South Dakota Legalizing Abortion(-Doctor Murder)

While those useless fat cats in D.C. twiddle their thumbs and let our country sink perilously into debt and endless unemployment, the hardworking legislators of America's heartland and working together to get things done for their citizens. Yeah, we're talking about legalizing murder, a common-sense solution to pretty much every problem. South Dakota is considering a bill that would change the state's definition of homicide so it's legal to kill a doctor who tries to give a woman an abortion, as long as that woman is your daughter, mother, or wife. Anyway, everyone is rather closely related in South Dakota, right? So basically any South Dakotan can just go around shooting doctors "on demand," according to this state Rep. Phil Jensen's bill. Man, all the other South Dakota legislators have to be kicking themselves that they didn't think of this brilliant "pro-life" strategy first.

The bill, sponsored by state Rep. Phil Jensen, a committed foe of abortion rights, alters the state's legal definition of justifiable homicide by adding language stating that a homicide is permissible if committed by a person "while resisting an attempt to harm" that person's unborn child or the unborn child of that person's spouse, partner, parent, or child. If the bill passes, it could in theory allow a woman's father, mother, son, daughter, or husband to kill anyone who tried to provide that woman an abortion—even if she wanted one.

The bill has since been overhauled, probably because if this thing passed, it wouldn't be long before there was literally no way for South Dakota Republicans to make abortion more illegal. The ultimate solution is to make adult citizens less human in the eyes of the law than microscopic balls of cells that could potentially grow into a baby. And that's not far off.

Apparently the taxpayers of South Dakota want to have fewer rights than a bunch of brainless weird little pre-children who float around without contributing anything to society. Not only that, but these things sap free health care from South Dakotans and don't have proper Social Security numbers. Hmm, is SOUTH DAKOTA SUPPORTING ILLEGALS? [ Mother Jones ]