Justin Bieber Attacks U.S. Health Care Just Because It Bankrupts Sick People

  bieber says america 'evil'

Destroy another fetus now, we don't like children anyhow. I've seen the future, baby. It is murder.Canadian prime minister Justin Bieber revealed to the Rolling Stone website that America sucks for all kinds of reasons, not the least of which is the nation’s barbaric “health care system” (The Greatest Health Care System In The World™). So when will Justin Bieber become an American Citizen?

Can you even believe he had the nerve to say “never,” as in “never never ever,” which is what he probably said? But why? Why not become a citizen of America?

He should know that the United States is the Greatest Country In The World (according to people who have literally never been anywhere else on Earth), because his race probably has American TeeVee News in Canada, maybe, to broadcast this important message. After all, we have to have CBC and that gutter “French” station from Quebec on our satellite radio here in the real North America!

This little punk kid with the microwaved Byrds wig, he thinks he can say bad things about MIGHTY AMERICA and still get our teen girls all juiced up? UNCOOL, DA BIEB. (That is his rap nickname, we bet, “DA BIEB.” Or maybe “DA BEEB.” Or “BEEB BEE CEE-LO.”) But please say in American words why you will not become a U.S. citizen, DA BIEB.

“You guys are evil,” he says with a laugh. “Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.

WHUT. Also he is against abortion. Who could be against abortion? It seems like every Canadian singer (Leonard Cohen and Justin Bieber) is for some reason against killing babies for sport when they are still “in da uterus.” It’s like these people do not even remember we fought whatever war, Vietnam or Grenada or someplace, to free them from Tyranny. God, sometimes it’s like foreigners don’t even know how to be liberal.

Defund Planned Parenthood/Justin Beiber today! When your daughter “rides” with Bieber, she actually rides with Hitler! [Rolling Stone via Cajun Boy]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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228 comments

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Just keep Bieber away from the RUSH songbook & Joni Mitchell, & I'll be cool.

      I'd kind of like to him do a ravey, jammy take on "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", though. Maybe get Leftover Salmon (is that the indigenous people's Phish-type act?) to do accompaniment.

    2. mlwjones

      I vomited a bit in my mouth when I saw that.

      If you want evidence of the coming End of Days, think this: a Bieber/Cohen duet album, covering Celine Dion's greatest hits.

    3. revmod

      Destroy another fetus now
      We don't like children anyhow
      I've seen the future, baby (baby baby, ohhhhh)
      It is murder.

      1. Numbat_Dundee

        Now I've heard there was a secret chord
        That Justin played and it pleased the Lord
        And you Yanks don't have no healthcare really do ya?
        It goes like this, you tax the rich,
        Then pay for Doctors when you itch.
        Even Bieber – a pre-adolescent crooner
        Understands this
        Though he's still otherwise a loser.

    4. foog

      I wonder if it's even possible to come up with a more dissimilar Canuckistani pairing…

      Tom Green and Norman Bethune?
      The Arcade Fire and Nickelback?
      John Candy and Céline Dion?
      Neil Young and David Frum?

  1. OC_Surf_Serf

    How can Justin really be Canadian…there is no 'a' in his name!

    (PS My 11-year old daughter is in love with this boy…at least the little fart can play guitar, drums, etc pretty damned well….oops..sorry my dear Wonketteers…had some Beiber fever, but I am better)

    1. Maman

      I am sorry to tell you this, but I have been informed by my 16-year old daughter that Master Beiber is my future son-in-law. Try to let your daughter down gently.

      1. SorosBot

        That reminds me of how at least half the girls in my seventh-eighth grade were convinced they were the future Mrs. George Michael.

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        Lol at your 16-year-old daughter. When I teasingly asked my 14-year-old daughter why there's no Justin Bieber on her iPod, she said simply, "Justin Bieber is an idiot."

        But from what I've read above, he seems significantly brighter than, say, your average Republican senator.

    2. OC_Surf_Serf

      I want to humbly thank my fellow Wonks…you all just may understand how it is to be living in a house with 3 teenage daughters. (shhhh…I secretly like Katy Perry, too…, but for far different reasons.)

