Wal-Mart Bringing FOUR Wonderful Wal-Marts To D.C.

 
 The world’s largest retailer for the world's largest customers, Wal-Mart, has decided to open four stores in the Nation’s Capital. For one (usually good) reason or another -- China, jobs, lead poisoning, the destruction of entire American towns -- people who have never had to suffer the fate of buying Wal-Mart boxes of corn-syrup Phat Clusterz or Hannah Montana jeggings still claim to despise these superstores. But there's another reason to hate Wal-Mart, according to the wise leaders of Washington: Poor people are so entranced by the aisles and aisles of shiny junk, they just can't stop themselves from shoplifting!

It turns out that access to dirt-cheap retail is really only for better-off people who can avoid the temptation to steal everything:

Residents worry that [Wal-Mart] would suffer severely or even fail because of petty theft.

… Brenda Speaks, a Ward 4 ANC commissioner, actually urged blocking construction of the planned store in her ward at Georgia and Missouri avenues NW partly because of that risk. Addressing a small, anti-Wal-Mart rally at City Hall on Monday, Speaks said young people would get criminal records when they couldn't resist the temptation to steal.

D.C.’s poor young people should only steal from local merchants.

How bad can the young people in D.C. be at stealing anyway that it's guaranteed they would get caught? Can’t Facebook organize the youths and fix this? FACEBOOK DO SOMETHING. [ Washington Post ]