• May 26, 2012
MISSED EXITS

February 10, 2011

Mubarak Says He Ain’t Leaving, Egyptians Go Double-Nuts

by Ken Layne  

Hey guess who just gave his long-awaited resignation speech and DIDN’T ACTUALLY QUIT? We were just listening to this on BBC World Service in the car and about 90 seconds into the live translation, we said to ourselves, “Uhh, he’s not quitting.”

And it took only a few more minutes for the demonstrators in Liberation Square to go from happy to enraged, complete with the throwing shoes. And now the whole crowd has poured out and is stomping over to the nearest gigantic military base. What the hell, what the hell. [Al Jazeera]

{ 106 comments }

JadedDissonance February 10, 2011 at 4:22 pm

They tore down the screen that his speech was broadcast upon immediately after it finished. (or at least that's what maddow's twitter claims)

Rarian Rakista February 10, 2011 at 5:31 pm

They should of used it to show Ishtar, I've always wanted to incite a riot with Ishtar.

SmutBoffin February 10, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Heckuva job, Hosni.

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Guy just can't take a hint, can he?

SharkSandwich February 10, 2011 at 8:55 pm

This guy is worse than Brett Favre.

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Quitler is going to blame Obama for this, mark my words. First, she is going to have to get Greta to explain to her what this means.

Limeylizzie February 10, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Oh God, I love "Quitler" , I upfisted you for that piece of linguistic magnificence

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 7:04 pm

And I upfist you because you are my little English muffin.

MarshallBanana February 10, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Oh, believe me, just look at the tweets coming from conservatards everywhere: Obama sucks because we couldn't keep our man Mubarak safe from this, which is really a giant Islamic religious coup and not a popular uprising at all.

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Because actual popular uprisings only occur when the US invades and imposes the uprising upon them. What the fuck parallel universe do these people live in?

angryclownspawn February 10, 2011 at 4:24 pm

He's no quitter. He's kinda like the opposite of Sarah Palin.

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 4:25 pm

He doesn't want anyone calling him "the Egyptian Sarah Palin."

nounverb911 February 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Why would they, he doesn't have any illegitimate grandchildren.

vostoklake February 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Knowing Gamal Mubarak's bad habits, I find that difficult to believe.

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2011 at 5:21 pm

That's an awfully bold statement to make about a heterosexual male with $70 Billion and 30 years absolute domain over a country containing millions of dusky-eyed maidens.

HistoriCat February 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm

mmmm … dusky-eyed maidens.

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 6:12 pm

"Houris" is the term of art:

In Islam, the ḥūr or ḥūrīyah are described as "splendid companions of equal age (well-matched)", "lovely eyed", of "modest gaze", "voluptuous women", "pure beings" or "companions pure" of paradise, denoting humans and jinn who enter paradise after being recreated anew in the hereafter. Islam also has a strong mystical tradition which places these heavenly delights in the context of the ecstatic awareness of God. …Islam teaches that women in Paradise will get whatever they wish.

So in Islam, women in Paradise get everything they want, and on earth get jack shit. In the west, the situation is almost the exact reverse.

Limeylizzie February 10, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Why, oh why do I read Wonkette when I am either eating or drinkng? I just made a ghastly laughng/guffawing noise and spat lettuce onto the coffee table.

fuflans February 10, 2011 at 4:26 pm

this is ugly.

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

It's about to get uglier than homemade soup. The crowds are pissed and they are going to resort to self help.

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 4:34 pm

If you want something done, the best way to be sure it gets done is to do it yourself. Let's hope they aren't checking out the rope department at the Cairo Home Depot.

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 4:44 pm

WTF? Why won't he leave? Is he afraid they will deduct something from his security deposit if he bolts now?

SorosBot February 10, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Maybe he's waiting until he's able to take as much of Egypt's money as he can with him, like Ferdinand Marcos.

jim89048 February 10, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Do they still have those Hebrew Braceros in the parking lot, looking for work?

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Probably Palestinians these days. Damn illegals, stealin our jerbs!

jqheywood February 10, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Nice Tom Lehrer reference….

"After all, even in Egypt, they had Hebrew Braceros…."

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 4:55 pm

When your President has to give a speech at almost midnight, you know it is ugly.

mavenmaven February 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

"You won't have Hosni Mubarak to kick around any more"

DoktorZoom February 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Ouch! Ouch! Hey! Stop that! I said…..Ow!

Buzz Feedback February 10, 2011 at 4:27 pm

The القرف is going to hit the fan now.