      1. HurricaneAli

        Haha, Beiber Fever thread!

        My husband was talking to our 12-year old niece on the phone the other day and said something like, "so, uh, you kids are listening to Justin Bieber, right? You like Justin Bieber?" And there is this dead pause and then the most frosty, "no," ever. "It was like being shot with a freeze ray through the phone," he said later.

        1. GOPCrusher

          I still harbor a grudge against Mike Ditka for not letting Walton Payton score a touchdown in the 85 Super Bowl, but he let the Fridge score.

          1. teebob2000

            I hate hate HATE the Bears, but was heartbroken for Walter when Dick-ka pulled that shit and let that talentless alcoholic fat fuck run the TD. Asshole.

      2. horsedreamer_1

        The video for "Teenage Dream" is the best soft-focus soft-core porn since USA Network took away "Up All Nite".

  2. SorosBot

    The teabaggers are confused; they're all ready to burn their crying little daughtes' Bieber CDs, but then they see the anti-choice comments and aren't sure what to do.

    1. BarryOPotter

      …but then they see the anti-choice comments and aren't sure what to do.

      If you listen closely, you can hear the faintest *CLANK!* emanating from their earholes as their brain-gears freeze up. [This problem is usually solved by a corn-syrup lube from a sip or 82,000 of soda.]

    2. Clancy_Pants

      Hopefully their heads will explode. Kindof like when Kirk and Spock mindfuck Landru (the computer) into destroying itself by convincing it that it has violated it's own prime directive in "The Return of the Archons".

    1. BarryOPotter

      Maybe she hasn't accepted herself yet, you know, learned to love herself just as she is, which is surprising being Canadian and having a loving parent in her corner…

  3. BerkeleyBear

    That's it – time to restart the War of 1812 and invade (except for Quebec – I don't want anything to do with those not-quite French freaks).

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Details, details. Andy Jackson whipped the shit out of the Brits in New Orleans, and that's what matters – and no goddamn treaty, history book or timeline is going to convince me otherwise.

        Plus, while they burned it, they didn't burn it down to the ground, proving again the superiority of American (slave) construction.

    1. Billmatic

      Ah, there is no comfort in the covens of the witch,
      Some very clever doctor went and sterilized the bitch,
      And the only man of energy, yes the revolution's pride,
      He trained a hundred women just to kill an unborn child.

      AND THERE. ARE. NO. DIAMONDS!!! IN YOUR MINE!!!!

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …I would take a hoard of screaming hormonal tweens over a bunch of colonial costume wearing freaks any day!

      1. Cicada

        Agreed. At least the hormonal screaming tweens have focused their unnatural lusts on a living human being, and not the dessicated corpse of Ayn Rand.

  4. x111e7thst

    So is Bieber smarter than the average Repuke? Now I'm confused. Anyway he is much cuter so that has to count for something.

    1. lulzmonger

      The stuff I cleaned out of my fridge yesterday is smarter than the average Repuke. Also cuter.

      But I have to admit the boy has photogenic to spare: if I was gay or female, & MUCH less prehistoric, I'd definitely hit it like the fist of an angry god.

  5. Gopherit

    "In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home."

    But if you work for Justin Bieber, you're shit out of luck if you expect health insurance.

    I hate that little fuck.

    1. Cicada

      Maybe his bodyguard's baby was born before he worked for Bieber? Also, he's 16. I doubt he makes the decisions about his staff's benefit packages.

      I hate that I just expended valuable seconds thinking about this, BTW.

    2. DarwinianDemon

      lulz, yeah. "I had to make my bodyguard work on CHRISTMAS to pay for his baby…hated to do it, but you know…"

    3. fuflans

      i read that as saying his bodyguard's health insurance won't cover premature births. sure seems like something The Greatest HealthCare Insurance In The World would do.*

      * this is in no way a defense of the bieber fab. that utterly baffles me and though i am something of a cougar i draw the line at six year olds.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        yeah that was my read too, my guess is the bodyguard DOES have health insurance but like any REAL 'Merkan knows the insurance company denied paying for the premie cuz it was a PRE-EXISTING CONDITION!

