That's MRS. Flotus to you...Michelle Obama is (still) really grossed out by all the fat people in this country, and she will do anything to make them go away. She will build salad bars in every school cafeteria and throw all the chocolate-chip muffins in the toilet, as your children watch in horror. She will be the new greeter at the Wal-Mart, from now on, guarding the Hostess aisle, and letting Bo pee on anyone whose grocery cart contains over 25 grams of fat. These are drastic measures, but Michelle knows that she must do more to stop Americans from pumping themselves full of lard, because we are a determined people, and in these dismal times lard-pumping is what we do best. So our FLOTUS has decided to focus her anti-obesity efforts on babies, because they’re too helpless to fight back. And the full-grown babies of Minnesota and Alaska are none too pleased.

Earlier this month, after our FLOTUS told reporters that she would promote breastfeeding as part of her anti-obesity campaign, the IRS aligned itself with Team FLOTUS by announcing that breast pumps and other breastfeeding supplies are eligible for tax breaks.

Ms. Bachmann lashed out at the campaign on Tuesday on Laura Ingraham’s radio show, saying that it reflected a “hard left” position that “government is the answer to everything.”

While noting that she had breast-fed the five children she gave birth to, Ms. Bachmann said, “To think that government has to go out and buy my breast pump — You want to talk about nanny state, I think we just got a new definition.”

Michele Bachmann was probably disappointed that no one laughed at her “nanny state” joke, because everyone was just too horrified by the disgusting image of five living beings violently shooting out of her lady parts. Unfortunately, yet not unsurprisingly, Michele Bachmann is wrong — our FLOTUS will not be personally delivering breast pumps door-to-door.

Ms. Bachmann was wrong that Mrs. Obama wants the government to pay for breast pumps; the I.R.S. would simply allow people to deduct breast-feeding expenses if they itemize, or use the pre-tax dollars in their medical savings accounts to pay for pumps.

And the federal government is now one of the biggest buyers of baby formula, through its nutritional programs for women and infant children. So giving a tax break for breast-feeding might actually help reduce government spending, as Ms. Bachmann advocates.

An important voice seems to be missing from this discussion. Where is America’s #1 Mom on Boob Wars 2011? Ah, yes:

By Thursday — perhaps, again, inevitably — Sarah Palin had weighed in. “No wonder Michelle Obama is telling everybody, ‘You better breast-feed your baby,’ ” she said at a speech on Long Island. “Yeah, you’d better, because the price of milk is so high right now.”

Thank you, Sarah! Now we know that the Palin children are simply what happens when you feed your offspring discounted strawberry Milk Chug from the Wasilla dollar store. [NYT]

Blair Burke ( obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

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  • Barbara_i

    I've seen Palin's brood and I just couldn't get drunk enough to want to breast feed them.
    By the way, Sarah named Oct 07 "Breast Feeding Awareness" month in Alaska. Nice try, bitch.

    • SorosBot

      Being breastfed while drunk may be what made the Palin brood what they are.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I misread that as "beast feed", which seems altogether appropriate.

      • Negropolis


        Beast feed, eh? Sounds painful.

  • EdFlintstone

    If only Michelle Obama wasn't so controversial with such issues as eating healthy, exercise and now breast feeding.

    • exactly. though i do remember the uproar over Laura Bush's promotion of literacy, and the government's intrusion into our children's stupidity.
      no i don't.

      • OC_Surf_Serf

        and not a stink about Barbara Bush's National Campaign to Jar and Store Fresh Fetuses…oh wait.

        • Beowoof

          I am sure that stunk all by itself.

        • kissawookiee

          Nothing says American Boot-Strappin' Self Determination like putting up fetuses for the winter, just like Ma did in the first three Little House books.

      • Negropolis

        And who the hell was Nancy Reagan to insert her government into my illegal drugging? Who the fuck she think she is?

  • “To think that government has to go out and buy my breast pump"

    Get in line. I'm still waiting for my government refund tax credit check for my double-headed glow in the dark three speed dildo.

    • yyyaz

      Diesel or hybrid?

  • mereoblivion

    B.O. has a plaque on the Oval Office wall with that wonderful quote from Thoreau: I love a broad margin to my wife.
    What a guy!

  • i'm going to double down and promote further tax breaks for the sterilization of 'teh crazy.'

  • SorosBot

    So now the Republicans' reflexively-oppose-everything-the-Obamas-support posture has them against a tax deduction. Why do they want to RAISE TAXES on America's moms?

    • ChessieNefercat

      I tell you, I'm completely baffled as to what FLOTUS could possibly support that the republicans wouldn't object to. I would like to hear her come out against abortion just to see republibagger heads explode.

  • fuflans


    • Yes! Page views, here we come. Two of our favorite items in one post: feeding and boobs.

