summon your blimps

Ron Paul Is President of CPAC

Needs moar hobbitz.The Wonkette team made it through two of CPAC’s three days before a combination of disgust and alcohol poisoning finally sent us running, so we’re a little late tonight with the thrilling news (?) that Doctor Ron Paul won the wingnut straw poll! Ron Paul is going to be president again! So awesome. He won last year, too. This means Ron Paul is now a two-term president and will have to “stand down for socialism” in 2012. Who said winning was easy? Also, he got less than a third of the vote, which proves nothing more than 1) Ron Paul always gets his loyalists to vote in the straw poll, and B) The Republican “conservatives” are just a confused & jumbled mess today. They really don’t know what to do. Romney is still Mormon and Liberal, Sarah Palin is still some halfwit teevee grifter with a never-ending series of tawdry scandals, Donald Trump is a dumb muppet clown, etc. (Why is Donald Trump even mentioned? Oh right, because he decided to show up. Doesn’t take much to create “star power” at CPAC.)

The Washington Post reports:

Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.) won the always-anticipated, rarely predictive presidential straw poll Saturday at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, but he did so with less than a third of the vote – a result that suggested the energy of conservative activists at the gathering has not coalesced behind a single candidate.

Winning for the second year in a row, Paul carried about 30 percent of the 3,742 votes cast. Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney came in second with about 23 percent. Beyond that the vote splintered, with no potential candidate rising above the single digits.

Meaning … Sarah Palin got 3%. She’s so done. Even Michele Bachmann did better, by a single percentage point:

Where's Hosni?It’s good to see that “Former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman” got double the support of Haley Barbour! [Washington Post/Slate]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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  1. bumfug

    "… he did so with less than a third of the vote – a result that suggested the energy of conservative activists at the gathering has not coalesced behind a single candidate."
    Suggested, did it? The WaPo, as always, never fearing to go out on a limb to take a hard stand on the obvious.

    1. ulTIMum

      It's the Dr Strangelove constraint. In the War Room, that worthy voiced this considered opinion about Col J D Ripper: "I hate to judge before all the facts are in, but it appears the colonel may've exceeded his authority."

      A fair judgment. Colonel Ripper had just launched a single-handed nuclear strike against Russia.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Hey…just because it is completely unscientific, has no predictive value, and only represents the opinion of the people attending the annual conference on that given day who are in no way a representative sample of either primary voters or the general public….wait, what?

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I'm curious if all 5% of the vote for "Other" was actually for Mubarak-Lee. & if so, that would put the Wonkette endorsement just behind Gary Johnson (who!?) & Chris Christie (faaaaaaaat!).

    2. Terry

      Not to the GOP. Their whole strategy for the House for the next two years centers around worthless gestures.

    1. Redhead

      Those people were kinda scary on Lost, man. But Palin does have the crazy eyes, like the Benjamin Linus others-leader guy.

    2. OC_Surf_Serf

      Lets see a list of the write-ins for 'Other'…well the one's that were legible and/or spelled Lisa Murkowsky correctly

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Rick Perry-Marco Rubio 2012.

          (& this ticket might result in the first time a President is accused of sexually-harassing his Vice-President. But sweet, sweet revenge for Zachary Taylor, too.)

    1. carlgt1

      I'd love to see who comprised the "Other" — it's got to be real nutjobs like David Duke, militia leaders, head of Alaska & Texas Independence Party etc.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I don't know if people get paid for attending CPAC. But she doesn't do events that she cannot absolutely control, i.e., she does not allow media at "her" events and she does not do events where she is just one of many. She will only do events where a) she is paid to attend and b) the adoring dolt masses are there for her and only her.

      1. glamourdammerung

        Actually, there was some bad blood previously because Palin quit two weeks before the conference and CPAC basically said it was because the speakers are not paid.

  2. BeWoot

    Who the hell, by the way, is Gary Johnson? John Galt's more obscure half-brother, maybe? Doesn't matter: Herman Fuckstick 2012!

