the master crazy at work

Glenn Beck: Wisconsin Unions Want a UN Caliphate, Or Something


OMG, you guys, Glenn Beck loves the nation-state so much. It is his favorite kind of world order. But according to his latest airtight theory, the United Nations, Wisconsin protestors, and Muslim Brotherhood are all in communication with each other about overthrowing the nature of international governance by making a single, Marxist, Islamist world government that respects human rights and freedom according to the resolutions of the UN. That may seem contradictory, but Glenn Beck is always right, so let’s listen to him. World politics sure does make for strange bedfellows, after all. In the minds of crazy people. Somebody’s going to be holding the Treaties of Westphalia close tonight!

It’s so funny how unions have had political power in this country for years and only now want a world communist government!

Oh, and it sounds like Fox News has yet another location for Egypt!

“And apparently help from Google as well—at least in Europe, or I mean, I’m sorry, in Egypt.”

Related video

Yeah, Iraq, New York, Europe—same thing. [TPM via chascates]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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225 comments

    1. Crank_Tango

      i don't think anything could keep me from wanting a delicious, delicious falafel right now. I mean loofa. whatever.

      1. elviouslyqueer

        Coincidentally, I just finished off a lovely falafel sandwich. And when, inevitably, said sandwich gets extruded from my lower intestine, I shall think of Glenn Beck and smile.

    2. Redhead

      I agree that Beck's doing something with tin foil, but I think it has a little less to do with wearing hats and a little more to do with something that rhymes with hoking hrack.

  1. mereoblivion

    He could while away the hours
    Conferrin' with the flowers
    Consultin' with the rain
    And his head he'd be scratchin'
    While his thoughts were busy hatchin' . . .

    1. trondant

      So his underwear is wrapped around his neck, or he uses his asshole for a brain?

      Probably both, come to think of it.

  2. freakishlywrong

    This awful, pink goblin sounds crazier than any ranter I ever heard on the double R in New York.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Remember back in The Day if you heard a person talking to her or himself you just figured that, unfortunately, it was another nutcase?

      Now you have to first look at the ears for a Bluetooth headset…

      1. jim89048

        As a kid growing up in San Francisco, there was this one black crackpot down on Market St. that was always talking to god on a rotary phone. Long before Bluetooths (Blueteeth?) or cellphones, so we knew he was the real deal.

    2. x111e7thst

      That awful pink goblin would not last long on the RR. Not even on today's polite, well-mannered variant.

  3. SorosBot

    Well the protests in the Middle East and Middle West are both directed against corrupt corporate cronies, but there's not many other similarities.

    1. Weenus299

      I'm sure they've seen Happy Days and That 70s Show reruns on Al-Whatsatta or whatever tee vee channel those people get over there in Egypt or France or Iraq.

  4. PsycWench

    I repeat my resolution from yesterday: I am not clicking on that link and ruining my mood by listening to whatever that guy's name is.

      1. GOPCrusher

        And wasn't it George H.W. Bush that first said that America was part of the New World Order? And didn't Barry just give G.H.W. Bush a Medal of Freedom?
        Coincidence?

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Perhaps this claim will finally get the working class union members off Faux News constant news feed. On second thought, probably not. Stoopid stays retarded.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Problem is, most of the unions have been run out of business already, so union membership among FOX viewers is probably already pretty low. :(

  5. AngryBlakGuy

    …I'm not a mental health professional; but seriously guys, doesn't someone reach a point in their psychosis where everyone just identifies them as the "crazy guy" and then starts to avoid making eye contact with them?! It is pretty bad when I think the homeless guy that wreaks of feces and urine @ the local gas station makes more sense than you?!

        1. Dashboard_Jesus

          no don't go postal on us my brotha, those USPS workers are fine union members, and they DO deliver the mail, which is really all we ask of them

    1. DustBowlBlues

      The guy across the street from the Bon Marche in Seattle who used to beat his umbrella on the No. 5 bus and scream his complaints had far more reason to be angry that this nut case.