SorosBot February 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Send lawyers, guns and money.

DoktorZoom February 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

He thinks he's on the Sunni side of the street, but tomorrow, the Shi'ite is really gonna hit the fan.

ManchuCandidate February 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Shorter Hosni: Hell No I WON'T GO!!!

angryclownspawn February 10, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Only slightly better? Touche!

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

We'll see who wins the definitive p-vote.

angryclownspawn February 10, 2011 at 4:51 pm

In the spirit of healthy competition, I am totally upfisting you! Enjoy!

nounverb911 February 10, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Is Mubarek the new Franco?

ManchuCandidate February 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Ceasescu

doloras February 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Trufax: Franco continued to run Spain for about a month after he was officially braindead. The Fascists held off from pulling the plug until the anniversary of the Civil War.

Also trufax: the longer this goes, the less likely there is to be an "orderly transition" and the more likely this is to turn into Russia 1917 (February edition).

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:32 pm

In the soon-to-be-equally-dead-sense, yes.

SorosBot February 10, 2011 at 4:33 pm

It seems almost like Mubarak wants to go down torn apart by an angry mob here.

Hatrabbit February 10, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Mr Mubarak, ask not what you can do to your country; ask what your country can do to you.

DoktorZoom February 10, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Sideways, with a rusty knife.

Ken Layne February 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Romania was really stuck in a late-Middle Ages serfdom/misery kind of situation — Egypt is "Star Trek" in comparison. So, I hope it doesn't go that bad, because you don't just shake off that kind of insane mob violence and heads on pikes. You stew in that shit for a long time, as a people.

doloras February 10, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I wonder what George Washington or Abraham Lincoln would have made of pundits talking about the threat of violence and the need for an orderly transition.

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 4:51 pm

2010 GDP/capita:

Egypt $6,376
China: $7,518
Romania $11,776
US America: $47,132

Have to run. Gotta gas up the Hummer to go buy some more anus-burgers at the drive-thru on my way to get a three-pak of 128-oz jars of Grey Poupon @Costco.

IonaTrailer February 10, 2011 at 6:52 pm

"Excuse me,… but do you have anything Grey to poop on?"

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Isn't the usual playbook for the dictator to push crowds to violence, forcing the army to restore order and the people, distracted by celebrating the fact they are still alive and their house isn't on fire, don't notice as the generals draw straws to decide who is the president. Then they let the original dictator make a safe exit and there you go: army's the most respected institution in the country.

Should the protestors resist resorting to violence, it would screw up the plan totally. "Paging Mr. Muslim Gandhi. Paging Mr Gandhi."

karen February 10, 2011 at 11:24 pm

They still somewhat are. Instead of being poor and miserable under the foot of Ceausescu, they're poor and miserable under the foot of whatever president comes along to fill in. I mean really, there's still a large amount of MPs who are leftovers from pre-1989, things havent really changed much.

I remember I had a class with this really awesome old professor, he was slow and boring and I loved him. He told us that the American Revolution wasn't really a "revolution", because that implies a change or shift in power, different people etc… All that really happened was that the white, slave-owners who were running the show before now ran the show without crown saying "Pardon me, taxes?" Same goes for Romania. The "revolution" left the same dipshits in power under a new name. Lastly, "You stew in that shit for a long time, as a people," many Romanians I've talked to have actually said they think their current situations are God's retribution for what they did and for killing the Ceausescu's on Christmas.

They make damn fine sarmale though.

WriteyWriterton February 11, 2011 at 12:19 am

Darkish, but doubtless true.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 4:36 pm

So…let me see if I can predict the S.I.M.I.A.N.'s response (S.I.M.I.A.N. = Snide, Ignorant, Mean-Spirited, Incoherent, Arrogant Nitwit*).

"Greta, Obamar said Hotsneeze would resign, and now he won't, and, and, uh, Egypt's going up in flames, and the Muslin Bro-heimers gonna take over, and, and, it's all Obamar's fault that Hotsneeze is not resigning, because Hotknees said he won't let anybody from outside the country tell him what to do."

* I woke up at 3 this morning and working this out helped me go back to sleep, like counting sheep/sheeples.

nounverb911 February 10, 2011 at 4:38 pm

With $70B, he can buy Switzerland.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Actually, no, but he can rent any of its banker-whores in perpetuity.

HistoriCat February 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

"I will not be separated from this soil until I am buried underneath it."
– The crowds are probably willing to take you up on that one at this point.

"I address the families of the victims who fell. I feel the same pain you felt"
– Yeah, that line didn't work for Clinton either.

