Wisconsin Governor’s Google Results Not Looking Too Good These Days

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Issues.
WORLD UPDATE: It turns there are other things going on besides Sarah Palin being on Facebook! Libya is still on fire, literally in many places. Wisconsin is still on fire, figuratively speaking. God even wanted to get into the act, throwing an earthquake New Zealand’s way so it would catch on fire, very much literally. In turn, it seems people are angry at Col. Muammar al-Gaddafi, Gov. Scott Walker, and God. (Does God have a title? How about “Capt. God”? You’re welcome, God.)

All three of these guys are really into upending the social order, aren’t they? Whatever happened to pragmatic leadership? (Yes we just compared Scott Walker to both Gaddafi and God at the same time. You people with your “Wisconsin is Egypt” metaphors are so bush league.)

ON WISCONSIN!

New polling conducted for the AFL-CIO and shared with The Huffington Post shows Wisconsin voters siding with the state workers, unions and protestors by large majorities and expressing net disapproval of Republican Governor Scott Walker

But awful biased polling firm Rasmussen Reports also did a poll that said people support the governor.

 
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Meanwhile, Gaddafi delivered a weird, rambling speech in a wizard costume saying he will stay put. We bet everyone living under that dictator enjoyed that! And New Zealand is trying to clean up its wreckage and bodies.

Yeah, that Palin thing is probably more important. Never mind. [uwtravis via Wonkette operative chascates/HuffPo]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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190 comments

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Yes, except without the flak jacket, bad perm, and skin that looks like it's in dire need of a Pro-Activ chemical peel.

        1. Negropolis

          When he turned into an evil Sith Lord and succumbed to the deteriorating effects of the dark side of The Force.

  1. lefty74

    The Koch Bros. Circus. Coming to your state soon.
    Their elephants are bought and paid for and will perform for peanuts.

  2. DoktorZoom

    Yes we just compared Scott Walker to both Gaddafi and God at the same time. You people with your “Wisconsin is Egypt” metaphors are so bush league.

    Burning bush league, apparently.

  3. el_donaldo

    You're onto something with the fire thing. Tonight Scott Walker is apparently giving a fireside chat. The AFL-CIO will now ask Wisconsans whether or not they'd prefer to see Scott Walker, like Libya, also on fire, literally, in many places.

        1. Radiotherapy

          all of 'em are correct. after all she is a double nought russian spy keeping an eye on the american airspace, because that's where Putin is going to rear his head

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      Or it means that Scott Walker is a secrete communist Muslim who is endeavoring to bring chaos so that the new caliphate may take over the United States and place George Soros in his proper place as head Imam.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        I'm confuzed, isn't Soros head of the Jew cabal? I gets my Abrahamic religion conspiracy theories so mixed up these days!

  4. doloras

    A Kiwi reports: Christchurch is a thousand kilometers away from me, but the inquiries after my safety from my geographically-ignorant North American friends are welcome and appreciated. The worst thing about the earthquake – apart from the dozens of dead people – is that Christchurch Cathedral has fallen down. It was pretty beautiful. Still, here's hoping they rebuild the city 10 times better than it was before, and hopefully get rid of the white supremacists and prostitute-killers while they're at it.

    1. DoktorZoom

      You got earthquakes and national health care, we got Scott Walker and tea partiers. Can I come live there?

      1. doloras

        The thing is, US Americans are notorious for moving here and then complaining that things aren't just like they are back in the States. And we have our own Scott Walker, he's called John Key.

          1. doloras

            Okay. Important things to remember:

            - the indigenous people were not wiped out, and even have their own political party with seats in the legislature, so do NOT try to do "that funny war dance";
            - on the subject, get a Maori pronunciation guide so you don't embarrass yourself with placenames such as Whakatane or Paekakariki;
            - this country loves rugby and considers American football, with its layers of protective armour, huge platoons of players and frequent breaks, somewhat homosexual;
            - books are very expensive and Kindles are not for public sale yet. Deal.
            - the coffee shops only serve espresso. We put that muck you drip through filters out on the street for the dogs.

            But take heart, there are some things in common. For example – we live in nightmare dread of Sarah Palin getting anywhere near the White House.