  • Crank_Tango

    Well i will breast-feed Bristol and Willow, at any rate. Or I will do what I can, I mean.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Me-ow. CAT FIGHT!

    Bachmann & Palin are dumb cunts. The.End.

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus H. breastfeeding Christ. These loathsome assholes are actually making me start to hate elephants. Grow up, "ladies". Sheeesh!

  • [slow clap]

  • SexySmurf

    Bachmann and Palin are just upset because no one wants to suck on their titties.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Yet they accept people to kiss their ass.

    • krazyvladimir

      I'd have to disagree……. you are forgetting about Beck

      • ChessieNefercat

        Oh, God, barf, barf, barf, brain bleach emergency!

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, I hear that all that pours out of them are bitterness, wrath, and self-importance. If I want that, I'll just go drink a Zima.

  • PsycWench

    When we had our first child, my husband and I couldn't believe that the insurance company wouldn't cover a breast pump, even though the evidence suggested that it would save them money in the long run (we shouldn't have been surprised because they also wouldn't pay for most birth control). A little governmental interference would be a good thing.

    • HistoriCat

      Health insurers don't care about the long run. They figure you will either have moved to another job or your employer will have switched insurance companies. Plus, the people making these decisions are only concerned about their immediate budget/revenue numbers – have to make sure you get your executive bonus you know.

  • baconzgood

    Boobs on boobs.

    (This comment is 100% snark free)

  • The "Bitch Sisters" Palin/Bachmann will say and do anything, including contradicting their previous positions to argue with and discredit the Obamas…isn't that what made America great?

    Or was Ronald Reagan?

    …Dick Cheney?

    Maybe Vitter, Foley…the list goes on and on, don't it?

    • Negropolis

      I was just thinking about David Vitter while washing dishes the other day for absolutely no reason, and it just made me angry. What in the hell would he have to do to not get re-elected out of Louisiana? Honestly?

      Sorry about the lack of snark, but when you can hire a hooker to change your dirty diapers and still get re-elected, well, that takes care of the joke, right there. Not really much to add.

  • PsycWench

    Wonder if the weekend troll will demand tax breaks on medical supplies related to over-posting-related carpal tunnel syndrome.

  • Redhead

    "By Thursday — perhaps, again, inevitably — Sarah Palin had weighed in. “No wonder Michelle Obama is telling everybody, ‘You better breast-feed your baby,’ ” she said at a speech on Long Island. “Yeah, you’d better, because the price of milk is so high right now.”"

    Isn't that common sense? If formula is expensive, try breast feeding? Only in Palin-world would that be a bad thing.

    • freakishlywrong

      Milk is expensive because of the soshalist policies of the Kenyan in Chief, don't cha' know.

      • genxr

        Anchor babies are driving up the price of milk!

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Funny, but as the person who does all the grocery shopping for my family, I have only noticed small fluctuations, both up and down, in the price of milk over the last ten years or so.

        I posit that Bachman hasn't a fucking clue about how much a gallon of milk costs.

        • yyyaz

          You had me at "Bachmann hasn't a fucking clue." Any additions are superfluous.

  • Blendergoathead

    At first I was surprised that I had never known Bachmann had actually procreated, but then it made sense… she would never let anything possibly steal the spotlight from her own crazy self, because she's a total attention whore (even moreso than the snowbilly).

  • mavenmaven

    Let's read this right. They are protesting her "black nanny" state. No one of "their kind" has the right to tell the gentry anything.

    • vulpes82

      I think you mean the "Mammy" state.

    • Well duh. You don't see Michele Bachman complaining about gubmint handouts when she's get'n dem fat farm subsidy checks or the support checks for her 23 foster kids. Nope thems the good programs ie. the ones that benefit her.

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    When will Michelle come out with a speech that the Republicans must, must, must take big gulps of clean air? When? How about today.

    • kissawookiee

      Or bathe regularly. Because you know who don't bathe regularly? The Communist French, that's who.

  • memzilla

    I guess we know where the lobbyist dollars from Hoveround, Lard Rover, and Booty Scooter are going.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I assume Sara only used half her breast's.

    • DashboardBuddha

      I know why Sarah's kids are such grasping little turds. Sarah would start breastfeeding them, but quit midway through leaving the little buggers always hungry.

  • baconzgood

    Hey Chisel face Shelly and Sarah! Why do you hate titties so much?

  • freakishlywrong

    The only plus side to our librul media getting one of these retards elected President is at least disagreement with/disparaging the President will become treasonous again.

  • DashboardBuddha

    When will Bachmann Palin Overdone go tits up?

  • KevoTron

    What does Justin Bieber think about this? Once he weighs in I'll take sides.

  • nounverb911

    According to Bachmann, fat people die sooner, therefore use less social security and help fight the deficit.

  • philpjfry

    Makes me want to move far away….maybe Neptune

  • DashboardBuddha

    Hey, wait a minute. Didn't our Federal Government give rebates to people who bought digital antennas when we made the switch from analog?

