sexting and martial law

Runaway Wisconsin State Senator Wins Internet

o_0
Wisconsin’s State Senate Democrats are now officially hiding from police in a “secure location outside the Capitol.” So they must no longer be in the state, because when you think Wisconsin, you think danger. Anyway, this harrowing experience has not stopped State Senator Lena C. Taylor from winning the Internet today. Congratulations, Sen. Taylor! UPDATE: They’ve been located.

UPDATE:

Wisconsin state Democrats who refused to show up for a vote on Governor Walker’s budget repair bill have been located.

The lawmakers are in Rockford, Illinois at the Best Western Clock Tower Resort.

Ooh! What are they up to? Let’s look at this hotel’s website:

Enjoy a great family experience with 65,000 square feet of indoor water park fun at CoCo Key Water Resort and Key Quest Arcade. Day passes are available as well as overnight stay with water park pass packages.

Also at our resort is the SunDial Restaurant and the Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery. Visit www.tiltedkiltrockford.com for a list of events and specials at Rockford’s hottest new sports pub!

Getting drunk and floating around one of those “lazy river” things. Not only have Wisconsin Democrats won the Internet, they have won life.

[Facebook/TMJ4/Clock Tower Resort]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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335 comments

  1. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Open invitation to all the Wisconsin congresspeople/refugees.

    I’m on the other side of the Minnesota border. You can shack up with me. Plenty of good food and good beer. Hands off the wife and don’t fuck with the cats.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        We have plenty of bars, here.

        We do like our alcohol. But, in that, the Tavern League might be one of the more powerful special interests, in the country. So, after nine, hop to a bar.

        1. Gratuitous World

          whoa whoa. i'm not disparaging any Wisconsinite's devotion to alocohol. just to be clear…

          and i'll go to a bar, but would love to avoid Water St +/or the Kollege Klub unless that's where everyone is meeting. your call, ms. taylor.

          1. not that Dewey

            New Mexico here, reporting for duty!

            At first I thought I must have misread the numbers. 2.1 liters per year? I assumed they meant "per week". Fuckin Moldova is leaving us in the dust.

          2. not that Dewey

            I just read the shit out of the wikipedia article on Chisinau. Apparently I didn't know much about Moldovan history. Thanks!

            Of particular interest: "In the late 19th century, especially due to growing anti-Semitic sentiment in the Russian Empire and better economic conditions, many Jews chose to settle in Chişinău. By the year 1900, 43% of the population of Chişinău was Jewish…" Of course, Hitler and Stalin changed all that, but still.

        1. deelzebub

          Bakery!?! That man doesn't eat baked goods. Have you seen his twelve chins? Chris Christopher Christopherson Christie eats Crisco and only Crisco.

  2. MadBrahms

    Jokes aside, Lena is actually pretty awesome. She's a former public defender and one of the few politicians in the state to actually stand the fuck up for her (largely black and poor) constituency.

    Oh, and she lost to Scott Walker a few years back running for county exec. Then Walker trashed fucking everything and somehow was rewarded with higher office. God, that's irritating.

    1. Dashboard_Jesus

      how the fuck did Wisconsin so quickly become NOT liberal? I always thought of it as a last refuge in 'Merka before headin' over the Canadian border but this shit is fucked up…when y'all un-elected one of the most decent and honorable (and honest) people in the whole fucking Congress- Russ Feingold- my first thought is Wisconsin (and the rest of us) are truly fucked!

    1. littlebigdaddy

      When did it reopen? Must've missed that. Yeah, they're prolly all just over the border in Waukegan.

      1. imissopus

        I think it reopened as some sort of scaled-down cafe, but the bar is gone and one of the Berghoff kids runs her catering business out of it, or something.

          1. imissopus

            Don't quote me on it, but my brother was working there at the time it closed down and I think that's what he has since told me they have done with it.

      2. fuflans

        i think it's been closed since like 2006.

        except i've been in LA more than chi since 2006 so i don't really know.

        so i just posted that.

    2. mrpuma2u

      Nah, ya gotta go with one of those sleazy little motels on Cicero avenue just north of Midway. They put the low in laying low.

      The front desk staff will be confused if these nice WI folks did hide out there as they would be A: Not asking for hourly rates, and B: Looking several powers to the ten more normal/presentable then the usual clientele.