          2. SorosBot

            Should we try learning some Elvish before going down there as well? What's the best way to protect against orc raids?

          3. Chet Kincaid

            Duly noted! I would observe, however, that continuously grappling with platoons of other men "bareback," as it were, seems rather more homoerotic than just hitting them and walking away. But whatever floats your boat!

          4. Dashboard_Jesus

            'considers American football somewhat homosexual' and 'the coffee shops only serve espresso'…well then count me in mate (what's that in Maori?)

          5. PresBeeblebrox

            So I guess a rugby team named, say, the Wellington Whakatanes is out of the question…meanwhile we have the Washington Redskins. Nice.

            Also, ANZAC Day is a much more stirring holiday than Memorisl Day for me, because while we Murrikans were trying like shit o stay out of WWI, you Kiwis and Aussies fought honorably against the meat grinder of the Ottomans ..

          6. caitifty

            Yeah, but there's a certain something to having your national memorial day for people who died in popular foreign wars celebrate a battle/theatre we lost badly, but still celebrate it because of how well our troops were supposed to have behaved under hideous conditions, both towards each other and towards the enemy. Beats 'We kicked ass' any day. Although the recent emergence of 'Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi' is at least as depressing as 'USA! USA! USA!' as a brainless piece of nationalism. Here's hoping our Kiwi cousins haven't come up with anything so hopelessly stupid just yet.

          7. PristineODummy

            Hmm. Good point. They certainly didn't behave half that well evacuating Malaya and Singapore during WW II. But yes, they did well in Gallipoli indeed, poor sad lads. Celebration, memorial, it's all the same thing I suppose. And WTH is this rise in provincialism and chauvinism all about anyway? Can't those gits just go knock their brains out playing ball, or something?

          8. caitifty

            If you read the primary sources from Gallipoli, they didn't exactly behave all that well there either – most of the legend seems to have come out of Bean's post-war myth making. But it's nice that the *idea* that standing by your mates in difficult times is a national characteristic, and one to be emulated if at all possible, and I think it's sometimes helpful. Particularly when you start talking about things like who should have healthcare.

        1. jim89048

          I think watching their poop swirl backwards in the bowl on the way down is what freaks them out the most.

    2. Crank_Tango

      Well it's not like we know what a thousand kilometers is anyway, is that a measurement of time or something? like an hour?

    3. the_problem_child

      Glad you're safe.

      I'm thinking there's a pretty big overlap between the white supremacists and the prostitute-killers. Just a hunch.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        one might think the white supremacists need the prostitutes alive, otherwise who'll have sex with them?

    4. DemmeFatale

      My daughter spent some time in NZ a few months back, and was impressed by the beauty of both the landscape, and the hearts of the people.
      As a Californian, I am acutely aware of the destructive power of earthquakes, and am glad you were far away.

    5. Tommmcatt

      Isn't Christchurch the city where those two teenage lesbians killed the one's mom, then later Peter Jackson made an awesome movie about it with Kate Winslet?

      I realize the question is appros of nothing, but I am SO bored at work today.

      1. doloras

        Hah! Yes, yes it is. And one of those teenage girls ended up in Scotland where she's now an accomplished mystery novel writer. Trufax.

        Should point out that the teenage girls denied being lesbians, but then they would, wouldn't they.

          1. doloras

            Peter Jackson is a union-busting asshole whose tactics in a recent pay dispute got the spokeswoman for the actor's union driven out of her house by roaring mobs carrying signs saying "PETER WE'LL WORK FOR FREE".

      1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

        Yeah, he quit after a labor dispute to write a book. Sold pretty well, If I remember correctly.

      2. DoktorZoom

        Way worse. He evicted his only constituents, then encouraged their kids to commit incest, and after a while, in a fit of pique, killed everyone in his district except for this one crazy coot on a boat. And yet he keeps getting re-elected.

        1. lulzmonger

          His unbeaten streak is due to his reliance on the "Cosmic-Chicago" election system: ONLY dead peoples' votes are counted.

        1. deelzebub

          What about Qaddafi? He's been the all-powerful dictator of Libya since 1969 and STILL can't make general. That's just fucking pathetiv./

        1. starfanglednut

          Actually, there is somewhat of a consensus that eden was located in the great marshes of Iraq. Saddam Hussein, in a display of monstrous narcissism, drained them because the people living there annoyed him. The marshes are now making a comeback. If you have time to read teh article, you may find it interesting.

