fill it up with nothing at all

More WikiLeaks Fun: Saudi Arabia Is Running Out of Oil, Fast

The oil down the desert way, has been shakin' to the to-o-op!When your editor was a child, he used to listen to Warren Zevon’s Mohammed’s Radio and think, “Well we won’t have to be lining up around the block for Arab gasoline when I’m grown up, because we will live in spaceships and I will have sex with Linda Ronstadt all the time, like in that Philip K. Dick book.” Linda Ronstadt is old now, too, and Warren Zevon is long dead and so is Philip K. Dick, but we all still have to pretend to pay attention to the Continuing Crisis in the Middle East because even the Prius gets thirsty for that sweet Arabian black tea. And one of the just-leaked leaks from WikiLeaks’ broken condom says that Saudi Arabia is totally full of the B.S. when it comes to oil reserves, which were exaggerated by more than 40% and have been rapidly declining since at least 2007.

From the just-posted CNN article headlined “WikiLeaks: Saudi oil reserves exaggerated; decline inevitable”:

(CNN) — Saudi Arabia’s oil reserves may have been grossly over-estimated and its capacity to continue pumping at current capacity exaggerated, according to a U.S. diplomatic cable sent from the kingdom in 2007.

The cable, obtained by WikiLeaks and published in the British newspaper The Guardian, cited the views of Sadad al-Husseini who had been in charge of exploration and production at the Saudi state-owned company Aramco for 12 years until 2004 ….

“According to al-Husseini, the crux of the issue is two-fold,” the cable says. “First it is possible that Saudi reserves are not as bountiful as sometimes described and the timeline for their production not as unrestrained as Aramco executives and energy optimists would like.”

Ha, such diplomatic language! [CNN/Guardian]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

Comments

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  • V572625694

    Peak oil is a myth, you infidel!

    • SmutBoffin

      The free market will make more oil. Somehow. Don't bother asking for specifics.

      • SorosBot

        God loves America and won't let us run out of oil. Yes, this is an argument I've actually seen published.

        • chickensmack

          That means something.

          If we had oil, of course.

      • genxr

        If the free market wanted alternative energy, it would produce it magically, without any upfront investment on our part.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      What the article doesn't take into account is Saudi Arabia's unlimited supply of dinosaurs.

    • lulzmonger

      EXXON AKBAR!

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    James Howard Kuntsler's head just exploded.

    Also: Cannonball Run, nice. When Burt was occasionally funny and Jaime Farr could still get paid for B-roll footage.

    • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

      Cannonball Run? No, that is from The Clash video for "Rock the Casbah" — still the greatest/only punk-rock hit song/video about Islamic fundamentalists, oil supplies to the West, U.S. military aid to Middle East dictators and Arab-Israeli relations.

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        My bad. The Clash, of course! Now I have to listen to The Magnificent Seven.

        And thanks to your response I cannot edit my post. Curse your superior references, Ken Layne!

  • Terry

    You mean that in a couple decades they may sink back to being just another historical footnote?

    • V572625694

      Can't happen soon enough, henngh? Just an oil well and a flag.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Allah willing.

  • PsycWench

    I'm confused by the words in the picture: are they a command or a description of a cause-and-effect relationship?

  • nounverb911

    No More Oil!
    Why does Saudi Arabia hate America?

    • DoktorZoom

      If God loves America so much, why'd he put the oil under the Mahommettans' lands?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    So Ken, you wanted to be Jerry Brown when you grew up.
    Although he kicked Linda to the curb.

    • genxr

      he still has his governor's car with the "no fat chicks" bumper sticker.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Ahh, back in Meg Whitman's golden years when California was full of promise…

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Lol dumb bitch.

  • http://grandpaboy.blogspot.com/ seppdecker

    Hard to believe a bunch of inbred, repressed royalty would screw up so badly.

    On an unrelated note, is Jeb running in 2012?

  • baconzgood

    Now who the fuck are we going to protect/bomb?

    • LionelHutzEsq

      You really can never go wrong with Iran. Although North Korea is a good second guess.