    1. not that Dewey

      He's the pro-marijuana former Governor of NM. He was term-limited and replaced by Bill Richardson, who was in turn term-limited and replaced with a Tea Partier/Sarah Palin protege. It's quite a state we've got here. The voters are so consistent in their preferences.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        well at least you have Albequerque (how the hell do ya spell that anyway?) and Sante Fe…oh and you'll ALWAYS have White Sands!

        1. not that Dewey

          There are actually two preferred spellings: Albuquerque and Alburquerque (boy, when I type it that many times, it sure looks muslin!) but I think you'd be regarded as a dork if you used the second one.

          But this new teabag governor campaigned on repealing the medical marijuana law. And she won. Just as I was about to discover a new qualifying medical condition.

          1. horsedreamer_1

            Looks Muslin? How 'bout is Muslin? Any Spanish-rooted term beginning in Al (algodon, Alhambra, alfombra) is prolly a gift of the Moors.

          2. not that Dewey

            There is some controversy around the second spelling. The city was "founded by" Don Francisco Fernández de la Cueva, the 8th Duke of Alburquerque. (although the region already had plenty of occupants) The extra "r" was eventually dropped from the name of the city.

            At the time of the city's 300th anniversary (2007), there was a movement to return to the original spelling. Charges of racism swirled around, as Anglos didn't like the other "r" being reintroduced into the name, because they thought it was a Mexican conspiracy, and the Puebloans objected to a proposed statue of Don Juan de Onate, the "Butcher of the Pueblo Revolt" being erected to mark the occasion. It was eventually decided that both spellings are acceptable, and there would be no statue.

      2. Negropolis

        New Mexico is strange and unique, but increasingly strange in a not-so-good way, politically. It's certainly a Land of Enchantment, what kind of enchantment it seems is dependent on which way the wind is blowing. Sometimes it blows in the Good Witch of the North, and sometimes the Wicked Witch of the West and East.

  3. OkieDokieDog

    This straw poll is the CPAC's version of the Special Olympics. They voted for the "freaky special" Ron Paul dude over the "Mormon special" Mittens dude. Or possibly the nerdy looking guy beat the cute one. Like an episode of Glee without the singing.

        1. Angry_Marmot

          I was tending bar and using my right hand palm for a map, as people from Michigan are wont to do, and an old man at the end of the bar said, "I wonder what people from Florida use."

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Of course if you use your left hand palm facing out, it's easy to flip to show the UP (the thumb being the Keweenaw).

          2. Angry_Marmot

            And with your little finger out you've got the Leelanau, my favorite place in the state before the Chicago millionaires bought it up.

  4. imissopus

    Perhaps if Herman Cain had offered coupons good for one free large any-topping pizza at all participating Little Caesar's outlets, he'd be the one practicing his convention acceptance speech right now instead of Ron Paul. Alas, he has instead come to grief.

    1. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

      The American Street knows they have been lied to.
      both of our corrupt political parties
      all of our corrupt controlled media

      This ain’t no party
      This ain’t no disco
      This ain’t no fooling around

        1. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

          we're so sorry, uncle albert
          we're so sorry if we caused you any pain
          we're SO sorry uncle albert

          live a little be a gypsy get around
          get your feet up off the ground
          live a little get around

          1. Negropolis

            Hey, why don't you mentally and emotionally stunted Paul eunuchs do what you do best, and that's manually use your mouths to blow up his blimp…you know, until you feel light-headed and pass out, okay?

      1. Negropolis

        You're not funny; you're not clever; you're not cute. Go away, already, with your scatterbrained nonsense.

        EDIT: And, if you think you're going to do the down-fisty thing, think again. Your cult of Paul is tired. Paul ain't got nothin' on Jim Jones, ya hear?

        1. Numbat_Dundee

          Cult of Paul? Would that be St Paul? He was a keen evangelist who didn't like the ladies – smells Republican to me! And the fact that he's now an unidentified Greco-Palestinian corpse who'll never write another epistle shouldn't be a problem,
          Reagan was a walking corpse for most of his presidency and Bush couldn't pen an epistle to save himself.

      2. Redhead

        Though I'll grant you that this is probably above Palin's level of comprehension, it doesn't mean what you think it means. Boring dumb troll is boring, dumb. Yawn. You're about four years behind here – try to catch up (I know it's hard).

