ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS  2:31 pm February 8, 2011

Christine O’Donnell Finally Launches PAC To Pay Her Mortgage & Pizza Bills

by Ken Layne

She's planning on buying an autographed set of all the "Twilight" books, too.Poor little witch girl Christine O’Donnell never has any money. It sucks, because you need money to do stuff, like pay rent or buy ladybug costumes. So Christine figured out she could just run for various political offices she’ll never ever win, and then old wingnuts who “think she’s cute” will send her money, which can then be used at the grocery or the mall or wherever — pretty much anyplace that takes money in exchange for goods and services! Sadly, the end of yet another failed campaign means the donations dry up. Luckily, Christine heard of this scam called the “Political Action Committee,” which is basically a PayPal directly to your overdrafted basic checking account.

Christine just sent us a secret message because we’re on the same Wiccan livejournal:

Your incredible contribution of time and money allowed us to send the establishment a powerful message last year. Our fight is not over as so many patriots like you have sacrificed over the years to keep America great!

You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me. The establishment is going to keep attacking and keep trying to destroy those they think might be a threat.

Hmm, was there a latest smear on you, Christine? No, because you’ve already been forgotten. That’s why you didn’t identify this alleged latest smear, because there is none. The only reason there will be a latest smear today is because you’ve launched this latest ridiculous scam to get dumb people to pay for your suits at The Limited, and also for your iPhone and anything else a professional lady with no job might need, in life.

Your incredible contribution of time and money …. The key word here is “money.” It’s the key word in Christine’s life. It’s the key thing she lacks, because she doesn’t like to work and it’s hard enough to get a job these days when you’ve got a skill.

Besides, as we’ve learned from such Ken Burns’ documentaries as Bewitched and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, having sexy supernatural satanic powers doesn’t mean you can apparate money into your bank account. Only a PAC hooked up to the real-world magic of PayPal can do that. A Teabagger-supported PAC + PayPal is basically a Gringotts come to life, and you’ve got a vault full of glittering witch doubloons.

Your donation also enables me to speak out in many venues from Coast to Coast, thereby helping support a nationwide effort. This is a way that will help me counter attack our opponents and bring the battle to them.

You have helped me come this far. You have been a true friend. Please help me again with your donation. These are battles that will be won or lost based on how much support and organization our side can put forward right now.

That is why I ask you most urgently to lend your financial support to ChristinePAC.

Make your donation right now.

Haha, sure, Christine, sure. Travel is glamorous, after all! And someone like you should be able to travel Coast to Coast, in at least Business Class. Should a magical gal be stuck in some shithole like Wilmington forever? [Ha Ha she is so shameless]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 124 comments }

edgydrifter February 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Money for plane tickets? What, she's too good for her broom now?

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Witch should be put in laughing stocks.

LionelHutzEsq February 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I laughed at that despite myself. You, sir, deserve all the fisting you get.

nounverb911 February 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Cant we just mail her some used Newts to play with?

Crank_Tango February 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

pudding tub gingrich ftw

LionelHutzEsq February 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Newt's wife has cancer again? Did Christine hex her?

danceswithpalin February 8, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Or are those Newts too limp and impotent?

AlaskaGrrl February 8, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Newt be fickle,
Newt be slick,
Newt divorce you
For some other hick.

NorthStarSpanx February 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Wonkette, you have overproduced today. You broke me with the notice of a CODPAC.

I have nothing left.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

They don't just give those Bloggies away; they have to be earned!

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm

She needs the PAC to illegally pay her legal bills because of her illegal use of campaign funds.

Grief_Lessons February 8, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Illegal campaign funds.

not that Dewey February 8, 2011 at 6:52 pm

It's an ouroborous of campaign fraud!

nounverb911 February 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm

"Your donation also enables me to speak out in many venues from Coast to Coast"
(No one wants to pay my speaking fees.)

LionelHutzEsq February 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

My understanding is that while people are willing to pay her fees (I mean, two bucks is two bucks), they are less than willing to draw pentagrams with lambs blood without a significant cleaning deposit.

Gratuitous World February 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Hasn't she latched on to the teet of the Fox News Contributor PAC yet?

elviouslyqueer February 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

That's after the book deal, remember?

MadBrahms February 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I much prefer Wonkette's O'Donnell coverage to the non-stop Palin pieces the editors are forced to write by a vicious news cycle. Far more opportunities for great magick-based humor, and less of the sense that anyone outside of her critics gives a crap about her existence.