    2. marinmaven

      My goodness, when you see Beck with O'Reilly, O'Reilly looks at him kinda strange. When O'Reilly, a guy who has said some crazy stuff in the past, looks at you like you are crazy then you are off-the-charts crazy. I have always thought Beck was crazy, but random people who I know are only now starting to notice his crazy. So I guess he is taking his crazy to a whole new level.

  6. Barbara_i

    I'm waiting for Beck to start his rant, criticizing Barack Obama for not doing enough to prevent World War I.

  7. Sue4466

    Since being on Glenn's board puts things together, can he please post a picture of me, my house, and a million dollars on his magic chalkboard?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Boy, that just rolls right off the tongue; "rootless, gallivanting floozy." Catchy. Thumbs up.

  8. weejee

    Glenn got confuzzed, both start with an E, like the sound that I make whenever I see him. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (followed by beating head against the wall, desk, whatever)

  9. SheriffRoscoe

    Hey Glenn, here's a tip: pressing your chin down over your neck like that when you think you're being smug and sarcastic distracts us from what you're saying because of the fat getting squeezed out the sides.

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      But, wait, I thought the whole point of what he's saying was "Look at the fatneck loony and his fat neck."
      I kinda thought he was doing pretty good at it..

  10. Ducksworthy

    I hereby declare the this so called Glans Beck does not exist in my universe and I will no longer recognize any reference to this fictitious emanation of evil.

  11. sportshort

    It must be nice, makin' shit up, believin' it, bein' crazy, gettin' all angry, pokin' those wasp nests, runnin' like a muffhugger from the actual facts of everything. Just generally keeping it wacky, and all 'at. Must be like living in heaven with Jeebus.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Has anyone noticed that the more his ratings slip and his sponsors withdraw from his show the crazier he gets? Then the cycle repeats itself. At the rate he's is going, Beck may be reduced to selling fake gold (Lincoln mint!) and trucknutz.

  12. MLite

    (Political) Death to Tyrants! I mean, maybe the sign wasn't in the best case, but interesting how Beck didn't read the whole thing…

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      Agreed. But Glenn had his point to make, and reading the entire sign wasn't going to prevent him from doing so. It's kind of the same thing fundamentalists do with scripture.

    2. imissopus

      I caught that too. I would bet my next unemployment check that there were more than a few "Death to Tyrants" signs at the HCR protests without that qualifying "Political" at the front.

  13. OurHoboSenator

    I'm a union goon, but I don't know anything about this one-world half-breed Muslin gummint. All I want is for Panera to bring back the Salmon Club sandwich.

    1. genxr

      Salmon sandwich? The reddest fish of all? Just more proof that the unions are literally shoving communism down our throats.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      I work in an office at a sissy-pants elitist university, make a big fat 19K/yr take home pay, and could not beat up my cat, even with my useless MS diploma, but according to all the fox noise types and knuckle-dragging commenters on various news sites, I am a "thug." Because I belong to a union. And you know what? I'm a little tired of being considered some sort of lazy parasite. On Wisconsin!

    1. hagajim

      I agree…It's a sad state of affairs….Unions in this country have been demonized by the right for years, and gutted by various right-to-work laws around the country so now, finally the right is looking to completely destroy the unions in order to better serve their corporate overlords…and "We the Sheeple" just keep buying into their B.S.

  14. Flat_Earther

    Everybody needs to run into the street right now and scream:

    "We're as mad as hell, and we're not going to take this anymore."

  15. Oblios_Cap

    Jeez. I want a New World Order like any other good little Socialist, but none of those three choices is very appealing.

    Damn those NGOs and their buckets of ca$h!

    1. DustBowlBlues

      We need a new term for crazy, just to fit this guy's psychosis. I keep waiting for him to do his show in a strait jacket with George Soros' name on it. Then Beck will use his teeth to hold the chalk and show how Soros and the evil NGOs (fuck Doctors Without Borders and CARE) are trying to silence him. Or he'll do his show with Soros-stamped duct tape over his mouth and use his chalk board to do his talking for him.