  3. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    Are there any mosks in Wisconsin? My guess is that's where the Muslim Brotherhood (the real leaders of this protest) is hiding them.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      There's an Islamic Centre on 13th & Layton in Milwaukee… just up the street from the airport.

      I always feel bad. I bet, since 9/11, the cops & FBI have been on it like flies on manure.

    2. MsQuasimodo

      They could find the Sikh temples in Milwaukee – they always have homemade Indian food to feed the hungry and accept people of all faiths.

  4. OkieDokieDog

    Wisconsin is the new Egypt. Yay!

    This happened back in like 2003 when the Texas Dems hid out in Oklahoma over redistricting.

  5. hagajim

    This is the kind of shit that happens when you turn the inmates at the insane asylum loose. I hope you cheeseheads are having a great time with this bunch of loons.

    1. SorosBot

      I'm surprised that the Wisconsites even knew this was going on to protest, but figured they were still drunk and celebrating the Packers' win.

      1. abelilnkinverb

        Dude that's low. The gov actually tried to sneak this through but the Madison paper has done a awesome job reporting on it starting last Friday. There wasn't even going to be a hearing and instead there was a 17 hour one.

  6. petehammer

    Remember when Tom DeLay did this (had police looking for Dems as they left the state)? Boy, that was something. Whatever happened to that guy? Hopefully Walker's career follows the same brilliant arc.

  7. Barbara_i

    Has anyone thought of yelling, "Olly olly oxen free!" I lost my cat once and she came running when she heard the sound of the can opener, I'm just saying….

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      In my house, we have what we refer to as "The Tuna Call" (just a really loud, high pitched "Heeeeeeeeere kittykittykittykittykitty!!!") that I do whenever I'm opening a can of tuna.

      Works great whenever I need to find a cat, whether or not I actually have any tuna.

  8. slithytoves

    So they must no longer be in the state, because when you think Wisconsin, you think danger

    Having lived just blocks from Jeffrey Dahmer in Milwaukee, yes, yes I do.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    It also appears this alleged budget shortfall is the work of the governor himself:

    Furthermore, this broadside comes less than a month after the state's fiscal bureau — the Wisconsin equivalent of the Congressional Budget Office — concluded that Wisconsin isn't even in need of austerity measures, and could conclude the fiscal year with a surplus. In fact, they say that the current budget shortfall is a direct result of tax cut policies Walker enacted in his first days in office.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Despite the budget shortfall in Iowa, the Republiklans in the Iowa House passed a 20% income tax cut yesterday and sent the bill to the Democratic controlled Senate. No debate has occurred on spending cuts as of yet, but, by Gawd, we got us some tax cuts.

    2. jim89048

      Ahnuld did the same thing in Colliefournya with vehicle license fees. The resulting budget shortfall was reason enough for him to go after state employees, but he was up against Democratic majorities in the senate and legislature. Not that they helped us much.

    3. DashboardBuddha

      Walker is a douchebag, no argument. On the other hand, you almost have to admire that kind of bald faced, grasping evil.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        No admiration here. That's guy's a pile of steaming feces. Let him grasp himself. It would give him something to play with rather than with people's lives.

        1. DashboardBuddha

          Well, there will always be tyrants…best to watch how they act so the better to bring them down.

          I forget who said it but, "The great are only great because we are on our knees. Let us rise".

          1. caitifty

            Variously attributed to Proudhon, Bakunin, Max Stirner, James Connolly, James Larkin.. So one of the more prominent late C19 anarchists..

    1. Extemporanus

      …aka "Old Mud".

      TRUE STORY: My junior year homecoming float had a big banner on it which read "We'll BLATZ the SCHLITZ outta 'em before MILLER time!", and featured some dudes in beer can costumes just cold givin' a drunken beatdown to a hapless freshman done-up like the opposing team's mascot.

  10. neiltheblaze

    Funny, when I think of Wisconsin, I think of cute little moo cows. My paradigm has just plumb shifted off its axis now.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        They were selling Milorganite when I was a kid 55 years ago. I believe it was actually a modest source of revenue for the city.

    1. Extemporanus

      One could even say that your cow paradigm…

      *removes cheesehead*

      …has been tipped.

      YEEEAAAHHHH!!!

  11. baconzgood

    Hooooorrrraaaayyyy! What a novel concept, politicians that "Care" about what happens to people and are willing to take a stand. By stand I mean cutting out of the state…Still, it's a start right?

    1. bflrtsplk

      Hey, if they head north of the border, they can stay with us. Nobody here speaks English, so they can just say they don't understand if someone thinks they're going to come for them.