    4. imissopus

      Or possibly the bodyguard works for one of those companies that contracts to provide security for celebrities, and so whatever Bieber business manager hired them has nothing to do with his benefits.

      But still, shut up you little nerd.

  6. jus_wonderin

    I don't know how this boy can manage his time so well. Just this week he was building a dam at the spillway of my pond. Industrious little cherub, that one.

    1. lulzmonger

      Those teeth can saw through a mature tree-trunk in minutes flat … & all the lumber-chomping is what keeps them so white.

  7. Cat_Damon

    Bieber likes Canadian health care. Sarah Palin likes Canadian health care. Bieber = Palin. Go ahead. Try and argue with that logic. You can't.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    It's historically impossible for a country to be the greatest in the world if, instead of having a war for independence, they had a parliamentary motion. And even though they gave us Neil Young, they made up for it with Shatner, so that's even.

        1. emmelemm

          Oooh! Good one.

          "Please take me as a prisoner of war, kthnx." At least Canada probably still observes the Geneva Convention stuff, whereas America is about two baby steps from treating all its citizens like Gitmo detainees.

    1. Amo_of_Bogio

      You insult the Shat, this sir, means war. We'll be along presently to burn down your white house – if that's ok with you and not too inconvenient.

        1. SorosBot

          But the US-Canadian war never happened, because Satan rewrote history to prevent it as a favor to the little boy who made him realize his relationship with Saddam Hussein was abusive.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Good luck with that — Pierre L'Enfant's diabolical traffic circles have been keeping the White House safe since 1812, so consider yourselves warned.

      1. lulzmonger

        Nuh-uh!
        SCTV FTW!

        Although their Bob & Doug Mackenzie "Great White North" skit was the original source of all the "take off, eh, you hoser" horseshit … Guy Caballero & Count Floyd more than made up for it.

  9. Gopherit

    He actually said, when asked about abortions in cases of rape, ""Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason."

    Wow. I didn't think anyone could say something more fucking stupid than the House republicans who made the distinction of "forceable rape." Way to go Bieber. Too bad you aren't American, you'd have a career in politics here.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      So…if I dope slap him so hard that his eyes pop out, he'd be cool with it 'cuz everything happens for a reason?

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Well, the complete quote is "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that."

      In other words, he can see, even at 16, that maybe judging other people might not be a great idea, as well as contemplate two opposing concepts at the same time. I think there might be hope for him as he matures, especially if he begins to associate supporters of the hellish US health system with anti-choicers.

      I can't believe I'm discussing the political wisdom of this Bieber person. I'm not sure I have even heard one of his songs. He sings, right?

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Oh, never mind. I read some of the other comments and apparently he's a little jerk? I'm so glad my daughter is 25.

    1. Tommmcatt

      Somehow I don't think his sex partners are going to have to worry about pregnancy so much. I had the same feeling about Ricky Martin back in the day…

  10. DaRooster

    The gall, "… my bodyguard's baby… blah blah… he has to pay for it… blah blah…" sheesh.
    Healthcare, Smealthcare…

  11. Texan_Bulldog

    Ward, don't be so hard on the Bieb.

    (Actually I despise his music & his hair–get that shit out of your eyes(!) but love a good Leave it to Beaver reference.)

    1. bitchincamaro2

      For real. Let us know when he weighs in on the national haircare debate. And long live Eddie Haskel!

  12. Tommmcatt

    How long until Michelle Malkin gets arrested for hanging around Bieber's hotel room with a butcher knife and a copy of Atlas Shrugged, I wonder…

  13. MsElla

    He sounds like a real little prick. And he's anti-abortion? Let's see how long that lasts when / if he knocks up an underage fan.

    1. Extemporanus

      I can second-handedly vouch for that "little prick" assessment:

      My wife works for an ad agency that unfortunately counts as a client one whose campaign of terror is centered around celebutard testimonials delivered by musician-esque spokestweens and twunts (Jessica Simpson, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry, to name but a few).