      Wait–I assume he's done that already.

  16. AngryBlakGuy

    …the U.N., Muslim Brotherhood and Unions?! Are you fukkin serious?! Wal-Mart has more muscle than all those combined!!! Not that I have an issue with "Roll back" pricing or anything!

  17. Jerri

    This explains so much about all of my public school teachers. Teaching me math in Arabic numerals? Those muslin-sleeper-cell-connected bastards were just biding their time!

  18. Flat_Earther

    I always thought the Jews were going to be in charge of the New World Order. How did the Muslims get in there?

    1. SorosBot

      Jews and Muslims are well known to work together to secretly take over the world, according to Glenn Beck's anachronistic chalkboards.

  19. BlueStateLibel

    So now we're reduced to calling people who don't want to work for substitence wages Muslim terrorists…I knew this day would come.

  20. DonnyKerabotsos

    Anyone else notice that he took the laurel leaf (a symbol of peace, actually) which frames the UN emblem and applied to both of the other emblems?

    Sorta like drawing a Hitler stache on Obama…

    But in reverse, of course, because Glenn Beck does everything ass-backward.

  21. freakishlywrong

    Anyone else ever read the Jersey Shore recaps at Gawker? They're fucking hi-larious, and THEY are more cohesive than this fuckwit.

  22. Radiotherapy

    Their come back on this lunacy will be: And the Koch Brothers, Thomas & Scalia, Esq®, and Teabaggers, How are they connected?

  23. gef05

    "about overthrowing the nature of international governance by making a single, Marxist, Islamist world government that respects human rights and freedom according to the resolutions of the UN"

    If it comes to this versus President Sarah Palin, I'll go with this.

    1. SmutBoffin

      If you want to be a Badger (JIHADI),
      Just come along with me,
      By the bright shining light,
      By the light of the moon;
      If you want to be a Badger (JIHADI),
      Just come along with me,
      By the bright shining light of the moon.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      "… and say to the bartender, "Because alcohol is haram,"

      "…We're gonna unionize this joint…"

      "…then take away your seat on the Security Council."

      (pause)

      "Just messing with ya; pitcher of IPA, please. And a lemonade for Beardy McTurban over here."

  24. MinAgain

    Now that I think about it, the only things missing in Glenn's world view are a couple of brave hobbits, a golden ring, and a volcano in Mordor.

  25. Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    No, no, no. He misheard us. What we want here in Madison, Wisconsin is a *cheese plate*, not a caliphate. He's a terrible waiter.

  26. JoshuaNorton

    Classic Republican style – you and your rubber-stamping wingnut zombies in the legislature pass tax cuts that will drive your state to the very crisis you want to use to break the unions in a bare-ass naked power grab.

    Since Barry got elected, Republicans have been throwing the most sustained hissy fit in American political history.

  27. LionelHutzEsq

    Does anyone remember, just two years ago, before we had a Black President, when FOX News would be celebrating the spread of Democracy throughout the Arab world as a sign that Bush was right?

    1. Oblios_Cap

      In this case, one man's freedom fighter is an American's terrorist. Freedumb only works when they want what we want them to want, silly.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      Elliot Abrams did, though. Did someone make him walk it back since the "Bush Doctrine" got trumped by the "Obama Capitulation"?

    3. MarcelleMarceau

      They came up empty handed in the WMD department; the 'making the Arab world free for democracy' meme was the coup de main. They never mean it, the rat bastards.

  28. obfuscator2

    i'm reasonably sure that he's maybe a little drunk or on some good prescription painkillers. he slurred a few words, most noticeably the second time he said "groups" right at the beginning.

    just watched it again. DEFINITELY on something.

    i wish i could drink at work. rats.

  29. SheriffRoscoe

    I hate when people screw up the usage of effect / affect. That alone is reason not to listen to the douche.

