St. Valentine's Day -- the Christian holiday for masturbating alone in your room while you cry -- is fast approaching! But who knows, maybe you will meet your soul mate/a naked person on ChatRoulette tonight? Maybe! Either way, you should send one of these electronic RNC Valentine's Day cards to someone that you hate with all your heart. Because that's just what Reince Priebus wants you to do, for some reason.
The ladies love it. [ GOP Valentine ]
Pretty sure there isn't anything you can buy for 44cents except a stamp. You can't even send a GOP e-card for less than $5 donation. I guess he meant "The Donation is Too Damned High". Though we need to remember Freedom™, like lesbian bondage clubs, ain't free.
If you're crying while you masturbate, you could be doing it wrong. Cast aside the sandpaper and buy some lube fer crying out loud.