      The overwhelming consensus of her team after shooting the Bieb's spot was that he was the most spoiled, self-centered, egotistical little shit with whom they had ever had the displeasure of working. To wit: He threatened (repeatedly) to have everyone on the set fired (which he could do "with the snap of his fingers") because, among other things, his hairdresser was not provided with a chauffeured limo to use throughout the day as she saw fit.

      And, yes, he is indeed an evangelical Christian.

  14. littlebigdaddy

    True story: I was living in a remote Native village in the Canadian north in the mid-80s. They had a sattelite dish and in those days they got 4 Detroit channels as part of their lineup (as well as one Mexican porn channel). They saw some f'ed up shit, and had a very skewed idea of the US. They thought Americans routinely engaged in arson and mayhem. But Justin's right–we love us some unequal access to health care and abortions.

    1. DemmeFatale

      So true. When we lived in Toronto, (and got local Buffalo TV), Canadians always wanted to know why the U.S. was the four-alarm fire capitol of the world.

      (BTW: Nice Boston.)

      1. Maman

        Ha! When I lived outside of Buffalo, I used to get to watch ads about Canadians having to be nice to their Francophone neighbors and watch The Trouble With Tracy on CTV.

      1. Beowoof

        You want real nasty shit go up the road to Niagara Falls NY, what a shit hole, and I grew up there, and it has gotten worse.

        1. twaingirl

          That and Lewiston, the "secret" nuclear dump, which is where I lived. Can't say I miss any of it, except for maybe the easy escape to Toronto.

      1. littlebigdaddy

        Yeah, this was back in the day when a satellite dish could pick up anything, as long as you pointed it to the right satellite. It was hard-core stuff, and this was in a community that had had no media other than AM radio two or three years earlier.

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You’re just inconvenienced.

      –David Cross

    2. Jason_inthe_Peg

      No he won't. He'll just have to pay extra hush money until his hypocrisy is no longer secret.

      Then he'll sue her for breach of contract.

  15. prommie

    I read this, this story about the chirpings of this lad, and I must say, not a fuck was given. Not one fuck, not one.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Me either. I can honestly say that up until six months ago, I had no idea who this little shit was and can hold my head up proudly that I have never heard any of his music. And the only reason I found out who he was, was someone forwarded me a You Tube link of him getting smoked in the head by a water bottle that was chucked at him from the crowd.
      I LOL'd, in fact I'm chuckling just thinking about it now.

  16. PalinPussyPower

    So much time and effort spent to bring down the teabaggers, and all it took was a tween hearththrob to mobilize a mass of horomonally charged teenage girls. This is why liberals are such losers. We can't even figure out shit like this.

    1. mayor_quimby

      Some say he only eats at Tim Horton's. Others say he claims Detroit is the 7th circle of hell.
      All we know is he's called the Bieb!

  17. littlebigdaddy

    And you know he's going to end up living in LA like most of his countrymen. The Quebecers go to Myrtle Beach (they feel at home with its tackiness), the Olds go to Florida for 6 months a year, and everyone else goes to LA. This would include the sublime Joni Mitchell and the less-so Howie Mandel.

  18. jus_wonderin

    The best part about fame (if this is it) is the ability to buy your detractors. So, if a republitard counters JB on his socialist stance the JB can just say….hey, I can buy you.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      He doesn't need to worry about them. He's actually like a white Gary Coleman and he's actually 35.

  19. jus_wonderin

    Fun Craft Project:

    Glue
    Tongue depressor
    Small photo cutout of young Jane Fonda (not looking like JB)

    1. Beowoof

      And McDonalds, Burger King and Wendy's are consider restaurants by many Americans. I just wish most Americans would shut the fuck up.

      1. i_like_tigers

        Those are "fifth date" kind of restaurants for me. Gotta make a girl work for it, ya know? Also, since I don't have healthcare I just eat some McNuggets every 8 hours whenever I get sick.

        "Leave it to Bieber – 2012"

  20. shirleyplz

    isn't that Europe burning in that Blingee? why does Da Berb hate Europe.
    Europe is burning cuz of Berlusconi's penis hanging out, ok.

