HAIR APPARENT  9:45 am February 15, 2011

Donald Trump Loves the Gays But Doesn’t Want To Marry Them

by Jack Stuef


Aww, look who’s still pretending to be a serious human being with serious thoughts on world affairs! “I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of gays. And I think it’s great. But I’m not in favor of gay marriage.” Hey, he’s fine with gay people! Some of his best people he’s vaguely aware of living near are gay! Looks like the brilliant GOProud campaign to bring absurd New York personalities to CPAC is really paying dividends for American equality.

(But thanks for the booze, GOProud! You guys were great!)

Let’s cut to Politico now:

Trump entered into the gay marriage fray in 2009, when he defended Carrie Prejean’s stated opposition to gay marriage.

Aaaaaand then let’s cut to cutting our wrists. There, that feels better.

Donald Trump is the perfect candidate. He has the perfect amount of Reagan-esque trashy celebrity background. We always thought Fred Thompson was too highbrow. The average Republican primary voter trying to watch Law and Order is like an average member of the general electorate trying to squirm through a Wagner opera without supertitles. They need their “celebrity” “reality” teevee “shows.” And they need their insulin tanks. [Po'o]

 
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{ 76 comments }

Not_So_Much February 15, 2011 at 9:47 am

Isn't he gay-married to that wombat clinging to his head?

Maman February 15, 2011 at 9:49 am

No, I am pretty sure that one of them is a parasite, but I am not sure which.

FNMA February 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

Road-kill wombat.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

I think it’s an anemic brain parasite.

kissawookiee February 15, 2011 at 11:32 am

Needs moar Bryan Fischer silver peltishness.

Negropolis February 15, 2011 at 11:50 pm

I hear he keeps that thing on his head against its own will. Surely, it has better sense than he.

SorosBot February 15, 2011 at 9:48 am

How many times has Trump been married again?

Serolf_Divad February 15, 2011 at 9:51 am

How many times has he been gay married? That's the only thing the teatard values-voters want to know.

neiltheblaze February 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

Yes, he's protected straight marriage at least three times now.

Lascauxcaveman February 15, 2011 at 11:24 am

You never know, one of those showy clothes horses could have been a tranny.

neiltheblaze February 15, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I've always had my suspicions about Ivana.

Negropolis February 15, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I read "showy clothes whores." I'm such a sexist.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 15, 2011 at 10:23 am

How many times have one of his companies filed a Chapter 11?
Ans: A lot.

V572625694 February 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

How many guns does he have? That's what we really want to know. And how many of said guns are tasteless, gold-plated display weapons?

Terry February 15, 2011 at 10:33 am

At his level, he doesn't have to own a gun himself. He can surround himself with gentlemen who do.

Negropolis February 15, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Enough to field a basketball team starting line-up.

Texan_Bulldog February 15, 2011 at 9:50 am

Gays can't marry because I guess they wouldn't do as bang up a job of it as the Donald has, right? Remember, people, RE: marriage–it's apparently quantity & not quality.

Gratuitous World February 15, 2011 at 9:50 am

he just likes to watch.

SudsMcKenzie February 15, 2011 at 9:53 am

he was probably "thumbed" once by Melodia

freakishlywrong February 15, 2011 at 9:51 am

It's hardly going out on a limb here to say that the gays probably aren't feeling the lurve for him either. And can Fux find any pontificating, judgmental asshole to further their bigoted agenda other than thrice married conservatards?

EatsBabyDingos February 15, 2011 at 9:51 am

I loves Donald, but I don't want to be gay! Prey for me, homophobes!

weejee February 15, 2011 at 9:55 am

If the Replugs have any sense (easy, easy, this is just conjecture) they should play their 2012 hand in No-Trump. But even with that it would be bridge to no where.

harry_palmer February 15, 2011 at 9:56 am

If it were possible, he'd probably prefer to marry himself. We'd be content if he'd just fuck himself.

PsycWench February 15, 2011 at 9:57 am

He probably even lets his gay friends use his bathroom and everything.

x111e7thst February 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

He can afford an extra bathroom for his "gay friends". So the issue does not arise. Does he get them from Gay Friends by the Yard btw?

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2011 at 10:13 am

Grindr.

HolyMaracas February 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

So unlike straights who marry and divorce 6 times, gays want to "shit" on the Marriage Institution, right?

slithytoves February 15, 2011 at 9:58 am

I'm very big into the military…

But against gay marriage. Oh you hypocrite.

