REALLY YOUNG REPUBLICANS  12:30 pm February 10, 2011

CPAC Infested With Bedbugs, and Also Actual Blood-Sucking Insects

by Jack Stuef

Live free or die, bedbugs!The three-legged stool of conservatism is strong and united at CPAC! Yes, as intelligent and alive as a small piece of furniture. However, the stool may not last long, as the hotel they chose, the Marriott Wardham Park, seems to currently be infested with bedbugs. Yes, we knew that, but are there blood-sucking insects there too? Har har har. “I woke up seeing the bed bugs on the bed, on my shirt and even on the bed that I am not using. Unbelievable!!! The hotel staff wasn’t surprised with what happened at all. I will never stay here again,” one visitor wrote recently. Hey, don’t worry about that. That sounds more like Teabaggers than bedbugs.

wake up in the morning and I had all my leg cover with red spot. the bed was full of tiny little blood spot

Seems like English may not be this poster’s first language. Perhaps some conservatives visited in the night and stabbed him or her in the legs, just to be safe that the hotel wouldn’t be bombed?

I attended the AWP Conference from February 2-6 and found a bed bug in my suitcase upon returning home. Had to throw out my suitcase and am now dealing with cleaning everything else I took with me. Don’t stay here.

I found a bed bug in my suitcase upon arriving at home. Today, I found live bugs in my bedroom and laundry room where my suitcase had been.
DO NOT STAY AT THIS HOTEL.

But perhaps the CPAC hotel will be alright, because it seems all the bedbugs have left the place in people’s suitcases in advance of the conference. Even bedbugs are repulsed by Michele Bachmann, it would seem. [The Bedbug Registry]

 

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{ 97 comments }

Barbara_i February 10, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Wonder who is going to win that battle? The bed bugs they found or the crotch crickets they brought.

Extemporanus™ February 10, 2011 at 12:42 pm

To fight the bug, we must understand the bug.

We can ill afford another CPAC.

user-of-owls February 10, 2011 at 1:04 pm

The CPAC is like water and the bedbugs are like fish.

-The Great Helmsman

bagofmice February 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

We must bug the bugs to bug the buggers.

weejee February 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

CPAC = "Cootie Prone Abysmal Conservtards"

WIDTAP February 10, 2011 at 2:33 pm

You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?

We're in this war for the species, boys and girls. It's simple numbers. They have more. And every day I have to make decisions that send hundreds of people like you to their deaths.

FNMA February 10, 2011 at 12:35 pm

"The bed was full of tiny little blood spot"?

Green Balloons!

DoktorZoom February 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Odd. Usually the bed is full of tiny little blood sports.

Negropolis February 11, 2011 at 1:34 am

The safe-word/phrase has since been changed. It's now "fit, fun, & classy!"

SorosBot February 10, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Why do think the hotel booked the convention? They know CPAC is a cure for the bedbug problem, because bedbugs have some sense of integrity and will run away from the delegates.

MARCdMan February 10, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Bedbugs? I thought they were called Log Cabin republicans.

kittylittr February 10, 2011 at 12:38 pm

No, that's GOProud. LCRs are tapeworms.

Eve8Apples February 10, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Welcome to the bottom of the food chain CPAC delegates.

nounverb911 February 10, 2011 at 12:39 pm

The Marriott Wardham Park Hotel? Is Romney still on their board of directors?

V572625694 February 10, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Which would mean no pr0n. Does that include gay pr0n?

HistoriCat February 10, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Why bother with the pron when you can get real, live man on man action through Craigslist?

Worthly Wokette Skum February 10, 2011 at 12:39 pm

CPAC: whole lot of suckin' going on.

Oblios_Cap February 10, 2011 at 12:39 pm

There a most likely a large number of CPAC delegates being drained right now.

And then the bedbugs are biting them, as well.

mourningnmerica February 10, 2011 at 1:32 pm

ba boomp chsssssshhhh

Tengu February 10, 2011 at 12:40 pm

And that's not a mint on your pillow.

