Michelle Obama is (still) really grossed out by all the fat people in this country, and she will do anything to make them go away. She will build salad bars in every school cafeteria and throw all the chocolate-chip muffins in the toilet, as your children watch in horror. She will be the new greeter at the Wal-Mart, from now on, guarding the Hostess aisle, and letting Bo pee on anyone whose grocery cart contains over 25 grams of fat. These are drastic measures, but Michelle knows that she must do more to stop Americans from pumping themselves full of lard, because we are a determined people, and in these dismal times lard-pumping is what we do best. So our FLOTUS has decided to focus her anti-obesity efforts on babies, because they’re too helpless to fight back. And the full-grown babies of Minnesota and Alaska are none too pleased.
Earlier this month, after our FLOTUS told reporters that she would promote breastfeeding as part of her anti-obesity campaign, the IRS aligned itself with Team FLOTUS by announcing that breast pumps and other breastfeeding supplies are eligible for tax breaks.
Ms. Bachmann lashed out at the campaign on Tuesday on Laura Ingraham’s radio show, saying that it reflected a “hard left” position that “government is the answer to everything.”
While noting that she had breast-fed the five children she gave birth to, Ms. Bachmann said, “To think that government has to go out and buy my breast pump — You want to talk about nanny state, I think we just got a new definition.”
Michele Bachmann was probably disappointed that no one laughed at her “nanny state” joke, because everyone was just too horrified by the disgusting image of five living beings violently shooting out of her lady parts. Unfortunately, yet not unsurprisingly, Michele Bachmann is wrong — our FLOTUS will not be personally delivering breast pumps door-to-door.
Ms. Bachmann was wrong that Mrs. Obama wants the government to pay for breast pumps; the I.R.S. would simply allow people to deduct breast-feeding expenses if they itemize, or use the pre-tax dollars in their medical savings accounts to pay for pumps.
And the federal government is now one of the biggest buyers of baby formula, through its nutritional programs for women and infant children. So giving a tax break for breast-feeding might actually help reduce government spending, as Ms. Bachmann advocates.
An important voice seems to be missing from this discussion. Where is America’s #1 Mom on Boob Wars 2011? Ah, yes:
By Thursday — perhaps, again, inevitably — Sarah Palin had weighed in. “No wonder Michelle Obama is telling everybody, ‘You better breast-feed your baby,’ ” she said at a speech on Long Island. “Yeah, you’d better, because the price of milk is so high right now.”
Thank you, Sarah! Now we know that the Palin children are simply what happens when you feed your offspring discounted strawberry Milk Chug from the Wasilla dollar store. [NYT]
Blair Burke (firstname.lastname@example.org) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.