    1. Ducksworthy

      I find it fascinating that effects can be effected and you can have an affect on something that causes an effect. And also that hebephrenics have an exaggerated affect, which Glans clearly demonstrates.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Misuse of words has a very negative effect on my willingness to affect a happy end. Fuck it. Make me pharoess and I'll put their asses in my prison camps and make them build Stonehenge.

  30. el_donaldo

    I love how events just keep pushing him further and further over the top. That aneurysm can't be far off now.

    1. HistoriCat

      If the aneurysm doesn't get him he may just go straight to thinking even the folks at Fox are against him. Wouldn't be surprised if he had to be taken out of their studios in a straight jacket after a total freakout.

  31. metamarcisf

    Beck had a funny bit on his radio show today though. He introduced an audio-clip as a speech given by the head of the muslim brotherhood on the streets of Cairo, but then played instead that bit of the migrane – woman at the Grammy's last week. So I laughed. Is that so wrong??

  32. donner_froh

    Aw, fuck. I gave in and listened to the first 15 seconds or so of this asshole but realized that as soon as he said concerning the UN that "they got Non-Government Organizations", NGOs–they got it organized" that I couldn't take one more second and never will again.

    All the other insanity aside, no one who has ever worked with an NGO would call it organized. A small point in the general shit storm that is right wing TV.

  33. carlgt1

    Is there any other nation on earth where you can so easily get half the working class to bash (or beat, or kill) the other half?

  34. SayItWithWookies

    You know who the big loser is in all this? The Masons. Back in the day, they used to be the shadowy manipulator behind every instability in the world. Poor bastards have really come down.

  35. jmarsh04

    Tea Party brings anti-government, pro-violence, and racist signs to protests, burns Obama in effigy = Glenn Beck says, "Yay, freedom, 1st amendment, we love America!"

    Democrats bring anti-government, pro-violence, and, uh, racist (???) signs to protests, burns Scott Walker in effigy = Glenn Beck says, "New World Order, communism, evil, hate-filled libs, we love Muslims, we want to overthrow the governm…" wait, I thought the Tea Party wanted to overthrow the government! What the fuck is going on here???

  36. SmutBoffin

    You got us Glenn! I was a member of, and active organizer in, a public employees union in Madison WI for 5 years in the 00s. All we did was sit around and talk about how great the caliphate will be, once we get around to including sharia in our benefits proposal to the State's bargaining team.

    Allah-u ackbar, and solidarity forever, wingnuts!

  37. FNMA

    Several of you have referred to Beck as being "bat-shit crazy." I feel compelled to come to the defense of bat shit. Bat shit has a number of productive uses. For instance, it is very useful in controlling nematodes, which are, essentially, parasitic invertebrates.
    Wait a minute…Glenn Beck controls a herd of parasitic invertebrates.
    Fuck.
    Never mind.

  38. baconzgood

    I just want to say that when I went the the Stewart/Colbert rally I dressed as Glenn and had a chalk board conspiracy. It was "Fluffy Kittens are Killing America" and I had the foil hat on as well. Lots of people wanted my picture.

  39. MistaEko

    The world's only Islamists that subsist on pepperoni.

    It’s so funny how unions have had political power in this country for years and only now want a world communist government!

    That's because Aaron Rodgers (Berkeley Commie!) is the Secretest Muslim and his title belt pantomime was the sign to activate the sleeper cells.

  40. JustPixelz

    I don't know how Fux News rationalizes keeping his irrationality on the air. Oh yeah, people watch … and believe him. Also, Goldline picks up the tab.

  41. PabaBritannica

    Oh Glen, you obviously just picked up a random book about communism, saw the word "state capitalist", and didn't realize that it was a critical phrase used by more orthodox Marxists. Uh oh Glen, are you making stealth Trotskyist criticisms? TO THE IRON MAIDEN WITH YOU!

