According to Frank Bailey’s leaked tell-all book, Sarah Palin’s inner circle didn’t believe she had a chance at getting the vice-presidential nomination in 2008. That didn’t mean they didn’t think she was right for high executive office; in fact, they worked with and fed information to a college student who ran a Palin-for-president website, and one of her advisors wrote in an e-mail that a McCain-Palin ticket would mop the floor with an Obama-Kathleen Sebelius ticket. But Palin didn’t support John McCain. In the 2008 primaries, her heart was with down-home Mike Huckabee and his popcorn-popper squirrel cuisine. According to the book, Palin voted for Huckabee in the Alaska primary and later supported him to be the McCain ticket’s vice presidential nominee.
So what will happen if Palin wants to run for president now and Huckabee does too? Will she abandon her bid and support him? Well, no, of course not. She will probably treat Huckabee running in 2012 as a personal slight and accuse him of trying to rape her children by being in the race. Yeah, that’s how she comes across in this book.
But perhaps Palin and Huckabee can run on an Arkansas-Alaska hick unity ticket. Rights for none! A plastic grocery bag of caribou and muskrat jerky in every pot! And just as much foreign-policy expertise as the bag of jerky!
{ 146 comments }
The Huckabee/Plain or Palin/Huckabee tickets should read as:
Between the two of us, we are just one giant, greasy turducken of hate. Vote for us!
For the exquisite phrase " Greasy Turducken of Hate", I adore you madly.
I adore you back, truly.
"turducken of hate" is like the new "axis of evil," only with more butter.
Everybody mixes up the two-letter state abbreviations anyway, so this makes perfect sense.
AR-AK-AR-AK-AR-AK is the gagging sound I make when I think about either of these two in office.
"AR-AK" is a clear, colorless, unsweetened anise-flavoured distilled alcoholic Iraqi drink named after the Arabic word for "condensation", so yeah, that sounds about right.
Arak is good, though. These two fools are bad.
AR-AK – hm. Arak is a shortening of Arrakis; it's a warning that a Huckabee-Palin ticket will turn the Earth into a desert planet.
Call out the sand lizards…please!!!
Nerd, please, it's giant sandworms, you fool! WORMS!!!
Hey! That's something we get DRUNK ON where I come from. Damn, can't turn your back on these WASPS wivout them gettin' all up in your cultural relativism.
AR-AK?
Don't we own that now?
Why don't we just call all those terrible states AA, which is where the continued presence of Huckapalin in politics is going to wind me up, eventually.
Biebler as Canadian ambassador.
Ward, I'm worried about the Bieber.
Well for starters Huckabee's rapist pardoning and Palin's making rape victims pay for their own DNA testing go together perfectly. And they both believe in teaching lies to children and violating the separation of Church and State.
Yet she hasn't offered his name as a worthy Presidential contender for the GOP when asked? Hmmmmmmm.
Meh. After Republicans sweep all 3 branches in 2012 there won't be any more rape*
*as officially defined
Only lots and lots of surprise babies, which those pesky wimminz BETTER see as lemonade made out of lemons, 'cause the repugnicants told them to.
We have what we like to call a "lemonade situation."
Well those wimminz should've asked their rapists to use a condom if they didn't want babies.
Sarah – just make sure the dog choking Huckabee boy is not left unsupervised around young Tard.
He'll get along very well with the other psychopathic clan members: Drag, Pillow, Distal, Wiper and Dagger.
Geezus, WHEN are you gonna sit down and write that play about this whole fucking dysfunctional family viewed as a pack of werewolves, or something?
"Ah, rabid evangelical governor with creepy kids? Sounds like someone else. sold!"
Are we having a fish fry? Who brought the tub of lard?
Is it Friday already? I thought that was a Catholic thing…
Push Limplog is coming?
Actually the fish already has enough oil…
They can also fry some cheese for an appetizer and Oreos for dessert. America is ravenous.
Which one of Huckabee's sons gets to unbuckle the Bible Belt and tag Bristol to seal the dea.? Hopefully the one that looks like Dewey Oxburger.
that is the most awful awful awful thing ever.
cheers!