  12. WhatTheHeck

    Hey Dems, Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

    Why, just make your way to freedom on the Underground Railroad.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Hell, let 'em feel safe where I am now–in Key West. Every one could hide here except that Republican sack of shit who started this charade.

  13. GayInMaine

    "Hey Senate Dems, you just stood up for working people! What are you going to do now?" "We're going to…um…Rockford, I guess."

      1. MsQuasimodo

        You can see it from the interstate – 90 or 94, I have already forgotten, straight up from Chicago. The time on the clock is always wrong.

    1. MsQuasimodo

      I've been to that place. The vanGelder bus from Chicago to Madison stops there. I take it when I fly in to visit my daughter across the WI border several times/year. Rockford was hard hit by the closure of auto plants and the recession – I think 25% unemployment rate. The entire Rock county is flat dull and boring; I never thought it would be getting so much attention. Pretty working to middle class, few rich people. They could probably use the publicity and business coming from this.

      1. HistoriCat

        I don't think there's been any actual invading but I vaguely recall one Western state governor wanted to call up the state's National Guard forces during a water dispute.

        Helpful hint – Googling "western state water wars" leads to a nice assortment of crackpot conspiracy theorists. Enter at your brain's risk.

      1. SorosBot

        But don't give yourself away, awa-ay. AWAY.
        (Mommie's all right, Daddy's all right, they just seem a little weird).

    1. fuflans

      i did a show out in rockford a couple years back – lived there the better part of three months. that clock tower was seriously awesome.

      not much else was tho. sad, depressed run-down rustbelt town.

    1. SorosBot

      And hey, these guys are fighting to protect workers rather than to protect the "right" to own black people as slave.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      The Tilted Kilt is fun–sort of like a Hooters for people who like good beer and food, as opposed to, say, Hooters.

      1. emmelemm

        Holy tits on a plaid cracker! I had no idea this was some sort of Hooters-esque chain! I am not from ze Midwest-y fly-overy land and have never heard of this. I imagined it as some sort of charming one-off "pub", with dudes in kilts.

        Then I went to the website.

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        I'm offended by your enthusiasm for such gross objectification of women and by the fact I didn't think of cashing in on it first.

        1. littlebigdaddy

          I won't defend their business model, but it seems on the whole a lot more pleasant and less depressingly tacky than Hooters.

  14. CapnFatback

    Smart move, picking a hotel with a Titled Kilt restaurant in it. No Republican would voluntarily go into an eatery where the waitstaff was a group of scantily-clad women.

    1. AddHomonym

      And ya hafta say "Old Stye-ell" or else the vendors at Wrigley won't know whut the heck yer aeskin fer.

  15. metamarcisf

    I'd like to send twenty kegs of Old Milwaukee to the Best Western Clock Tower Resort. And a barrel of ether. A couple of pounds of Thai sticks, and a statue of Vince Lombardi made of Lebanese hash. Send the bill to: Louie Gohmert, Adult Bookstore Motel, Austin, TX

    1. DoktorZoom

      Sounds like big trouble. The Wisconsin Democrats are going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As an attorney, I advise them to rent several very fast cars with no tops. And they'll need the cocaine. Tape recorders for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of Madison for at least 48 hours…naturally I'm going to have to go with them. And we're going to have to arm ourselves… to the teeth!

  16. ogradybt

    The Dells does have the better water parks! Plus a go-kart police chase would be amazing local news footage.

  17. sportshort

    "…and the jailer man, and sailor Sam…will search forever more…for..the…Dems on the run….Dems on the run….Dems on the run….Dems on the run….."

      1. SorosBot

        Objecting to torture, one of the most evil things that can be done and which no people with even a fraction of a conscience can support, is "wimpy". Thanks for confirming how completely vile you people are again!

        1. glamourdammerung

          Torture falls under "government overreach" to most folks.

          But then, logical consistency is not a strong point of the Breitard "crowd".

        2. di_da_is_alpha

          A little rough bath isn't torture. But then, being as how you guys are touchy-feely leftists, you probably got a lot of wedgies in school, so your benchmark for what constitutes torture is quite low.

          1. SorosBot

            Waterboarding, which we prosecuted Japanese soldiers as war criminal torturers for after WWII, is "a little rough bath"? Tell me, what is it like living through life as a sociopath?