…we are the only ones who care, right? I mean, her political currency (har, har) has all been spent?

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

T-14:59 of fame and counting.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm

It does make one wonder.

What does Palin have that Witchy does not?

It can't be the gift of gab, or intelligence.
~

Terry February 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Palin is mean, while there is no indication that Xtine is.

blogslut February 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

There it is. The wignuttians need mean.

Mahousu February 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Blonde vs. brunette. And unfortunately, I think that might really be the case.

Cicada February 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Palin was boosted to national prominence in the 2008 campaign. O'Donnell was never treated as seriously. Plus Palin has the retard kid.* That gives her gravitas.**

*Bristol
**Bill Kristol's analingous

trampndirtdown February 8, 2011 at 11:08 pm

Ha I read Bristol as Kristol the first time through. Made sense also.

WriteyWriterton February 9, 2011 at 12:08 am

I thought Kristol was the retard kid.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

She's a quick learner.

HistoriCat February 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm

But is she a hard-ass worker? No she is not.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Course not, silly cat… they've all moved to Arizona.

OkieDokieDog February 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Sorry, Xtine, but I deleted my Pal Pay after they refused to let people donate to Julian Assange & WikiLeaks.

LionelHutzEsq February 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Plus, do you all know how much a good bullock or white ram cost?

Blood orgies don't just happen on their own!

SmutBoffin February 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I thought Buffy the Vampire Slayer was done by Werner Herzog.

LionelHutzEsq February 8, 2011 at 2:57 pm

The original movie, but not the TV series. That was done by Chris Carter.

chicken_thief February 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Chris Carter was an awesome receiver, but as an analyst – meh.

Barbara_i February 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Odd that she has an anti masturbation stance. Gee, what else are you going to do if you live with Delaware? I lived there for 25 years.

Toomush_Infer February 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm

She's just trying to stop….

chicken_thief February 8, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Her masturbation stance is: against the washer, on the spin cycle.

yyyaz February 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm

And to think we used to burn them for merely having feral cats.

Gleem_McShineys February 8, 2011 at 5:16 pm

If that Halloweentime Hookup tale is to be believed, then that is not a feral cat.

Tundra Grifter February 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

She's just using the Michele Bachmann blueprint. Thanks to Wonkette I'm on Ole Crazy Eyes' email list, and she asks for money more often than a college freshman.

I read Mrs. Bachmann's PAC has about $11,000,000 in the bank (that's not a retorical exageration, although I probably didn't spell the words correctly) – yet that fiscal conservative keeps asking for more cash.

Ms. O'Donnell is probably dreaming about having 11,000 ironmen in the bank…

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I'm determined not to let them destroy our movement. If I stand alone, though, I'm no match for the liberal media and the political establishment. But, with us standing together to fight, they don't have a chance! …aaannnd, I can pay my rent.

Radiotherapy February 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

And a few simple luxuries to keep my mind off masturbation.

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I found her web site difficult to masterbate too.

horsedreamer_1 February 9, 2011 at 11:46 am
KochFembot February 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Christine, I'm not sure this is going to work. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you might have to go get a job now and put in some work.

DaSandman February 8, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Werk? werk? What is this werk of which you speak?

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

She'll never earn any social security doing this shi…oh, wait, the wingnuts are taking that away from us as well.

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 7:38 pm

G-d forbid that a Republican *work*! Isn't that for illegal aliens and other lesser breeds outside the law?

DaSandman February 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I am seeing a Palin / Bachman / Chrissy cage match on pay per view in the very near future

Let the fapping of those tired old Teabags cocks begin!

DaSandman February 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Or perhaps she'll start selling her panties via RedState…

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

I only wish I had learned this trick earlier in life.

elviouslyqueer February 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Shameless grifting. It's not just a job, it's an adventure!

weejee February 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Xtine's PAC has got to be for bail, and don't mean pumping water out of her sinking boat. Do our attnys know iffin' she can use her PAC monies for bail & attnys after she gets hit with her election funds fraud indictment?

Lascauxcaveman February 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Green shoots. ChrissyPAC gives habitual lottery-ticket buyers a new outlet for paying their stupidity tax.

JimmyCarlBlack February 8, 2011 at 2:57 pm

"You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me."

Yeah, good luck getting wingers to pay for your pap smear, Xtine.

Amo_of_Bogio February 8, 2011 at 7:51 pm

I was thinking more of the smear on her, from, you know, someone fap-ping ( stupid autocorrect) on her…

V572625694 February 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

A "counter attack" is when they come at you with Formica®-covered particle board. Happens all the time in Delaware, one hears.