They can run together on the "I don't believe in sciency-things like evolution or gravity" ticket.
Gravity is just a goddamned theory, pal.
Gravity is just god pullin' ya in fer a hug….if yer a sinner, then that's why it hurts and/or kills you
You'd think with the size of Huck's family the gravity thing would be illustrative…daily.
I wonder how they get out of the house? Slingshot out of orbit around the largest Huck???? It works for the Palins big heads.
We must allow our schools to teach Intelligent Falling!
Hardly a revelation.
Huckies brains is turnin to mush from the mad squirrel disease. Truth. He could be another Ronald Reagan.
"one of her advisors wrote in an e-mail that a McCain-Palin ticket would mop the floor with an Obama-Kathleen Sebelius ticket"
Hee hee.
The only thing the Walnuts-Snowbilly Grifter ticket mopped up was the tears (of rage) after being soundly beaten.
In '08, Hopey could've won w/Charles Manson as his running mate, so vast was the general disgust at what Bush had done.
Well, that would've been a way to frighten the rich into tax compliance.
Helter/Skelter '12
I'm sure they called in a Brown to do the mopping.
Jizzmops, the lot of them.
Dude! I just read something from the book that said that Sarah would write letters to the editor, praising herself and use a fake name. That is freaking HILARIOUS! Okay, smart people of Wonkette, what did those letters sound like? Ready, set, go!
Lou Sarah!
Hosni Mubarak?
Dear editors,
T
love,
Parah Salin.
Dear Editor person,
IF YOU EVER BLOOD LIBEL SARAH PALIN I'M COMMING TO YOUR HOUSE TO ASS RAPE YOUR KIDS THEN KILL AND SKIN YOUR DOG AND MAKE YOU EAT IT IN YOUR OWN SHIT!!!!
Sincerly,
Sarah Pal…er.. Palmer.
So just like she did on Facebook, only with the newspapers. Palin may truly be the world's biggest sock-puppeteer.
I wonder if she wrote anonymous celebrity porn featuring herself on usenet too?
Who would be Sarah's fantasy lay, you have to wonder? My guess is finely chiseled faceless men who when their masks are removed prove to be…oh no!…Daddy!
Long Dong Silver
Editor,
I'm writing to say without fear of contradiction and in the most patriotic way that Sarah Palin is the best for families and security of our greatest nation among equals but not as great as our founding fathers wishes for the sanctity of marriage, you know, one man and one woman, guaranteeing our inalienable right to drive snow machines through the heart of small town America, the greatest America the world has ever known because patriotism. Also, too.
Sincerely, Shara Plain
Your fake name made me realize Sarah Palin = Sharia plan.
Unsettling.
And, considering her and Huck's social policies, accurate.
Your alarming discovery must be disseminated throughout the land!
Hello, Drudge….?
Breitbart……?
Anybody…………?
Other anagrams:
Has Anal Rip
Anal Parish
Iran Has Pal
Shara, Plain and Tall?
Bless you Sarah for running and being so gracious and for thanking the lordy lord jesus! AMEN.
Dear Editor,
I was just talking to my husband, Rodd and my daughters Cristoll and Billow and they agree with my son Brack that Palin is doing a great job, you betcha! I hope they catch those negro kids who cut the brakes on those school buses.
She can write?
Lou Sarah is the Michael Scarn of our time.
Great. (Southern Baptist + Pentacostal wingnut) x (GOP Primary + breathless media coverage) = ARMAGEDDON
Allow me to correct your math:
(Southern Baptist + Pentacostal wingnut) x (GOP Primary + breathless media coverage) = Comedy
I think you just left out an element of your intended equation:
(Southern Baptist + Pentacostal wingnut) x (GOP Primary + breathless media coverage + electoral victory) = ARMAGEDDON
Sarah Palin is like a lot of people who want power without having the slightest clue what they would do with it besides fuck over a former brother-in-law.
She reminds me of the 12-year-olds in my guild on Warcraft who all want to become officers but don't even know what that entails!
OMG did I just admit that?
Or the lower deck ensigns that think all we bridge officers do is drink our coffee, uck it up and fire the phasers at space rocks.