          1. Redhead

            Awww, you learned "ctrl" + "c" and "ctrl" + "v"! I'm so proud. Maybe next time you can copy and paste a lesson in reading comprehension.

            Because linking to a post from two years ago hardly helped your case against the point that you're years behind the times, irrelevant and out of touch – much like the man you delusionally think is a presidential candidate.

    2. OneDollarJuana

      Funny how the most popular guy is the guy who wishes to essentially eliminate the position he is running for.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Pretty sure Jack and Riley forgot to hand in their homework. Or maybe kept it as a CPAC souvenir.

  5. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    Given that Paul's philosophy of governing is that you shouldn't, this is the perfect office for him.

  6. Negropolis

    Ron Paul Is President of CPAC

    And, you know what? That's all he ever really wanted. He doesn't really want to be president. That'd actually mean having to flesh out his childishly simple political platform which reads more like an underpants gnomes manifesto:

    – Step 1: Less government, Less taxes
    – Step 2: ?
    – Step 3: FREEDOM! (profit. also.)

  7. Negropolis

    BWAHAHAHA! Sarah Palin got beaten by "Other". That's what happens when you don't show up to direct your flying monkeys, bitch. They don't know what to do unless you tell them to.

  8. donner_froh

    That is one hell of a list. Thieves, scoundrels and fat-ass white boys. Some has-beens, some never-wases, a black pizza guy, a couple of harpies and Rick fucking Santorum.

    CPAC 2011 must be a charade to fool the Democrats into thinking the GOP has given up on the Presidency for 2012.

  9. billy_reuben

    'Timmay lookin' mighty fine with his 'also ran' 4% — right there in the middle of that pack of goofs. Good thing he ran his state's infastructure into the ground, or he'd miss out on being 6th place choice of people nominated to lose on a doomed national ticket. Like sperm furiously racing down an esophagus.

  10. cheaphits

    Note that Bachman received more votes than Palin. I wonder if that may strain their love-fest? Maybe now the mud slinging (or mud wrestling) will begin in earnest.

    1. friendlyskies

      Frienemies 4-evar. They should get a reality show, an airstream trailer, and become the Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie of the GOP. They could call it "The Simpletons."

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I think Bachman wins over Palin with the serious conservatives because of her bona fides.

      Shes a current office holder, she's never quit her office, she talks and votes with the hard-core right, out there leading their cheers and fighting their battles. Her family, while unconventional, is not an ongoing, nationally televised freak show. The serious conservatives can see what Palin is all about: herself and money for herself.

      And I just love it that I chuckle inside every time I think of the phrase "serious conservatives."

      1. not that Dewey

        And I just love it that I chuckle inside every time I think of the phrase "serious conservatives."

        I love that you were able to type that phrase with a straight face.

  11. DrunkIrishman

    Mitt Romney hasn't actually held a job for like four years and he still couldn't round up enough mindless conservatives to win a worthless poll over a rambling insane man?

    What the hell has he been doing for the last 48 months? Carefully deciphering his flip-flops?

  12. Wayne A. Schneider

    Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.) won the always-anticipated, rarely predictive presidential straw poll Saturday at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington

    If it's "rarely predictive", then why is it "always-anticipated", except by those of us who like to make fun of the results? And, if it's "rarely predictive", then why do they keep doing it? Will the poor showing by, well, everyone except Ron Paul and Mitt Romney stop those people from running for president in 2012 anyway?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I think Ronald Reagan won it in 1979, so they've sorta been resting on their laurels since then.

  13. neiltheblaze

    Yet more evidence that the drooling cretins of CPAC have their fingers on the pulse of their own dicks and precisely nothing else.

  14. slithytoves

    The one thing that the CPAC straw poll is truly predictive of is how useless Republicans will be in the governance of this country in the coming year. If only I could put money on it; if only I had money.

  15. Redhead

    Well, good to know Ron Paul will make a fool out of himself and easily lose the presidential election, again. (Here's hoping he does it as the Republitard candidate this time.)

    Though what's this Godfather's Pizza CEO crap? I'd think if they were going to pick a completely irrelevant pizza CEO, they'd at least go with the Domino's one that had a complete lack of respect for women and their ability to make choices about their own lives, in Republitard style.