PsycWench February 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm

You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me.
Calm down Christine; sexually inactive women usually only need a Pap smear about every three years.

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:33 pm

I think she meant to say, "PLEASE TELL ME you've heard about the latest smear on me. What? You haven't? Here, let me tell you about it in detail, because I'm important."

SexySmurf February 8, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Good thing she doesn't live in Romania.

Radiotherapy February 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm

She can put the sham in shameless…it's magic.

PalinPussyPower February 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Christine, I'm going to give you the same exact advice I gave to Bristol yesterday: try prostitution. It's much easier and doesn't require as much brain exertion. You'll probably want to raise a few bucks to wax the hedges but the initial investment will be worth it. I hear there's a big market for Sarah Palin fetishists. Get yourself some square glasses and go to town.

AZ_Transplant February 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I wish witchcraft was real. Then I could make O'Donnell, Sarah Palin, and the entire Fox News network disappear forever.

BornInATrailer February 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

First line crammed Hall & Oates "Rich Girl" but instead with "witch" into my brain.

Can't get it out.

Help.

Mahousu February 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Christine wants to allow families to pass down their life earnings and conveniently provides a donate today button to let them do so. Thoughtful.

SayItWithWookies February 8, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Christine needs the money — if she's going to be seen as a serious presidential candidate in 2012, she's gotta get herself a kid with Down syndrome now.

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I hear them things is expensive.

chicken_thief February 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Not if she moves to MA – they have Romneycare!

Gleem_McShineys February 8, 2011 at 5:32 pm

There's a TrigPal button?

horsedreamer_1 February 9, 2011 at 11:49 am

While my mother & stepfather watched the 2008 GOP convention, my stepfather summarized the event as "She's got a Down's baby, & He's got a Bangladeshi".

prommie February 8, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Has noone pointed this out yet, this phenomenon, this Christine O'Donnel, even la Palin, this is the celebutard phenomenon come to politics, these are the Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian's of politics. Famous for being famous, not for any hint of talent, accomplishment, or ability, simply notorious.

SheriffRoscoe February 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Failed Republican political candidate hasn't been offered her own show on FAUX News yet, for money? WTF?

Extemporanus™ February 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I was under the impression that Christine O'Donnell already had a PAC…with the Devil!

*rimjob*

Monsieur_Grumpe February 8, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Money earning idea for Christine.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_EqQZrgoXvqM/Sd_EXpZk6II

Worthly Wokette Skum February 8, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Best post of the week!

prommie February 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

She should marry Breitbart, that way she could stay a virgin forever, and investigate Acorn and PLanned Parenthood and Mary Landrieau together, forever, dressed as a pimp and ho. . . .

mumbly_joe February 8, 2011 at 3:40 pm

She could also investigate CNN, but she'd have to give up her flower to go undercover on that one.

The good news is, you can pray it back. I know, because they said so in some movie where the chick gets teen-pregnant.

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm

EWWWWWWWWWWWW. I have to clorox my brain now.

GeoffPeterson February 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm

"That’s why you didn’t identify this alleged latest smear, because there is none." Or maybe it's because the latest smear was that she likes to use campaign donations to pay for rent and mascara?

Or maybe not. All the smears are kinda jumbled together in my head now, blech.

Worthly Wokette Skum February 8, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Broke, talentless & shameless: she's me!

genxr February 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Whatever happened to Washingtonienne, anyway?

Ken Layne February 8, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Got old, probably?

chickensmack February 8, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I guess after her three months of solo post-election failure sex, it was time to roll off the couch and go to The Money Store.

Come here a minute February 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

The modern Republican version of being slumped against a wall in a subway station with a tin cup and a sign that says HELP PLEASE.

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Well shit. Somebody give me something to "run for" so I can have a PAC too. They seem to be all the rage these days. That, and part-time Batshit-Insane-Slash-Jingoist-Manipulation-News commentatering.

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm

"What, honey? Oh no, I'm just heading out to… donate to a PAC."

MistaEko February 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Republican female candidates are going to have a real hard time fundraising once the base discovers Redtube.

Oldskool_ February 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm

In other words, Playboy never called.

Ruhe February 8, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Oh, I bet they did. But Mercede got all the first round money leaving Christine no choice but to pass.

mrblifil February 8, 2011 at 4:27 pm

It's not a good match aesthetically. For one, she's a bit doughy and not quite pretty enough. For the other, they typically don't run photo spreads wherein the talent pleasures multiple Rugby squads.

sezme February 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Oral Roberts assesses the shamelessness of this cash grab from his grave and says, "Meh."

