About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • OkieDokieDog

    I'm sure the pat down dude was kerfuffled when he found Sean's peen.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    You wish you could pat down Sean Penn's T & A, Drudge. Better for everyone if you just think about it while you pleasure yourself in whatever disgusting way you have devised.

  • Steverino247

    Perhaps, Mr. Penn gained tits and ass for a movie part. Ever think of that, you smarties? Huh?

    • Sue4466

      He's so method.

  • bumfug

    Matt Drudge? Is he still around? What's he do these days?

    • DoktorZoom

      For that matter: Sean Penn? Is he still around? What's he do these days?

      • proudgrampa

        I saw him on an old Two and a Half Men rerun the other day…

        • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

          That does not put him on my "watch list".

        • DaRooster

          I saw Charlie Sheen on one of them.

      • Naked_Bunny

        I dunno, but he must be getting old if the best he can manage with hair-trigger airport security is a "kerfluffle".

      • hagajim

        Rumor has it that he's banging Scarlett Johansson

        • horsedreamer_1

          I'd also heard ScarJo & Ryan Reynolds were back on.

          Another win, for Canada. (As if Olympic Hockey Gold wasn't enough for those people.)

  • chascates

    I'm from the government, at your cervix.

  • nounverb911

    Drudge is just jealous since no one pays attention to him anymore.

  • smokefilledroommate

    Should've just stated that he is still Sam.

  • Come here a minute

    There is a simple explanation for this headline: Sean Penn has nice tits.

  • researchrants

    Drudge has been calling TSA "T&A" for months and months now. It's funny because it's true, I guess?

  • BarryOPotter

    They checked his Time & Attendance sheet? That's unkonstitooshunul! He doesn't work for them! Oh, wait, it means what? And someone wanted to look at Sean Penn's? That's just fucking sick, man…

  • MinAgain

    A T&A pat-down would be the closest thing to sex that Drudge has had in years.

  • horsedreamer_1

    MOOBS.

  • DaRooster

    One more in a long list of his great kerfuffles.

  • XOhioan

    As an aside from discussing Sean Penn's vagina, "kerfluffle" is the kind of manly vocab one can expect from a conservative on the down-low.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Sean Penn gets a T&A pat down for free? Do you know how much I have to pay for one at the local strip club?

  • voodooeconomics

    When ordering kherfuffle, is it recommended to get with gravy or asparagus

    • bflrtsplk

      Tobasco will spice up even the lamest kherfuffle.