LIKING LIKING  2:46 pm February 17, 2011

Obama Meeting With Famous College Dropout To Discuss Aaron Sorkin Plot

by Jack Stuef

Looks like that Mark guy has good advisors.“President Obama will meet with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and other business leaders when he visits San Francisco Thursday according to a source familiar with the arrangements.” Well alright. Obama is apparently going to discuss innovation and science and his “Win the Future” thing. That’s cute, but America is totally bankrupt of ideas, and probably will be forever. Case in point: his administration is still calling this “Win the Future,” which sounds like a really stupid, pathetic branding attempt for a declining company/country. There really is no better name for this? So Obama will discuss innovation with these guys, and these guys won’t divulge anything meaningful, because if businessmen actually have any good ideas, they like to keep them from their competitors. The most productive thing Obama can ask Zuckerberg, obviously, is what it was like working with Bill Murray on Zombieland.

An administration official telling CNN the talks will focus on “how we can work together to win the future, strengthen our economy, support entrepreneurship, and get the American people back to work.”

“Tell the kids to drop out of college and be a douche to their friends and everyone but the douchiest guy they know. The end. America saved.” [CNN]

 
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{ 79 comments }

DerrickWildcat February 17, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I don't know who any of those people are.

WhatTheHeck February 17, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Unfriend them anyway.

trampndirtdown February 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Is he going to ask Zuckerberg why he's trying to overthrow Wisconsin?

nounverb911 February 17, 2011 at 2:57 pm

At least Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard.

BornInATrailer February 17, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Yeah. Dropping out of a state university, like I did, doesn't have that je ne sais quoi.

Preferred Customer February 17, 2011 at 3:19 pm

For this, he is my hero. And for being a billionaire. And for having cards (allegedly) that say "I'm CEO, Bitch." And for totally almost scoring with Rashida Jones.

But mostly the Harvard thing, because fuck those guys.

horsedreamer_1 February 17, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I think Obama might be trying to find out why, exactly, the guy's such a jackass.

I mean, Taylor Swift isn't that bad.

weejee February 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Is that a mic or a hookah that Shrub has there in his hand? And what way to better win the future than build a totally 21st century bong? Get workin' there you 'Murican anteatermanures.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 17, 2011 at 3:10 pm

A dildo.

OneDollarJuana February 17, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Or a dildo?

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I think we can all agree: A dildo.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm

They're going to talk about Aaron Sorkin's pot? It must be pretty good…
~

aguacatero February 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm

I don't see anything whatsoever wrong with "Win the Future," besides the trivial detail that it was the title of a Newt Gingrich book from six years ago.

DaRooster February 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm

After reading the first part of the headline and then seeing W in the pic I almost peed myself… scared the buh Jeebus outta me. I thought… "NO NO, Don't ask that guy"!
whew…

PsycWench February 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm

I dislike "Win The Future" because it suggests a terrible fate if we lose.

nounverb911 February 17, 2011 at 3:04 pm

"WTF!"

HistoriCat February 17, 2011 at 3:17 pm

So is there a way to bet against winning the future? Because I really don't see it happening.

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm

What we need is a slogan the captures real American attitudes:

Aimlessly Shuffle Off to the future and a Big Mac with Large Fries! (TM)(C).

trampndirtdown February 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Reverse mortgage the future.

baconzgood February 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Win the future? Lame. We can come up with better than that. How about "Get really rich so you can score with hot broads that would never normally blow you because your really dorky lookin' ".

horsedreamer_1 February 17, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Zuckerberg is Roger Ailes?

ulTIMum February 17, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Well, he did sit smiling on a stage in order to help a dopey war criminal sell books.

V572625694 February 17, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Worked for me.

OneDollarJuana February 17, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Don't forget "… and because you're an asshole".

Preferred Customer February 17, 2011 at 3:21 pm

This is the American Dream.

GOPCrusher February 17, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Opulence, I haz it.

nounverb911 February 17, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Zuckerberg wants to know why Sasha and Malia are banned from Facebook.

