CHICKEN ANUS BURGERS IN THE NEWS  12:44 pm February 9, 2011

Chick-Fil-A Hates Gays

by Ken Layne

Have you wondered what in hell a “Chick-Fil-A” might be? It’s a company that sells a form of chicken anus on a stick, we think, and this same company helps the anti-homosexual fanatics by feeding them these McNuggetz, so they will die soon and no longer harass people. Something like that, we don’t care:

Lambert says Chick-fil-A founder Truett Cathy signed what Cathy describes as a “covenant” with his children when they took over the company, to help preserve its Christian DNA.

The current controversy erupted when some college campus and gay rights groups blasted the restaurant chain for donating free food to a Pennsylvania organization opposed to gay marriage.

The Human Rights Campaign, a major gay rights group, launched a letter writing campaign to the company, while the Indiana University South Bend went so far as to temporarily suspend Chick-fil-A service in its campus dining facilities.

Boy, that’s serious, when you briefly suspend the sale of processed poultry slabs at an Indiana college’s “dining facilities.” Christian DNA …. [CNN]

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Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Indiana University South Bend went so far as to temporarily suspend Chick-fil-A service in its campus dining facilities. A Chick-fil-A-buster? I don't trust any company that is closed on Sunday anyway.

jus_wonderin February 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I agree. Liquor stores are closed (down here) on Sunday. I don't trust them. Okay, I love the 6 out of the 7 days.

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Where is "down here?" What state?

V572625694 February 9, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Alabama, for one. New Mexico also. Don't ever arrive there on Sunday evening to start a project on Monday. You'll be so depressed by the unavailability of even beer as to want to quit and go home immediately. Which you should do because any project that begins so inauspiciously is bound to fail.

angryclownspawn February 9, 2011 at 1:35 pm

You can buy beer and wine on Sunday in Alabama. Well, in the dry counties anyway. Still it is often enough to tide me over until the liquor stores open up on Monday when I can stock up for the week and try to forget I live in Alabama again.

SorosBot February 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

That used to be the case here in Pennsylvania, but they slightly loosened up a few years back; now a handful of the state-run liquor stores are open on Sundays, and the beer distributorships as well. Only from noon to five, though; it still ain't good.

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I live in New Mexico, along with the alcoholic Indians, (feathers not dots) and we can buy booze sweet booze on Sunday. They just make you stand behind the velvet ropes of Club Alcoholic until the clock strikes whatever time they allow it.

not that Dewey February 9, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Although it is true that one can't buy liquor in NM on XMAS. All secular Jews in the state really appreciate this policy, and are not at all caught off-guard the first time it happens.

EatsBabyDingos February 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm


HistoriCat February 9, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Booze libel.

chickensmack February 9, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I fist you sooooo much.

nounverb911 February 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Better avoid Paramus NJ. All the stores are closed.

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I know in Delaware it used to be that you couldn't buy booze on Sunday. We'd all flock to Maryland at noon, lol.

metamarcisf February 9, 2011 at 2:25 pm

You can't buy beer in NM on Christmas Day; however, in most of the state you can get it on Sunday fro 12 – 6

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 2:37 pm

That's why my husband and I only give each other beer for Christmas and we open it on Christmas Eve. He's so cute the way he acts all surprised and stuff. I know that he's disappointed that I haven't gotten him the G. I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip. I can't find a liquor store that sells the thing.

angryclownspawn February 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Aw, that is the sweetest christmas story EVAH. I love true love…

not that Dewey February 9, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Damn IntenseDebate indentation policy! I can't tell which replies are to which posts. Sorry for the duplication.

HistoriCat February 9, 2011 at 12:55 pm

The dining facility services are provided in part by Chik-fil-A? It's been 18 years but I remember college food being actually made and served by college employees – not fast-food automatons.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 9, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I used to work in the dishroom, meself.

First time I was ever in a union. And those dining hall jobs were some of the most coveted on campus, because we were in the union (minimum $5 per hour to start…that this was considered good tells you I'm an old who was in collage a long time ago).

horsedreamer_1 February 9, 2011 at 3:43 pm

I was in college twelve years ago, with dining services provided by Sodexho (a division of Marriott (as in, LDS)?), & those jobs were some of the least pursued on campus. It didn't help that the late-twenties aged cafeteria manager spent as little of his time as necessary delegating (so he could spend the majority of his time macking the 16 years old high-school girls who also worked in the cafeteria).

chickensmack February 9, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Our local baptist college is well-stocked with creamy-skinned white Xtians that love working at Chickfillay (except for Sundays, when they're recovering from their Saturday night benders).