        3. DoktorZoom

          I suppose it might be worth mentioning Matthew Alexander here. You might remember him–the US Air Force interrogator who managed to gain intelligence from al qaeda operatives in Iraq, developing the leads that allowed the military (we support them, remember?) to track down and kill Abu Mussab Al Zarqawi. Using the same interrogation techniques that any good police interrogator uses, his team had remarkable success getting information without torture. I'd love to see our Internet Tough Guy call Alexander wimpy to his face.

          1. di_da_is_alpha

            Is he a wanketter? I kinda doubt it. But I bet the wimpy al qaeda operative who caved would have fit right in here with you guys.

          2. glamourdammerung

            Funny how basic logic and facts make the Breitard go into meltdown.

            Well, it would be funny if it was not quite like picking on the handicapped.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Rep. Sensenbrenner (Asshat-Menomonee Falls) (I think) did one of this immigrant-bashing sessions at the library in my hometown. I was tempted to go, but I had to work at my second job.

      (That's right: I'm a lazy Democrat Sozialisms with two jobs.)

          1. DoktorZoom

            -Michele, Anne, vous travaillez?
            -Euh, non, nous regardons la television. Pourquoi?
            -Les Duponts arrivent dans une heure.
            -S’il te plait Maman, encore cinq minutes.
            -Pas de question, il y’a beaucoup a faire.
            -Mais nous manquons toujours la fin.

      1. SorosBot

        Donde, está, la biblioteca. Me llamo T-Bone La araña discoteca.
        Discoteca, muñeca, La biblioteca Está en bigotes grandes, el perro, manteca.
        Manteca, bigotes, gigante, pequeño la cabeza es nieve, cerveza es bueno.
        Buenos Dias, me gusta papas frías, los bigotes de la cabra Es Cameron Diaz.
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_61L9HpeDE

  18. ginrevolution

    I heard from a credible source they are being hosted by the only socialist team in the national football league.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Hi, this is car um… (to Officer Mount)… What number are we?

      Five-five.

      (to radio) Car 55. Um… we're in a truck!

  19. Numbat_Dundee

    I'm waiting for the Tea Baggers to ride through Madison on camels attempting to whip the demonstrators. Finding camels in Wisconsin could be hard; finding camels strong enough to hold Tea Baggers may be impossible..

    1. ginrevolution

      there could very well be a market niche for over-size people robo-camels, i'm just saying, if insert syllable- mart isn't already on this shit some one should be.

  20. ginrevolution

    edit: being hosted at the Best Western Clock Tower resort BY THE ONLY SOCIALIST FOOTBALL TEAM in the NFL.

  21. fuflans

    you rock on lena.

    though i am afraid this is a lost cause (he's threatening to fire state workers now).

    thanks so much baggers. now we have to fight the 1820s, 1870s, 1930s, 1950s, etc. all over again.

  22. Radiotherapy

    O/T, and none of you union-loving commies probably even care, but I broke 100 today.
    Now, a lot of you know i am totally anti-metrics. metamarcisf is one of my Wonkette™ fucking heroes because of their awesome "p" value — as well as the usual wit and insight they bring. In fact, I would rather have Bryan Fischer lecture to me about American history than worry about a petty, gamed, manipulative system of measuring one's worth. But, a threshold is a threshold, and 100 is a round number.
    So anyone who has ever fisted me up, or read my pathetic attempts at bringing it Wonkette™ style, a wholehearted thanks to y'all.
    And since I'm in a sentimental mode; where is elpinche?

    Now back to our regularly scheduled programming….
    Fuck these bastards,
    Solidarity with labor,
    Stand with the teachers,
    And those who do the work,
    Less disparity in wages,
    Expose the fraud.

      1. Radiotherapy

        Cue the over-the-top dramatic music….
        I'll palm a chicken heart, wrap my hand in Canadian bacon, dip it in a Reese's® chocolate melt laced with Woodford Reserve™ bourbon and fist you up my friend…but I'm really thinking about the chick in the video.

    1. user-of-owls

      Oh you silly goober, in all likelihood the simple fact of announcing your breakthrough will clip you back to a sub-three figure pee. But hoping and assuming not, mis saludos fraternales y amistosos a ti, mi compa!

      1. DoktorZoom

        Hey, he took it back when I called him on it, instead of doubling down like certain assclowns who blog for the AFA…

        1. Radiotherapy

          Beat me to it Dok. I'm an apologetic,verbose drunk, but you said it better.
          The AFA assclowns are beyond any subtle or reasoned discourse. The recent rapacious, insult to our Native American fellow human beings — and the pathetic retraction — just proved that.