    1. HistoriCat

      They only put "former Godfather's Pizza CEO" because it sounds better than "token black guy" or "crazy black guy".

    2. BerkeleyBear

      He's too busy endowing right wing hate speech centers (ie a college that Mel Gibson's father is too rigid in their Catholicism).

    3. Terry

      The Dominos guy used to (and may still) make big old donations to pro-life groups. He's made for the Republicans.

  16. Barbara_i

    "Other" beat Sarah? Sarah hired a Chief of Staff! Personally, I think Sarah is just trying to trick people into continuing to send her money. I don't think she's running for anything.

    If Sarah does run she's going to have to cough up her education, medical and financial records. I don't see her doing that. Sorry, Chillbilly!

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Well, Sarah hasn't yet not denied that she isn't not running. Or maybe it's the other way around.

      Better mail her a campaign contribution, to be on the safe side.

    2. Bluestatelibel

      And I'm sure she thinking that when she "decides not to run," she'll be able to quietly slide that PAC money she got out of the easily-duped right into her checking account.

    1. HistoriCat

      God damn it – that will teach me to post before reading all the comments.

      You beat me fair and square x11e7thst. Kudos.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        You can always go back and delete your comment. That's what I do when I notice I've stepped on someones previous comment.

  17. ifthethunderdontgetya

    the energy of conservative activists at the gathering

    I think it's time we came up with a proper collective noun for this group.

    1) a crusting of conservative activists
    2) an ooze of conservative activists
    3) a pod of conservative activists

    1. lulzmonger

      11) a khomeini of conservative activists
      12) a taliban of conservative activists
      13) a rapture of conservative activists
      14) a ratfuck of conservative activists

    2. OneDollarJuana

      A grumpiness of conservative activists.
      A Hoveround of conservative activists.
      A panniculus of conservative activists.
      An insult of conservative activists.
      A miasma of conservative activists.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      A pus of conservative activists
      A virus of conservative activists
      A malignancy of conservative activists

      You know, things your should really get treated before they spread.

    1. bagofmice

      Can we go with F-22's and Su-33's?

      Given that an F-22 is a political hodgepodge built by factories in almost every congressional. district that necessitates the use of shims (HACKS) in every plane to assemble, and requires 2 weeks of maintenance for every hour it flies.

      1. ManchuCandidate

        But but but but I was told by the Defense Complex (who would never ever lie–the Sgt York was greatest weapon system of all time!!!) that it was a $350 million dollar killing machine that only needed love to shoot down entire air forces in a single pass and shot lasers that scratch asses. Not a piece of overpriced shit.

        I thought about using the F-22 for a moment, but then I wanted a plane that was useful.

    1. alfred light

      Yes, they were the cult that cut off their own balls and killed themselves to hop onto the nearest comet.

      No, wait, I'm getting confused with the Gravel people…

  18. PublicLuxury

    When all your choices are stupid fucks then all you get are stupid fucks.

    Stupid/Fucks run in 2012 and stupid fucks vote for them in 2012.

    Tee shirts are entertaining though: I'm with Stupid and I'm Fucked.

  19. PsycWench

    I would say that the votes for Palin and Bachmann do prove one thing: at least 7% of CPAC voters are frankly psychotic. Data is data, people.

  20. PsycWench

    Also, the headline for the collection of CPAC "news" on CNN is "Obama the butt of jokes at CPAC".
    Do you know the title of a president who is the butt of jokes at CPAC? President.

  21. Ducksworthy

    Um Since it is well established that "they both do it" please direct me to the Progressive/Liberal event where progressive liberals rant for 3 days about how the rich should pay income taxes, social security should be available to olds, health care is a right, cats and dogs should be allowed to live together and other weird unAmurrikan ideas are expressed openly. Oh and the "free" press covers it for 4 days.

  22. HolyMaracas

    Somebody needs to remind Paultards that their man is gonna be 77yrs old in the next Presidential election. But then again, we all know how well these people deal with reality.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Anybody who still speaks with a hardcore Pittsburgh accent sixty years after they move south of the Mason-Dixon line doesn't deal well with change.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I don't know that it matters much. He doesn't seem to have gotten any more feeble or crazy as the years pile up and his political career grinds on.