DoktorZoom February 9, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Welcome to Improving Service through Private Enterprise. Don't you know that only socialists run food services at public universities…..oh, dear….

PsycWench February 9, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Most schools use a contract service now. My school charges an arm and leg for a dorm room and meal plan, so they actually cook their own food and it's pretty good. You ought to see the high school students that come for a visit, when they make it to the cafeteria.

HistoriCat February 10, 2011 at 9:19 am

Sounds like one o' them fancy librul arts schools.

ThGr8Communic8r February 9, 2011 at 12:57 pm

What's gayer than carrot raisin salad? Methinks Chik-Filmy-Anus has issues.

JustPixelz February 9, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Chick-Fel-ate is anti-gay? Next you'll be tell me Virgin Airlines is anti-sex. Or Hallibutton is anti-fish.

Grief_Lessons February 9, 2011 at 12:59 pm

It's a relatively enlightened Christian to acknowledge the existence of DNA.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Except they explain it as "God's Little Blueprint."

Extemporanus™ February 9, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Truett Cathy: Hoosier daddy?

chickensmack February 9, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Just like I didn't enjoy football, I'll happily not eat a fucking thing they serve.

Boojum_Reborn February 9, 2011 at 1:04 pm

How does Chik-Fil-A spell DNA?

CapnFatback February 9, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Which is weird, cuz I hear that all of the birds they serve are closeted fluff munchers.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 9, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Chicks with Sticks.

CapnFatback February 10, 2011 at 12:34 pm

You know, in retrospect, I should have gone with "fluff divers."

Natl_Indecency_Cmdr February 9, 2011 at 1:06 pm

if Truett Cathy is so anti-gay, why does he have the name of a drag queen?

Serolf_Divad February 9, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Lambert says Chick-fil-A founder Truett Cathy signed what Cathy describes as a “covenant” with his children when they took over the company, to help preserve its Christian DNA.

What the article fails to mention is that Christian DNA is preserved by having gay sex with your meth dealer.

chickensmack February 9, 2011 at 1:38 pm

I thought you preserve Christian DNA by sexing your kids. Y'know, in a "we don't want this Jesus to escape from us, or our progeny!" kinda way.

MozakiBlocks February 9, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Well duh.

MinAgain February 9, 2011 at 1:13 pm

In their defense, they do make excellent chicken anus noodle soup.

AutomaticPilot February 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

That's so fucking nasty that you deserve to be upfisted for it!

MLHencken February 9, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Don't really care for their version of processed-chikin-unit-on-a-bun, and not exactly surprised at their political leanings.

In-and-Out print references to Bible verses on their napkins. You know what? I don't fucking care.

AutomaticPilot February 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

At least you can do something productive with a Bible verse napkin, like wipe your ass with it.

jim89048 February 9, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I always thought they were a southern phenomenon, which made it really easy for me to boycott them, not being in the southern regions.

LionelHutzEsq February 9, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Well, the Anti-Gay thing would explain the company uniforms and interior design.

undeterredbyreality February 9, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Christian DNA? In my Chick-Fil-A? That explains why I always had to find me a young boy to hear his "confession" after eating there.

Come here a minute February 9, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Their stores have a sign on the door that says something to the effect of, "Closed on Sundays to honor the Lord," which read to me as, "ALWAYS CLOSED."

