and they push the envelope – serious hate and complete fucking ignorance accepted as gospel truth.

      I suppose it's good to know what the other side is saying, but it does take a strong stomach.

  • teebob2000

    I honestly couldn't be paid or tortured enough to click on any link related to that Breitbard motherfucker.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I tear up every time that I think of our poor Wags subjected to that slack-jawed yokel's vile lustful urges!

  • PublicLuxury

    Micro-penises is a direct and lasting result of Conservatism. Conservatism espouses small everything. Soon all Conservatives will be no bigger than a thimble.

  • bitchincamaro2

    Walker will become the champion of the common man, the Middle American and all of that. This works. Reagan, you might recall, went on to become president.

    Dick Cohen— you have out-Dick Cohen-ed yourself. Please stop breathing.

    • GOPCrusher

      "Walker will become the champion of the common man"

      I don't think that means what you think it means. Thats like saying Hitler was the champion of the Jews.

      • SorosBot

        Maybe it was a typo; he meant to write "champion over the common man".

      • bitchincamaro2

        Dick's words, not camaro's

  • fuflans

    i can see this is a bad day to quit drinking.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Every day is a bad day to quit drinking.

  • SexySmurf

    Bieber help me, I clicked on the RPN link and there was absolutely nothing about Soros in the article. 100 years ago people like them thought the Jews controlled everything; now they believe one Jew controls everything, so I guess that's progress.

  • WaPo finally ends up where it belongs… next to NewsMax and Uncle McBadTouch's "Newz" site.

  • SorosBot

    Words mean things, Breitbart; "gang bang" is a crude term used (primarily in porn) to mean consensual group sex, not rape. Your accusation is bullshit.

    • genxr

      It's a Breitbart blog. They think consensual sex is disgusting and offensive.

      • DaRooster

        Especially if there is no gloryhole involved.

      • DoktorZoom

        One of the few things they have in common with /b/, for what it's worth.

    • __kth__

      would never click on a BigAnything link without a hazmat suit on.

      • SorosBot

        If you really want to see something infuriating, read the comments. One person there tried to point out just what I said above, and the other commenters jumpened on them, "No! Gang bang means rape because we say it does! We need to accuse the unions of threatening rape so we'll just change the meaning of a word!"

        Some even said basically "A gang bang has to be rape because no woman would ever willingly do that!" Um, I have seen women willingly do so on camera; they did so because they were getting paid but they seemed to be enjoying it.

        • It's as if none of these guys has ever been to Tijuana. Or wherever MTV shoots Spring Break.

  • chickensmack

    If we can survive $140 per barrel with Shrub running things (into the ground), I'll keep my hopes up for Hopey, with all this pro-democracy shit goin' on.

    • jim89048

      They'll keep the price per barrel low, but reduce the size. You know, just like they do at the supermarket.

  • PublicLuxury

    Micro-penile dysfunction is curable by rubber bands and a Q-Tip.

  • neiltheblaze

    Sorry, but I expect my Delphic Oracles to not look like gerbils with glasses.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe some day, we can all take a Wisconsin Death [to the unions] Trip.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I always tell people snow plows are raping our streets

  • At the risk of overstating the obvs, how are we sure the guy with the "union" sign wasn't a teabagger? I mean guy & gal DeRats, Wonketteers, and Rosie the Riveters would have have been all over that guy in seconds.

    • genxr

      I went over there and read the comments, so I can tell you they are 100% that it is a union member, completely representative of every single liberal in the world, including Hitler.

      • GOPCrusher

        Did the comment begin "I was a young, well-hung, stud attending a large Midwestern University…." or "I never thought something like this would happen to me….."? Because that's how I determine how valid the comment is.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, RPM idiots, as Solicitor General Kagan was listed as attorney for Obama on all nuisance suits filed against, even though the brief court appearances were handled by subordinates; the was only a brief appearance in court in every birther suit because they were all summarily dismissed; and for the same reason the Supreme Court will never rule on any birther suits, as they are bullshit and have all been tossed out at the lower levels, and the Court has ignored every nuisance appeal filed to them.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So Snopes lies, unlike all five of the sites featured here. That darned Soros! Why can't he be truthful, like Murdoch or Beck?

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    Americans will soon have to find another way to compensate for their collective micro-penises, since gas will be so expensive only the wealthiest welfare queens will be able to afford a Hummer.