  • Terry

    BTW, the Enquirer, Firedoglake, and the Other 98% percent all have items up about an Boehner sex scandal with a lobbyist. I'm torn. I want to laugh my arse off at The Orange One, but on the other hand, I don't want to know that he actually has sex.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Having occasionally seen a porn or two, I have come to the realization that some people will fuck anything. Including doing the Boehner.

      • FNMA

        Carrot porn?

        • DashboardBuddha

          he can put it where the sun don't shine!

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Is it Clarence Thomas' wife? There, now everyone can lose their lunch cookies.

      • LesBontemps

        That is totally an image I did not need.

    • Terry

      The person he's supposedly cavorting with is a lobbyist. I didn't see an indication of gender or age.

      • SorosBot

        How soon we forget. Jack reported on the Enquirer's story about a week ago, and according to the linked story one's a 46-year-old former Congressional staffer; the other a lobbyist whose age was not given; both women.
        http://wonkette.com/437000/national-enquirer-shoc

        • Texan_Bulldog

          Ha ha. I like how you have to specify that the affairs were with women because with Repubs, you never know!

        • Terry

          Oh, that's right! Well, that's proof that Wonkette is on the cutting edge of sex related political gossip.

          • HistoriCat

            Damn straight. Or not as the case may be. But Wonkette is my go-to source for sex related gossip, political or otherwise.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      My money is on Boehner crying after sex.

    • GOPCrusher

      But the official Republiklan Talking Point will be "At least it was with a woman".

  • edgydrifter

    No more oil = No more ass kissing for Prince Bandar. Soooooo sad.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Drill baby drill – how else is Mom gonna get her future date rapers and cheerleaders to soccer practice?!?!?!111? Them SUVs don't run on commie vegetable oil.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I am *shocked* I tell you that a finite resource that gazillions of folks use/waste may run out. What will my asshole neighbor with his Hummer do? AOL/HuffPo says an asteroid is going to hit the earth in 2036–let's pray to baby Jeebus that the oil holds out until then.

    • SorosBot

      I do love our media. There's a very, very tiny chance that this asteroid may hit the Earth in 2036; 1 in over 100,000. And places like HuffPo treat it as a certainty that asteroid is definitely going to hit us.

      • jus_wonderin
        • SorosBot

          I love that article; but the sad part is I could see that actually happening.

        • GOPCrusher

          If God didn't want America destroyed by an asteroid, he would move the Earth.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            The Earth moves all the time. God is just setting up a trick shot.

    • deanbooth

      If we're really lucky, the asteroid will be made of oil.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        And not full of Aliens.

  • Cicada

    It's time to invest in some leather chaps and start scouting for a feral kid sidekick.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      We don't need another hero, man.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      One word for you: Boomerangs.

      • V572625694

        You mean kids who impoverish their parents attending elite schools and then come home to live, again?

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          No, those are hipsters.

          • horsedreamer_1

            They don't live at home, though. Not technically. They crash on a friend's couch in Brooklyn Heights, work (very) part-time at a bike shoppe, play in a post-rock band, & hit their parents up for money every four to six weeks.

          • Bonzos_Bed_Time

            Otherwise known as the Bard College Alumni Association!

          • ShaveTheWhales

            Wait, you know my kid?

    • SorosBot

      You mean because global warming will melt the ice caps and cover the entire planet in ocean?

      Oh wait, that was the rip-off; sorry.

    • Pithaughn

      Shall I put my tiny music box collection up on eBay?

    • DoktorZoom

      I knew I shoulda bought that gyrocopter when I had the chance!

    • FNMA

      And blame the Jews. Don't forget to blame the Jews.

      • LionelHutzEsq

        You got it, sugar tits.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Tina Turner is ready to stage a comeback?

  • freakishlywrong

    I expect my flying car to be electric, so fuck Saudi Arabia.

    • fuflans

      i just want a goddamn jetpack. is that too much too ask?

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ alfred light

    This just proves that facts have an inherent liberal bias.

  • SorosBot

    Enjoy paying $10 a gallon to fill up your giant, 10 mpg SUV with long-dead trees, suckers!

    • V572625694

      Plan B: $20/gallon for recently-dead corn or switchgrass converted into "oil." 100 BTUs in, 101.05 BTUs out, not counting the fertilizer and pesticide.

