Rick Santorum Wants the Google To Be Civil, Stop Calling Him Gay Sex Names

  just pouring out more lube and feces

BTW, what is this girl now, 40?Yes, Rick Santorum is aware that, according to the Internet, his name means “that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex,” thanks to the Internet’s love advice guy, Dan Savage. But Rick Santorum also heard President Obama say something about “civility” when that woman who actually has a job in politics got shot, so he thinks President Obama should deliver a speech talking about how he’s not a byproduct of anal sex and sternly tell the Google to stop being so mean to him. This is how things are supposed to go in the age of civility, according to Santorum. Never mind that this happened because he was being uncivil to gays and nobody is standing up for civility for him right now because everyone forgot about him and being mean to him on the Internet years ago.

Santorum, meanwhile, suggested a double standard, especially in what appears to be a new era of civility in the wake of the Arizona shootings.

“It’s just a sad commentary,” he told Roll Call. “You want to talk about incivility. I don’t know of anybody on the left who came to my defense for the incivility with respect to those things.” [...]

“If somebody had a website up that maligned somebody who wasn’t a white, Christian, conservative, male, Rachel Maddow’s head would explode,” ["Santorum ally" David Urban] said. “Where’s Rachel Maddow on this?”

Where’s Rachel Maddow on this? She was probably in high school or something when Rick Santorum was relevant to politics. That’s where she is, laughing at the memory of Rick Santorum because somebody on her staff saw this in Roll Call.

If Rick Santorum wanted to get this sex thing the Internet did to him like a decade ago pushed down his Google results, he could do something relevant for the first time since then. To be fair, he’s trying to do this by running for president. But even his presidential campaign is less relevant than some joke made about him years ago. Which is even funnier than the joke. [Roll Call]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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