V572625694 February 9, 2011 at 1:26 pm

All the gays I've known have way too much sense to eat the awful breaded and deep-fat-fried chicken-like-substances Chick-Fil-A serves. Just the stoopid pun of the name, intended to help Southtards pronounce "filet," is your first clue.

mourningnmerica February 9, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I have been in Chick-Fil-A before. It is very creepy. It has an overt Christian feel. They play Christian music softly through the speakers. There is a vaguely Christian Mein Kampfy message from the founder writ large across the wall.
So here's the plan. They have a self service condiment bar where you canchoose all manner of different sauces and such. I suggest a campaign where we protest by going in, grabbing a few fist-fulls of sauces (the original is really, really good) cram them in our pockets and leave. That, or scrawl "Satan Rules" all over the stalls in the bathrooms. Or leave a bunch of Mormon literature at all the tables. Or stick unremoveable rainbow decals to the windows. Or just send gay couples in, and tell them to start making out while they are waiting in line. If enough couples do it often enough, word will get around. Or send a black family in. That should clear the place pretty fast.

chickensmack February 9, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Or we encourage people to have lots of gay sex in their playground. On Sunday. Also.

Like they're using the place.

MrsBiggTime February 10, 2011 at 8:37 am

good god man you are devious. I love you so much!

jmarsh04 February 9, 2011 at 1:36 pm

They could hate white people and I'd still eat their spicy chicken sandwiches and not feel guilty about it. That's some good shit.

horsedreamer_1 February 9, 2011 at 3:46 pm

I have heard good things about the "Polynesian Sauce", too. But have never tried it. No Chik*Fil*A in my area; don't miss it, either.

ttommyunger February 9, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Geez, I don't get it. I tried one of their sandwiches when they first hit the Atlanta Scene and I couldn't tell what the fuck I was eating. It didn't taste bad, it just had no fucking flavor at all; like a piece of nothing in a warm bun. I never went back, Sunday or any other day. Cathy, you have my permission to close seven days a week. A win-win!

mumbly_joe February 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I think Ken is trying to say that liking to eat animal parts, while also disliking homophobia on the part of companies we purchase said animal parts from, makes us all morally weak.

snoopyfan2010 February 9, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Not in Houston!!!

angryclownspawn February 9, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Anniston has not improved. Lucky for me I am on the Gulf Coast. Well, it was until the oil spill…

BornInATrailer February 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Chick-Fil-A is a pretty gay name, tbh.

SorosBot February 9, 2011 at 1:56 pm

See what the Supreme Court's done; now that corporations are people, they even have DNA like us.

V572625694 February 9, 2011 at 2:01 pm

We could draft them to fight in our many wars, if we had a draft.

All "volunteer" military = endless war.
Conscript army = humiliation in Vietnam, but fewer wars.

I prefer the latter. And I was there.

user-of-owls February 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Did they have Pho-Fil-A over there?

V572625694 February 9, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Not at Tan Son Nhut Dining Facility Number 1. That was false advertising. It was really numbah 10….well, they did pretty good at Thanksgiving and Christmas.

user-of-owls February 9, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Foghorn Leghorn died for our sins.

x111e7thst February 9, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Foghorn Leghorn died for somebody's sins but not mine.

starfanglednut February 9, 2011 at 10:00 pm

thumbs up for patti smith reference

Steverino247 February 9, 2011 at 3:33 pm

That's a joke, Son of God…

Ancient_Hackery February 9, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Oh Lordy, the memories. Years ago I made the mistake of going to a large mall in Dayton, Ohio. The place was a bit run-down, with pigeons flying around inside the mall. The whole mall, and it was a large one, the whole place smelled like slightly-rancid oil. it turned out to be coming from the Chik-Fil-A eatery in the mall. being desperate for food and not knowing their reputation, I tried eating one of their chicken offerings. It tasted like slightly-rancid oil, and that's it.

RedneckMuslin February 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Needz moar chikin'

Redhead February 9, 2011 at 2:18 pm

A friend's mom took me there once when we were kids. The "toy" in the kid's meal was a tape of Christian bible stories, kiddified.

I prefer my chicken anus sticks without the preachy lesson-giving, thanks.

Lazy Media February 9, 2011 at 2:22 pm

This whole "controversy" smells of bullshit. Chik-fil-A gave food to some group, which means probably a conservative Xtian church that feeds homeless people, which no doubt ALSO has some anti-gay stuff going on separate from their food distro. Scandal!

Bullshit… Bullshit?! It's those goddamn terrorist cows again, stirring all this up, isn't it? Two of those fucking things are on a billboard a quarter-mile from my house, threatening to push a giant red button if I don't "eat moar chikin." Goddammit, why doesn't Homeland Security DO something?

