Mitt Romney Edits His Book To Magically Become Teabagger

 
 In the hardcover edition of Mitt Romney's second book, No Apology , Mitt saves the Olympics by talking about how important the 2009 stimulus package was and how his plan to force citizens to buy health care was better than Obama's plan. But like any mittens, Romney is not for all seasons. And when the Republican electorate is not feeling very moderate, he has to cut off a few fingers to make wearing him bearable. (A+++++ mittens analogy, would buy again.) So in the paperback edition of Mitt's book, the sections on the stimulus and on health care have magically changed! Imagine that! Now he hates the stimulus and Obamacare is evil and even his own health plan was evil, because Democrats made it cover people. Say hello to Anger Mitt Romney, the foaming-at-the-mouth Teabagger. Yeah, good luck pulling that acting job off, Mittens.

The first rewrite excises a relatively even-handed assessment of the 2009 economic-stimulus package. In the original, Romney wrote that it "will accelerate the timing of the start of the recovery, but not as much as it could have." The paperback pronounces the stimulus "a failure," and blasts Obama's "economic missteps" with conservative red-meat language — for example: "This is the first time government has declared war on free enterprise."

Haha, Mitt thought there was not enough stimulus, and now he thinks there should have been no stimulus. Mitt will invite all the Teabaggers on his yacht, sign copies of his hardcover book, and then burn them all on the deck, calling his old self "The Great Satan."

But the Massachusetts model has become Romney's bête noire among conservatives, who loathe the national reform they call "Obamacare." The rewritten paperback swings much harder, proclaiming that "Obamacare will not work and should be repealed," and "Obamacare is an unconstitutional federal incursion into the rights of states."

Other additions in that section blame the Massachusetts legislature for altering his plan, and the current Democratic administration of Governor Deval Patrick for botching the implementation.

If you look at the fine print, Mitt Romney wanted all Americans to die when they get sick, okay? Can he be president now please? [ Boston Phoenix ]