SCIENCE RULES 12:05 pm February 21, 2011

University of Arizona Creating ‘Civility Institute’ To End Politics Forever

The University of Arizona has a website, where you can find out “more” about its academics. Like this: It lists two separate “Dance” departments, but only has a single, combined “French And Italian” department. Oh, and they also have a “School of Dance” on top of it all. But if there’s one academic concentration that can distract them from all that dancing, it’s a good gimmick, so they’re setting up a “Civility Institute” where scientists can breed rats to type APPLAUSE LINES on OBAMA’S JUMBOTRON or whatever. Who did they sign up to be the honorary chairmen of this new initiative, probably without asking them first? Why, Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush! Because of this important, very promising initiative, politics will cease to exist, everyone will agree on everything, and we will all go through life with the slight taste of arsenic in our mouths. Boo politics! Hooray academia! No famous person will ever get shot again!

The University of Arizona — whose Tucson campus President Obama used for his nationwide address on civility after the shooting of Representative Gabrielle Giffords last month — will announce on Monday that it is establishing an institute to promote compromise among opposing political parties and views, the organization’s director said on Sunday. [...]
Dr. Milward said the institute would focus on political disagreements “from the grass roots all the way to the top.”

Is “Civility Institute” really the best name for it, though? Just throwing this out there, but we kind of like the ring of “political-science department.” Not sure what “political science” means, but it sounds good!

It’s about time academics did something about this whole “disagreements” thing, right? Since when did humans start disagreeing with each other? Seems weird for billions of intelligent, independent-minded beings to do such a thing. But it also definitely seems like something that can be solved by a token few tenured old people in a small conference room in the desert. Good work! [NYT]

86 comments

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{ 86 comments }

nounverb911 February 21, 2011 at 12:08 pm

OK, but will the students be allowed to carry their second amendments to class?

Negropolis February 22, 2011 at 1:08 am: In Texas, they soon will.

nounverb911 February 21, 2011 at 12:10 pm

“Civility Institute”
North vs South?

Steverino247 February 21, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Greta's on this thing? Shit, she's part of the problem!

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2011 at 6:03 pm: And she will continue to be as long as her second job is providing public relations for Sarah Palin.
i_AM_ready February 21, 2011 at 6:31 pm: Yeah nothing says "civility" like a hatchet-faced Fox News hack.

But my favorite appointee is Sandra Day O'Connor, who (with her 4 fellow Republicans on the Supreme Court) gave us President George Bush, who gave us Karl Rove, who gave us bans on gay marriage as a tactic to win reelection, albeit at the cost of stirring up hate against gay people. Very civil.

But Sandra got her comeuppance. Rehnquist went senile and sort of unintentionally tricked her into retiring early when he got cancer. So now she's so desperate for attention, O'Connor will show up at your house for dinner if you hang a pork chop in the window.

Glad you're not enjoying your retirement, Sandy Baby. Have fun with yet another stupid commission.

Blendergoathead February 21, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Arizona needs a "civility institute" like it needs a hole in the… um, never mind.

cheaphits February 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Bringing Civility to Civics is like bringing tractors to dance class.

genxr February 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm: In Texas high school, we used to call that "Homecoming"

SorosBot February 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Fuck civility hard, in the ass, with a bat with nails sticking out of it.

Really, media, your twisting "people (we'll be general and ignore that it was overwhelmingly the right-wingers) should stop using rhetoric that incites violence" to "people shouldn't say mean things about their political opponents, even if they're true" is somewhat despicable.

horsedreamer_1 February 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Everyone should know Government, left, right, or unlabelled*, is a Sanctum Santorum.

*This comment paid for by Bloomberg-Scarbourough 2012. Marty Peretz, Treasurer.

SorosBot February 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Dan Savage's blood libel of Santorum's name to make it mean santorum is just as bad as Palin's rifle-target map! – David Broder

bumfug February 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Sure it is, that's all some madman needs to set him off and go fuck Rick in the ass.

SorosBot February 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm: I think a closed public bathroom door is all any man needs to fuck Rick in the ass.

trampndirtdown February 21, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Speaking of wrinkly assholes isn't David Broder dead yet? And if not why not?

lulzmonger February 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Media twits know they're being scum but could care less. Nor do they care that they're sending society's lowest common denominator spiraling down like a bird with one wing shot off.

The truth hurts, as do many other premium antiseptics.
Too wussy to take a sting? ENJOY YOUR GANGRENE.

GOPCrusher February 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Seriously, I saw a post on Yahoo over the weekend about the Wisconsin protests, claiming that the protests were further proof that the Left ignored Obama's Call For Civility.
I guess to the Wingnuts, laying there and taking it is considered civility.

