Hilarious Congressman Trying To Take Away Obama Teleprompter Funding

  we all need a vacation from this crap

More than 400 amendments were filed Monday night. Among them were a proposal from Rep. Steve Womack, R-Ark., to eliminate funding for the president’s Teleprompter

And then the founding fathers and the people who died for this country over the centuries all rose up from their graves to come shake Womack’s hand, because he reached the pinnacle of American democracy, the embodiment of their most cherished dreams of what the United States could become. [Fox Nation]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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116 comments

  1. Barbara_i

    I think they should make the "red phone" that receives those 3:00 AM calls a pay phone. Let Barack keep a change purse nearby.

  2. V572625694

    "Wal-Mart's corporate headquarters are located in (AR-3) district in Bentonville. The University of Arkansas is located in Fayetteville. Springdale is the home of Tyson Foods."

    Womack's not gonna let some newcomer win the crazee race today!

  3. SexySmurf

    I got an idea, let's take away the salaries of retarded Congressmen who waste everyone's time with stupid bills.

      1. JustPixelz

        Members of Congress should lose the health insurance randomly, in proportion to the coverage in the general population. Let them face what Real Americans® cope with.

        1. Sparky_McGruff

          Even better — let them get health insurance proportional to the percentage of insured people in their districts. Half of the people in your district don't have coverage? Great — you've got a 50% co-pay on every damn thing.

    1. Not_So_Much

      I'm cool with that, but it's going to leave a lot of unused office space. I haven't tallied recently, but I figure I count the congresspersons worth a diddly-shit on one hand…

    2. BarryOPotter

      Fucking-A. Let's not stop at the salaries, remove them from the positions if they are unable to demonstrate a better than basic grasp of logic, rational thought and restraint from wasting taxpayer money on their inane BS.

      All incoming elected officials, new and returning, subjected to an X month probationary period. During that time, shit or get off the pot…

      1. emmelemm

        Obama, a la Sarah Palin "I got my crib notes right here, in Sharpie"

        I was going for pithy, but I guess it was too pithy.

          1. BarryOPotter

            Besides there's already shit all over Womack's hands.

            I'm sure you meant something else – not my first visit to Wonkette – but I'm taking a different tack, viz. the notes on his hand:
            "Breathe, dummy!" "Stop being a retard" "You're mommy's special little man"

  4. megapinko

    I think he's onto something here. Barack should mow his own lawn or pay for Obamacare for the rose garden. He should pay the going rate for parking in D.C. And that condo he and Michelle are hanging out in? Pony up big boy, you're rich from your books where you lied about being a liberal. So many ways to raise revenue!

  5. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Womack told Fox News Tuesday afternoon that he pulled his amendment because he wasn't able to get an estimate on how much it would save.

    "I think we made our point," Womack said.

    The point on your head has been there a long time, Stevie.

    FAUX has been pushing the S.I. cover all day. So you can see boobies if you click Jack's link. Of course, you will also see comments from the FAUX troglodytes re: "Sasquatch and her 18 advisers".
    ~

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Made your point? What point? That you're one of the chief retards from a retard state? (apologies to AR Wonkettes) That you are an ignorant racist? Well fuck…why hold back? Cut Obama's budget for laundry, and make him eat in the kitchen. That'll teach the darkies from thinking they can run things in the Big House.

      Dumb fucker.

      1. DaRooster

        "… we made our point…"
        As in, "We come up with the stupidest shit that will be a completely moronic waste of everyone's time… driver, bring the car around, we're goin' to the titty bar!"

      2. BarryOPotter

        Johnny Bones needs to get his troops to stop wasting the government's time and dime. "Give me solutions or find yourself marginalized" is a leadership style he must adopt – bound to result in a lot fewer work-related meetings, leaving him more time for golf, booze, smokes and lobbyist.

    2. Native_of_SL_UT

      Yes, Mr Womack, you made your point.
      Although most of us could already see it on the top of your head.

  6. elviouslyqueer

    I think there needs to be an amendment to cede Arkansas to Mexico. Because, seriously, it's not like Arkansas would be missed.

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      Can't we just send them Womack? He can go propose bills on why he shouldn't be beheaded by a drug cartel (Amendment defeated 75 million to 1 in favor of the beheading).

  7. PublicLuxury

    Stupid is as stupid does. So glad that the republitards are having fun wasting tax payer dollars on stupid shit.

  8. Asa_Hawks

    I hope a soldier who fought and died for America and democracy during world war two rises from his grave, tears off Steve Womack's skullcap to feast on his delicious brains, only to walk away highly disappointed

  9. prommie

    This Walker's problem is he's trying to follow the Fat Fuck Christie lead, but he's to fucking dumb to know that the Fat Fuck is just a blowhard and never actually does anything, he just threatens and blusters and yells and points his fat little fingers at people.

