INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENTS  12:41 am February 16, 2011

President Obama Accidentally Washed Down Giant Drain

by Ken Layne

My Bucket's Got A Hole In It, I can't buy no beer.It’s not easy being the president during a sustained industrial/economic collapse! But Barack Obama bravely went to Willy Wonka’s munitions factory somewhere in Ohio or someplace, and then Barack Obama did a bad thing and tried the Every Flavor Dinner Gum, which includes “fried fat curds,” which are against Michelle Obama’s rules, so the crazy Koch Brother who thinks he’s Willy Wonka activated the Wingnuttia Brigade of slave-dwarves and poor Barry went down, down the drain.

Here’s the picture as it appears on the White House Flickr site, with the president shrunken down to the size of a Cheerio:

Drain You.And if you care, here’s the official U.S. Government photo caption, which almost makes as much sense as our own caption:

President Barack Obama looks inside a hydrogen cooled generator while touring the General Electric plant in Schenectady, N.Y., with GE CEO Jeff Immelt and plant manager Kevin Sharkey, right, Jan. 21, 2011. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 82 comments }

bumfug February 16, 2011 at 12:46 am

Looks like the title shots from all the old James Bond movies.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 16, 2011 at 3:19 am

"Do you expect me to talk, Taitz."

"No, Mr. president, I expect you to provide a long-form birth certificate."

[zaps her with tazer disguised as flag lapel pin, knocking her into inexplicable vat of molten metal]

"Looks like you need a long-form death certificate."

[cue theme song, trippy credit sequence for "You Only Preside Twice"]

deelzebub February 16, 2011 at 9:30 am

This movie needs to be made. I volunteer to be one of the tastefully nude and not at all strippery girls dancing in silouette during the theme song.

bumfug February 16, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Did I mention I'm a producer? Meet me in the loft.

GOPCrusher February 16, 2011 at 10:22 am

Needz moar Shirley Bassey.

HolyMaracas February 16, 2011 at 10:32 am

Very fitting, especially since he's up against a whole army of Dr.No's.

seppdecker February 16, 2011 at 4:31 pm

And Boehner, who's a pussy, galore.

keepem_sikanpor February 16, 2011 at 12:51 am

It's a cheerio behind a dime wrapped in the enigma of a quarter.

noodlesalad February 16, 2011 at 12:53 am

I can't help but think Sarah Veruca Salt Palin, and her "biggest" fan Augustus Rush Gloop, had something to do with this.

PocketsTheClown February 16, 2011 at 1:28 am

Lotsa squirrels fell into that hole. BAD NUTZ

HempDogbane February 16, 2011 at 12:57 am

Cervixes are awesome!

keepem_sikanpor February 16, 2011 at 1:00 am

Dr. Noelle, is that you?

MsQuasimodo February 21, 2011 at 1:10 am

hahaha I saw what you did there

Numbat_Dundee February 16, 2011 at 6:56 am

Mmmmm….Flashbacks to reading The Female Eunuch as as 16 year old male virgin. I got the point that the clitoris was a very important thing, but Germaine didn't provide any handy diagrams (admittedly 16 year old male virgins weren't exactly the readership she had in mind).
So I had to construct my own mental map of the female genitalia, as fanciful as the mediaeval maps of the world. Imagine this picture as a vagina with a sort of big rubber inner tube ready to contract and grab a penis, then wreak its viscious and delightful will on said organ. That's how it was constructed in the blank page of my hormone fuelled adolescent imagination. Said clitoris/pleasure giving inner tube was, btw, located in my imagination sort of where Barry's looking in the picture – and given he's close to an exact contemporary of mine (I was born in September 1961) with a feminist mother, maybe that's what he's imagining.
And the question, then, is whether his lovely spouse had the good sense of one of my early girlfriends who enlightenened me by grabbing my index finger and placing it on the real thing and saying loudly and confidently: "This is it."

Fuck Toad February 16, 2011 at 7:55 am

I sort of imagine Barry boned (or at least finger banged, Kenyan style) at least one other lady before marrying FLOTUS.

horsedreamer_1 February 16, 2011 at 8:48 am

Kenyan-style = distance-running = endurance = Kama Sutra = Sting is Kenyan?

not that Dewey February 16, 2011 at 10:34 am

I'm trying to picture the "There Be Dragons" region of your map.

Negropolis February 17, 2011 at 12:08 am

Imagine this picture as a vagina with a sort of big rubber inner tube ready to contract and grab a penis, then wreak its viscious and delightful will on said organ.

In the words of Paris Hilton: That's hot.

Crank_Tango February 16, 2011 at 1:03 am

If that is some kind of gun, you can be sure he is only checking it out so he can figure out how to take it away.

Troubledog February 16, 2011 at 1:24 am

And that's how I found out ACORN made hydrogen-cooled generators.

/rainbow sound

The More You Know

keepem_sikanpor February 16, 2011 at 1:28 am

Is it regular rainbow sound or DOUBLE rainbow sound?