Beowoof February 15, 2011 at 10:00 am

Donald really needs gay man help with that hair piece.

Troubledog February 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

He's a rascal. Like that rascal Charlie Sheen. The olds love him.

Clancy_Pants February 15, 2011 at 10:01 am

Dude has got to be on the down low. If he had a chance he blew it.. but since he doesn't who cares.

Beowoof February 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

Oh I am pretty sure he blew it down in SoHo, over and over again.

widestanceroman February 15, 2011 at 10:34 am

NO! I am far more willing to accept blame for 9/11 (the crown jewel of homoism) than to accept L'Don in our ranks. I rephewdiate this assertion.

Negropolis February 15, 2011 at 11:56 pm

To be serious, he's totally the kind of dude so in love with himself that he probably doesn't much care who and what he gets sex from, so long as they fawn over him like the golden god that he is…in his own head.

Mumbletypeg February 15, 2011 at 10:02 am

Wonkette: come for the snark; stay for the Po'o links

baconzgood February 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

No matter how many times I see him, and how successful he is, I still can't get past his Flo-Be hair cut. Don should give the old "you're fired" to his toupee sales man.

prommie February 15, 2011 at 10:03 am

The short-fingered vulgarian is not what you would call a rocket scientist.

freakishlywrong February 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

Who coined that again? It's insanely spot-on.

ManchuCandidate February 15, 2011 at 10:15 am

Late lamented Spy Magazine.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 15, 2011 at 10:15 am

“From the Spy Mailroom”: “ ‘A story in yesterday’s [Santa Clara, California, Stanford Daily] reported that Spy magazine publisher Tom Phillips said his magazine consistently refers to Donald Trump as the “short-fingered Bulgarian.” The term Phillips actually used was “short-fingered vulgarian.” The misquotation was not intended as a slur against Bulgarians. The Daily regrets the error.’ ”
=========================

Spy Magazine

I miss them.
~

freakishlywrong February 15, 2011 at 10:20 am

Thanks. I still have all my old Spy Magazines. I'll have to look that up.

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

Graydon Carter doesn't even remember SPY Magazine.

It's the alcoholic dementia.

prommie February 15, 2011 at 10:37 am

Thats my favorite dementia!

DaSandman February 15, 2011 at 10:05 am

I'm fine with them mo's. I'm fine with mo haircuts and tailoring and designing and Broadway chorusing and bitchy funny theatre criticism. And the Apple is crawling with mo's. Just crawling with mo's.But they can't marry cause under the 2011 Palin Rule, they are only worth 2/5 of a straight person.

They are the 2/5 thats the in shape well groomed part.

SorosBot February 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

Look at Trump again; there's no way any gay men were responsible for that hair or clothing.

Fare la Volpe February 15, 2011 at 10:33 am

Gay men can be cheap wig makers too, you know.

Or maybe it's just the bi men. Half the gay at half the price.

DaSandman February 15, 2011 at 10:41 am

Hehe the mo's was Born That Way

The Donald did that shit to himself, he has no excuse.

MildMidwesterner February 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

They need their “celebrity” “reality” teevee “shows.”

Fortunately for Trump, he already has a vague association with those "Buy Gold Now" commercials.

Oldskool_ February 15, 2011 at 10:08 am

Sorry Donnie but we need to see a hunting license and a tag for that thing on your head.

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

I remember when Tweety was touting Trump as an independent/third-party candidate in either '00 or '04 — cannot quite remember — & the two blowhards doing an Hardball Special at the Wharton School at Penn.

It says something that even Matthews has moved on from this guy, then.

But, who knows, maybe the Blonde Bomber will try to draft Bill Gates, or something. (Perot, Trump, Bloomberg (the blossom came off that turd fairly quick, given the Jewish thing)… Gates? Buffett?… A-Rod??)

neiltheblaze February 15, 2011 at 10:12 am

I'm so glad The Donald approves of the "gay lifestyle" – which I imagine he thinks incorporates the complete recordings of Barbara Streisand, potted ferns, track lighting, interior design, and gourmet cooking.

But no marriage because that's just icky – and he should know since he's done it enough.

Come here a minute February 15, 2011 at 10:17 am

The Jack is not a fan of The Donald.