      2. Radiotherapy

        I'm an apologetic drunk…. I'm sorry.
        I got plenty of downfisting for that episode — I deserved it.
        But actually it highlights the difference between us and the Breifarters: contrition is possible here. If you went over there and said, well, Palin is not worthy of public office. They would be all over you like orangey tobacco odor on Boner and never forgive or try to reason.
        Funny, the first night here, like two years ago, elpinche misread my sarcasm and went all over me. He subsequently showed remorse and apologized. That from a guy who took contempt of teabaggery to a higher level. I miss him.
        Heretofore, you've got my fist up, and more importantly, my respect.

        1. DoktorZoom

          OK, knock it off, or we're gonna have to start a drum circle, hug, and then cry manly tears. From there, it's just a short step to Speedos, grinding, and wriggling in poo.

          EDIT: Actually, come to think of it, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

          1. emmelemm

            I love slappypaddy and his cat in a cardboard box! Yeah, haven't seen any comments from him in a while….

    2. DoktorZoom

      Congratulations, and welcome to the Meaningless Threshold-Crossers' Club. I look forward to attending your Pee-Mitzah and giving you a pen. Today you are a Truknutz.

  23. Radiotherapy

    They should have had three episodes wherein the slightest change in the symptomatology changes the whole diagnosis and House's frantic investigation.

  24. SorosBot

    Awesome:
    http://www.bargainingforbenefits.com/?p=513

    "Yesterday the police were present and amiable, but mostly seemed concerned with doing their duty of maintaining public safety. Today they joined with the firemen–who you may recall are also spared the draconian measures in store for nearly all other public employees under Scott Walker’s budget repair bill–and actively protested against the measure.

    But what I found even more impressive is that the officers in uniform–the ones on active duty–were also chanting and waving their fists right along with the rest of us! Upon witnessing that, I felt like we had turned a corner. The bill may yet pass (with an outside chance that it will not), but if all the unions that Scott Walker threw bones to were turning against him, too…. Well, I can’t help believing that whatever it is that Walker and his ilk hope to gain from passage of this bill cannot last for long."

    1. horsedreamer_1

      The Milwaukee Cops will hold out. I have no doubt of that. & the suburban blue will be hit & miss.

      But — if the rest of the state, which is all that matters (to be honest: an even marginally-credible Dem from outside the Metro area would have beaten Walker; such is the antipathy for the City), turns against, it's dunzo.

  25. Soylent Green

    who was that guy – tea baggers talk about him all the time. Dictator…had the army and militias roundup politicians. Jackboot the prolotariet…

  26. carlgt1

    It makes sense Wisconsin would rise up and fight the teabaggers. Wisconsin has proved socialism works well for the Green Pay Packers; maybe it's time to try it out in the rest of the state!

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Yeah, but ya gotta remember that they voted for the dumb-ass tea baggin' Rethuglican in the first place. Maybe the voters will come to their senses, after enough cheese and beer. But this really frightens me. We are seemingly heading back to the 1920s, if not the 1890s with these troglodytes.

  27. finallyhappy

    Rockford- for the first three years that my kid went to Beloit, I had to go to Rockford for a latte(it was closer than Madison)- also some guy was going to blow up some strip malll in Rockford during those years-but he was trying buy his explosives from an FBI agent. And in fact, Rockford seemed mostly to be strip malls and motels and now the hideaway for Dem legislators.

  28. ShaveTheWhales

    Well, this is a little bit more like the Wisconsin I remember from my youth, but how did you guys transform into such a red state in one freaking election? I mean, okay, Waukesha, but still.

  29. di_da_is_alpha

    //// "….. because when you think Wisconsin, you think danger." ////

    I think of dairy products, it is the Dairy State, after all.

    Time to put the pictures of the spoiled little brat runaway dimocrats on milk cartons.

      1. di_da_is_alpha

        No, I meant "brat", like in a spoiled child, and not a bratwurst, so you misunderstand. Unless….. hey, you're not related to Jeffery Dahmer, are you?

    1. SorosBot

      You are mistaken; most of the spoiled brat libertarians are members of the Republican Party. not the Democratic Party.

      1. glamourdammerung

        Funny how they went from hoping they could "get in on the fun" chasing legislators and wishing for blatantly illegal, Mubarak-style tactics on the protesters to impotent crying here about "brats".