      The trick is to start with a very high baseline, of course.

  23. deanbooth

    Former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman got double the support of Haley Barbour!

    Just goes to show that you should never vote when you're hungry.

  24. DonnyKerabotsos

    I'm glad to see my governor Christie scored so well, although he's still being coy–lying–about actually wanting to throw his huge hat into the ring.

    Now if he would just select the pizza guy as his running mate, I'd actually start looking forward to 2012…

  25. BarackMyWorld

    Herman Cain might be a more impressive candidate if Godfather's Pizza didn't TASTE LIKE OLIVE-OIL FLAVORED RUBBER. That shit's just nasty.

  26. weejee

    To celebrate that the CootiePAC gathering of the truest true believers has ended, how 'bout a line from Eric Hoffer, the author of "The True Believer" —

    The uncompromising attitude is more indicative of an inner uncertainty than a deep conviction. The implacable stand is directed more against the doubt within than the assailant without.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      One of the formative books of my late-20s questing for the Meaning Of It All! Glad you reminded me of it.

      (The Meaning Of It All was explained to my credulous young mind by Jung, Bateson, Watts, Campbell, Chaos Theory and the Dancing Wu Li Masters, and somehow a pilgrimage to Taos, New Mexico was going to bring on enlightenment. Unfortunately, it was too late to get in on all the hot sex at Esalen by the late 80s/early 90s.)

  27. Pragmatist2

    I demand to see Ron Paul's birth certificate. I'm pretty sure he is actually the guy who used to cal himself "My Favorite Martian."

      1. not that Dewey

        Hey Terry — o/t, but I just got "followed" by some Breitbart troll named "Liberal = Intolerant". While I was investigating, I noticed that you had been to his/her/its profile. Did it happen to you, too? How does one shake an unwanted follower?

          1. not that Dewey

            Mine was "Thanks, intolerant liberals, for sharing your IP addresses! BTW, how is life on the Democrat Plantation?" which, while not particularly creepy, is certainly dumb.

            Apparently it's part of his/her/its master plan to get 10 to 20 other trolls to follow a bunch of us, thereby somehow undermining Wonkette (?!) They think that we're "freaking out" about this and that down-fisting us is "really getting under our skin".

          2. Dudleydidwrong

            Got the same message. I guess they only teach them a few words at a time, just after they go through the "bye-bye" stage.

          3. Terry

            I'm not 16. Takes more than "following" my posts here to freak me out. Waiting in a long line with an armful of clothes and discovering as I reach the register that I don't have my coupon….THAT freaks me out. People with too many items in the express line at the grocery store get under my skin. Internet trolls, not so much.

          4. not that Dewey

            Imminent tax lien on my house => freaks me out.

            A coworker finished the coffee and didn't make more => gets under my skin.

            Internet trolls…I think we're on the same page.

          5. not that Dewey

            Search me. I still want to know what Jukesgrrl's said that was so creepy.

            Fucking IntenseDebate. How does it work?

          6. Jukesgrrl

            He thanked me, too, for sharing my IP address and then followed up with some description of how he was targeting people with p scores under 100 so we would really notice that he was having an "effect." It was just the notion I was being "targeted" that was creepy. I don't really care what my p score is and I certain am not going to follow him in return, so it's no big deal, I just don't like the idea that someone who crows about being intolerant "following" me. One of the many reasons I don't use Facebook.

            BTW, in response I'm almost always upfisting everyone who now has p numbers below 100. Just because.

          7. not that Dewey

            Upfisting, following, and replying. That's the way to go. Our comrades will never know who did the fisting, but the latter two have more effect on p-score than fisting, anyway. (firefox spellchecker objects to the words "fisting" and "firefox")

            You're probably wise not to use fb, if you have no compelling reason to do so. For me, I have no other way of keeping in contact with my sister. She's one of those text-only, won't-return-calls types.

            It's probably less creepy now that you know he did it to all of us. There was an uber-thread today wherein everyone group-confessed to having been followed by this ineffectual.