  42. spinozasgod

    Luckily dumbacracy will be saved by Brietbarf and friends as they create a "wall of Freedumbs" in Madison tomorrow. These brave patriots will gather at the state capital(the badger shaped building) and use their power scooters to stop evil, creeping unionists from taking over cheese production. FREE MARKET CHEESE(although milk is subsidized)RULES! Roll on Teatards, roll on.

  43. imissopus

    Teabagger protest signs with Obama as Hitler = Leftist/union thug infiltrators trying to make them look bad.

    Union protest signs with Gov. Walker as Hitler = Leftist/union thugs not being civil like they promised they would. Waaaaaaaaa!

    For the record, either usage of Hitler is ridiculous. Now I'm going to go drink until I pass out.

  44. DustBowlBlues

    You guys may be laughing now, but when women in the middle east replace their head scarves with Cheesehead hats, you'll see.

  45. Gleem_McShineys

    AHA! A pancake is almost exactly like pita bread, which usually holds… *ominous cello* FALAFEL!
    WAKE UP TO THE TRUTH

  46. Asa_Hawks

    He's just worried that the Marxists, Muslims and the U.N will join forces with the Reverse-Vampires and the Saucer people in a fiendish conspiracy to eliminate the meal of dinner.

  47. glamourdammerung

    It would be semi-entertaining to see how the conservative "movement" is now made up entirely of screaming crazy nonsense, trolling websites, and editing "pimp sting" videos if they could not manage to occasionally win seats in off year elections.

  48. Gleem_McShineys

    Hmm, I'd actually rather look for the link between Hosni Mubarak, Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, the monarchy in Bahrain, and Governor Scott Walker.

    Oh, gee, that's too easy, isn't it? "Rights-limiting fuckstick limits rights."

    There you go, crazy translucent sack of liquified meat. You're welcome.

  49. voodooeconomics

    One could estimate the size of a straight jacket that would fit Beck by looking at the Tv and using measuring tape. IMO a size XL would fit quite nicely. Firemen around Fox Studios needs to be prepared.

  50. voodooeconomics

    Beck mentions Michelle Malkin and my little guy stood at attention. Only after peeing he understood the The Malkin Dream is not going to happen today.

    1. trondant

      The Malkin Dream – is that the one where she blinds Barry with two deadly-accurate pingpong balls shot out of her cooter?

  51. mavenmaven

    And who does he mean when he refers to google in egypt? Jared Cohen AND THE JEWS! DONT YOU GET IT? THE JEWS WITH THEIR COMMUNISM ANTICOMMUNISM UNIONS FREEDOMS AND INTERNETS!!!!! AAAAAGGGGHHH!!!! SOROS!!!!! JEWS JEWS SPAM AND JEWS!!!!!

  52. PresBeeblebrox

    This guy is batshit fucking insane. I mean, I have worked with schizophrenics and psychotics, and he's not too far behind some of the paranoid ramblings I've heard from those folks.

  53. MadBrahms

    Just you wait until the black helicopters come and take Glenn away from us in an attempt to stop him from being raptured. We'll see who's crying "conspiracy theory" then!

  54. MiniMencken

    And in a related development, the Texas legislature passed a bill today requiring a doctor to show a sonogram of the fetus to any woman requesting an abortion, so there may be some sort of harmonic convergence of Stupid going on this week.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Oklahome and Arizona missed the message and jumped on the crazy wagon too fast. Others may claim we live there. So would I.

  55. James Michael Curley

    To paraphrase Mort Sahl, I don't have to write comedy, I just stand there and recite Glen Beck.

  56. Beanball

    Shouldn't Beck let his viewers know about his AFTRA membership? Or is that some kind of disinformation-triple-agent secret?

  57. lulzmonger

    Yeah boy, I sure did grok the "CHAOS" of a bunch of people at a peaceful protest.
    Sure looked like a scary-ass bunch of teachers & civil servants to me.
    Ready for "Glenn Beck 2.0: Failectric Boogaloo" now – the current one is broken.

Comments are closed.