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          And I remain incensed about this brat libel. Wisconsin is not, admittedly, a hotbed of haute cuisine, but they make some damn good brats.

      2. di_da_is_alpha

        Gees, how many times do I have to reminded you that all political parties in this country use the democratic process? "Democratic" is an adjective. The Republican Party is a "democratic" party. Progs can call it whatever they want, but it's a party of democrats, not democratics. Democrat party, kiss my ass.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        There have always been trolls who were far more boring than Neilist. It's kind of a service charge on your intellect for using the toobz.

  30. mereoblivion

    Schlitz on the governor! Time to stop letting that brat have his whey! He's gone way pabst all reason and we need to blatz him, pronto!

  31. rocktonsam

    I drove 20 miles to Madison to see what I thought was a Green Bay Packer rally and I get Ed somebody.

    Madison teevee rolls across the screen school closings for tomorrow like they are snow days, staff has called in sick or something.

    Keep fighting youse guys.

  32. di_da_is_alpha

    Alright, wanketters, gotta run. When LoserofAls starts his "poopyhead" routine, you know that what little intelligence there is on this site has been drained for the time being, but don't worry, brothers and sisters, I'll be back in a few days. : )

    1. glamourdammerung

      It should not require a few days to get your next set of talking points to spam in this thread a few days from now unless Little Andy needs some time to make something else up.

    2. deelzebub

      Get bent, have you "best healthcare in the world" HMO deny treatment because you didn't declare your pre-existing bent condition, and die, motherfucker.

  33. imissopus

    This came up on a thread that was getting trolled a couple of weeks ago and I'd like to resurrect it: let's replace the appellation "poopyhead" with "dumb motherfucker." The vulgarity gives it an extra kick and it plays down to the stereotype of us libs being a bunch of nasty name-callers, which I always appreciate.

    I personally have a rule about not responding to anything di da the dog boy says, but I understand some will feel the need to say something. So, again, "dumb motherfucker" and move on.

    1. emmelemm

      Also, just to note: do not reply directly to the troll. Even if you downfist them, posting a reply to their comment ups their "p". They feed on hate.

      EDIT: What I mean is, feel free to downfist them, but do not post replies directly to their posts, as that increases their p-tude. They feed on hate.

      1. SorosBot

        Sorry; I feel a need to try and combat the trolls with reason and logic, two things they are unable to understand.

    2. user-of-owls

      Just to be clear, I don't believe it's ever been much of an "us" so much as a "me" that's used the appellation and it's one that I lay claim to having initiated. I did so quite a while back for a simple reason: I thought (and history bore me out) that dreadful boors who wanted to get a rise by making fart noises would eventually tire if no rise was forthcoming. Also, "poopyhead" seemed the appropriate level with which to address such prepubescents. Frankly, if I was confronted with an annoying 5-year old, I wouldn't bother calling them a motherfucker as they'd likely be either too dim or too titillated to stop with the armpit farts. But that's just my approach.

      One upside: I got a wicked funny nickname now. LoserofAls! If that just doesn't make you roll on the floor with its devastating, Swiftian wit, well I don't know what will.

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        You know, your new nickname, courtesy of diddley-al, is almost clever. except for the part where it doesn't make any fucking sense.

        It has a certain amount of rhythm, but have you, in fact, lost any Als recently? And what would that mean.

        Shit, I could call you boozer-of-towels, but I'd be embarrassed to be so stupid.

        Generally, I just ignore the motherfuckers, but I couldn't resist "brats".

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I like to think of him as HoosierOfVowels, but only because I thought he was a speech therapist from Indianapolis.

        2. Oblios_Cap

          If you call him al-diddley, he'll probably think you're making a comment of his muslim-i-tude. I think he's really Ted Haggard coming by here after his meth fueled "masturbation" sessions with his male hooker.

      2. imissopus

        Aw, you can still use poopyhead, little camper. I'm an unrepentant vulgarian, it's kind of my thing. It's fine on chatboards, didn't go over so well at my Bar Mitzvah.

  34. SudsMcKenzie

    Just back from the Capital Square. Very cool scene. LOTs of parents with their kids. Not a scooter in sight. Whatever you see of the crowds outside the Capital, its inside the Capital building where its intense. Its packed, lots of people from out of state, completely peaceful, mostly a suburban crowd. Teachers are off Friday so it should get bigger. And it was really nice to have Ed here.