"Our economy has suffered losses and damages – and day by day it will end up where the youth, who are calling for more reform will be the first victims."
– I'm sure those unemployed "youth" who are pushing 30 and living with their parents are worried about becoming victims.

Cicada February 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm

He forgot "Let them eat cake."

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:17 pm

He'll get to it. Trust me on this.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:18 pm

"Gentlemen, start your tumbrels."

One_who_wanders February 11, 2011 at 7:11 am

You sir, are on quite a roll. Multiple thumbs up.

DoktorZoom February 10, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Odd–watching Suleiman on Al Jazeera English….where he just warned Egyptians to "go home and not listen to the satellite TV stations that are just trying to stir up trouble."

twaingirl February 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm

YES! I'm watching that on YouTube and my jaw dropped. And now they are marching on the presidential palace.

Two words for you Mubarak: Louis Capet.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I see a little hawt Mussolini-on-lamppost action in Mubarak's and Suleiman's future.

Gopherit February 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Yeah. Telling the people that the only news group that has accurately reported the situation there fairly is "sowing sedition" isn't going to work out well. Also, they are calling the VP the Vice Torturer! They're so cute! Just like us but smaller and browner.

Ken Layne February 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Oh yeah, that author guest … brutal. "And he spends half his time in Israel," hahahah, that guy may well end up with his head on a pike. In a revolution that has been a peaceful demand for Dignity, Mubarak and Suleiman just shit on everybody's heads.

Ken Layne February 10, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Yeah that was a real crowd pleaser … followed by "go back to work." Did anyone think that was going to result in anything beyond a doubling of the protests and nationwide work stoppages of Monday and Tuesday? Are they just are opiumed up and going for broke?

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

It's Life in The Bubble, KL. Get in it and lose the ability to see/hear/understand anything outside it. If Hosni continues down this path, he's not gonna have much more time to enjoy his $70B.

emmelemm February 10, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Isn't he 82 or 84? He has not that much time, in any event. But he does have a wife and children to think about.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I doubt that he's giving any thought to anything but his "legacy."

Krugmanic Depressive February 10, 2011 at 5:27 pm

It's like the Schotz brewery, but with camel-riding thugs.

Gopherit February 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Shorter Suleiman: Don't worry your pretty heads, Egyptians. Go make me a sandwich.

Mubarak and Suleiman should be happy that the drug of choice in Egypt isn't alcohol.

cheaphits February 10, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Yeah, maybe ol' Hoser is just oblivious to everything and thinks telling the crowd to go home and not watch T.V and then go back to work will be effective.

Perhaps, he is waiting for the flying pigs to destroy his enemies – there is a better chance that that will transpire.

Also, tomorrow is Friday, not many Egyptians work on Friday, but a little recreational hanging is probably O.K. on Friday.

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 9:10 pm

I pay $100 a month for my satellite with its hundreds of channels yet Dish protects me from being exposed to Al Jazeera English and, apparently, being tricked into becoming a terrorist. I know, I can watch it online. But I'm in the country, also have a satellite for the ISP and have a download allowance that I don't choose to use watching television.

But I have a fucking television in three rooms of my house. Why can I not watch Al Jazeera English?

Gay Mexican Intern February 10, 2011 at 9:20 pm

…wow. All those Time Warner SATELLITE SUCKS HURR HURR commercials suddenly got a lot more believable.

(Yes, I know that people in the boonies can't get cable and thus have no choice.)

BornInATrailer February 10, 2011 at 4:52 pm

al-Psyche!

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Maybe the army's going to protect/support Mubarak, but all the recent signs seem to run in the opposite direction. Maybe he knows something no-one else does, but I can't see the army suddenly opening fire on the people among whom they've been camping out for the past few days.

real_dc_native February 10, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Stability and orderly transition of power = staying until I can rig the election

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:04 pm

I don't think he's going to get that opportunity. Pretty soon, I think he's going to have to flee or die. Ugly.

MarshallBanana February 10, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Which — surprise surprise — a bunch of teatards, FOX News, and Republican pundits are all in full support of. Because, you know, this is actually a fundamentalist Islamic coup, NOT a popular uprising.

(Not to mention the fact that vote-rigging worked so well for W…)

Monsieur_Grumpe February 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Ego is keeping him from leaving. Jeez MubarWreck, take your billions and retire for the good of Egypt.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

I see more full-body scans in our future, especially when anyone mentions the words "muslin" or "brotherhood" in an airport.