Not enough diversity on that ticket. Home states all begin with 'A."Of course, that is all the further Palin can get in the alphabet.
He was the most godly candidate. Betcha' he'd share some fancy donuts with her, too!
It would be cool if they got together and made some kind of miscegenated reality show about Arkansas and Alaska. Maybe with a little Wife Swap and Cops thrown in.
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
"with a little Wife Swap and Cops thrown in" – I think that would be mandatory for any reality show about Arkansas and Alaska.
The show would just write itself. All we need now is a banjo theme song.
I would think it would have to be a Palin/Huckabee ticket instead of a Huckabee/Palin ticket. Everyone knows what happens when the president resigns halfway through the term, but the American people probably aren't familiar enough with basic Civics to know what would happen when the VP calls it quits.
I think the President's supposed to replace the VP with the clumsiest, most bumbling and gaffe-prone Congressman. W.I.N.!
You got there first…
what would happen when the VP calls it quits.
You appoint Gerald Ford?
Mock if you want but I think Ford may be the least embarrassing Republican president in the last 50 years.
I think it more likely that they would fight than co-operate. Baptists classically say speaking in tongues is demon-possession, and Pentecostals think just as highly of Baptists. Anyway, would either of these two would settle for second place?
Sarah was/is a Huckster? Who knew?
If either one of these two wins it's bad news for school lunches. Moose meat or popcorn squirrel.
ArkansASS vs. AlASSka. That's a lot of ass.
I hope Lou Sarah voted for Her at least.
Palin-Huckabee 2012
"Cause if your going to lose at least lose BIG"
Oh please oh please OH PLEASE let them run together. It'll be like a Beavis and Butthead remake, on a shoestring budget.
With more meth.
… and less FIRE… FIRE… hee hee… FIRE!
Well, we knew she wouldn't be supporting Alan Keyes.
You're correct, she isn't one of the 14 people in this country who support Alan Keyes.
In the immortal words of Lou Sarah; "A-fuckin'-men".
Unlike Palin, Huckabee should have no problem faking a pregnancy.
I gulped, then I gasped, then I guffawed!
*Starbursts*
Fox/News 2012!
Of course she did, he was the jesus candidate..except with the uncontrollable appetite.
Huckabee/Graham 2012
Squirrel Biscuits!!
Huckster / Grifter 2012. Finally, some truth in advertising.
You know the GOP Presidential field is getting a little wing-nutty when Huckabee is the moderate, and Mitt Romney is the wild-eyed Marxist.
Alaska-Arkansas – The Axis of Awful
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be petty, will I be a bitch?"
Here’s what she said to me:
Lou Sarah Sarah
Go vote for Mike Huckabee
The truth is all lard, you see
Lou Sarah Sarah
I didn't think Mike Huckabee was Maverick™ enough for Sarah Palin. Only a true Maverick™ could attract the devotion of a Maverick™.
She's not a feminist, so I think it's OK to call her a Maverette™.
No big surprise, bible thumping assholes tend to stick together.
The fun begins when you have to pry them apart with a crowbar.
Judging by what I see in my neighborhood in Arizona, they don't get along that well, given each of them seems to need his or her own church. Not too many megachurches here, just 750,000 different evangelical denominations. My theory involves the tax write-offs on being a "minister." I'm thinking of becoming the head of the Church of Jukes for Je$u$.
Religion is the last stronghold of unregulated laissez-faire capitalism in the US!
In the pic above, Huck is grinning madly and appears to be waving his dick around. I believe that political tactic is referred to in "The Art of War" as "The Charlie Sheen Method."
You think you've seen bitter? Just wait until Huck chooses Meghan McCain as his running mate.
Meghan better prepare to have her hair ripped out.
Who do you think has the bigger boobs, Tits McCain or Huckster?
Mama Grizzly/Papa Gristle 2012
Trig/Tard is smarter than the striped dog-hanging lard buckets of the Huckabee brood.
While it is a stretch to think that anyone can be more cretinously dishonest than Palin (Salamu- 'Alaikum) Huckabee is pretty slimy in a dumb hick kind of way.