  10. Steverino247

    Probably withdrew the amendment when someone politely informed him that the device was purchased during the Reagan Administration and costs like 50 cents worth of electricity to use.

  11. HolyMaracas

    "Womack told Fox News Tuesday afternoon that he pulled his amendment because he wasn't able to get an estimate on how much it would save. "

    This guy is an idiot. Everyone knows that 1 Teleprompter = 1000 Jobs.

  12. SheriffRoscoe

    I once had a personal budget deficit which I fixed by eliminating the wasteful .02¢ a year I was spending on butane to light my farts on fire for the lulz. That one, solitary act of responsibility and sacrifice put me on the road to solvency.

  13. SorosBot

    Yes, Womack, you made your point; that you're one of those dumbasses that doesn't realize that trying to mock Obama for using a device that every single President since it's invention have used makes you look like the idiot.

    1. DaRooster

      He's just really glad that NO ONE ever wants to hear what he has to say… that way he don't be needin' won.

  14. elviouslyqueer

    But wait, there's:

    one from Rep. Randy Neugebauer, R-Texas, to strip funding for the alteration, repair or improvement of the executive residence of the White House and instead divert that amount to deficit reduction.

    Okay, GOP fucknuts, here's a suggestion. Why don't all of you give up your Congressional office space, your coffee and espresso makers, your couches, and all those other perks you get (and that includes your staff) and do all your legislating and what not from a bench in Lafayette Park? Because of deficit reduction, is all.

      1. finallyhappy

        I've seen rats the size of cats downtown. Of course,we do have some well fed squirrels there too so maybe I agree.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      This would make the White House a slum, the Obamas, hood-rats, & the GOP controlled House of Representaties, slum-lords.

      Sounds about right.

    2. OhNoGuy

      Can't we just find a nice big parking lot in some little used strip center, get them nice refrigerator boxes and have them do their Congressional stuff from there?

      That's a real money saver, might work better than curing the economy by making people work for less.

  15. widestanceroman

    How much rent does Obama pay for the White House anyway? And we sure could use a budget-balancing pet deposit, since he is keeping a dog in there.

    1. OhNoGuy

      Let's have Womack come around twice a day to pick up the "pet deposit".

      And be a man about it, no gloves, no plastic bag. Just pick it up, put it in your pocket and wipe your hands on your pants.

      All in favor say "aye".

    1. weejee

      In a combo reply to you Sheriff & Grumpe just before…

      Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar
      Repugs 2 bit brains always stand up and holler

      & we do mean 2 bits, like one-quarter of a Steve can byte me

  16. SheriffRoscoe

    "Womack told Fox News Tuesday afternoon that he pulled his amendment because he wasn't able to get an estimate on how much it would save."

    And yet still he refuses to go hide under a rock, in embarrassment.

  17. metamarcisf

    The word "teleprompter", according to constitutional scholars, is found nowhere in the constitution. This bill, therefore, is a no-brainer. Literally.

  18. __kth__

    Because if he hadn't had a teleprompter, none of the last 3 years starting with the Iowa primary would have happened.

  19. imissopus

    But then Obama would just hire a couple of people to hold up giant cue cards for him. In fact, he could just have the people in charge of the telemprompter now to do that. And think of the cost of Sharpies and poster board. No, I'm afraid this is not a very good money-saving measure at all.

  20. Oblios_Cap

    What can you expect outta a state that had to plagarize another state's name to have something to call itself?

    Come to think of it, Ar-Kansas sounds kinda Muslin.

  21. LionelHutzEsq

    This is normal, RINO bull. Why won't they go far enough. Until they pass an amendment taking away funding for the president's pencils, pens and papers, he will still be busy imposing socialism and sharia law on us all!

    1. emmelemm

      Pencils, pens and papers? What century you livin' in?

      They should probably pry Obama's Blackberry out of his hand and stomp on it, you know, to make their point.

      But not before they do a cost analysis (ha ha I said anal) on how much the goverment pays a month for the service plan vs. how much it will cost to terminate the contract. You know, basic legwork, budget-y stuff.

  22. hagajim

    Hey Boehner…where are all the jobz you promised? Stupid fucks and their stupid shit – just making ever more stupidity….Jeebus!

  23. __kth__

    Also: if the pigfuckers in Rep. Womack's district ever become disenchanted with him, he can always fall back on writing the between-songs patter for Ray Stevens.

  24. ttommyunger

    If God had intended us to use machines, he wouldn't have given us such handy palms to write on, fer Chrissakes!

  25. Naked_Bunny

    I sure hope Womack remembered to attach his Constitutional justification for this amendment, and read it out loud in its entirety.

  26. MissTaken

    If you outlaw our teleprompters than only outlaws will have teleprompters.

    Oh fer fuck's sake! This country is currently battling 2 wars, stuck in a jobless "recovery", and Not-Joe Not-The-Plumber has a fucking tv show BUT we have a Congressman trying to take away a little computer monitor that words scroll on so the Prez (and local news anchors the world over) can look like they are speaking directly to us through our boob-toobs.

