- Uh? Hosni Mubarak allegedly collapsed after his last public address and then fell into a magic coma! And now he’ll have to be airlifted to a special not-in-Egypt “coma treatment” center, amiright? And the $70 billion that Mubarak fleeced from the Egyptian people will also have an enormous coma and then disappear forever. Haha, Mubarak is probably already drinking Veuve Clicquot and counting his money at his secret underground whorehouse on the dark side of the Moon — just laughing and laughing. Oh, this makes us very grumpy. (Why can’t we have a secret moon brothel?) [Al Arabiya via Business Insider]
- Barack Obama will award the Medal of Freedom to George H. W. Bush, obviously. [CNN]
- An Italian judge has ordered nasty salami stick Silvio Berlusconi to stand trial on charges he paid for sexytime with a 17-year-old girl and then tried to cover it up. [NYT]
- Here is today’s Bonus headline: “UPDATE: Police Suspect Silicone Clogged Lung in Butt Injection Death.” [Fox News]
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Well, there you go: if the Egyptian people had just shown a little patience all this recent unpleasantness could have been avoided in the first place.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go fill up my coffee cup before l fall into a coma, too. (Hardy, har, har, har!)
Why can’t we have a secret moon brothel?
Talk to Silvio, Riley. He will hook you up.
Thanks, Riley. I'll never eat salami again.
And you will be healthier for it, my pretty.
Male Wonketteers, listen up, these two ghastly penis-owners , Mubarak and Berlusconi, have the worst hair-dye jobs so just don't do that when you start to go grey, ok? A luscious siver mane is preferable to something that looks llke you used shoe polish .
Did I mention I love you? Just sayin.
*Stares at his shoes as he runs his fingers through his thick, curly gray hair*
Thank-you Grumpe, I adore silver-haired gentlemen, have done since my first love who was 32 and prematurely grey…I was 17. I, likewise have had a white streak just above my right ear since I was 22 . Vive L'Argent!
You know who else had a white streak through their hair, Ahab, the Bride of Frankenstein and Cruella DeVille.
Oh lord, have you seen Arlen Specter lately? His shoe polish is ginger-colored…oy!
Darrell Issa is looking suspiciously raven-haired these days as well.
That's because he's so damn mean his hair follicles are afraid to turn grey.
Thats just what I was thinking when Anderson Cooper was getting pummeled.
His hair is fantastic.
Andy is fantastic period…I like to dream I could change his ghey ways.
No worries here, Liz. I have a beard of white and a head of hair turning white. Not only do I have a full head of hair, but I still have all of my teeth AND a job.
What more could a woman want?
Sounds pretty damn good, Dashboard.
"What more could a woman want?"
Money – lots and lots of money.
You'd think that'd be included with the job.
Alas no hope for those of us with a silver mane done in the horse shoe haircut with none, like zero, comb-over?
No, that's good as well, I am the daughter of such a man, just keep it very short , you all deserve the love and lust of women.
Don't forget Musharraf's wig.
Lord Ronnie would disagree, if he weren't entertaining the worms right now.
Thanks – I've lived long enough to get more salt than pepper (hell if I know how) & I too have been consistently squicked out by those old farts who keep their head-fur black as a monkey's ass at midnight. Jeez, ancient man-boy dudes, that shit's not sexy, it's creepy – & you're not fooling anybody. SRSLY.
…quickly! Someone stuff his ass into a sarcophagus and seal him in a tomb!!!
Gotta mummify him first – FUN! Don't forget the hook to pull his brains out through his nostrils!
But when he wakes up, will he have amnesia?
(dramatic chord)
Meanwhile, his Evil Twin Mosni will pretend to be him and sleep with his wife!
"Hosni, when did you grow that goatee?"
Until he realizes that his wife is really…… his sister!
As is traditional for pharoahs.
Zing!
The Egyptian royal families make that freakshow that is the British monarchy, with their horse-teeth and premature balding, look tame.
"If it wasn't for this damned amnesia, Egypt, I could tell you where the missing $70 billion is."
(Oh, yeah. He will have amnesia.)
Why, yes, he will. Just like Mike on Desperate Housewives. Then, he will go to jail, and Orson Mubarak's wife will confess to taking the dough, so he will be released, into the care of a tranny hypnotist and a ditsy children's book author!
Next year Barry will award the medal of freedom to Dick Cheney, devoid of irony. I'm really trying to be supportive of the Pres. but man, can he be a huge, capitulating disappointment at times.