MittsHairHelmet February 17, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Obama can't actually get anything done before the 2012 election so I say why not go to Cali and hang out with some billionaires?

horsedreamer_1 February 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Why ask his co-star? I'm pretty sure Obama knows Bill Murray from the Chicago (comedy) Machine.

neiltheblaze February 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Fuck it. We've lost the future because we're 75th in Science and Math just behind Slovenia and Azerbaijan.

chickensmack February 17, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I thought it was because we strayed from the teachings of Jesus, and because we hump out teevees more than our spouses.

horsedreamer_1 February 17, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Bring back the Cubit!

Negropolis February 18, 2011 at 2:23 am

WIN (but, not the future)

ulTIMum February 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

There's the new slogan for America!

WHUP UP ON AZERBAIJAN!

problemwithcaring February 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Yea, but we rank number one in Farmville!

capnhuggyface February 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Zuckerberg to be named new Ag Sec for work on Farmville

ulTIMum February 17, 2011 at 3:00 pm

They might try this one:

Yes, We Can!

It's from Borders, and they, ah, aren't gonna be needing it, as they are, in fact, in the can.

Extemporanus February 17, 2011 at 3:02 pm

"To win the future, one must first friend the future."

- Sun Tzu

SorosBot February 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Did he ask Zuckerberg what it's like always getting confused with George-Michael Bluth?

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 3:41 pm

There's always money in the Banana Stand.

Barbara_i February 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm

There Hootie goes again, palling around with terrorist. Nothing gets done because the POTUS is always asking people to join him in Mafia Wars. Sarah Palin was right.

HolyMaracas February 17, 2011 at 3:06 pm

"The Socialist Network" is gonna be the best sequel ever!

Mobute February 17, 2011 at 3:06 pm

At this point, the closest Obama will come to meeting with a real liberal leader is rubbing elbows with another guy who kinda knew the guy from "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." At least the show had the decency to get canceled because it had principles.

Callyson February 17, 2011 at 3:07 pm

WTF, indeed…the talks should focus on “how we can work together to win in 2012, strengthen our willingness to enforce some actual regulations on the yahoos of Wall Street who screwed up our economy, get entrepreneurs to stop expecting bailouts when their luck goes bad (while telling working people tough luck, no more handouts), and get the American people to turn off the TV and think.”
Now, *that* would be an innovative accomplishment…

owhatever February 17, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Governor Walker today mobilized the Green Bay Packers to arrest Mark Zuckerberg.

Maman February 17, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Zombieland! I love that movie! Of course, now I want a twinkie.

horsedreamer_1 February 18, 2011 at 9:05 am

I hear the ones from Niger are the best.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I suggestion they call it something fancy like "The Detroit Renaissance."
That'll get some attention!

Rosie_Scenario February 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Slogans with the word "Win," just don't. Anyone old enough to remember Gerald Ford's "WIN" buttons. "Whip Inflation Now." Laughable.

littlebigdaddy February 17, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Beat me to it!

nounverb911 February 17, 2011 at 3:23 pm

I wore my WIN button while getting my "Swine Flu" shot. http://www.capitalcentury.com/1976.html

proudgrampa February 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Yes. But I sure like the idea of a "WTF" button. Multipurpose!

SorosBot February 17, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Maybe Obama should come up with a slogan that has an acronym other than WTF.

Neoyorquino February 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm

How about "save the cheerleader, save the world"? No?

HistoriCat February 17, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Duck and Cover?
We're all doomed!?
I welcome our new Chinese overlords?

GOPCrusher February 17, 2011 at 4:55 pm

"Every man for himself!"

Neoyorquino February 17, 2011 at 7:15 pm

"Everything Must Go"

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 7:59 pm

With Proposed Legislation Like This, We Must Be Crazy!

DerrickWildcat February 17, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Sarah Palin has 2,754,044 friends on Facebook, so she should probably be there too.

littlebigdaddy February 17, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Whip Inflation Now!

SayItWithWookies February 17, 2011 at 3:17 pm

As long as it's not Dick Wolfe.

Preferred Customer February 17, 2011 at 3:20 pm

"Throw the Future," to beat all those guys that are just playing the spread.

Preferred Customer February 17, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Here's the thing about Zuckerberg. As far as I can tell, the guy's a twat, but then again, so was I when I was that age (and so am I, still). But in a world of accidental wealth and fame where dipshits like Sarah Palin can become rich and famous because (literally) she is kind of attractive and willing to say stupid things with a hick accent, Zuckerberg shows that it is still possible that there are rich people who, you know, deserve to be rich, because they can do cool shit that none of the rest of us can do, and because they have really fucking cool ideas that make everyone's lives a little bit better.

Steve Jobs is the same thing. Say what you want about the guy, and he sounds like kind of an asshole–the world is demonstrably a better place with him in it, and he doesn't have to apologize to anyone for driving a fancy car. He earned it, with his mind.

So, in conclusion, in a world that makes me sink deeper and deeper into misanthropy every day, it's refreshing every once in a while to realize that sometimes the rich guys aren't just rich because they are loud obnoxious shits or were in the right place at the right time to get a Money Shower from Wall Street.

That is all.

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I, for one, welcome our new IBM overlords.

littlebigdaddy February 17, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Does Barry have to meet the Winklevoss twins? Those guys creep me out.

BlueStateLibel February 17, 2011 at 3:57 pm

All the good technology is being developed in Singapore–maybe we should invade it and get it all? It would also bring plenty of new jobs to our cash-starved military. Problem solved.

zhubajie February 17, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Probably by the sorts of immigrants who used to go to the USA.

problemwithcaring February 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

"How we can work together to win the future?"

Forewarning, billionaires. Whenever Barry sends me an email asking about "how we can work together," the answer always involves me sending him $25.

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 4:10 pm

Jack, you are way too cynical. Look at all the amazing ideas that are going to be announced:

FaceSocialist:

A new social interactive site where community activist and anarchist can get together and discuss the overthrow of the US Government along with the disbanding of the military and the requirement of two years of gay service for all youths.

FaceMuslim:

A new social networking site for those interested in imposing Sharia law on the United States. Where to book the cheapest flights to terrorist training camps in Yemen and where to build your Mosque to most annoy the whites will also be highlighted on this site.

LionelHutzEsq February 17, 2011 at 4:11 pm

FaceDeathPanel

A new social network designed to allow government personnel to post helpful hints on how to off grandmother and save the government and you a ton of money. After all,Grandma can't take if with her if she will not get heroic measures to keep her alive.

FaceChicagoWay

A new social networking site dedicated to getting people together so that they can stomp on opponents of Obama like a hippy-chicks at a biker festival, challenge politicians in the showers, and cover up what your birth certificate actually says.

And that is just the start of what Obama hopes they get done..

MistaEko February 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm

/Obama continues his speech, noticing Zuckerberg is scribbling on a pad
Obama: We will win by ….uh…Mark, do I have your attention?
Zuckerberg: Out of respect I will say no.
O: You…don't think these businessmen and I deserve your attention?
Z: I think if Americans want to talk about their ancestors and call themselves great, they can – but I don't have to sit here enjoying the lie. You have part of my attention – you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I will do things that this nation as a whole, especially your administration, have long since lost the courage to do. You don't need a forensics team here. If America was going to win the future, it would have won the future.
/goes back to drawing, winsome piano solo emanates through hall

Negropolis February 18, 2011 at 2:29 am

My end-scene was more like this….

/drops the mic, and french kisses the nearest female executive, exits stage left. Oh, accompanied by winsome piano solo emanating through hall. also.

lochnessmonster February 17, 2011 at 5:15 pm

How about "Innovation is our Future"

Preferred Customer February 17, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Whitney Houston can do the theme song.

chickensmack February 18, 2011 at 9:49 am

…written by George Benson, who can sing it better.

mavenmaven February 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm

I think it would be more accurate and American if Obama were actually to do this roundtable with Jesse Eisenberg.

deanbooth February 17, 2011 at 10:54 pm

"Win the Future" was Elie Wiesel's slogan in 1943, and he did!

Negropolis February 18, 2011 at 2:14 am

I honestly don't have anything to say in specific, but, in general, this nation has become an ungovernable shit pile of biblical proportions.

Win the future? We can't even win the past. This is the nation, after all, that is still debating the virtues of states' rights and the American Civil War as if it's a legitimate and relevant issue. Hell, we can't even win a fight against obesity and stupidity.

Win the future? Fuck, we're lucky if we can avoid a government shut-down in any given session of Congress.

Negropolis February 18, 2011 at 2:33 am

Oh, I've got one:

"Together We'll Surprise the World"

Courtesy of Super Sad True Love Story

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