PocketsTheClown February 16, 2011 at 1:57 am

OMA GAH wadazit MEE HEE HEE nuh

.. too loud

DerrickWildcat February 16, 2011 at 1:19 am

It's pretty whatever it is.

chascates February 16, 2011 at 1:20 am

The same GE that's sponsoring the Reagan Centennial celebration? I smell a rat. A hydrogen-cooled rat.

fuflans February 16, 2011 at 1:24 am

i'm pretty sure there's a lady gaga song here somewhere

Sparky_McGruff February 16, 2011 at 8:17 am

Sure, Gaga's song is dropping soon, but I'm pretty sure it's just a rip-off of Madonna's "Combined Cycle Natural Gas Turbine Generator"

bflrtsplk February 16, 2011 at 1:28 am

Don't flush, mister! Please don't flush!

Rambone February 16, 2011 at 1:30 am

Looks to me like it's the GOP's collective anal sphincter and that the prez is doing a proctological exam to determine exactly which stick is currently shoved up there . . .

OkieDokieDog February 16, 2011 at 1:32 am

I wonder if GE CEO Jeffy told the Pres that it will only cost $1.82 to make that with illegal alien child labor, and he will deserve to get a big assed bonus of a bazillion dollars. Woohoo!

nounverb911 February 16, 2011 at 2:10 am

Even less if GE offshores it to Wal-Mart China.

imissopus February 16, 2011 at 1:33 am

Hydrogen goes in and gets cooled down, AND YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT.

Sparky_McGruff February 16, 2011 at 6:53 am

Where'd the hydrogen come from? Huh? Huh?

seppdecker February 16, 2011 at 4:33 pm

It's getting harder and harder to tell Bill O'Reilly apart from Insane Clown Posse.

MsQuasimodo February 21, 2011 at 1:14 am

It gets harder and harder to tell the entire Faux crew apart from Insane Clown Posse.

Extemporanus February 16, 2011 at 1:34 am

Mr. Rogers…YOU LIE!

Crank_Tango February 16, 2011 at 1:49 am

meh, my car is cooled with a hydrogen-oxygen compound, and I can even drink the fucking shit. cuz i am too cheap to put in antifreeze.

HistoriCat February 16, 2011 at 10:14 am

Careful – I understand that stuff is responsible for a lot of deaths every year.

Worthly Wokette Skum February 16, 2011 at 1:50 am

Barack Obama Looking At Awesome Things:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dryponder/sets/72157

Mumbletypeg February 16, 2011 at 9:53 am

Enjoying the Awesome in that link, thanks

keepem_sikanpor February 16, 2011 at 1:51 am

Well technically, and corroborated by Mr. Rogers, our President can't go down the drain.
Good to know.
I'm sobbing now, inside.

was meant to be a reply to Extemp's post. Sorry.

Extemporanus February 16, 2011 at 2:09 am

That's okay.

In light of the hate fisting my Mr. Rogers comment initially received, I probably should've followed my instincts and just gone with a goatse crack instead.

keepem_sikanpor February 16, 2011 at 2:19 am

I've been hate fisted so hard tonight I feel like a raped and pregnant woman in SD who needs to make a decision yesterday.

horsedreamer_1 February 16, 2011 at 8:51 am

Or, like Lara Logan in Tahrir Square.

Too soon..?

(Caught the story on TPM. Not a good scene. But good on the Egyptian army & various other women for extricating the correspondent.)

Worthly Wokette Skum February 16, 2011 at 1:59 am

Obama: We need House Republicans' ideas on deficit reduction in the same way that the engineers here need House Republicans' ideas on thermocouple emission spectra.

imissopus February 16, 2011 at 3:05 am

Ha ha, "couple emission." Birdman, get in here!

Troubledog February 16, 2011 at 2:00 am

It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

Worthly Wokette Skum February 16, 2011 at 2:10 am

It's like a cross between Fantastic Voyage and Everyone Poops.

nounverb911 February 16, 2011 at 2:13 am

"But Barack Obama bravely went to Willy Wonka’s munitions factory somewhere in Ohio or someplace"
Actually thats the secret Boehner suntan factory.

LionelHutzEsq February 16, 2011 at 2:21 am

Tha
Tha
Tha
That's all Folks!!!

i_like_tigers February 16, 2011 at 2:36 am

I finish the Arkansas bar next week, and then I am headed back to D.C. for interviews. My humble services are extended to all meaningful opportunities. The snark is my resume and the irony of posting this here, which both evince I am adequately prepared for… something iffy.

102415 February 18, 2011 at 12:50 am

Good luck to you! :) In the immortal words of Bob and Ray,"Write if you get work."

i_like_tigers February 18, 2011 at 5:10 am

I had some damn response written about how I wasn't old enough to get that, but now I am distracted. My buddy wrote the brief that just paved the way for same sex couple adoptions in Arkansas. It'll be in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette tomorrow. He's a Republican and on the social side – to boot. Also, I have interviews lined up in D.C. but NOT from Wonkette. Don't make me work for Agent Orange (Boehner) ((JK))

102415 February 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

You are never too young for Bob and Ray.
That's the interesting thing about Republicans they are trained from birth to do anything you tell them to do. Even if it's confusing.