    Huh? Just pretend to be a Koch brother and republicans will line up to give you one.

    …ooooohh, you're talking about cars.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    They should really pool their resources (electrons?) and just do one headline and send it to both sites. Increases efficiency and all that.

  • joobajooba

    So where to start with Cohen: How is he paying New Yorkers' public employee pensions? Does he live in the state?
    And now that the Washington Post company is hurting, is he going to give back the benefits won by the union whose card he so proudly claims to have carried. ?
    Just wondering.

    • DaRooster

      No! That's different… duh.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I, for one, welcome our future Hummer- and F350-less thoroughfares.

  • natoslug

    I thought gangbang implied that it was Saturday.

  • SorosBot

    The Examiner report is interesting – it would have us believe that "some guy who claims to be an ex-CIA agent" is automatically a credible source, and that "this guy was born in Iran, this guy in Saudi Arabia" or "this guy thinks we should negotiate with the Iranian regime (horrors!) means that they are radical Sharia-supporting Islamists.

  • Weenus299

    Can we have our own bible to quote as it relates to blasphemers riding around on Medicare-paid durable medical equipment (DME)?

  • genxr

    Rednecks who have to stay at home and rant on the internet because they can't afford gas for their F-350 king cabs? A small price to pay for democracy in the mideast.

  • SorosBot

    Oh stupid Richie Cohen, Walker is not becoming the "champion of the common man" but the enemy of the common man, dickhead. And nice job disingenuously using the pensions of high-ranking city officials to argue that all government workers' pensions are too high; the deputy chief of police is going to get a bit more than a regular beat cop. And hey, nice job making cops and firefighters the enemy along with teachers!

    But he's still going to call himself a liberal, even though this column proves he's become just as right-wing on domestic issues as he is on foreign policy.

    • HistoriCat

      There are many people with an eye on the "#1 Hack columnist" label but Richie is not giving it up without a fight.

    • Gorillionaire

      Good luck, Dick Cohen, next time you have to call the police because you saw "a black guy" in the neighborhood.

  • This is good news for Charles Lane.

  • sportshort

    "They're being mean to us after we were mean to them so they're meaner than us and we're nicer than them and they should all die on television and we should rule forever hell yeah." –Tea Party Spokesperson

  • metamarcisf

    Dear Wonkette:

    Why we not can make funny on Scott Wanker apology blog? Me no unnerstan'

    Tarzan, Cheetah and Palin, Attys at Law

  • obfuscator2

    isn't equating the word "gangbang" to rape kind of a stretch? what a bunch of fucktards*.

    *no, i wasn't implying that andrew breitbart rapes retarded people. or….

    • CapnFatback

      Well, not retarded people . . .

  • SorosBot

    OK, I've read all of that infuriating crap now. The Newsmax assholes are basically saying the people of the Middle East should continue to live under brutal repressive dictatorships so we don't have to pay more at the gas pump. Fuckheads.

  • SayItWithWookies

    "738 of [New York City's] teachers, principals and such have pensions worth more than $100,000 a year."

    Um — Mr. Cohen, please note that Mike Bloomberg was just talking about laying off 6,000 teachers. So while 738 teachers might be a huge burden for, say, Akron, it's essential to keep these numbers in proportion, something you didn't bother to do. Of course saying that 738 was the top one half of one percent of all the teachers currently in New York's public education system (golly it took me about two minutes to find that data, too) might put it in a little more perspective. But of course that wouldn't be nearly as much fun as just looking at one side of an argument and recoiling in horror, would it?

    • Only grouchy incompetent humor challenged cowards who write Newzpaper columns deserve that kind of money. Not teachers.

      • Angry_Marmot

        Yeah, I'd only spend it. Please save me from myself, Brother Cohen!

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Note "teachers, principals and such". 737 of the 738 are probably high-level administrators.

    • Plus which, the last I checked a hundred grand to live in New York is damn near poverty wages, particularly if you're married, have a kid or two, etc.

  • I love the Soros/Snopes article. Motherfucker just cold slaps up a headline that says "SNOPES IS FINANCES BY SOROS!!!1" and then proceeds to say absolutely nothing about it.

    And yeah, Kagan DID "represent" Obama in the citizenship challenges – it's kind of the job of the Solicitor General and his/her deputies to do that.

    • GOPCrusher

      We are talking about the same people that consider "OBAMA IS A KENYAN MUSLIN USURPER!!!!!" as a statement of fact.