ShiftyParadigm February 8, 2011 at 3:43 pm

"You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me." I gave you the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was mayonnaise.

forgracie February 8, 2011 at 4:24 pm

…and the mechanic said "Looks like you blew a seal." To which the penguin replied, "No, that's just ice cream."

Barrelhse February 8, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I'll just send over a nice chowder.

hagajim February 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm

"and then old wingnuts who “think she’s cute”want to bang her will send her money, which can then be used at the grocery or the mall or wherever — pretty much anyplace that takes money in exchange for her goods and services.

There I think that's fixed now.

Not_So_Much February 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I thought she was totes against any kind of 'smears on her'? She's keeping it all dry all the time.

OldRedneck February 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm

She could raise a lot more money if she gave premiums in exchange for donations. You know, like they do on NPR — donate $100, get a broom and riding lessons; donate $500 and she'll cast a spell for you.

Jukesgrrl February 8, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Isn't there any money in the pudding cup?

Gleem_McShineys February 8, 2011 at 5:43 pm

PuddingPAC probably dried up after reading the public accounts of her pubic account.

the_problem_child February 8, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Only if two girls, one pudding cup.

Gorillionaire February 8, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Did she already spend the money from her fat book advance?

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 5:42 pm

I don't know. I think I'll wait until Sarah Palin lets us know how this affects her, before deciding on whether or not to send Xtine some munnies.

bumfug February 8, 2011 at 5:49 pm

"Your donation also enables me to speak out in many venues from Coast to Coast…"
I need your donation because the people where I go to speak said I'm not worth shit and hitch-hiking to a gig just sucks.

SaintRond February 8, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Jesus Christ, will somebody please give that twisted little creature a seriously hard fucking already? It's like looking at the sexual equivalent of those starving kids in Africa.

Flat_Earther February 8, 2011 at 6:32 pm

What does $100 get you?

Hipple, Rev. Paul T. February 8, 2011 at 6:46 pm

The PAC plan worked like a prayer for Mama Griz! So it should work good for Never-married Little Sister Griz, too!

BarackMyWorld February 8, 2011 at 7:03 pm

You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me.

NOBODY IS STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU, BITCH.

*looks at response thread*

ALMOST NOBODY IS STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU, BITCH.

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Send her Hell money!

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 7:33 pm

She's still a wiccan?

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 7:34 pm

So how long before she sells her "virginity"? How many times?

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Can she be a semi-pro guest on Xtn TV shows? Like 700 Club? Denouncing witchcraft, etc.?

donner_froh February 8, 2011 at 7:41 pm

She must have lost the bookmark:
http://www.seekingarrangement.com/

Come here a minute February 8, 2011 at 8:27 pm

If you don't like the smears, just swallow!

BZ1 February 8, 2011 at 9:50 pm

Fun facts from Wikiwonderland: Notable alumni of Fairleigh Dickinson University include Stephanie Adams, Playboy centerfold and author, Ms Peggy Noonan, columnist, author and former speechwriter for Ronnie Raygon and of course, Christine O'Donnell who did not graduate until 17 years after leaving the campus.

PresBeeblebrox February 8, 2011 at 9:59 pm

That pitch read like a 419 scam letter. Donating to ¢hri$tinePAC is definitely 100% risk free.

the_problem_child February 8, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Unless you're a horny Nigerian looking for sex with a non-circumsised woman.

sqeptiq February 8, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Less government! More freedom! Well, after you schmucks pay for my house.

Tundra Grifter February 8, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Ms. O'Donnell is probably not going to credit her hooters for her success. Or lack thereof. [Success - not hooters; we don't know about them. Yet.]

However, Hooters is another matter:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_lawmaker_hooters

ttommyunger February 9, 2011 at 12:21 am

I rarely say this: too dumb to fuck!

UW8316154 February 9, 2011 at 12:31 am

That's not a smear on you, honey, that's my cum on your thigh.

lulzmonger February 9, 2011 at 1:47 am

PAC = Prison-Avoidance Con.
"I'm you … just as soon as you give me your PIN code."

PublicLuxury February 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Trim the bush

WriteyWriterton February 9, 2011 at 12:06 am

"Trim the danged bush!"

Fixed.

MoeDeLawn February 9, 2011 at 10:29 am

Moe de damn lawn!

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