      1. SudsMcKenzie

        I was thinking about that, I watched that live the morning it happened. It reminded me of the end of Blazing Saddles.

      1. emmelemm

        Interstate kidnapping, federal charges, FBI involved, etc. etc.?

        I don't know; I just watch a lot of TV.

  35. metamarcisf

    Just an observation, tonight here at 9:36 pm rocky mountain time: with well over 260 responses, we are truly more popular than Christianity.

    1. Negropolis

      lol

      I made that joke in some other thread. I'm sure the Yoopers wouldn't mind company. It gets lonely up there during the winter.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Viva Balkanization! Apply Second Amendment remedies to all the old territorial claims! I would love to see the NFC North States devolve into Civil War and raiding parties for beer, brats, fireworks, corn and dairy products. Cheeseheads, you had your shot at land-grabbing Chicago two centuries ago; now you'll have to pry it from Rahm's cold, dead hands!

  36. metamarcisf

    When do we get to buy the new "Huckleberry Finn" audiobook with vocal performance by AM radio has-been Dr. Laura Schlessinger? I've got a gift card for Borders…

    1. zhubajie

      The most subversive parts of Huckleberry Finn are not the dialect or the "dirty" words but the message to reject conventional morality. It's most explicit when he refuses to turn in his pal Jim, the runaway slave.

  37. fuflans

    so completely ot but i just saw some random headline about some scott brown pleading guilty to incest and IMMEDIATELY – well you know.

    so it turns out it's some dude / band ('quintet') / family / people i've never hear of but i see the picture of dude and family and immediately leap to:

    utah (check)
    texas (check)
    mormon (check)
    home-schooled (check)

    now i think i am a terrible terrible person and i am looking to wonkette for absolution.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      No. Brown paterfamiias is the terrible terrible person here. What I found most moving about this story is that the daughters, now in their thirties, "cooperated" with the investigators. So this shit was so bad that they were still actively pissed off after twenty years or so. Fuck this guy.

    1. abelilnkinverb

      Well Mubarak was the Farve of political leaders, and supposedly these protests are drawing inspiration from Cairo… fuck I'm starting to sound like Beck… I need a chalkboard!

  38. abelilnkinverb

    Today we are all Rockforians, er Rockfordites, or whatever the hell you call people who live in Rockford.

    1. DDDintensified

      I think we're all Rockfordphiles :)

      ps I rarely ever post and have over 100 p. I never really understood what they mean or why I got them, but I feel happy to have them now

  39. Pragmatist2

    Honest to God I stayed in this hotel for a 3 day trial. I got cross-examined for 4 hours by a cretinish "Christian" lawyer whose incompetence that day cost his client $8 million and the worst part of the experience was the hotel.

  40. SorosBot

    Butterfly in the sky,
    I can go twice as high,
    Take a look,
    It's in a book,
    A Reading Rainbow;

    Damn, tonight's episode of Community made me realize how much LeVar Burton is responsible for my love of reading and knowledge.

  41. spinozasgod

    I work in Milwaukee. Most of my fellow employees are very tea-bagger right wing, as is most of white wisconsin. They HATE the unions and the government in general. The only reason any dems get elected is beacuse of the black population in Milwaukee and the student population in Madison. And to remedy that the repubs are passing a bill that will nullify being able to vote by haveing a valid UW ID and requiring a valid state ID for anyone to vote. The state ID is costly and will be available in very few places.

  42. MinAgain

    Sing with me…

    On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!
    Fight on for her fame.
    Fight! Fellows! Fight, fight, fight!
    We'll win this game.

  43. di_da_is_alpha

    I've got it, you're a parrot. Polly wanna cracker with his Kool-Aid? Say "poopyhead" I know you can do it!!!

  44. Oblios_Cap

    Obviously you've chosen to go through life drunk, fat, & stupid. And despite your best efforts, not terribly interesting or annoying.

  45. lulzmonger

    Funny – leftists aren't the ones perpetually scared shitless of a few mooks hiding in caves … or of Teh Gheyz … or of women having control over their own bodies … or of (GASP! BLASPHEMY!) actually raising taxes to pay for what they get, rather than passing the bill along to their kids & grandkids … or of little old ladies in mosques … or of, well, pretty damn near everything.

    As for lies? "We create our own reality" is just "you must never question my obvious bullshit" by another name.

    Zero for two. AGAIN.

Comments are closed.