    • Billmatic

      Couple things about the Snopes thing, whatever's up there that's linked is something that was an old flame war and snopes covers it here:

      Second, apparently Kagan didn't actually represent Obama in any citizenship challenges full stop:

      • So what's up with this Soros guy, then? I hear he has some money.

  • beer4prez

    That Logan link is disgusting. What's worse: using the general term gangbang to make a political point? Or describing in detail rumors of a specific, actual, and horrific gang-bang to make a partisan point? The latter you mothereffers.

    I was so enraged that they would print that shit in such detail solely to score some political points, and knowing the victim's name is public, that by the time I got to the Wisconsin sign I couldn't care less about it.

    • Yeah but she started the article with a warning about its graphic content, so that makes it all okay.

  • Snopes doesn't have anything about Glenn Beck raping and killing that girl in 1990 so it hasn't been entirely proven to be false.

    • Billmatic

      Yeah I heard about this too. I also heard that Sarah Palin was born in Russia and is actually a double agent for the Shadow Soviet.

  • __kth__

    When the Wisconsin National Guard, at Gov Walker's orders, goes all Kent State on about a dozen public workers, and Richard Cohen and Charles Lane defend their actions, can we then stop calling them liberals?

  • DaRooster

    Cohen- "Their former employer, it goes almost without saying, is steamed. Their former employer is me. "
    What a maggot! All people that did NOT make a livelihood by screwing over brown people or by ripping off the general public or by scheming folks out off their retirements, in other words- hard workers- should be reduced to living a dirty filthy shack and eating only Macaroni & Cheeze forever…

    • horsedreamer_1

      Mac & Cheese? You wish! Catfood, more likely; Ramen, if they're lucky.

  • Ducksworthy

    Isn't a brieitbart a small genital blister resulting from herpes?

  • DoktorZoom

    Dear god, the stupid gets even more intense–turns out that the Snopes/Soros thing on RND is actually a reprint of a chain email (here's a version from November 2010 "from a baptist deacon," so yo know it's credible) that's been all over the interwebs already. The whole mess refers to this Snopes article (and this followup); only the tacked-on Soros claim is new in this iteration. What's truly hilarious is that this version once again lists the nine dockets that Snopes discussed in the first article–yes, they mention both "Obama" and "Kagan," but none of the nine have anything to do with the birf ceriticate.

    Is everything on the right-ring blogosphere just a cut-and-paste of old stuff?

    • glamourdammerung

      Is everything on the right-ring blogosphere just a cut-and-paste of old stuff?

      • SorosBot


        -Lou Sarah

      • DoktorZoom

        I know you are, but what am I?

        ("right ring," huh? I hereby give the Breittroll one (1) pass on a typo.)

    • proudgrampa

      Is that the same email I got from the Nigerian businessman? Right up there with your baptist deacon. Just sayin'.

    • Redhead

      But he put that Soros funds it in the title, so it doesn't matter if there's nothing in the ARTICLE (chain e-mail) about Soros, it still has to be true! Because it's online. Well, I guess Snopes is too, but still this is different!

  • This may be the first time I clicked on a Breitbart link–it certainly will be the last.

    Disgusting, despicable, and every single progressive who doesn’t condemn this outright is just as disgusting as the threat of of rape to women who choose to exercise their First Amendment Rights.

    Outmoded and never very effective when used during the 2008 campaign trope of "denounce or die" from the right.

    I am not really a "progressive" which in this case means anyone who doesn't agree that ACORN and the Taliban are the same organization–more of a democratic socialist or a Marxist-Leninist without the Lenin part–but taking this at face value it means I can get denounced in one of the leading douchebaggery sites on the right without having to go to Madison and make a sign.

    What a country!

  • mereoblivion

    An "interesting" sidebar to the NewsMax piece is Steven Erlanger's at NYT right now: "As Arab Leaders Teeter, Israel Frets,"which includes this paragraph:

    “Many of our assumptions are broken,” said Mark Heller, an analyst with the Institute for National Security Studies in Tel Aviv. “We are groping here, but with the limited tools we have to understand these phenomena, it is not very promising.”