          8. Jukesgrrl

            Yes, I am relieved to know I'm not the only one. Especially since I've now received more than one message from the jerk. Thanks.

          9. Chet Kincaid

            I'm still not seeing how this person can send you a message in your private email unless you have put an email address out in public on your intensedbate profile, or you are using your intensedebate name somewhere else on the Web that's associated to an email address. Otherwise, they'd have to hack intensedebate to get your email or IP address. I've got a wingtard follower as well, but got no messages from him/her.

          10. Jukesgrrl

            He's not sending me PRIVATE messages. Just thru IntenseD. After I wrote here yesterday, I got that one from him about the What I don't understand is why Ken can't give him the banhammer. Why is he allowed on here if he doesn't do anything except remove p? I never see any posts under the name "Liberal = Intolerant." I suppose he's not capable of composing one that wouldn't get all thumbs down from everyone here.

          11. Chet Kincaid

            Well, pardon my denseness (density?), but I still don't understand how he can send you messages through intensedebate other than as comments that get posted publicly on Wonkette or elsewhere. I have not seen any functionality in intensedebate that allows sending messages to other users that are not public comments. Would somebody please explain how that's possible, and where intensedebate has buried that feature??

          12. Jukesgrrl

            If you sign up to "follow" a fellow ID user, there's a place on the sign-up to send them a message. The standard message just says something like,"I'm following you," but apparently it can be customized, because I've been told twice that this particular person is "following" me, and each time the message was entirely different. Other than the content, the message just comes in the same form in which we get replies to our comments, via the E-mail address we provided to ID. I'm sure he doesn't actually know my E-mail address, but he could reach me/you/us anytime with a comment either by replying to one of our comments (which would also be public) or by signing up to follow someone, which goes only to the followee and is not public.

        1. Terry

          I'm not sure you can. He's welcome to read all my posts and hopefully some of it will rub off on him. lol

        2. emmelemm

          Yeah, I got the same message from the dude. (I assume it's a dude.) I'm not even a Wonkette stalwart worth following. What gives?

  28. PabaBritannica

    So if we throw out the Paultard skewing, we're looking at President Mittens. This is good news! For Mitt Romney!

  29. OC_Surf_Serf

    Ron Paul, eh? So what's this Southern Cracker's last name? Ron Paul Cleburne? Ron Paul Mesquite? Ron Paul Hazzard?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Actually, he's only a Southern Cracker adoptee. The Pittsburgh suburb of Greentree — a totally souless place if there ever was one — gets credit for spawning him. That's what accounts for his Dennis-Miller-soundalike accent.

  30. lulzmonger

    WTF? Gingrich beats Palin, who beats Huckabee?

    Oh lordy. The 2012 GOP Primary Debates sure won't have any need to dub in a laff-track.

  31. donner_froh

    Considering they are a bunch of self-hating dumbos, the officially out of the closet Repubs showed a few flashes of humor, getting everyone to cheer for Donald Trump and unleashing Jimmy McMillan and his shoes on that whiter than white crowd.

    Donald Trump would be Bernie Madoff if he could get anyone to trust him with money.

  32. BarackMyWorld

    Someone clear this up for me…is the red box/lettering in the Ron Paul logo because he wants us to LOVE him (loving a government official is a weird proposition for a libertarian) or because his ideas are "EVOL"? Maybe he wants the country to embrace EVOLution (Social Darwinism)?

    1. Bluestatelibel

      Maybe he's a closet hippie?

      The weird thing about conservatards is how they completely embrace Social Darwinism (survival of the meanest and greediest among us), which has little actual science behind it, but reject evolutionary Darwinism, which has all of the science behind it. I can't figure that one out.

  33. Bluestatelibel

    One thing you can count on is that the fact that Palin couldn't even break 5% among conservatards will in no way deter CNN from endlessly speculating about her running and making it appear she has a chance, instead of being washed up and over with, which she is.

    1. HistoriCat

      I think it fall under the category of "well, someone has to win the nomination" and she's the best linkbait they have.