We've covered this on Wonkette before. H. W. Bush is getting the award because he *left* Iraq when he had the chance instead of letting the war drag on for a decade.
When the award was announced, a lot of people didn't noticed the "H" and just assumed it was the pure evil and stupid one; it appears it's happening again.
Nope. I noticed the "H" and am only slightly less disgusted.
Evil apples don't roll far from the tree. The Nicaraguans and El Salvadoreans might beg to differ about GHW Bush and "letting the war drag on".
It's okay; we're liberals. We're used to having our hearts broken.
Hey, so long as he doesn't give it to Dubya or someone in his cabinet, I'll be all right and take it as a wash. There are worse people to give it to than Herbet Dubya, not many, but a few.
Berlusconi's situation is one of the few time the actual crime WAS worse than the cover up. Way to go Silvio!
I agree there is no excuse for using a minor for sex, and I know judging by appearance is wrong, but this 17 year-old appears to be a burgeoning young cuntress going on 40 as fast as she fucking can.
Alt Text Win.
Hosni Mubarak got the medal of freedom from Obama for giving GHWBush a hot salami injection in the butt? Or did I read that too fast?
Just like Hosni, you nailed it.
HEY HONSI! The script writers from "Dave" called and want thier idea back.
Dicktater in a coma I know I know… it's serious.
There were times when I could have murdered him,
But you know, I would hate … ah, never mind.
Well, if I'd have known it was going to be THAT kind of party….
There is a precedent for Mubarak's coma. I read about a bunch of the St Teresa/Theresa's when I was growing as a part of catechism. There is one, and I can't find which one this morning, who was an abbess. When the people of her abbey and the surrounding area wouldn't go along with her ideas, she'd fall rigid with "religious indignation". She'd stay stiff on the floor until the people did what she wanted them to do. Perhaps he's trying this approach.
Perhaps Silvio is afflicted with the same sort of rigidity that won't go away until people do what he wants them to do.
At his age, it's probably due to a little blue pill.
If this doesn't stop after 4 hours, he needs to call a doctor, for sure.
My mother tells me that when I was 3, I used to try the "religious indignation" approach to try to get what I wanted, as well.
Conveniently, at that age, your mother could pick you up and let you continue your religious indignation in your room. Perhaps Mubarak's flight out of Egypt could be considered the same thing.
I've tried this at work to no effect.
So you're a real bishop, then?
If your "religious indignation" lasts for more than 4 hours, please get some medical attention.
That's so sad, falling into a coma on Valentine's Day! Maybe he can be revived by a kiss from his one true love.
W.?
Nah Cheney.
His Swiss bank account?
Both you and bagomice got it.
70 Billion dollar kisses are kinda heavy. Just Sayin.
There's no dark side in the moon really. Matter of fact, it's all dark.
I've always wondered to which exact moment in The Wizard of Oz that line syncs up to.
"Barack Obama will award the Medal of Freedom to George H. W. Bush"
With special presenter Kayne West I hope.
Yo yo yobama, I'mma let you finish, but I just want to say that juniper was one of the greatest bushes of all time! *sips gin*
"Clogged Lung in Butt Injection" — you're doing it wrong.
She be doin' plenty wrong…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpSk4o1b6bA&fe...
Must have been some pretty damn big lungs…
Ugh, Obama, just ugh. Come on, "violating human rights and our obligations under the law in the name of national security is wrong" was literally one of the most unequivocal positions in your platform in 08, and a big reason a lot of liberals went for you over Clinton. It wasn't a thing where we read into things you weren't saying; you said those exact things, repeatedly.
But, noopo, go ahead, give Bush a medal for his human rights abuses and violations of our laws, treaties and Constiution, in addition to the pointless war of aggression that's murdered hundreds of thousands of Iraqis. That will go over fantastic. I'm sure the Republicans will love you for it. OH WAIT NO, they still think you're a half-muslin Kenyan anti-colonial socialist usurper intent on destroying the economy and imposing Sharia law by Letting the Terrorists Win. So, great going! You're beloved by all, now!
Today, we are all Hosni Mubarak and Silvio Berlusconi! (But without the $70 billion and teenage hookers.)
Well, without the $70 billion, anyway.
And the hooker was female, which gives Berlusconi a leg up on most Republiklans.
Mubarak is faking. I used to do the same thing to get out of going to school.
And I have these "lapses" when my wife asks me to do things like take out the trash.
Shine on, you crazy Mohammedan.
