wonkette exclusives

Meet Fred Karger, the First Openly Gay Republican Running For President

An old Getty stock photo of Fred & Riley smoking weedPresidential hopeful Fred Karger is anti-war, pro-pot and single-handedly revealed that the Mormon Church bankrolled Proposition 8. He’s also an openly gay California Republican Jew who has a major hard-on for Ronald Reagan! But whatever. If a half-Muslin Kenyan from Kenya can be commander-in-chief, why can’t a gay Jew from Laguna Beach? (This question would look exceptional on a bumper sticker/man-thong.) We scored exclusive CPAC partytime interviews with Fred Karger and Dan Choi, both of whom support Fred Karger, so you must clicky click and watch these videos!

Here is Fred, discussing how he was banned from CPAC. He got himself a Marriott bedbug suite anyway and then hosted a crazy rave, just out of spite. Total badass:

Oh hey, we also talked with openly gay West Point Army Man & Fred Karger supporter Dan Choi:

Everybody go vote for Fred Karger. [FredKarger.com]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman
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          1. Flat_Earther

            Does Paul live in one of the unextended dimensions needed to explain string theory?

            I can hardly wait for the Republican primaries to start.

          2. Flat_Earther

            Does Paul live in one of the unextended dimensions needed to explain string theory?

            I can hardly wait for the Republican primaries to start.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          Michael Steele's the only Reagan obsessed pol who will currently talk to her, so now she has another one.

          But seriously, in my book any gay person who'd volunteer for the military is already a little confused, being a Republican is just another example of an existing issue.

          1. GOPCrusher

            Having served with many gays in the military, I don't see a problem with it, they have the same motivation that straights have to voluntarily join (no job or no hope for advancement).
            But agreed, why any gay person would willingly support a political party that has as part of their platform to destroy you, is simply a form of self-loathing.
            Kind of like Jews For Hitler.

      1. mumbly_joe

        Or he would, if Ron Paul weren't around to poach away the pot-head anti-war gay conservatives who are also white supremacists.

        1. HELisforHEL

          Oh, beat me to it. But yeah, the Pot-Head block is pretty fucking stupid (legalization rights being their only real concern), so Paul probably remains their man.
          (I have nothing against pot, just idiots who base their vote on it. It's like being against Obama because Michelle wants you to put down the Frito's–oh wait, that's the latest republican talking point, isn't it?).

          1. mumbly_joe

            Honestly, I don't even terribly mind people who are one-issue about the Drug war, per se. I do mind the way the Ron Paul campaign often approaches it, and use it to turn around any criticism on their white supremacist ties, as in "Not only are we not racist, but if anything, black people should vote for us, because we'll end the drug war".

            And the thing that gets me is that it's not even a bad position in and of itself -a disproportionate number of African Americans end up in prison, and an absurd percentage of all prisoners are in there for drug offenses, so it is, indeed, a civil rights issue in some ways- but it's just the way they always talk about it, is always brimming with Unfortunate Implications- implications that, given the rest of the Paultard base, are almost certainly intentional. Uhh, I'm pretty sure most African Americans aren't happy about what crack has done to their communities, and also feel that the criminal justice system is unfairly biased against non-whites, at the same time, thankyouverymuch.

            I'm just saying, it's not like Ron Paul ever claims that he's so popular with hillbillies because he wants to legalize meth, after all.

          2. HELisforHEL

            Well said! You got to the heart of it more eloquently than I ever could. Very good points, there. (tips imaginary interwebs hat)

          3. Bonzos_Bed_Time

            Damn it Mumbly, you're always a step ahead of me with the witty remarks and what-not.

            B'sBT (formerly Joementum!)

    1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      Budgets, polls, deficits: all Republican numbers are imaginary. Why should this be any different?

    2. AngryBlakGuy

      …having a "negative" chance of getting elected is like having a negative chance of getting laid. That is when a girl tells you that she would rather take part in a "Donkey show" gang bang that would be filmed and shown to her parents, as well her future children before she would have sex with you!

  1. LionelHutzEsq

    Wait, has Pat Buchanan never officially came out?

    And, lets face it, all true Republicans are pretty sure where Mitt Romney stands.

  2. baconzgood

    (He’s also an openly gay California Republican Jew)

    "I know those words but (seeing them together) doesn't make any sense"

    -Lisa Simpson-

  3. Monsieur_Grumpe

    The only reason I can think of that someone would put themselves through such humiliation is to meet other openly gay California conservative Jews. I mean, how many can there be?

        1. V572625694

          If that's what it took to get out of their relationship, John was willing to do it. Anyone who's ever been married can relate.

  4. Zvi_Bleindmeis

    There are Jewish country music performers and Jewish professional wrestlers. There are gay Republicans and pro-pot Republicans. There are even black Republicans — more than two of them apparently. The new Rhode Island congressman is gay, Jewish, and Italian.

    The mental Venn Diagrams are making my head spin. I don't understand the world at all, apparently.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      The cure to your confusion is to marry a lapsed Catholic, like I did. Then you can produce Ukrainian-Jewish-Irish-Lithuanian offspring, half of whose ancestors probably murdered the other half. Repeatedly.

        1. WriteyWriterton

          I always plan. Mind, my plans usually are catastrophically unsuccessful, but they're, you know, plans. I would have been great in George II's administration.

          "Invading Iraq for no good reason is crazy, but it just might work! And so what if it doesn't?"