Jan Brewer for Secretary of State.
John Bolton
Ambassador to Libya.
"I'm so pleased to accept your nomination to ………………………. [deer-in-the-headlights look] ……………….."
CIA operative in Pakistan
Huck looks like he's "writing in the snow". From the pleased look on McGrifty's face, he knows how to spell "refudiate" – that's one man-sized bladder
“When we talk about health care, we always keep in mind that we are not just talking about saving money or increasing efficiency. We are also talking about providing a higher quality of life. When people are healthy, they miss fewer days of work and get more done. They spend more time at home and less time in doctors’ offices. They can take care of their grandkids. They can play softball…They can get a good night of sleep. ” – Kathleen Sebelius, The Commonwealth Fund’s 12th Annual Symposium on Health Care Policy
"My first five years of life we spent in Skagway, Alaska, right there by Whitehorse. Believe it or not – this was in the '60s – we used to hustle on over the border for health care that we would receive in Whitehorse. I remember my brother, he burned his ankle in some little kid accident thing and my parents had to put him on a train and rush him over to Whitehorse and I think, isn't that kind of ironic now. Zooming over the border, getting health care from Canada." – Sarah Palin, post-quitting halfway through her first term as Governor of Alaska
I do wonder what the debates will be like, with Huck and Palin both trying to be Jesusier that the other.
Whichever can claim the most Tweets from Jeebus wins. Facebook hits are too easily manipulated. Or so says Snow Whitetrash's bff Lou.
Needz moar subliminal crucifixes.
Is he waving his Huckadick at the Alaskunt in that photo?
Huckabee / Masturbating Muskrat in 2012!
The photo mashup on this thread is ultra-perfect low-tech photoshop.
Huck reminds me of the guy that worked at the small filling station in my hometown. He always had grease on his fingers and he leered at the women.
And when he told a joke he'd always say "Did ya get it? Did ya? Did ya?"
Well of course she voted for Huckabee in the primaries, it was the closest she could get to voting for herself before she was on the ballot…herself. Also.
Which is which?
I am suspecting they are indistinguishable, don't really want to know. Appetite gone forever now, I should not have gone there.
shudder
of course
cue the violin
FNC controlled media from Tiberias
Huckabee, Israel's Neocon Huckster
Alex Jones, is that you?
This isn't good news for John McCain!
Holy shit Wonkette just got cited as the source for the fake facebook account story on MSNBC. Nice work guys.
Awesome; I knew Maddow was a fan, but not that any of the folks at the news portion of the network were reading (though I doubt that they read the comments).
Excellent. Now to uncover the joint Palin – Huckabee facebook account under the name of Loudale Huckakunt
"She will probably treat Huckabee running in 2012 as a personal slight and accuse him of trying to rape her children by being in the race."
Along with accusing him of hating retarded babies – IN PUBLIC. Then she'll quietly go and vote for him, because if she had to go through one day of the actual work, stress and responsibility involved in being president (or even VP), her head would explode. Even she knows this, dumb as she is. She wants the fame and fortune and free clothes, but not the work. Then she can go on to her talking head gig at Faux News, where she doesn't have to be bothered with real work or talking to anyone who disagrees with her or those pesky facts everyone gets mad at her for making up and not checking.
She can do the George Bush TV stuff and Huck can do that actual (mis)management from the vice-presidential Cheney bunker!
Are you sure that's a purity ring and not a cock ring?
I can't really hate on Huck, since unlike Mittens and Snowbilly, he actually TRIED to be a good governor.
Ironically, Palin and Huckabee's existence proves god does not exiat.
They cannot run on the same ticket as the Constitution says the President and Vice President have to be residents of different states. Huck and Sarah both reside deep in Dumbfuckistan.
For the perfect letter "A" trifecta:
Arkansas: Huck – Prez
Alaska: Palin – Veep
Alabama: Jeff Sessions – Minister of Propaganda and Church/State Unification
Damn you, you are right! Slinks away. Head down. I must need coffee. I know I need a cig (stopped smoking and it's hell).
It's OK, man. Not worth giving water for the dead over, know what I mean?
Comments on this entry are closed.