    • kissawookiee

      Was that needed to keep America's seniors hooked up with their daily hit of Beck? There, I just answered your question for you.

  • Beowoof

    They haven't yet perfected the diet that will allow boobs to dispense trans-fat, flavored with corn syrup from the American breast, thus Bachman and Snowdrift Snookie no likee.

  • fartknocker

    Everytime Bachmann and Palin speak my hot, gorgeous 49 year old wife whispers in my ear that "those two bitches are stupid and could care less about our daughter or her ability to reproduce." We then laugh and hope they run for president while we worry about paying for our daughter's higher education.

    In closing, STFU Michele and Sarah. Michelle O has done more to advance concerns over obesity of children than you two dumbshits have ever produced. I have no idea of what motivates these two women to be stupid and unable to respect the First Lady but they do. Shut your pieholes bitches.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    I know it will curdle the milk in your refrigerator but has anyone actually checked to see if Michelle Dumber-than-doorstop and Sarah She-who-should-not-be-named-in-polite-company are really female? Sounds to me that they are going against their own gender (I'd say "sex" but in their cases I don't want to think about that) by fighting against breast feeding. Maybe they both are really males. Could one of them be a returning Larry Craig? Maybe Ann Coulter could do the checking.

    • SorosBot

      There's a lot of money for the anti-feminist women who oppose the rights of other women.

      • LetUsBray

        Just like there are approximately 11 African-American Rethuglicans in the entire country, but every single one of them has his own talk show, syndicated column, or seat on the Supreme Court.

    • zhubajie

      That might explain Todd and the hookers.

  • hagajim

    I think that FLOTUS could make a comment about it being a nice sunny day and these two whoreragers would bitch about how the gubmint it taking over the sun….stupid bitches. When is the nanny state going to start subsidizing my condoms dammit!

  • Callyson

    Tax breaks are a hard left position now?
    Time for a new SAT question: conservatism is to insanity as —— is to ——

    • ChessieNefercat

      Stupid : : Stupid does?

  • Winnie_Cooper

    To quote Colin Firth: "… and tits."

  • sezme

    What Bachmann actually said: "I breast-fed all of my five children. Sometimes all at the same time!"

    • genxr

      A five-breasted Bachmonster is not an image I planned to have in my head today. Thanks.

    • Negropolis

      Like a punch of suckling piglets. Ewww.

  • I'm so glad to see a Michele Bachmann post because it gives me an opportunity to reference, in which she is compared unfavorably to Nicole Minetti.

    And I'd do Michele.

  • wokeupliberal

    I'm starting to get the daily news and the Onion mixed up. My local independent rag had Bachmann and Palin on breastfeeding, a state representative saying that God would not let coal fired plants hurt the earth, and my state legislature debating whether the weight of bong water should count in the amount of drugs someone is charged with possessing. This is all going to end with Auntie Em waking me up, right?

  • qwerty42

    The "hard left" is in favor of breast feeding? Is this the position of the Third International? So when does this hard left storm the Winter Palace?

    • ChessieNefercat

      "So when does this hard left storm the Winter Palace? "
      With boobs a-flying and milk a-spraying?

    • zhubajie

      I wish they would.

  • PublicLuxury

    Jeez, you guys don't even unnerstand nothin'. Titty milk don't come in chalklet.

  • deanbooth

    Palin just could not pass up the chance to talk about boobs, like Jimmy Duranti talking about his nose.

  • Of course Bachmann doesn't think the government should pay for (or extend tax breaks to) poor ladies breast pumps. Doesn't everybody have hundreds of thousands of socialism dollars in farm subsidies to buy those pricey contraptions?

  • Negropolis

    Obama and his family are so black…"How black are they?"…they are so black that they can make Republicans support tax increases, god bless 'em.

    Malia and Sasha already have said that they like Glee. God can only hope that the "Real" Americans have heard this and ferry this abomination straight to hell. Oh, and while they are at it, can they take the "Real" Housewives of Wherever-and-Allover with them?

  • Negropolis

    They are just pissed that Michelle Obama has more class in her ass than they do in their entire (host) bodies.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    “No wonder Michelle Obama is telling everybody, ‘You better breast-feed your baby,’ ” she said at a speech on Long Island. “Yeah, you’d better, because the price of milk is so high right now.”

    Late to the game, but gosh, gotta point it out – Wasilla Valley area milk producers demand the government 'create a market for them,' without considering it a hand-out, or else in their pride they'll slaughter their cows. Their milk in turn, comes to us in the grocery store as much as $11 a gallon. Same to be said of heating fuel.

    So, thanks Sarah, our former multi-tasking half-term Governor of a socialist nanny state that floats an empirically free market loser in the dairy industry and an oil producing state that charges its residents the most for their thirsty fungible commodities. Go Iron Dog!

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