This is not good for the I.B.E.W. or the B.R.W. They're gonna have to hold their conventions via teleconference from now on.

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

And the unions were demonstrating in Cairo today so there you go–it's another AFL-CIO conspiracy, and Faux news will be on it any minute.
PS wingers hate unions more than they hate anything. So why don't all the liberals join a union, because they're obviously wonderful–else, Conservatards wouldn't hate them so much.

proudgrampa February 10, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Ah, those crazy Gypsies. They just wanna party!

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm

They like to get down. They like to party.

DoktorZoom February 10, 2011 at 6:58 pm

This ain't no party. This ain't no disco. This ain't no foolin' around.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Sadly, that's accurate, DZ.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:12 pm

What part of hanging-not-in-effigy do these guys not get?

Guppy06 February 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm

The only person he needs to keep happy is his helicopter pilot.

WriteyWriterton February 10, 2011 at 5:22 pm

A billion here (for his pilot) and a billion there (for the gas jockey on the helipad), and sooner or later you're talking about real money, honey.

hagajim February 10, 2011 at 5:23 pm

I'm not sure why he spoke for so long…"I'm not leaving – go fuck yourselves." is pretty succinct and to the point.

Sharkey February 10, 2011 at 5:27 pm

They're throwing shoes now?!!?

That is the last fucking straw. On the camel's whatnot….

Extemporanus™ February 10, 2011 at 5:27 pm

"Egyptians Go Double-Nuts"

SWEET!

It's about time we got some hawt goddess-on-goddess action up in this bitch!

Gay Mexican Intern February 10, 2011 at 9:22 pm

It'd be great if those mobile-phone redirection thingies on websites worked in reverse. Just yesterday I sent a CNN article out by email and apparently, when you load an m.cnn.com address on a regular computer you are greeted with a blank page.

Extemporanus™ February 10, 2011 at 11:47 pm

It figures that it woud be a tra-la-Latino hero such as yourself who would be the first one with the guts to come to my link's aid! If you hadn't, I probably would've gone on thinking Wikipedia had just redesigned their site today for at least the next week or two (i.e. until I sobered up.) Thanks.

Also, too, Nut is an obelisk-strokin' sexxxy-ass Egyptian goddess of the sky and masturbation and shit, so…

FAP FOR FREEDOM, WONKETTEERS! BUST A NUT FOR NUT TONIGHT!

HistoriCat February 10, 2011 at 5:31 pm

In Mubarak's defense, the lease on his home isn't up until September. He doesn't want to set a bad example for the Egyptian people.

bumfug February 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I knew it as soon as he started his speech with, "I'm not a pharoah… I'm you."

sati_demise February 10, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Three more days and he will smell like a dead fish, I suppose.

Angry_Marmot February 10, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Any odds on whether the CIA will bail out "our (their) friend" Suleiman?

sati_demise February 10, 2011 at 7:20 pm

How can we miss you if you won't go away?

AtwatersGhost February 10, 2011 at 8:06 pm

Lay-off Hosni, his dang pyramid ain't completed yet!

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 8:40 pm

According to O'Donnell's show tonight, H. Clinton is now being monterish toward the protestors, or so says Samantha Powers. Power? Whatever. She's one of the smartest people I've ever heard speak, so I'm going with whatever the redhead says. But, agree shouldn't look like we're butting in.

This is too confusing. I have an idea: weekly, let's do a wonkette live blog of Glen Beck. Only until commercial, of course, because no one could take more than one segment of that much batshit ranting.

Muslin_vs_Satin February 10, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Hosni's like the Arab Larry Craig…he doesn't know when to quit.

sqeptiq February 10, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I predict that Mubarak won't leave until he's caught hiking the al-Palachian Trail.

Oblios_Cap February 11, 2011 at 7:53 am

Pride goeth before a fall, motherfucker!

This will not end well.

MinAgain February 11, 2011 at 11:07 am

Oh, no. Not the shoes.

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Ahhhh, I see. Yeah, Imelda had to make sure that she packed up her bulletproof bras on the way out. No, that's not a joke, she had them. Unless you are Dolly Parton, that bra isn't going to provide much protection.

SorosBot February 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Oh, I know; I'm not joking here either. The guy's taken so much money from the Egyptian people over the years, he's not going to give back his ill-gotten gains easily. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to take some of priceless artifacts from the Cairo Museum with him.

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 9:59 pm

How much money does anyone really need? He's in his 80's and should be reading his bible and cramming for his finals, if you know what I mean.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: