Would you look at that, the sun has decided to come out in D.C. in February, the most miserable and pointless of all months. Nothing good ever happens in February. Maybe it’s out because now that CPAC is over there are less wingnuts in town so the Sun can resume doing elite activities like shining. Or because, hooray, Washington is DONE with the Recession as D.C.’s super-rich hectomillionaires are once again able to doodle on their iPads and run off to France with ease! Sun or not, maybe it’s best to stay inside, forever. Now that there’s nothing good to watch on Al Jazeera Live anymore, here are some fun indoor activities patriotic Americans can do other than sitting at their desks watching porn:

  • Oedipus El Rey: The Woolly Mammoth Theater is hosting Oedipus El Rey, a play set in a barrio in Los Angeles that’s an intense, gritty adaptation of the Greek tragedy Oedipus. It’s got all the good stereotypes about Mexicans — drugs, prison, gangs, and violence, plus nudity. Brush up on your Spanglish. Tickets are $35 or $15 if you’re 25 or under. [Woolly Mammoth Theater]
  • The Chosen: If you need a break from Jews and the Middle East, here’s a play about Jews in their other natural habitat: Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Tickets are $35-$60, or $15 is you’re under 25 or under. The pay-what-you-can preview is Tuesday, March 8. [Arena Stage]


  • Important TeeVee alert: The Oscars are very, very soon! Huzzah! When they announce this year’s best pinkest-ass America-hating movie, will you have seen it? E Street Cinema is currently screening all of the Oscar Nominated Animated Short films as well as all of the Oscar Nominated Live Action Short films. AMC theaters are hosting a 24-hour marathon of all the films nominated for Best Picture, which sounds miserable, but at least, at the end, you’ll know if the movie with the kids talking fast or the one with the cowboy or the one with the lesbians deserves this most highest honor! [E Street Cinema/AMC]

Book Discussions:

  • Jonathan Franzen: FREEDOM! Did you read Jonathan Franzen’s new book? Oprah told you to! Even Obama read it so he could learn why all his upper class white constituents are always so angsty. On Friday, February 18, Franzen will be giving a lecture about his book at the National Cathedral. Tickets are $22 or $16 for students and seniors. [National Cathedral]
  • Amy Chua: Yes, if you spend your days locked in your cubicle, sitting at your desk watching porn, maybe it is unfortunate that your parent’s didn’t love you by hating you as was Amy Chua’s parenting style. She will be discussing her book Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother at Politics and Prose on February 18, at 7PM. Free. [Politics and Prose]
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  • PublicLuxury

    The right-wing tea tards have abusive child rearing tactics down to a science. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

    • ttommyunger

      And Catholic Priests worldwide sat up a little straighter in their pantyhose.

      • PublicLuxury

        Here I thought they all wore thongs. A little religious naughtiness keeps the Sunday Mass a bit more interesting. There's the altar and men in long dresses and candles and, oh my, the possibilities. . .

        • ttommyunger

          The best part of church, eye-fucking the hotties. See you in Hell, Pub.

          • PublicLuxury

            It's a date.

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    It’s got all the good stereotypes about Mexicans — drugs, prison, gangs, and violence, plus nudity.

    What about killing Christ, or using the blood of American citizens to make their tortillas?

    Wait, I might be mixing up my bigotries here…

  • SorosBot

    Hey, I was born in February! As were both Washington and Lincoln, which is why most people who don't work at my office have off Monday.

    • WriteyWriterton

      My February birthday: James Dean, Jules Verne, Nick Nolte (leading with the best). Also, Lana Turner, Ted Koppel, and Gary Coleman.

      So, Arielle, take back the mean things you said about my and Sorosbot's month! Or I'm getting my Big Brother to beat you up. Or at least send in the rats.

      • SorosBot

        Wikipedia tells me I share by birthday with Renoir, George Harrison, Rick "Nature Boy" Flair, Samwise Gamgee, Rashida Jones (same exact day – this means she is meant to be mine), and a bunch of people I've never heard of or who are kind of embarrassing, like Carrot Top.