The medal of freedom is becoming just like the Grammy. Any talentless hack can get one nowadays.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMoJ0ZjEI3s
As shown here
"Access denied" – you tease!
Sorry, try this one:
http://cache1.asset-cache.net/xc/51858895.jpg?v=1...
Hmmm – still not working for me. But no one else has chimed in, so maybe it's just me.
So, Bush the Smarter gets a medal for helping Berlo put Mubo in a coma by injecting silicone into his butt?
Man, what a scoop! I bow to the Wonket investigative team. And where's that coffee I ordered?
…drinking Veuve Clicquot
Mrs. O'Potter and I went through a couple bottles of the Widow's fine bubbly last night. For love. She's older than 17 and as far as I know, has never been the dictator of a North African country. If she were, she did it wrong – no billions of looted moniez which is why we had to stop at two bottles… ;-(
And THAT! is a crying shame. Champagne should never stop flowing!
Late to the game, Hosni. Most Americans' finances have been in a coma for several years now.
What's with the 7AM morning in America? Usually it's up shortly before or after I get to work; today it's been up for over two hours already.
Coma coma down
Shooby do come down
Coma coma down
Shooby do come down
Don't take my dough away from me
Don't you leave my purse in misery
If I'm poor then I'll be blue
'Cause goin' broke is hard to do
They say that revolution's all the rage
But why then, why am I in this cage
Don't say you're killing me off
I'll give you the account numbers just please take that pillow off
Coma coma coma coma coma chameleon…
Sleep like an Egyptian…
It comes and goes.
Of course, the funniest part is loyal ally in Bush's War on Terror, Berlusconi, was paying a Maghrebi for sex. That's… That's consorting with the enemy.
The coma must be from all the Gleemonex he was taking.
And H getting the Medal of Freedom for leaving Iraq? Sounds like one of Charlie Sheen's hookers–paid for leaving after getting fucked.
We like to play hide the salami at my house all the time. So what's the big whoop?
I can see Mubarak hanging around a cafe table with Berlusconi, drinking wine and crying into their akvavit.
If this post is about Mubarak then why the picture of Mr. Potato Head?
Well, that's too bad. Hopefully, when his unknown twin brother "Schmosni Shmubarak" steps forward in another week or so, they will unfreeze the billions in Switzerland so he can 'care for the family'.
Assuming he pulls thru, I can see Mubarak & Noriega doing spots for Accutane.
"on charges he paid for" …sounds like double taxation or Visa's typical double billing.
And I didn't realize Seventeen was a soft-core prOn rag.
And and maybe Mubarak will end up on the same exotic island as Ken Lay.
And and and who's lungs are in their ass? What happens when ya cough?
(ok I got nuthin…needz coffeez)
I always enjoyed that girls began reading Teen in fifth grade, Seventeen by seventh or eighth, & had moved on to Cosmo by tenth or eleventh.
Helen Gurley Brown knows how to breed 'em.
I actually have a very nice bottle of Veuve Cliquot, now I need a moon brothel. I'm gonna rate my whores in stars rather than diamonds since it, you know, in space.
Coma coma coma
Down-doo-be doo down down
Breakin' up is ha-aa-ard too-oo do
Lemme see now, which Bush was that?
Mubarak's in a coma? This is how the nastiest rich people "die".
He's probably hanging with Ken Lay right about now.
I expect Dick Cheney to go into a convenient "coma" any day now.
If he awakens with a cheery demeanor, that would make him a coma chameleon.
The connection: When the 17 year old in question got arrested by Italian cops for an unrelated to the Prime Minister sexitime theft, Berlusconi called the station himself and told them to release her because she was Hosni Mubarak's granddaughter.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12083491
Coma. It's the new extraordinary rendition.
Mubarak prolly suffering from sunburn, since they have so little sunshine is overcast Egypt; or it could be the result of reflection from his Gold supply after opening his massive vault to clean it out and pack it up. I notice a certain ruddiness on the Beckster and Limpbaugh as well. I, on the other hand am pale as a fucking ghost; a very poor ghost.
Coma my ass. He's just sleeping in! All that stealing, looting and misappropriating was a total time suck.
Mubarak in a coma.
I know. I know, it's serious.
This is a brilliant move on Mubarak part, as he saw how well it worked for Gabrielle Giffords' poll ratings.
Hosni took coma. Who will take rehab?
I love that when Berli was trying to get the hooker out of the police closet he told the police that she was Hosni's neice. lol You can't make this shit up.
nope! me too!
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