Barack Obama Not Capable of Book-Writing, Sez 'Literary Detective'

Barack Obama: you’re familiar with him (or are you?). Whatever else you might say about the man, it’s hard to deny that he’s smart and literate and can express his thoughts in non-horrible English. Or so you sheeple thought , until world-renowned author and self-proclaimed “literary detective” Jack Cashill came along to prove that Bill Ayers wrote Barry’s books and that, well, it’s not like black people can write proper books anyway. Cashill’s newest exposé, Deconstructing Obama: The Life, Loves, and Letters of America’s First Postmodern President , released this week, will forever prove that Obama was born to Indonesian chupacabras and is a literary Space Communist.

Jack Cashill first made the argument that Barack Obama is secretly Bill Ayers (at least in his books) in 2008. His evidence that hippy terrorist Ayers wrote Dreams From My Father (Barry’s supposed autobiography) hinged on a comparison of the two fellows’ styles. Par exemple:

“I picture the street coming alive, awakening from the fury of winter, stirred from the chilly spring night by cold glimmers of sunlight angling through the city.”

- Bill Ayers, Fugitive Days 

“Night now fell in midafternoon, especially when the snowstorms rolled in, boundless prairie storms that set the sky close to the ground, the city lights reflected against the clouds.”

- Barack Obama, Dreams From My Father 

They’re like the same, man! It’s like, they both reference weather. WEATHER. Whoa. Shit bro. Heavy.

In his new book, Cashill argues that Barack couldn’t possibly have written Dreams From My Father because Dreams From My Father is evocative and elegantly written, and it’s not possible that Barack Obama could write an evocative and elegant book, because, well, YOU KNOW WHY (blaques can’t write the bookz, due to blaqueness?).

 
 But perhaps that’s unfair. Cashill claims that Obama didn't show any signs of being a talented writer before Dreams was published...but then he wrote a readable autobiography and this proves, according to science , that Obama personally recruited Bill Ayers to be his ghostwriter, for Communist profit.

But Cashill doesn't stop there. He's hung up on all kinds of Obama intrigue. For instance:

1) Obama and Ayers use similar imagery, sort of, sometimes, in their respective autobiographies. This proves that Bill Ayers, "the Brett Favre of terrorism, " wrote Dreams From My Father .

2) ZOMG Barack Obama sux lol

3) The fact that Obama cites writers like Langston Hughes and Richard Wright as literary influences. To Cashill, this is an unforgivable horror, as Hughes and Wright were both “communists.” This is an especially important point, because great American poet Langston Hughes---like many artists and intellectuals in the first half of the 20th century---did indeed flirt with the Communism as a sort of clueless intellectual parlor game. What this means is that he literally ran a gulag, for pleasure. It seems not to occur to Jack Cashill that perhaps Obama enjoys Langston Hughes for his actual writing and not his occasional, fleeting political opinions. But perhaps we should evaluate every writer on this dumb ideological criteria. For instance: anyone who doesn’t support the Holy Roman Empire should never read Dante, and so on.

4) Obama’s greatest act of literary villainy was suppressing his birth certificate, which probably reads “BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA: BORN A LESBIAN FOR REAL.”

No, really. Cashill is convinced that lovely Michelle isn't enough for Barry; he might crave BOTH sexes, because his father might be Frank Marshall Davis, a famed Commie newspaper editor from the 1930's. Whut? Yes. All of this will be covered in next week's installment of Wonkette World o' Books, because Deconstructing Obama is so wonderfully bizarre it needs two blog posts to Fully Explicate. Until then, comrades...

  Deconstructing Obama: The Life, Loves, and Letters of America's First Postmodern President   by Jack Cashill, Threshold Editions, 352 pages, $13.17 

 Thanks to Wonkette operative “Toni S.” 

 DO tune in for next week's installment, in which we learn that Barack Obama is bisexual.