    Yeah, this is definitely priority number 1.

  27. Soylent Green

    Taking away our teleprompters is another way of taking away our freedom of speech! (Should I have searched this page for this? I mean, it's so obvious).

  28. politics_nerd

    Let's make it illegal to write "DON'T LOOK AT YOUR HANDS ON TEEVEE, SARA!" on one's hands, too. Fair is fair!

  29. carlgt1

    we've really become a despicable white-trash nation — it sort of makes me happy that the jobs of the Repug consituents are going to India & China.

    what's next, a Repug-backed censure motion to tell Obama to stop beating his wife?

  30. sati_demise

    I particularly like the bill to stop the Pentagon from sponsoring NASCAR.

    It actually saves money. A lot of money.

  31. Troubledog

    I suppose it's annoying to have these guys grandstanding but you know what's really annoying? Having a vegan girlfriend. You know I thought I could be tolerant but when you are with a vegan it's like:

    Me: Hey, I was getting coffee and they had these awesome cookies, so I got one for you. I am an awesome boyfriend.
    Her: Wow, that has eggs and butter in it.
    Me: Oh.

    Me: Hey, let's get a pizza.
    Her: Pizza hmmm. I'm not hungry.
    Me: I know a place where they make a pesto pizza, it's really good.
    Her: So that would have cheese on it?
    Me: You know what, I bet they would leave the cheese off if I ask them.
    Her: So the crust at that point would contain eggs, right? I could just take some rice with me. I don't want to be any trouble.
    Me: Yeah I guess so. So I tell you what, I'm gonna make a ham and cheese omelet, and eat it in front of you, and you go get some fucking pinecones out in the yard or whatever and you know, whatever cruelty free thing you want to do.

    So we go to the store and bitch fills up my freezer with all this vegan bullshit that costs a fortune and is basically pinecones that somebody ground up and shaped into a pattie or what the fuck ever.

    So it's pretty fucking intolerable. But the worst part is the hypocrisy. Because they can FOR ANY REASON OR NO REASON decide to suspend the rules.

    One Saturday night, her and her adult daughter and couple of her peeps are over here with me and my two adult sons, we all got along great, lots of fun, hung out all the time. But she has a couple of drinks (literally like two or three) and goes berserk. Just cold grabs a bunch of bacon out of the fridge, manically tears open the package, rips out a bunch of bacon and slams it down in my panini grill. It was like something in a Stephen King book.

    When it's about half cooked she just can't wait any longer and starts ripping off pieces and woofing it. Afterward she looked like a junkie that'd just shot up. Like she'd had ten orgasms.

    This sort of thing happened about once a week but my point is that the rest of the time she was like militant about it. So hey, if you're reading this, I accuse you of emotionally abusive situational pseudo-veganism.

    In conclusion, I suppose I should have recognized these danger signals but I thought maybe I should be more tolerant in general and perhaps my lack of tolerance had been a problem in prior relationships.

    1. sati_demise

      Was it pasture pig bacon or CAFO bacon?

      Because that makes a huge difference, but she will need to carry her own food with her at all times and let you eat in peace.

    2. DemmeFatale

      Mmmm…bacon. The chocolate of the meat world.

      (BTW: My nephew was a vegan for awhile, and my brother says that vegan farts are the worst.)

  32. June_Cleaver2.0

    I'm not surprised that Fox Noise has a story about a smart aleck Repub and teleprompters, especially with our articulate Dem president. Eventually, America has got to get sick of repubs, their nonstop lying about every issue, large and small, and their unAmerican behavior. They have created a new version of ugly American.

  33. horsedreamer_1

    Say what you will, positively, about the man, but if not for Bill Clinton's election, all the backwoods nuts wouldn't be emerging from their Ozark hovels to spew their bile. No Womack. No Huckabee. No Asa nor Tim Hutchinson. None of it. But, once Bill raised the prominence of Arkansas, all the haters came out.

    Why can't we go back to the day when Arkansas's contribution to the discourse was Dale Bumpers bullshitting on Meet the Press & J. William Fulbright funding scholarships? Is it too late to go back? Has Wal-Mart ruined everything good?

  34. MinAgain

    rose up from their graves to come shake Womack’s hand

    And then they sucker punched him in the face with their free hands.

  35. Jukesgrrl

    Let's strike a deal. Barry will give up his teleprompter if Michele Bachmann steps away from the camera.

  36. voodooeconomics

    The Black One is still setting off the republican down the Path of the Unrighteous and the Armageddon that Shall Befall the GOP in 2012…basically fuck the GOP.

  37. gurukalehuru

    …withdrew the bill because he could not get an estimate of how much it would save…

    Womack: Hello, is this the Congressional Budget Office? I need to get an estimate on how much money would be saved if we took away the President's teleprompter.
    Unnamed staffer: Are you retarded?

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