PabaBritannica February 9, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Yeah, I was sort of like "I'm sure there's a Nazi organization hiring Subway to cater its cross-burnings somewhere, right?"

I hate Subway, btw.

joobajooba February 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Christian DNA? Hope that's not their "special sauce."

horsedreamer_1 February 9, 2011 at 3:47 pm

If mayonnaise is "come of the homeless", I don't even want to know what "special sauce" is.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Like the cows on their billboard ads advise, "Fuk moar chicknz." (don't know the alt key for backwards "k")

GhostBuggy February 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

This reminds me of the time a full-page ad appeared in my local paper, imploring public schools to allow prayer and God and what-have-you, and how nobody is thinking of the children because Jesus isn't welcome in school, or whatever. At the bottom of the page, a very small "Paid for by Hobby Lobby."

I foolishly went to one, looking for some Halloween decorations (the store here is fucking enormous, I thought there had to be SOME). Yeah, big mistake.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Chick-Fil-A calculator…. Fun!

FNMA February 10, 2011 at 8:48 am

Jeebus Christ! How about a little chicken with your sodium?

Monsieur_Grumpe February 10, 2011 at 9:33 am

I know. Even the salads are salt mines.

JoeBiteme February 9, 2011 at 9:04 pm

They might be a Christian wingnut front that closes on Sunday (when you're most likely to be hung over and in need of waffle fries), but I still danced a fucking jig when they opened one in Crystal City last month. Worth double parking out front anytime…

not that Dewey February 9, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Pareene posted an illuminating link the other day:

in which Focus on the Family was in charge of their happy meal prizes. Sacrilicious!

mookwrthwilson February 10, 2011 at 12:11 am

I thought if focus on the family was involved the prize in the kids' meal would be a good ol fashioned beating. Dobson's into kicking the shit out of kids.

GhostBuggy February 9, 2011 at 11:51 pm

Ha, no, I'm fairly certain such talk would be grounds for a lifetime Hobby Lobby ban/hot glue gun up the ass. Not that it would matter, because the only time I went to one was to find said Halloween decorations, and they only had "fall harvest festival" style stuff, as you can imagine.

The other weirdo thing about the ad was that it was directed at the SCOTUS. Because I'm sure THOSE assholes spend their time scanning small city newspapers for a shitty craft outlet's idiotic opinion on the Constitution.

Breckcoman March 9, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Everyone Please check out this facebook page dedicated in showing some of the hatespeech allowed to be made on the Chick-Fil-A Facebook Fan page. There is hateul nasty remarks made to and about Gays, Gays supporters, Jews, Muslims, and other christians that don't belive hating or judging anyone is right. While Chic-Fil-A condes this by not deleting the posts nad blocking the ones posting this type of bigtires and delets comments that are very civil by the Gays and the rest stated above shows they agree and condone whats happening on there. Please if you are on facebook take some time and read and see for yourself what is going on.. Here's a link to the page

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm

I tried to buy wine coolers in Alabama and it was 3 minutes until time to sell it and the cashier looked like she wanted to plunge a stake in my heart for trying.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

This is why I just go and get my pallet o'booze once a month, whether I need it or not. Though I never had much use for the Coast Guard, being a Navy guy and all, I do live by their motto Semper Paratus (save ya the google, "Always Ready")

angryclownspawn February 9, 2011 at 1:55 pm

She probably prayed for you afterwards, they are big on that here.

V572625694 February 9, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Wrong again, as so often happens. This was Alamogordo, 2003. I guess we were not worthy of membership in the clubs, of whose existence we were in any case unaware. The Hampton Inn didn’t mention it to us.I love NM anyway.

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 2:32 pm

She made me wait and refused to ring up any of the non wine cooler things on the belt to kill those 3 minutes. She just glared at me. I said, "So Catfish, got any Oxycodone you wanna sell me?" She didn't like that worth shit.

Barbara_i February 9, 2011 at 2:35 pm

I love NM, also. Who else would have the nuts to name a town Truth or Consequences?

Steverino247 February 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Been there. Interesting place. I always thought it was pronounced Truth BUZZ or Consequences, though.

Crank_Tango February 9, 2011 at 9:35 pm

oh we have lots of great towns here in the california–my favorite so far being "rough and ready" although there is a helltown near me and I like that too, but it's not really a town anymore…

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