MissTaken February 10, 2011 at 12:40 pm

was full of tiny little blood spot

That is how Bristol finds out that she's not preggers that month

CapnFatback February 10, 2011 at 12:40 pm

"I woke up seeing the bed bugs on the bed, on my shirt and even on the bed that I am not using. Unbelievable!!! The hotel staff wasn’t surprised with what happened at all. I will never stay here again,"

This clearly was written by someone not affiliated with the CPAC conference. Otherwise, that empty bed would be occupied by a tender male intern.

LiveToServeYa February 10, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Our Founding Fathers would not have minded a few bugs in their bedding.

andrewdrinker February 10, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Tonight on Glenn Beck: a chalkboard drawing of how the bedbugs were brought in by secret Muslim Communist Terrorists from the shadow government of the Secret Caliphate of Virginia, which is funded solely by the extra revenue the federal government receives from the Health Care And Reconciliation Act.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 10, 2011 at 12:43 pm

The schaden freudes itself.
~

Lascauxcaveman February 10, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Still, I can't help but feel sorry for the people who run the hotel.

Oh, I mean about the bedbugs, too. They're also pretty horrible.

Terry February 10, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I would bet you a nickle that the CPAC'ers aren't good tippers.

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Ya' think? Their own value is selfishness. Me, me, me. If you're shitty politically, you're shitty in other aspects of your life. And stoopid. Only liberals are kind, smart, and generous.

freakishlywrong February 10, 2011 at 12:51 pm

I pee this comment very much.

Negropolis February 11, 2011 at 1:37 am

Ah, ah…I see what you did there. Well played.

Yes, yes. In Soviet Russia, schaden freudes you.

PsycWench February 10, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Some of the CPAC-goers may have believed the bugs were approved by The Patriot Act and are thus freedom bugs.

thefrontpage February 10, 2011 at 12:44 pm

From the CPAC Schedule:

THURSDAY

9 a.m.-Noon: Lecture, Mark Foley, Larry Craig and Chris Lee: "Republicans and the Internet"

Noon-1 p.m. Lunch

1 p.m.-3 p.m.: Naked jello wrestling, hotel recreation room B.

3-5 p.m.: Photo Shoot: Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin pose nude for anyone who wants to take their pictures. $10 entry fee. Pics are free.

5-7 p.m. Dinner

7:30-9:30 p.m.: Movie: "La Cage Aux Folles."

10 p.m.-Midnight: Party, Hospitality Room, hosted by Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin.

KenLayIsAlive February 10, 2011 at 2:03 pm

3-5pm – Ann Coulter's fairly believable attempt at passing off her cock as a "large clitoris" all comes to naught when she cannot come up with a reasonable explanation for the testicles below it.

Jesus christ. Anyone know a good shock treatment provider?

CUNextTuesday February 10, 2011 at 9:25 pm

There's a joke about teabagging in here somewhere, but I can't seem to get it to gel.

littlebigdaddy February 10, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Obv. this hotel was chosen for its proximity to Adams-Morgan and its various establishments catering to a certain swish clientele.

Pop_Socket February 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

It's just north of Dupont Circle, a neighborhood many Republican congressmen are familiar with. And not just because of Kramerbooks.

Extemporanus™ February 10, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Has Sarah Palin refumiated her room yet?

nounverb911 February 10, 2011 at 1:02 pm

The bedbugs would have to pay her first.

SorosBot February 10, 2011 at 12:51 pm

This story makes me very sad, because there's no indication that these bedbugs are carrying Malaria or the West Nile virus.

Crank_Tango February 10, 2011 at 12:59 pm

well god knows they are gonna be carrying something now. is teh stupid contagious?

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Why is it that the very people who see every bad thing that happens is God getting even with the liberals, yet when the almighty sends them a very obvious message in the form of a plague, they don't see that they have brought Bugalypse on themselves?

Crank_Tango February 10, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I took a three-legged stool of conservatism once–I should have taken a picture of it, but I flushed it instead.

user-of-owls February 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm

GOP and parasites? Does this mean it's time to resurrect the:

Palin Hookworm Conjecture?!

Oblios_Cap February 10, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I'm game

user-of-owls February 10, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Let's Roll

mereoblivion February 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm

CPAC's new motto: GOOD NIGHT, SLEEP TIGHT, DON'T etc. etc.