Negropolis February 22, 2011 at 1:10 am

This "they both do it" shit will be the death of us. We don't need a "civility institute". We need right-wing fundies to knock it the hell off, already.

When PETA starts shooting food processing execs at their churches, the ELF starts burning down occupied Hummer dealerships in the middle of the day, etc…then we can talk.

Callyson February 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Right. Because the best way to deal with extremist wingnuts is to *compromise* with them.
That worked well after 9.11: the Democrats and Republicans came together to fight terrorism, and did not use it as a political football…
Um, OK, so it did not work that time, but in 2008 when the economy imploded, we got together to create bipartisan solutions to fix the structural problems…
Er, UofA, are you *sure* about this?

edgydrifter February 21, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Since the institute is in Tucson, I'm guessing the solutions will mostly be peyote-based.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 21, 2011 at 12:55 pm: Is that a new model of Glock?

baconzgood February 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Ladies and Gentlemen….We now have a NEW definition to the word IRONY.

AngryBlakGuy February 21, 2011 at 12:18 pm

….@Jack Stuefs:

Political Science = Cant get a date on Saturday night
Liberal Arts = Moving back home with my parents after graduation

Angry_Marmot February 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm: Shit! I am well and truly unfucked!
sati_demise February 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm: Dance major= Pilobolous!

metamarcisf February 21, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Sheriff Joe may have something to contribute to this, as soon as he gets done machine gunning all the illegal terror anchor babies clogging up the emergency rooms in Maricopa County.

memzilla February 21, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Those students who are accepted will be of the highest calib — er, standing, I'm sure. Academic achievement will be their targ — er, goal.

elviouslyqueer February 21, 2011 at 12:20 pm

So if students at the Civility Institute say things like "Fuck Jan Brewer and Joe Arpaio," do they get an A or an F? I haz a confuse.

genxr February 21, 2011 at 12:26 pm

They get a C- for lack of effort. You really have to go the extra mile and describe in detail precisely how and with what farm implements they should be fucked.

bagofmice February 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm: True. You have to EARN those rusty pitchforks.

mourningnmerica February 21, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Best.

DustBowlBlues February 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

And the terrorism center at the Murrah Building Memorial put an end to militias, public employee bashing and domestic terrorism.

Only one question remains on this institute: carry law is a given, of course, but it will be conceal/carry or will the students be allowed to wear their six gun holsters. Gunfight at the OK Corral!

HistoriCat February 21, 2011 at 12:46 pm: Speaking of carry laws …

I've been toying with the idea of demanding the state legislature make it illegal for companies to prohibit workers from carrying firearms into their place of employment. After all, I need to protect myself if someone flips out and starts shooting people.

Let the collision of gun-carrying fetishism and business-friendly legislators play out.

genxr February 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

The topic for their first roundtable discussion: "Us vs Them: Who is to Blame?"

They are compiling a list of political insults for research purposes. Please contribute.

SheriffRoscoe February 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

French and Italian. Let's see, wine, espresso, cigarettes, accordion music, home to at least a couple of popes.

Class dismissed.

Crank_Tango February 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm: I was thinking of applying to said French and Italian department, seeing as how I lived just four streets away from the U of A…so this all just cuts a little too close to home. and of course, too soon.

Amaravilha February 21, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Can we embalm David Broder and put his body in a permanent dunk tank there?

baconzgood February 21, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Ummmm…..Too little too late Arizonia.

Troubledog February 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

If the people in Arizona are so smart, how come all the school textbooks come from Texas?

horsedreamer_1 February 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Bill Clinton just wants some of that prime UA coed 'tang.

HistoriCat February 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm: Today we are all Bill Clinton.

Oblios_Cap February 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm

But it also definitely seems like something that can be solved by a token few tenured old people in a small conference room in the desert

Sorta like a reverse Manhattan Project.

It's good to have tenure, or so I hear.

LittlePedro February 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm

What a great idea by such a prestigious institution! Is Brisket Palin teaching any courses?

FNMA February 21, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Macro-Canard 101: Intro to Canard is a prerequisite

bagofmice February 21, 2011 at 2:04 pm: Talk about ducking the issue.

MrFizzy February 21, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Hilarious!

Fare la Volpe February 21, 2011 at 12:40 pm

This is right up there with the institute for Happyology and Youth for Western Civilization as "Organization most likely to be a cult."

SorosBot February 21, 2011 at 12:57 pm: I saw elsewhere the "Youth for Western Civilization" group is big on the "illegal immigrant" anti-Latino racism. Apparently someone needs to give these guys a map.

Badonkadonkette February 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Hey Jack, Dr. Milward called, and he said if you don't like his Civility Institute you can go fuck yourself.

SudsMcKenzie February 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

"Class, … CLASS, … thank you. In this session Bristol will teach you how to both, keep your feet on the ground, AND keep reaching for the Stars!!, 5, 6, 7, 8 …"

Oblios_Cap February 21, 2011 at 12:53 pm: Lesson 1 – Keeping Your Knees Together.
trampndirtdown February 21, 2011 at 9:41 pm: Even when jumping that sow keeps both feet on the ground.

el_donaldo February 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

An academic version of "No Labels"? Well, it could have been worse. I'm sure if they left it up to statewide vote, the teabaggers would mandate weapons training and concealed permits for all undergraduates, and that would make grading a bit trickier, among other things.

DerrickWildcat February 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

To be fair, French and Italian are dying languages and pretty much sound like the same thing. Just grunts, tongue clicks and pops.

Angry_Marmot February 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I could stand to hear more about the tonguing and grunting. It's a slow day here.

bagofmice February 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Just wait until you get to the clicks and pops. I hear Violet Wands can be quite entertaining.

Angry_Marmot February 21, 2011 at 6:37 pm: "New technology permits us to do very exciting things in interactive, erotic software. Wave of the future, Dude: 100 percent electronic."
"Hm. Well, I still jerk off manually."

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Forget languages. The important thing to Arizonans is that Italy gave us the Olive Garden.

MinAgain February 21, 2011 at 12:44 pm

I want a "Lying My Ass Off in Public: A Primer" Institute, so more people can recognize bullshit when they hear it.

baconzgood February 21, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I was able to find a syllabus for one of the classes at the Civility Institute.
Week 1) Hiding your Racism.
Week 2) Telling a dirty Mexican from a dirty Latino-American
Week 3) Q: Was the Japanese internment a good thing? A: HELLS YES!!
Week 4) Joe Arpaio OUR hero
Week 5) Kill 'em all and let God Sort it out.
Week 6) Minuteman vs. Michigan militia who's right?
etc etc

littlebigdaddy February 21, 2011 at 12:47 pm

so, wait, is this the one that has all the campuses in the strip malls, or the other one?

Crank_Tango February 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

U of A has an actual collegey campus [applause].

seppdecker February 21, 2011 at 1:22 pm

For drinking, running naked for Axe Body Spray promos and semi-pro sports.

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2011 at 6:05 pm

No, that's Arizona STATE University. The University OF Arizona is the one that pretends to have quality academics while actually spending all its money on basketball.

trampndirtdown February 21, 2011 at 9:43 pm: Bloood Libel, I'm pretty sure they spend a lot more money on football.

fuflans February 21, 2011 at 12:59 pm

"Seems weird for billions of intelligent, independent-minded beings to do such a thing…"

jack where are these billions? we could use them in WI right now…

Redhead February 21, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I think he means solving disagreements with words instead of guns/crosshairs/"reload" rhetoric/temper tantrums.

kissawookiee February 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm

The School of Dance building does have probably the coolest architecture on campus. I'm hoping for a Civility Institute building that is a post-modern riff on the classic 1972 conversation pit.

MrFizzy February 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Right next to the Michael Vick school of Veterinary Science.

seppdecker February 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

They really fumbled a great opportunity for endowment dollars. Should've gone with the Cindy "Trollop" McCain Institute of Civility.

genxr February 21, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Civility 101: Giving Republicans everything they want without question.
Civility 102: Shut up, that's why!

Class dismissed.

gullywompr February 21, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Lifesaving For Gay Latino Interns 101.

UPDATE: cancelled due to lack of students with prerequisites.

hagajim February 21, 2011 at 1:54 pm

C'mon people – this is Arifuckingzona…these folks will be civil to one another until an argument breaks out over what civility means…and that's when the Glocks come out.

sati_demise February 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm: you can't spell crazy without AZ!

SorosBot February 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Why would the man who gave us Lee Atwater and the racist Willie Horton ads be considered to head the civility institute?

Jukesgrrl February 21, 2011 at 5:59 pm

He's so old, he can't remember he did that?

Rotundo_ February 21, 2011 at 6:25 pm: Of course George the foist can remember he did that, but that was just politics and a justifiable means to an end: He's so civil that he wouldn't mention that dirty little pile off in the corner. Just like Dubya wouldn't go hang with Scalia, Alito and "Silent Clarence"; it's unseemly.

proudgrampa February 21, 2011 at 2:40 pm