    • Jennifer Jason Leigh and Laura Linney who isn't a First Lady but played one on TV were born in February and share a birthday with me…

      I knew that there was something that I liked about you Soros and Writey!

      • WriteyWriterton

        Merci, Maman. Arielle should be grateful – grateful! – for her new February Overlords.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Hell, even Mardi Gras had the good sense to be in March this year, so yes, fuck February.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's about time somebody found a good use for the national cathedral. Maybe after this they can turn it into a head shop.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Wait, Arielle, I'm confused. Is "The King's Speech" the one with the lesbians in it? I mean, other than Colin Firth.

  • I was raised by an Asian Tiger Mom. I often wondered if the only word she really knew in English was "STUDY!" If I was watching TV, she'd yell "STUDY" or when I was reading a non school book she'd yell "STUDY!" or when I was actually studying, "STUDY!!!" Or the hours of playing piano which I hated.

    My mom wonders where my snark and sarcasm came from. She obviously didn't look in the mirror. Added to that was her emphasis on school and no social development set me back about 10 or so years especially in regards to meeting women.

    She wasn't all bad, but it annoys the hell out of me when I hear Asian Moms like Amy blab on about how wonderful they are. They're not perfect.

    Anyway, what bothered me even more was as bad as I thought my mom was, there are much much much worse. My parents were "librul" when it came to being an Asian parent. At least she doesn't consider me a failure… anymore especially when held up against the light of my idiot US America cousins and her friends kids.

    • ttommyunger

      C'mon, Man. Let's not blame mommy for our failures with women. We are all failures in their eyes to one extent or another. I've been told (by women) there are only two kinds of men: Married assholes and Single assholes.

      • My failures in relationships were entirely my fault.

        What I'm saying is that I was lacking in the social skills as a young adult necessary for interacting with women because I never spent much time with females as I was a high school nerd/grind/quasi social outcast/monk. So I never really got much of a chance to even make an ass of myself around the fairer sex (think Buster Bluth.)

        Those social skills you learn by fumbling and stumbling through high school and making lots of mistakes. I had to learn at college. Much less forgiving than high school.

        • ttommyunger

          OK. For what it's worth, I found Elementary School more cruel (Rural Missouri Shit-Kickers against the new kid and preacher's kid to boot). High Schoolers thoughtless and self-involved and college kids (60') pretty mellow. I was raised by women (dad was career AF), so believed (and believe), that they are the givers of every good and perfect gift. Don't know anything about your physical attributes or social skills, but you have a sharp intellect and quick wit; qualities women love, I'm told. In the final analysis, if we are heterosexual; however, we are destined to be continually confounded by our shortcomings. Women are the perfect creation; we are considerably less.

  • nounverb911

    So then it was okay for Scott Brown to pimp out his daughters on the night he won the special election?

    • Barbara_i

      No, it was not.

    • PublicLuxury

      Of course it is OK. He's a republican tea tard he can pimp anything he wants and we are all supposed to follow suit. I pimped out the adolescents at the park just yesterday.

  • HistoriCat

    Nothing good ever happens in February.

    Apparently someone did not have a good Valentine's Day …

  • GOPCrusher

    All sammichs are 5 dolla foot longs at Subway.

  • Billmatic

    Ben Rothelisberger lost the super bowl and threw two interceptions. Another good thing.

  • My Spanglish is already top-notch, thank you very much.

    P.S. Sitting at your desk watching porn really isn't that bad.

    • ttommyunger

      You mean there is something else you can do there?

  • ttommyunger

    A good Valentines Day? I like to use the abbreviation"PPS" to help me remember the three main ingredients: Pussy, Poontang and Snatch.

  • politics_nerd

    i was born in febbiery, as was lincoln and washington. although lincoln foolishly hung onto the south, both myself and washington used to grow pot so SOMETHING good came out this month. plus this is love the verybrowns month.

  • finallyhappy

    Gosh, I am going to Paris in 3 weeks- but it will be March then.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Is the chorus for Oedipus El Rey supplied by Tito & the Tarantula? Maybe Los Lobos?

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