  • jim89048

    This is bad news for my "hybrid", which burns both oil and rubber.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      No problem. We'll all be driving electrics. (Now where the fuck did I put that 1000 mile coil of extension cord? Damn! Tough growing old…mutter…mutter).

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Sucks to be Saudi Arabian. Of course it's always sucked to be Saudi Arabian.

    • GOPCrusher

      Why? They can always go back to their Bedouin existence, once the money drys up.

      • Angry_Marmot

        They'll always have Mecca.

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com Hipple, Rev. Paul T.

    Well, that explains why those savages held on to all of their muhaddabs

  • CZL

    Is panic acceptable as a response? Hurry. Time is… important.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Maybe Jimmy Carter had a point. Oh well, we're all screwed anyway.

    • genxr

      You're right, this is all Carter's fault. Reagan never would have let this happen!

      Let's de-fund Carter's lawn. That'll show him.

    • Andrew Drinker

      Please don't make me get all rational and realize that if Reagan's campaign hadn't cheated by illegally contacting the Iranians to not let the American hostages go, we would have probably instituted alternative energy in the early 1980s and would have been done with petroleum for at least the last decade. Don't make me go there. Then I cry.

  • baconzgood

    "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT SHEIK BEHIND THE CURTAIN"

    -Floating Green Head-

  • jus_wonderin

    I love Linda Ronstadt. Even the new larger one.

    • Pithaughn

      Best ever National Anthem, 1997 World Series, Dodger stadium, Miss Ronstadt. I have allways and will allways lerve her totally. Her Blue Bayou is the best campfire song ever.

      • jus_wonderin

        "It's so easy to fall in love……."

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Technically, it's Roy Orbison's song.

        • GOPCrusher

          Roy Orbison wrote the National Anthem?

          • ShaveTheWhales

            I wish.

        • Pithaughn

          Her version , that Orbison warble is hard to do after copious amounts of stuff that get's passed around at campfires.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …oh c'mon, calm down everyone! You guys are acting like their aren't any other countries that we can invade/subjugate in the world?!?! ARGENTINA and BRAZIL I'm talking to you!!!!

    • SorosBot

      Canada's got oil and they're right next door.

      • sezme

        What Canada has is actually oily sand that if you pump enough poison into it will release a small amount of oil. This is what the world has bee reduced to with its oil addiction. It's like licking the syringe after you're done shooting up.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Venezuela too–Hugo always looks ready to rumble.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …considering that we released Manuel Noriega a couple of years ago I guess the South American Strong Man suite in club fed is available now.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      And don't forget Mexico. Plus they have drugs and fatty foods. I'm sort of surprised we haven't invaded them all ready and that a third of our country is not land that used to belong to them.

      • AngryBlakGuy

        …according to Lou Dobbs they already invaded us!

  • sportshort

    What's that sound? Oh it's the sound of falling interest in democracy in the Middle East!

    • jus_wonderin

      If our sons and daughters didn't die for oil, then what did they die for????

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Do hand jobs count since 'Murica needz moar jobs?

    • chickensmack

      hand jobs should be like laundry or dishes. done because they must be done.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Is this good news for John McCain?

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time
    • Barbara_i

      Wow, that was a blast from the past. She has the face and the voice and an angel.

  • Extemporanus™

    FILL IT UP WITH NOTHING AT ALL

    Shit. Looks like we're gonna need more Air Supply.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Not to worry. Dr. Spock, aka Barry Obarmer, will simply shit di-lithium crystals so that the matters and the auntie matters can dance in unison and all energy will be free forever and forever ahem amen.

    • genxr

      Only if and when shitting dilithium crystals becomes economically competitive. Free market solutions!

  • DeeJayKitteh

    There isn't an infinite supply of oil? Get outta here! Next you're going to tell me that pumping cows full of hormones so they'll produce more milk is making the kids who drink that milk go through puberty earlier and earlier, or that pouring pollutants into the air causes asthma or something. Crazy talk!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Jebus will create more when enough people pray for it, just like he did the first time!

    • SorosBot

      Or that stuffing ourselves with corn syrup and lard is giving us diabetes.