HistoriCat February 10, 2011 at 12:59 pm

"tiny little blood spot"

bedbug blood libel

HolyMaracas February 10, 2011 at 1:00 pm

This is what happens when Michele Bachmann opens up her legs.

twoeightnine February 10, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Seems like English may not be this poster’s first language.

So Tennessee or Alabama?

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Or Okiese.

genxr February 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Death to the fascist insect who preys upon the beds of the people!

Gopherit February 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I think you're going to see mass starvation of bedbugs trying to survive getting any blood at all from those soulless undead at CPAC.

thefrontpage February 10, 2011 at 1:12 pm

!!!!!!

Wadisay February 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I predict a mass exodous of bedbugs, running, projectile vomiting, out of the hotel.

SmutBoffin February 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

They probably taste terrible, too. The Young Republicans especially; probably covered in AXE body spray.

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 1:52 pm

When my daughter went to the preliminary hearing for the guy who punched her in the face (for being gay), I asked what the assailant looked like. She went through words like douchebag, then settled on "looks like the guy in AXE body sprays ads". It's shorthand for being young, stupid, and ugly.

SmutBoffin February 10, 2011 at 3:26 pm

…for the guy who punched her in the face (for being gay)

:^O

DustBowlBlues February 10, 2011 at 1:53 pm

BTW–I think Young Republicans are some of the most awful people in America. Also. [applause]

SmutBoffin February 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I await Bryan Fischer's verdict on whether or not these bedbugs are God's blessing or God's curse on the CPAC fornicators.

crybabyboehner February 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

The phrase "stool of conservatism" reminds me of Anne Coulter – among others.

thefrontpage February 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

From the CPAC Schedule:

FRIDAY

9-11 a.m.: Lecture: Donald Trump and Ted Nugent: "Republicans and the Cult of Personality"

11-Noon: Variety Show: Michelle Bachmann, Christine O'Donnell and Sarah Palin perform show tunes from the 1950s.

Noon-1 p.m.: Lunch.

1:30-3:30 p.m.: Naked Volleyball, hosted by Chris Lee and Ann Coulter. No clothes allowed! Held in recreation room C.

4-5 p.m.: Lecture: "Republicans, Guns, God and Church," George Will, Charles Krauthammer and Juan Williams

5-7 p.m.: Dinner.

7:30-9:30 p.m.: Movies, double-bill: "The Birdcage" and "Midnight Cowboy," hosted by Jon Voight.

10 p.m.-2 a.m.: Party, Hospitality Room DD, Hosted by Ted Nugent, Jon Voight and Victoria Jackson.

Please wear your credentials at all times! Have fun!

weejee February 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Are they sure they are bedbugs and not just crabs, the proverbial sabertoothed crotch crickets, brought in by the endless stream of hookers?

YasserArraFeck February 10, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Pity the poor bedbugs – they bite into the skin, expecting a warm drought of sweet, sweet plasma, and instead, they get a face-full of hot teabagger bile.
Oh, the humanity (or lack, thereof)

samsuncle February 10, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Fear not CPACers! Surely the bed bugs have a more refined culinary taste than to dine on republitards.

GeorgiaBurning February 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Bedbugs have survived millions of years as professional parasites, sucking the blood of innocent people. CPAC must be envious.

user-of-owls February 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm

CPAC Daily Brief: "Bedbugs Determined to Strike in Marriott Wardham Park."

Pop_Socket February 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

That's really kinda mean to the bedbugs.

YasserArraFeck February 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Bedbugs instead of bed-buggery…..Man, I wuz gypped

widestanceroman February 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm

A dang fence about a half an inch high would have prevented this bloody buggery.

mourningnmerica February 10, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Touche. Beat me to it.

BornInATrailer February 10, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Banksy is really mailing it in in that pic.

BerkeleyBear February 10, 2011 at 1:35 pm

It's the Wardman Park, something I know only because it hosts the worst job fair in the world (American Association of Law Schools' Faculty Recruitment Conference) every year. I've stayed there before, but not this year. Maybe all those smug assholes who wouldn't give me a callback got infested and spread it to their campuses, so that eventually the bar associations will be both metaphorically and literally crawling with parasites.