      1. mayor_quimby

        Don't we own that shit, as being part of Irokk, or am I too drunk??
        I said, am I too drunk!!!???? Hah? Am I???

  5. SorosBot

    These polls mean nothing; giving the unions the shaft is the will of the people of Wisconsin, because the right-wing pundits say so. Enough of your liberally biased "facts."!

    1. GOPCrusher

      In related news, 137% of Faux Noise viewers support Scott Walker's attempt to grind the Teacher's Union under his bootheel.

    1. BarryOPotter

      This is news to me! Where are they registered? I hope M. Ganddolfi plans on changing his robes. One year for the Yule Ball, I wore robes like the ones he's been prancing about in, made my face look puffy…

    1. mumbly_joe

      The sad thing is, in an automated poll, it must be the easiest thing in the world to randomize questions to negate a potential framing bias, if you're concerned about that sort of thing. Not that Ras actually cares about offering any sort of explanation, but if you wanted to try to explain this away, you'd basically be forced to argue that the pollmakers were both lazy and stupid, and probably also ugly.

  6. PublicLuxury

    Google is the Leader of the New World Order? Fuckin' A. Those computers got awful smart awful fast, doncha think?

  7. jus_wonderin

    Jack you must warn us when you ask the heavens to rain down the bolts of volts. Captain God! Lulz, oh the lulz.

    1. HistoriCat

      So is that Army Captain God or Navy Captain God? If it's Army, then I'm thinking he needs to try harder – should have made Colonel or at least Lt. Colonel by now. On the other hand, most Navy Captains believe they are God, so that would make sense.

  8. Grief_Lessons

    God fares little better in the Google test. Current top four are "…is not great", "…is dead", "…is in the neurons", and "is an astronaut".

    Well, the last one is kind of cool.

  9. qwerty42

    Well it looks as though TPM has sent Eric Kleefeld in. Where is Our Wonkette? Shouldn't Wonkette have boots on the ground in Mad-town? Hey, in addition to everything else, it's a college town. In Wisconsin. Lots of beer and cheese. Jack? Riley? Arielle? Ken? Sara? It's either Madison or Tripoli, you choose.

  10. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I’ve read too many comment sections in MSM articles on this topic. I’m astounded that so many people think these unionized public workers are getting rich while the rest of the Wisconsineers are dumpster diving for their next meal. On guy claimed that union bus drivers make over $100,000 a year. I blame FOX news, God and my stupid neighbor.

    “In fact, according to an analysis by USA Today, state employees earn about 5 percent less than comparable employees in the private sector, on average,”

    1. GOPCrusher

      The longer this goes on, the zanier the Wingnut claims get. I've even seen claims that President Obama is personally directing the protests.

      1. Cicada

        Riley's molester claimed Obama is leading "anarchists" and public sector unions in an effort to intimidate Americans. Limbaugh is comparing Wisconsin teachers to the Muslim Brotherhood.

        At some point people are going to realize these guys are fucking assholes who don't give two shits about anyone else, right? Right??

        1. GOPCrusher

          On last Sunday's Faux Noise Sunday, Scott Walker claimed that 75 percent of Americans understand that unions for government employees need to go away.

          1. Cicada

            Yeah, well I know for a fact that 110% of Americans think Scott Walker is a barely-sentient slime mold.

      2. PristineODummy

        Wingnut? WINGNUT? John BOEHNER said that today! "Keep your 'Chicago friends' out of Wisconsin," but I paraphrase. Anaconda I am still so fucking furious about the whole thing.

        I'd love to believe John Boner is a wingnut, but I don't think he's sober enough to hold a thought.

    2. QwertyToo

      Actually in Madison there are bus drivers that make over $100,000 a year. It is the result of a hiring freeze that was supposed to save money, but the resulting overtime payments have cost more than it would have cost to hire new drivers at the base rate. Another Conservatard policy that ends up costing more in the end.

    3. PresBeeblebrox

      My wingnut boss has been circulating emails sent to him by various Olds (I rue the day that Olds learned how to use email, not to mention the Facebook and the Twitters) which "prove", through random and largely irrelevant photos, that the protests are being taken over by Anarchists and Marxists. OK, this IS Madison, and there are surely some of each group there, but I don't think all those firefighters, cops, laborers, and operating engineers were members of either…

  11. Toomush_Infer

    I'm thinking I've seen that Gadaffi outfit before…..didn't Glen Beck wear that on his promo once….bet he got it half-priced….

  12. meufchelou

    When you google Ken you get worst person in the world. Congrats are in order, that's a valuable limited edition now!

  13. Oblios_Cap

    New polling conducted for the AFL-CIO and shared with The Huffington Post shows Wisconsin voters siding with the state workers, unions and protestors by large majorities and expressing net disapproval of Republican Governor Scott Walker.

    Just when I'm ready to throw in the towel, I read something like us and, for a brief moment, allow myself to fell a glimmer of hope that America might actually be able to pull its collective heads out of its asses and use them to improve the lot of this country and its people.

    Hey, I like lost causes and futile gestures.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I'm just waiting for the police and firefighters unions to come to the realization that they are next on the chopping block, and Wisconsin descends into total anarchy.

  14. LionelHutzEsq

    When will Walker learn that no one will take him seriously until he sends in the tanks and the goon squad. Until then, he is just Sarah Palin light.

  15. 4TheTurnstiles

    It would have been easier if these reasonable Wisconsonians had gotten off their dairy-air and fucking voted last November. This is the hard way to refudiate peace-loving patriots.

    1. Jerri

      Jesus christ. I hated him so much less when he was just hell-bent on screwing our county government into oblivion. This smarmy, detestable chud is unfuckingreal.

      I'm sorry that you are now all being subjected to this doorknob.

    2. Radiotherapy

      Two great lines off that page Monsieur,
      the notorious libertarian Tea Party puppet masters, the Koch brothers.
      and
      Glenn Beck said something stupid about Jewish people, today. Just FYI. On his radio program, while discussing George Soros, Beck says Reform Judaism is "almost like" "radicalized Islam."

      1. SorosBot

        Well hey, he's almost right, in that you get a true statement if you replace either "reform" with "ultra-orthodox" or "radicalized" with "secularized".

  16. Thurman Munster IV

    In his first week as Guv, Walker turned down a $850m for high speed rail and away gave $117 m to reduce business taxes. And now this all out assault on state workers and unions. This guy has become serious contender in the La Ptomaine Gubernatorial Douchebag of the Century Awards. His acceptance speech, "I'd like to thank all the little people who helped me get where I am today. Look, you can see them squashed on the bottom of my boot heel."

    1. Jerri

      He wasn't even governor yet when he kicked all that high speed rail money out of state. He was just on deck.

  17. CapnFatback

    You think Google has a potty mouth, you should see what Old Man Lycos has to say about Scott Walker.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I just don't think the Republiklans/Tea Baggers understand what forces they may have put into motion. After three years of crippling unemployment, companies hoarding dollars, and the Republiklans voting "NO" on any measure to help ease the pain, the American worker may have finally gotten pushed to the point where they aren't going to take it anymore.
      This is the kind of balls the Democrats should have started showing in 2008.

  18. drkptt

    I'm jealous, Google says our Scott (Gov. Rick) is only a crook, idiot, and criminal. Just give him time.

  19. hagajim

    I agree – Scott Walker is all of those things the Google called him….now he just needs to make a weird, rambling speech in a wizard costume and all would be taken care of.

  20. Come here a minute

    Google SSL Beta? Jack, no "third parties" give a crap what you're searching on the Googles.

    1. Troubledog

      John Ashcroft just called and wants to know why you are searching for "palin kill killing muslim terror gays how-to"

  21. Redhead

    "Meanwhile, Gaddafi delivered a weird, rambling speech in a wizard costume saying he will stay put."

    Since that worked out SO WELL and all for Muburak.

  22. OneDollarJuana

    When I googled "Republicans are " I get:

    Republicans are evil
    Republicans are stupid
    Republicans are idiots
    Republicans are racist

  23. OneDollarJuana

    Why can't Governor Walker just hire some African mercenaries to quash the protests? It's what Qaddafi is doing.