  34. weejee

    Ron Paul was just elected to the Preziduncey of CPAC and all of Wingnuttistan, save two small enclaves in Sillwaterrunzshallow, MN and Whatsillysauce, AK. Ron & his minions believe that taxes are still way, way, way too high and the deficit is the result of those too high taxes and the misguided stimulus spending by the Feds.

    Mmmmm. The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, Krugman, and others do the maths, yes its hard, but they see something that is just a wee bit different from Doktor Paul. But hey, the Paultards have again raptured to the arms of Dog in the blimp, so facts mean little.

  35. user-of-owls

    In Russia, they used to have an interesting ballot option. During the 2007 Duma elections, voters could cast their vote for the "Against All" option. It came in fourth place. Putin has since abolished that option, but wouldn't it be interesting to try that option out in some of our elections?

    I'm Wolf Blitzer, and you're in the Situation Room for our special Election Night coverage. We go now to a really big hologram of Candy Crowley who reports that CNN has just called Ohio for Against All with 67% of the vote.

      1. user-of-owls

        There go my retirement plans.

        But just a word to the wise. You might check with Mr. Putin's lawyers before you lay claim to the first one. Rumors are he deals poorly with competitors.

        cough, Polonium tea, cough

  36. Karlmarxlone

    Mitt Romney may still be a Mormon and a Liberal, but he is pretending like crazy to be neither. He is a tough-talking conservative refudiating his People's Republic of Massachusetts ways.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      In response to being served, "Mr. Breitbart said in a statement that he 'categorically rejects the transparent effort to chill his constitutionally protected free speech.'” In other words, "I can do whatever I want, so Nah! Nah! Nah!" He then stuck out his tongue and made a nasty face…

    1. Chet Kincaid

      "'We don't make a big deal out of Valentine's Day because my birthday was the 17th (of January),' [Mrs. Obama] told Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa. She noted, too, that Christmas was just a few weeks before that.
      'So by Feb. 14, we're kind of tired,' Mrs. Obama said."

      Are we to understand that Barack has been hitting it nonstop since the middle of January? And they are just now getting tired? He is truly Smoove B!

    1. user-of-owls

      Well, it's implicit, isn't it? I mean, you vote for a candidate, presumably you vote for what's between their ears, no?

  37. rocktonsam

    I hope $arah reminds Fokkkz News that the poll added up to 100 also.

    So the survey is scientific and doesn't reflect the views of real Amerikans.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I am really not trying to be snide, but I think that anyone suggeting Ron Paul to clear 3% in the primaries is dreaming, being sarcastic, or mentally impaired.

  38. greypanter

    Maybe they thought they were voting for "straw man" in the 2012 election. That is the only analysis that makes any sense.

  39. __kth__

    The media has done the right wing no small number of favors over the years, but "destroying" Sarah Palin (albeit by asking her what newspapers she reads, etc.) will turn out to have been the greatest favor of them all.

    1. Rotundo_

      The "destroying" has been on $arahs' part: The press has played its stenographer role dutifully, but $arah has been the one inserting foot into her mouth. One could argue that they *are* dilligently reporting every miscue and misstep and idiotic turn of phrase intentionally to discredit her but they could hardly do any more damage to her reputation than she does all on her lonesome. If she can't do any better than "other" in a hardcore conservative straw poll it isn't "The Liberal Media" that is her problem. The fact that she is a standout in a new breed of conservatives that are "Dumber than Dubya" is more likely the issue.

  40. Veritas78

    For entirely different reasons than anyone at CPAC, Ron Paul is the only entry on that list that I could vote for, except "other."

  41. VinnyThePooh

    A diluted field of opportunists riding on the scooter of misdirected rage, all pitching the same Nuttier Than He/She platform.
    This is gonna be fun.

  42. Wait..what?

    Wait, if this poll is "rarely predictive" isn't it actually quite predictive for the winner? I.e. the winner does not win the real primary/election? Sounds like tough nuts Paultards!

    Maybe we won't be needing the General (Nick Carr?) back after all come primary time.

  43. bagofmice

    Oh my, an IP address. You mean an IPV4 address, what with all of the classicism and Network Address Translation after being assigned to a load balancer, after passing through the policies in say, an F5 Global Traffic Manager device, for example? A truly frightening idea from someone who hides behind a subnet mask…

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