      1. SorosBot

        One of my friends in school was a Pakistani-American Muslim woman dating an Indian-American Hindu guy; it's a nice thing about America that we've got people who are supposed to hate each other instead fucking each other. Sadly the wingnuts just sees them all as unwanted browns (just as the conservatives of the past saw Eastern Europeans, Irish and Jews as unwanted non-WASPs).

        1. WriteyWriterton

          I read some anti-Irish propaganda from the turn of the 20th century a while back. Hair-raisingly vicious garbage.

          1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

            I bet if you did a search and replace that swapped "Irish" for "Messicans" or "Muslins" it would be pretty much indistinguishable from what the wingnuts are churning out today.

          2. doloras

            Even scarier, get some Nazi propaganda from the 30's and substitute "Muslin" for "Jew". It's a dead fit for the Pammy Atlas / Glenn Beck mantra.

          3. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

            The Nazis thought Jews were the secret love children of Malcolm X and were going to build a victory synagogue in the smoking ruins of the Reichstag?

          4. mumbly_joe

            I regret that I have but one fist to give.

            Though, it's actually even more chillingly on-the-mark if you do that, and also replace the references to communism with Sharia. "[unpopular religious minority] is trying to take over our country and replace it with [scary foreign political system]," etc.

          5. PristineODummy

            NINA. No Irish Need Apply, under the "Help Wanted" signs. Indentured servants, their indenture carried down the generations. Truly disgusting.

  5. CrunchyKnee

    Marriott gay bedbug crazy Jewish raves often lead to endless minutes of pissing in the ladies room.

  6. V572625694

    The guy's clearly a "Rockefeller Republican." Thought they purged all those abortion-loving compromisers years ago.

  7. Gopherit

    HAHAHAHA! Yes, Ronald Reagan would have been so welcoming of gays at CPAC. This man is either deluded bordering on delusional, or is the greatest real life troll since Lady Gaga.

  8. Cicada

    Don't worry Republicans! He might be a pro-pot, anti-war gay Jew, but he hates poor people as much as Saint Reagan did.

  9. BlueStateLibel

    One thing that really says a lot about the GOP is how they really attract the nuts. The whole lot of them could really benefit from some strategic electro-shock therapy.

  10. AngryBlakGuy

    …this years CPAC seems like one long and bad LSD trip! You got a black Colonel Sanders waving a shoe saying that the rent is "too damn high", you got Ron Paul winning a straw pole and then getting booed, you got Michele Bachman's empty psycho eyes and now you have a gay, anti-war, San Francisco Republican?!?!

    1. SudsMcKenzie

      right before I drift off to sleep at night, I imagine Sir Hunter S. Thompson "checking in" on the first day of CPAC.

    2. chickensmack

      Also, you get your first chance to look at Sarah Palin: Also-Ran. That can't be twittered enough.

  11. jus_wonderin

    History has taught us that if a gay Republican hangs around the GOP for a certain amount of time…he will find another Republican that wants to "love" him.

  12. SaintRond

    Jesus, God… These people are so fucking toxic. I think one day the people at Wonkette are going to wake up screaming and screaming and they're never going to stop.

    Seeing Sara Benincasa doing a rendition of Edward Munch's "The Scream," is not an image I want to imagine. But I'm afraid that's just what we're in store for here.

  13. mourningnmerica

    Fred is like the girlfriend who won't move out no matter how many times you get drunk and beat the shit out of her.

  14. HELisforHEL

    I truly don't understand why so many folks who live in trailers in East Bumfuck, Arkansas will vote for the republican 'no tax increase on incomes over $150k' platform either (again & again)–always voting against their better interests, thinking someday they'll be allowed in the club or something.
    Dear gheys and poor people and women with functioning brain stems and a sense of dignity: republicans/neoconservitards don't care about you, don't like you, and really just wish you'd go away. When will you understand that?

    1. PristineODummy

      Reeeellly? That's all? They just "don't like" us? I mean, here I was all worrying and everything because I thought they had, like, a secret agenda to wipe every last fucking one of us out as soon as they could, and all. Whew!

      Thanks, HEL. I'll sleep better tonight.

  15. carlgt1

    I find Fred & Dan quite annoying — they have the luxury to be openly out of the closet because of the many on the left who have been fighting reich-wing thugs for decades. But they'll throw everyone else under the bus for what, a few percentage points cut on their taxes?

    1. indysocco

      Oh goodness, my ill will is reserved for CPAC assholes and their misguided supporters. Riley is totes adorable, not to mention a hero for going to the (bloated) belly of the beast.

  16. Pragmatist2

    When Barry Goldwater ran the joke was "Wouldn't you know it. The first Jew to run for President turns out to be Episcopalian."
    To this we add "And the second turns out to be gay."
    Unless you count Lieberman, who turns out to be nuts.

  17. chascates

    I don't mind voting for a gay but the Republican part has me a little hesitate. What is his stand on legalizing marijuana and giving it away free to baby boomers?

  18. ttommyunger

    No doubt his running mate will be that political newcomer from the Carolinas, Alvin Green, just to make sure the kiss of death is firmly affixed to their chances.

  19. Blendergoathead

    Well, at least now I can delete "Gay Californian Republican Jew" off my list of unlikely stereotypes who I would suspect are completely fucked-up in the head.

  20. Negropolis

    Wait, am I the last person on earth that didn't know that Choi was a Republican? I don't knnow what to believe, anymore.

  21. babyeinstein

    wow. anti-war, pro-pot, and in favor of freedom of choice when it comes to private matters of sexuality?

    a real, live republican. haven't seen one of those in like…what…over 100 years?

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