  • Crank_Tango

    in honor of the alt-text… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DbFYsi9iSg

    rock el casbah!!!!

    • fuflans

      that is AWESOME.

      • mereoblivion

        I second.

  • V572625694

    Dear Julian Assange

    Goddamn you for revealing all our most important secrets.

    Very truly yours,
    Exxon-Mobil, BP, Texaco, etc.

    • Oblios_Cap

      It's not like this is a big secret. But the Sauds have never admitted it.

  • crybabyboehner

    Who are you gonna believe, some Swedish sex pervert or a guy who held hands with George Bush?

  • Steverino247

    When the Saudis stop exporting oil, will they also stop exporting the even more dangerous Wahhabi brand Islam? Hope so, cause that shit can get you killed. (Address all bombs to your own embassy, you fucks. Thanks.)

  • Come here a minute

    Joe Strummer — dead too.

    No more oil? The sharif don't like it!

  • forgracie

    You know the sheriff's got his problems too.
    He will surely take them out on you…

    R.I.P. Warren Zevon.

    • DashboardBuddha

      I miss Warren. :-(

      • forgracie

        I saw him in NOLA in 1996. The performance of "Excitable Boy" made it onto a recording he released called "Learning to Flinch." That rebel yell you hear at the beginning of the song–that's me and three of my friends going absolutely apeshit as we sucked down Heinekens from the corner of the bar of Tipitina's…good times.

        • DashboardBuddha

          That's cool! I'll listen to the album tonight when I get home.

    • GhostBuggy

      I regret that I have but one fist to up a Wonketteer thread about Warren Zevon.

    • mereoblivion

      Okay, he's gone, but does that mean we can't just send lawyers, guns, and money?

      • forgracie

        I'll sleep when I'm dead too….

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'd give Warren mea maximum upfista, were he not inconveniently dead, so I'll just doink everybody on this thread. Even Da Proprietor.

  • baconzgood

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! That's where the Palins shoot fish. We can't bomb them. It's the land of snark milk & honey.

  • SorosBot

    I saw Prince Bandar exaggerating how much oil he's got at Trader Vick's
    And his hair was perfect.

    • prommie

      Everyone, come here, come over here and look at this. This right here, this is witty, people. If you want to be witty, any of you, try to emulate this man here.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Now Bandar's shit's fucked up.

      Don't it make you want to rock and roll, all night long?

      • GOPCrusher

        And party every day!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Ha!

  • JoeHoya

    I love the Rock the Casbah video. It was filmed in Austin before Austin was cool (to outsiders at least … it was always cool to those of use who lived there in the 70s and 80s).

    • genxr

      You mean before the Sound Exchange became a Subway sandwich shop?

    • freakishlywrong

      Couldn't agree more. Every band who was anyone played in Austin. And by today's Texas standards Austin is about as foreign as the surface of the sun.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    "…decline inevitable.."

    I'm no energy expert like Sarah Palin™, but didn't the oil reserves begin to decline the moment we pumped out he first barrel. Unless Jesus is making water in petroleum these days, or the Jews remembered out how to make one day's oil last eight, we're screwed.

  • aguacatero

    Not having any oil is going to put us through some changes, Lord
    Sort of like a Waring blender.

    Poor, poor, pitiful us.

  • genxr

    Interesting tidbit from the cables:
    While stating that he does not subscribe to the theory of "peak oil," the former Aramco board member does believe that a global output plateau will be reached in the next 5 to 10 years and will last some 15 years, until world oil production begins to decline.

    So he doesn't believe in peak oil, but he does believe oil will peak. Well, that's a relief! Continue your guzzling, America!

    • HateMachine

      He believes in a thing that looks, sounds, and functions exactly like peak oil, but is definitely not peak oil.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

      Whenever I hear a stupid comment made by our oil baron overlords I hear Colonel Sanders shouting "Keep Firing Assholes!" Funny that.

  • prommie

    Poor, poor, pitiful we.

    • Come here a minute

      We agree we should go oil-free
      They say their reserves are to the brim
      But it's just a whim
      By which they hope to keep us on the limb

  • Worthly Wokette Skum

    Pump that last bit out and it'll be rapture for all of us.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, we did start ramping up research into alternative energy sources in the 70s after the oil embargo, but then Reagan can in and quickly put a stop to that sensibleness.