    They're not allowing comments so I'll throw mine in here and assume they'll get around to finding it on one of their hourly reviews of Wonkette:

  • mereoblivion

    continued from above

    Well, Mr Heller, at least you acknowledge you're groping and that your tools are limited. But what comes across most clearly is your assumption–shared by everyone of any importance at the Times, presumably–that the most important aspect of any development anywhere is its effect on Israel. Just as the NewsMax dickheads care about the revolution for democracy only insofar as it affects the price they have to pay for gas, so you are incapable of celebrating one of the more remarkable series of events of the so-far-century because it might make things harder for your poor beleaguered friendless nation (oh, friendless except for the most militarily powerful country in the history of the world).

    But hey, keep on gropin' along with the frettin' and you might get somewhere, eventually.

    • the_problem_child

      Please, it's gropin' and frottage.

      • mereoblivion

        That was a bit pompous and non-obscene, wasn't it? Sorry.

  • Soros should consider the move to Web 2.0 and lay off the pop up windows.

  • MadBrahms

    Smooth move, BigJournalism lady. Unable to engage on grounds of substance? Just call your opponents rapists! Clearly the national media's refusal to cover and condemn one moronic protesters sign out of thousands is FAR worse than the national media's refusal to actually push on Walker's ludicrous claim that this is "all about money".

    Yes, the real job of the media should be to expose your opponents as horrible people; arguing about ideas is just not acceptable behavior.

  • Barrelhse

    Muslim Brotherhood buds? I wanna smoke some of that shit.

  • Redhead

    I want to slap the shit out of the idiotic airhead bitch "editor" of the first link to a piece of shit pile of santorum someone decided to call a website.

    She posts a long and detailed "account" of the rumors about what MAY or MAY NOT have happened to Logan during her VERY personal attack. It is none of that bitch's business what did or didn't happen – and CERTAINLY not her business to be spreading RUMORS about what may have happened with the VICTIM'S name attached. That sign isn't something that I would have carried and may be in poor taste but it is NOTHING compared to the amazing amount of poor taste that bitch showed.

    But since that BITCH seems to think it's fair game to spread completely unfounded rumors about Logan because Logan is a public figure and it's in the name of her own personal political cause, and since she's misguided enough to call that shitty website "media" and herself an "editor," I heard a rumor about Dana Loesch the other day. I heard that she had sex with two horses, at once. I heard a rumor that Dana Loesch had a contract to change Vitter's diapers, until she took the paper bag off her head and he saw her face. Some people online are saying that Dana Loesch is a cocksucker, and others are saying that she really just sucks at life, but there are other people online saying that Dana Loesch likes to fuck herself anally with her own head while anywhere from six to 50 people watch via webcam.

    In case you weren't familiar with what SOME people are saying MAY have happened.

    • I have yet to hear Dana Loesch deny any of your assertions. What is Dana Loesch hiding? Dana Loesch, are you now or have you ever been a cocksucker, a horse fucker, David Vitter's designated diaper madam, or an exhibitionist using your own head to pleasure yourself anally? Until you show evidence that you are none of these things, I shall assume them to be true.

    • SorosBot

      I wish this rant wasn't so late after the original post, because it deserves a million upfists. The way some of the right seems to be getting off on what happened to Logan is just disgusting, and that's without getting at how they've also used it as a justification of their racism.

      • Redhead

        Thanks man. It just pisses me off so goddamn much. Whatever did or didn't happen, that woman was attacked and violated and now she's got to deal with it and try to feel safe again – which is hard enough withOUT crazyass bitches like Dana Loesch violating her privacy again, taking away her choice (of what details to reveal, in this case) again.

        But you're right – Republitards tend to act as though women are incapable of making decisions about their own lives (or as if their decisions don't matter), and half of them get caught in sex scandals that mirror one aspect or another of what Dana Loesch (who never denied being a horsefucker) has said happened to Logan. They're probably jizzing in their pants right now and trying to rework the definition of rape, again, in honor of this. Disgusting pigs.

  • Beowoof

    I almost went and looked at the News Max article but decided not subject my family to the screaming that usually eminates from me when I see their site, from the pain in my eyes and the stupid that makes my brain hurt.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Has anyone seen National Decency Commander tonight? We're now following each other, and I thought it would be sweet if our fake identities could friend each other. Amen!

    PS Weiner dog still missing. Thank goodness for wonkette. Unlike Hosne MuWalker, I admit something's a distraction when it IS a distraction. I would willingly give the life of ten millionaires just to get my little dog back. It seems like a completely fair exchange.

  • mereoblivion

    Dana to Redhead: "More pain, baby, hurt me harder!"

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