Pragmatist2 February 15, 2011 at 10:26 am

No self-respectimng gay man would consider any relationship with a man whose hair is that bad.

Schmannnity February 15, 2011 at 10:27 am

Fox is obviously using Trump as a stalking horse. That way, when it finally swings its support behind one of the current "Fox contributors," or some hinterlander, it can say: All the values you like without the pompous New York asshole attached to it.

SorosBot February 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

Now I'm sure it's just a coincidence that Trump is making this noise about possibly running for President just as a new Apprentice season is starting. Right?

GayInMaine February 15, 2011 at 10:28 am

Hmmm. That's okay. We don't want to marry him, either.

Terry February 15, 2011 at 10:38 am

You know, of course, that the more strongly a GOP'er attacks gay people or is against gay-related issues the more likely it is that he's going to end up being a deeply closeted and self hating gay man, himself?

Fare la Volpe February 15, 2011 at 10:42 am

So does that mean Sister Sarah is just a drag queen? It'd make sense: I can't think of a woman born who'd wear that many Bump-Its.

Terry February 15, 2011 at 11:05 am

If she WAS a drag queen, her make up and hair would be better.

V572625694 February 15, 2011 at 10:32 am

Trump/Karger 2012!

horsedreamer_1 February 15, 2011 at 10:49 am

UNITY (in the booty) 2012.

Rosie_Scenario February 15, 2011 at 10:33 am

Love the citation: "Po'o."

Fare la Volpe February 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

In the right light, his sloping toupee resembles the classical sloping brow of cavemen, teabaggers, etc.

LiveToServeYa February 15, 2011 at 10:40 am

Twice divorced, bankrupt three times: at last, a candidate that embodies the soul of the Republican party.

undeterredbyreality February 15, 2011 at 10:45 am

Plus he's the right color: orange.

Schmannnity February 15, 2011 at 10:47 am

“I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of gays. And I think it’s great. But I’m not in favor of gay marriage.”

Imagine if he said, "I live in New York. New York is a place with lots of Jews. And I think it's great. But I'm not in favor of Jewish marriage."

mavenmaven February 15, 2011 at 10:57 am

Trump/Prejean 2012!
Don't laugh, she has *ahem* lots of experience!

jus_wonderin February 15, 2011 at 11:04 am

Let's boycott his products!!!! Or is that boi-cott?

MinAgain February 15, 2011 at 11:30 am

And there you have it. The final word on gay marriage from a champion of traditional "til death do us part" marriage.

thefrontpage February 15, 2011 at 11:45 am

Taking bets now on how soon it will be before Donald Trump:

–Is found in a compromising position in a park, in a car, in the subway system, or in Central Park with several slightly effeminate men;

–Is found tapping out coded signals with his feet in one of the bathrooms at Grand Central Station;

–Is found dancing clad in leather at some out-of-the-way bar in Manhattan that appeals to a certain specific clientele;

–Is found in some dungeon enjoying certain niche pasttimes with Larry Craig, George Michael and Mark Foley;

–Is photographed in the Bahamas with a college-age guy carrying his suitcases.

Callyson February 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I vote for the Bahamas scenario as the most likely one: the others are too low-rent for The Donald (though the dungeon is a possibility if it is posh enough inside.)
My guess on the timetable is about 6 weeks after it (finally) becomes clear to him that he won't be a serious contender for 2012.

PalinPussyPower February 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm

How can someone so irrelevant manage to draw so much attention to himself? He's like a fuzzy headed Palin.

Callyson February 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I think RuPaul's Drag Race should have an episode where the contestants dress up as a Trump. So many to choose from: Ivana, Ivanka, Marla, not to mention that thing on top of The Donald's head…

lochnessmonster February 15, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Sorry Wonkette, I can't read anything about The Donald. He's such an ego head. I'm sure this post was enlightening and hilarious but….

Negropolis February 15, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Some of his best people he’s vaguely aware of living…

Oh, Jack. This was just gold. Trump gold, in fact; the purest, most shiney, most luxurious gold evah, Jack.

P.S. Would someone remind Trump that he doesn't personally have to officiate weddings if he doesn't want to? He could let one of his many Apprentice (FAIL) winners (losers) do it.

Negropolis February 15, 2011 at 11:49 pm

BTW, why do I get the feeling that Trump enjoys even the smell of his own shits?

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