    • genxr

      Don't worry. If it gets bad, we'll just trade arms for hostages again, and bomb Libya.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Know what? I prefer the smell of gasoline in my tank to the smell of banana skins in my flux capacitor. Smells like victory.

  • forgracie

    It's one of the few songs my buddies and I can play even after being overserved.

    • FNMA

      Think that was by design. Warren played it lots of times after he had been overserved.

      • http://wonkette.com Ken Layne

        My favorite version is on the recently-released live album from the Roxy in LA, Stand In the Fire. Zevon changes the lyrics to "Even Jimmy Carter's got the highway blues."

  • MinAgain

    Linda Ronstadt? Ken, I congratulate you on your good taste. I had a huge girl crush on Linda in my youth.

    And I really do need to invest in a good bicycle.

  • prommie

    Ken, I wasn't that young, but I wanted to fuck all the time with that lady replicant in the movie they made from that Phillip K. Dick book. Sean Young, I believe? But then I saw her on that Skating With The Has-Beens show a couple of months ago, and I had a very sad sad. All of the beautiful girls of my youth are turning into old ladies, and here I am, still 19 years old, virtually.

    • mereoblivion

      She also turned out to be a certifiable nutburger, not that I'm anyone to point fingers.

      • prommie

        That only makes her more irresistable, the crazy ones, they are wild in the sack, or so I have heard, guys talk, you know, word gets around, I hear.

    • deanbooth

      Have you watched any of the PBS series Pioneers of Television? All those beautiful people now look like parking lot rubbers. Depressing, in an oh-god-we're-all-gonna-die way.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Oh, fuck you. Try being 63.

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown
  • LionelHutzEsq

    Sarah Palin, Glen Beck and others will blame this on Obama and democracy in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…….

    • GOPCrusher

      Absolutely. The rising gasolene prices in America now are already being blamed on Obama as a way to force Americans to accept his alternative fuels agenda, the evil bastard.
      Of course, when Americans were paying 4 bucks a gallon in the summer of 2008, it was because of the invisible hand of the free market.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    So Sheiks have been lying about the amount of lube and how fast they can get it up?

    • V572625694

      It's almost like a Trojan horse, and makes me want to giggle like a French tickler.

  • mereoblivion

    I haz a Saud.

    • genxr

      opec noes!

  • lulzmonger

    Yes, it's going to be just like a junkie going cold-turkey … if smack was also a source of food, heat, cheap transportation, electricity & half of everything man-made around us.

    Are sand & rocks good carbs or bad carbs? I forget.

  • http://intensedebate.com/moderate/139022 GeoatBeck

    Useful idiots, the spike in oil prices paid for weapons purchased. Oil down to $86.xx per barrel. Even if true, that would mean 140 years worth of reserves vice 220 years (provided no new sources of energy are found). But it makes a great argument to drill here at home instead of sending our money overseas. It would be ironic if we sink our country by not using our own resources and it gets taken by a country that will. You have to ask who side our "leaders" are on. here will be even less money available for social services if continually send our wealth abroad.

  • RawhideRawlins

    Thats gonna be a sad part of the world to be livin in.

  • ttommyunger

    Oil? Shit, those assholes will die of thirst before the oil gives out. The next World War will be over water, not oil. Sorry for the lack of snark.

  • Negropolis

    , and Warren Zevon is long dead and so is Philip K. Dick

    Will Andy Dick do? Or, is that a bridge to nowhere too far?

  • Negropolis

    Well, inshallah, this is one less potential country we'll bomb in the not-too-distant future. Time to reinvade/reliberate Kuwait or some shit.

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    ROCK THE CASBAH
    19 Dancing Oswalds
    =5 Dancing Israelis

  • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    Where will you be when the lights go out on broadway and the streets are full of out of gas cars?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

    I'm wondering what we are all going to do when the oil is gone. Go back to Coal and Whale Oil?

  • SnarkoMarx

    Michael Ruppert is sounding more prophetic with each passing day.