I really wouldn't be surprised if the law school teams brought the bedbugs to the hotels in the first place.

mourningnmerica February 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Fascism – It's What's For Dinner !!!

DaRooster February 10, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Tarp it & fog it… QUICK!

Redhead February 10, 2011 at 1:39 pm

"Yes, as intelligent and alive as a small piece of furniture."

I would have gone with kitchen table rather than stool…

hagajim February 10, 2011 at 1:41 pm

You have to give credit to Marriot…they knew that these vile little vermin would get bit by the bedbugs and said bedbugs would then die from the venom spewing from their bodies….unless it is gay semen of course….no charge for eradication.

Cicada February 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Fun fact: bedbugs practice "traumatic insemination". The males just poke their reproductive organs into the female anywhere convenient and dump their sperm. Sometimes the females are injured or killed if the males poke them in a vital area.

This is a metaphor for something, I'm sure of it.

edgydrifter February 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

It's only traumatic when it's being done by insects. When a conservative does it, it's "traditional family values." When a conservative's son does it at a frat party, it's "boys being boys."

mrblifil February 10, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Does this mean all female bedbugs are technically virgins?

YasserArraFeck February 10, 2011 at 8:05 pm

More like they're all rape victims ("girlfriends" in ConservoSpeak)

imissopus February 11, 2011 at 12:39 am

I understand Julian Assange works along the same lines.

carlgt1 February 10, 2011 at 1:44 pm

obviously a Muslin plot to undermine the fat crackers of the CPAC who are defending freedom (for the Koch brothers)!

OzoneTom February 10, 2011 at 1:45 pm

That should teach Marriott to host a bagger-fest. They probably didn't have the problem prior to the conference.

Seems to me that there was a big infestation in the Fox newsroom in N.Y. a while back. Just a co-inky-dink, I'm sure.

meufchelou February 10, 2011 at 1:54 pm

This explains why Dari Alexander always looks wigged out. And I thought it was Ernie all this time. Keep on pluckin….

metamarcisf February 10, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Rumor has it that the bedbugs infesting the Marriot have decided to ask Rep. Chris Lee (R) NY to reconsider.

MinAgain February 10, 2011 at 1:55 pm

See, this is what happens when you tell a new covert agent to bug the hotel. Those newbies are so damn literal.

NorthStarSpanx February 10, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I would think the fundy elements of the attendees would be delighted with this proof that another message from God is hastening the Rapture.

mrblifil February 10, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Wanna hear a joke? EVERY HOTEL IN AMERICA IS INFESTED WITH BED BUGS!

Wait, I forgot the joke…

Barrelhse February 10, 2011 at 3:13 pm

heh. stool.

donner_froh February 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm

The hotel staff wasn’t surprised with what happened at all.

Of course they weren't. When the head of housekeeping learned who had reserved that block of rooms her first thought was: "Its those filthy jerks who bring the bedbugs with them–I guess in this economy you got to rent to whoever has the money."

People who work in hotels know that certain groups of guests are filthy swine.

With apologies to Sus domestica.

Badtux February 10, 2011 at 4:29 pm

My guess is that the bedbugs aren't biting the CPAC participants. Professional courtesy, one blood sucker to another, y'know.

GregComlish February 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm

CPAC, Give it up! We know what was being sucked in your hotel room and it wasn't "blood"

zhubajie February 10, 2011 at 7:26 pm

The USA has been getting more and more 3rd world over the last 30 years or so and "conservatives" have been cheering that on. An upsurge of bed bugs are just another stage!

zhubajie February 10, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Do bed bugs carry any interesting diseases? Maybe someone can explain away an STD by saying "The bed bugs gave it to me!"

CUNextTuesday February 10, 2011 at 9:31 pm

I didn't know stool had legs. Oh, right – Sean Hannity. Never mind.

15secondrule February 10, 2011 at 11:25 pm

you would think these teabaggers would have bought themselves a couple of allersacs for protection and checked the rooms. jeez how friggin dumb can you be.

E. Joyce February 12, 2011 at 10:29 am

Elizabeth Hasselbeck called the teaparty candidates "the bedbugs of the Republican Party" so I'm thinking that this is the right hotel for the convention.

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