ShaveTheWhales February 16, 2011 at 3:07 am

Well, "GE CEO Jeff Immelt" was quite enough to make me hurl.

Rarian Rakista February 16, 2011 at 3:43 am

Ack, you people, you liberal arts majors! *shakes fist*

These are extremely common generators and you find them in NG, Nuclear and can really be attached easily to anything that produces steam. When they get spinning they are like 99% efficient at converting mechanical to electrical energy. .
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrogen-cooled_turb

problemwithcaring February 16, 2011 at 10:26 am

This comment makes the next 3 comments after yours even more hilarious. Thought I would point that out.

Rarian Rakista February 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Being a mechanical engineer is a lonely life on Wonkette.

horsedreamer_1 February 16, 2011 at 11:10 am

You are the Neilist of heavy machinery.

102415 February 18, 2011 at 12:56 am

And the Neilist of electriclickity too.

DerrickWildcat February 16, 2011 at 4:59 am

-***********SPOILER ALERT*************

It's some kind of Hitler killing machine.

horsedreamer_1 February 16, 2011 at 8:52 am

Woody Guthrie's guitar?

DrunkIrishman February 16, 2011 at 5:41 am

It's an intra-universe wormhole. Obama is summoning Marx, Lenin and Engels to fulfill his dream of a Communist utopia.

At least that's what Glenn Beck told me.

Jukesgrrl February 16, 2011 at 5:53 am

Forget Willie Wonka. That guy cheated on his wife who had a stroke.

It's a Dr. Seuss book:
"O bam! a. Down the drain-o. Whoops! And I m-m-m-melt."

I think the title is The Adventures of Tea Baggins and the Alzheimers Guy.

Come here a minute February 16, 2011 at 5:55 am

In this photo, the GE CEO looks like a ginger, which can only mean he's part of the Oompa Loompa squad that will 'clean up' after President Obama's unfortunate problem with ballooning after chewing the Three-Course-Meal Gum. Or buy him a Lard Rover personal mobility scooter.

102415 February 18, 2011 at 11:54 am

Lard Rover, yes, let's keep that one.

Terry February 16, 2011 at 6:47 am

I'm really conflicted right now. A chick-fil-a sandwich is simple good taste, but the company is owned by the Koch Brothers. Must I resist temptation? But it's a fried chicken sandwich…..

sati_demise February 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Are you SURE it is "chicken"?

Because a lot of things taste like chicken.
It comes with a side of steroids and antibiotic resistant bacteria, that much is a known fact.

102415 February 18, 2011 at 12:43 am

Terry, I ate one of those while I was on a road trip down south. Meh.

Radiotherapy February 16, 2011 at 6:48 am

At least there is no cross-hairs on it.

mumbly_joe February 16, 2011 at 7:13 am

Wait, I remember this story!

But Barack Obama bravely went to Willy Wonka’s munitions factory somewhere in Ohio or someplace, and then Barack Obama did a bad thing and tried the Every Flavor Dinner Gum, which includes “fried fat curds,” which are against Michelle Obama’s rules, so the crazy Koch Brother who thinks he’s Willy Wonka activated the Wingnuttia Brigade of slave-dwarves and poor Barry went down, down the drain.

…thus proving that Barack Obama was morally weak and didn't deserve to inherit the munitions factory, after all.

weejee February 16, 2011 at 8:04 am

How things have changed. Used to be that the really cool hydrogen got to play with the zeppelins. But the spark went out on that with the Hindenburg and we all know where that led. Maybe the alt-text should be 'wanna whole lotta love.'

♪♫ You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin', ♫♪

KochFembot February 16, 2011 at 8:27 am

Are you sure he's not in the eye of a giant robot?

SorosBot February 16, 2011 at 8:29 am

So he's opened the hatch; well at the end of the tunnel is a compound where a guy has been forced to enter the numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42 onto an old-time green screen computer every 108 minutes to prevent the end of the world.

weejee February 16, 2011 at 8:44 am

Or else it's the swan song?

Monsieur_Grumpe February 16, 2011 at 8:50 am

Nice nice nice nice pipes pipes pipes pipes.

horsedreamer_1 February 16, 2011 at 8:54 am

Meanwhile, outside, the Secret Service battled the BATF, who were attempting to close down this unlicenced rave.

Where're the glow-sticks, Obama?

PublicLuxury February 16, 2011 at 9:34 am

I like chocolate.

hockeymom February 16, 2011 at 9:54 am

So was the photographer IN the hydrogen cooled generator? I don't understand how he got that shot.

politics_nerd February 16, 2011 at 10:04 am

hopefully wont die in jail.

SenileAgitation February 16, 2011 at 10:16 am

But– but– Immelt works for Obama, don't he? Maybe this is a picture of the interview where they threatened to throw B'rer 'Bama down the well?

mavenmaven February 16, 2011 at 10:30 am

I'd be a litte worried about that thing as it has the words "you lie" inscribed on its barrel.

Negropolis February 17, 2011 at 12:09 am

Now, throw a hotdog through it…

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