  21. PublicLuxury

    This Beiber person has usurped the Jonas Brothers in America's preteen heart. Deport him. He's obvious an illegal Canadian Mexican Kenyan socialist barbarian communist no birf certificate Irish nincompoop or something.

  22. jackannapolis

    Either Ken is out in the desert eating mushrooms and posting to Wonkette, or he has a very bad ghost writer. Where is the less angry, more cutting and insightful Layne?

  23. Cicada

    It just occurred to me: some reporter for Rolling Stone thought it was worthwhile to ask DA BIEB what he thought about weighty issues like health care reform and abortion in cases of rape.

    I wonder if that reporter has come out of their shame spiral yet, or if they're locked in a bathroom somewhere weeping softly into a bag of Cheetos.

    1. Rotundo_

      It's a short slide from Rolling Stone to Tiger Beat and the poor bastard no doubt has looked over the edge into the abyss. And it smelled like teen spirit.

  24. DarwinianDemon

    So according to Bieber rape "happens for a reason".

    Why did Rolling Stone ask him this? He could barely field Conan's questions about his hair.

  25. Gorillionaire

    Did Rolling Stone get Bieb's opinions on farm subsidies or the fat "research" subsidies that get paid to oil companies? No? Well then what are we supposed to think, then, Rolling Stone! Sheesh!

  26. HolyMaracas

    If America is stupid enough to listen to what a 15-yr old Canadian girl has to say about politics, then being "evil" should be the least of our worries.

      1. PuckStopsHere

        My high school daughter–the smart one with the all "A's" 'n all–just got a mailer from Wash U and we laughed and laughed…

  27. MissTaken

    Ok, all of us Wonketteers who actually get this need to hang our heads in collective shame. Yes, me included.

  28. sati_demise

    What does he think about gay marriage?

    (I watched the Grammys, was happy he didnt win best new artist, and was surprised by how good his performance at the show was, so, Usher really made him work, obvsly)

  29. zappadoo76

    Every cougar in America wants to molest this kid, and he isn't grateful? Shame on Justin! USA! USA! USA!

  30. Troubledog

    I see how it is. RS is pandering and looking for drama when they troll proto-adolescent Bieber about weighty issues like knocking up girls.

    But they are heroes or valiant journos (hahaha of which none still exist) when they troll Stanley McChrystal about being bossed by some suits in DC and a black community organizer.

    C'mon folks.

  31. moar_plz

    The Teabaggers are going to do to Bieber what Bieber fans did to Esperanza Spalding. Funny, I never made the connection between a Bagger tantrum and a 12 year old girl tantrum. They're remarkably similar, aren't they?

  32. slowhansolo

    You guys are missing the point. As long as he says he hates abortion, he can say anything other crazy thing he wants and still be forgiven by his ilk. I predict they will actually praise his patriotism, because that's just kind of Rovian cognitive dissonance bullshit that they simply eat up.

  33. MiniMencken

    If you've never been to one of those live Bieber shows they have in that string of seedy Canadian border towns along the 49th Parallel, with their unctuous, makinaw-jacketed ticket takers, the poutine-shilling waitresses reeking of cheap maple syrup and their Ukrainian bouncers in their embroidered shirts, you really are not qualified to be commenting here.

  34. Negropolis

    I'm glad he's for Canadian health care, because after he forces his women to bear his bastard children, they are going to need it.

    Remember, Bieber's a good "Christian" boy. **gag** Honestly, he's from a large, rural town in the boonies of Southern Ontario that isn't even remotely close to a freeway exist, and was born to a white-trash mother and an absent father who's only now back in the picture because he's taking in shitloads of money. I didn't judge until he came in with all of the Christian shit, which he does from time to time.

  35. lulzmonger

    16 or 61, it's pretty easy to be a raging Ignint McNugget when you have swimming pools full of money.

    One of my certified "Trashcan Roulette Cuisine" reality-tutorial workshops would straighten that boy out REAL good in about three days, tops.

  36. PhilippePetain

    Dude's bodyguard has a premature baby and little lord Fauntleroy over here is bitching about it instead of helping a brother???

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