    1. Troubledog

      For the professional African warrior on the go, it sounds like a really good break from the old business of slogging about with machetes:

      "Reports from Tripoli described corpses left in the streets, burnt-out cars and shops, and armed mercenaries who looked as if they were from other parts of Africa. Residents were running out of food and water because they feel too threatened to leave their houses.

      "Videos emerged on a filesharing website of mobs lynching two people who were understood to be mercenaries. Other film appeared of a demonstrator shot in the head by a sniper and of bodies torn apart, perhaps by artillery fire.

      "Men in brand new Mitsubishi cars without licence plates are shooting at groups of people, three or four, wherever they see them gathering," said a resident of the Tripoli neighbourhood of Fashloum. "These are Gaddafi's death squads."
      http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/feb/22/muamm

  24. qwerty42

    A poster at TPM provided this link on the TeaHadis and Ohio … his comment:
    This is regarding Ohio's SB 5, which is very similar to what's happening in Wisconsin. The comments section is especially telling. Notice how the administrator backpedals (and gets angrier) as he responds to tea partiers voicing their opposition to Ohio S Bill 5. You could tell he wasn't expecting much opposition.
    The Teaparty guy stirred up a lot of police, firefighters and others with the post and they just got angrier as it went on.

  25. PresBeeblebrox

    I saw Gov. Douchenozzle on the news this evening. First, he reminds me of every jock in high school who hated me because I was a smart music nerd. I want to punch him in the nose; he is that smug and self-satisfied.

    So he is taking this whole No Compromise position, basically going all in on this issue. Unlike Kasich, Corbett, and Daniels, he is not trying to bust unions with any finesse or even attempt to compromise – he is just saying Fuck You to the public unions. In the process, he has managed to alienate his own base -because sadly there is an overlap between union members and teatards – and stir the lefties out of their post- Chris Christie funk. Instead of fapping to photos of Barry while tearfully remembering Election Nite '08, now we lefties finally have something to be pissed off at.

    Gov. Douche is nearing the point of no return. The Capitol building is filled with pissed off people, mass layoffs are about to begin, and yet he won't blink.

    It's obviously time to dress like a wizard and go batshit insane on national teevee.

  26. MinAgain

    Indeed. When God is raining destruction down on a place called Christchurch, you know something ain't right with the world.

  27. Negropolis

    Meanwhile, across the Lake in Automobilia….

    Republican-because-he-had-to-choose Governor Rick Snyder wants no trouble with the unions:

    Snyder: Michigan is not Wisconsin

    Michigan is not like Wisconsin, Gov. Rick Snyder said today as he expressed concern that bills described as anti-union now before the Republican-controlled Legislature could distract from his budget and tax reform agenda.

    "We're two very different states," Snyder said at a news conference when asked if he thought protests in Michigan could reach the level of Wisconsin, where there has been a week of unrest and a legislative impasse over Gov. Scott Walker's plan to restrict the collective bargaining rights of state employees.

    "I believe we should go through the collective bargaining process in terms of our discussion as we ask for concessions" from state employees in Michigan, Snyder said after addressing the Michigan Farm Bureau Lansing Legislative Seminar at the Lansing Center.

    All kinds of Republicans are distancing themselves from this bastard.

    In totally unrelated news, a very, very urban state senator, here, was attacked by a pitbull and fell into his snowblower:

    State Sen. Bert Johnson is recovering at Henry Ford Hospital from injuries he sustained while fending off a pit bull attack in Highland Park on Monday.

    Johnson was snow-blowing the driveway at his home when approached by the dog. He slipped while fending off an attack and his hand got stuck in the snow thrower, according to Andy Mutavdzija, Johnson's legislative director.

    "It came at him and he tried to defend himself, and in doing so he lost his balance, fell and his hand was caught in the moving blades," Mutavdzija said, adding the incident took place at about 3:30 p.m.

    Reached Tuesday afternoon, Johnson said he had never seen the dog before.

    "There's a ban on pit bulls in the city," he said. "He was just sort of walking in my driveway. He surprised me more than anything."

    The dog fled, Johnson said.

    Johnson underwent surgery on his hand and is in good condition, Mutavdzija said.

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