dirty rain-dancing

AFA’s Bryan Fischer: Native Americans Have Never Had Morals

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Woah, he's white?The American Family Association’s Chief Being Racist Correspondent Bryan Fischer has already warned us about Barack Obama giving America’s lands back to the Injuns. But did you know it never really belonged to them in the first place, because they didn’t have Christian “morals”? “Time eventually ran out for the Canaanites, because they filled up the full measure of their iniquity. Time ran out for the native American tribes for the same reason.” Those weren’t colonial muskets and smallpox blankets killing Indians. They were God’s muskets and smallpox blankets. No, this op-ed was not written in the 1600s. It was written 400 years later, because, wouldn’t you know it, current Native Americans are “guilty” of being just as immoral as those evil savages were.

How does Fischer know the natives got their due? The Bible.

The Amorites, or Canaanite peoples, practiced one moral abomination after another, whether it was incest, adultery, sexual immorality, homosexuality, bestiality or child sacrifice, and God finally said “Enough!”

By the time he brought the nascent nation of Israel to the borders of the land flowing with milk and honey, he had already been patient with the native tribes for 400 years, waiting for them to come to the place of repentance for their socially and spiritually degrading practices.

Funny, Fischer doesn’t say that God explicitly told white people to take over America like he did with those Jews. Nothing at all about a burning bush laying out the plans for the Trail of Tears or an angel high-fiving Andrew Jackson as he thrust his bayonet through three small Seminole children at once.

The native American tribes at the time of the European settlement and founding of the United States were, virtually without exception, steeped in the basest forms of superstition, had been guilty of savagery in warfare for hundreds of years, and practiced the most debased forms of sexuality.

Yes, the basest forms of superstition. Not the European forms of superstition. A different kind. And not the savagery of killing other humans. A worse kind.

Also, they had sex.

Sponsored Intermission

So what about current Native Americans? They seem fine, right?

Many of the tribal reservations today remain mired in poverty and alcoholism because many native Americans continue to cling to the darkness of indigenous superstition instead of coming into the light of Christianity and assimilating into Christian culture.

Ah yes, those natives haven’t assimilated into Christian culture. Perhaps because the prevailing culture isn’t Christian and has much more to do with deep-fried hamburgers and Justin Bieber flipping his hair onto a deep-fried hamburger? Sure, Fischer, that race of people should assimilate into a fellow minority group.

Sadly, this column will likely generate a firestorm of nuclear proportions among wingers on the left rather than the thoughtful reflection the thesis deserves.

Yeah, sorry. Everyone PLEASE give this man’s racism some thoughtful reflection. It’s time we all consider this innovative new idea that was only first put together millennia ago.

Even worse, the reaction will likely obscure the sobering lesson for today. America in 2011 is as guilty of “abominations” as the native American tribes we replaced. We have the blood of 53 million babies on our hands through abortion. We have normalized sexual immorality, adultery, and homosexuality, all horrors in the eyes of God, and are witnessing a surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our midst.

What is this “surge” in Bryan Fischer’s “midst” when he talks about these odd sex things? Keep it in your pants, bigot. [AFA]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef


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  • Troubledog

    Who the fuck is this God guy they keep talking about, and why is he so intolerant?

    • Oblios_Cap

      If I was going to worship something, it sure wouldn't be a God that acts like that.

      • OC_Surf_Serf

        to counter the old 'why would I join a group that wants me' it seems folks like a god that is just merely a shallow human

        • Ruhe

          Back in my grad school days while studying Nietzsche one of my classmates dubbed this the "big man" theory of God, i.e., in its most vulgar form the God of Christianity is just like you only omnipotent. Like the Hulk with a beard. What I find remarkable is that none of these Christians ever asks themselves why it's taking God so long to get this mess cleaned up and why God's methods seem to be, from a historical perspective, so monumentally ineffective. It seems like God's been shouting Enough! for a while now and the humans just keep on abominatin'. Maybe God isn't very good at his job.

    • BarryOPotter

      "The name's 'Butch Jesus', but told tell my Dad what I've been up to, cause if He finds out, He is so gonna kick my ass and embarrass me in front of my asshole followers."

    • zhubajie

      Their G-d is in their pants, between their legs. He's not very big.

      • Negropolis

        Why the hell are you self-censoring the use of the word God? You're going to go all irreverent and make a God-penis joke, but you're going to censor the word God?

        You are so weird and unfunny, every. single. post.

        • zhubajie

          What's the big deal? I don't spell the way you do? As for beingunfunny, not everyone can be funny.

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  • Barb

    So says "Dances with Syphilis" Bryan Fischer.

  • MrsBiggTime

    Wounded Knee, Little Big Horn, Trail of Tears – damn Injuns never thanked us for saving their souls.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    I thought Mormon-Jesus proved Injuns were a lost tribe of Israel.

    Put that in your world-view and smoke it!

    • Terry

      …and that they turn white upon conversion to Mormonism.

    • jim89048

      Lamanites repent!

    • the_onceler

      are Mormons even considered Christians by folks like Bryan Fischer?

    • horsedreamer_1

      This is Good News… for Jon Huntsman!

      (Save that to auto-text, Ron Fournier.)

  • DashboardBuddha

    Mr. Fischer,

    After much thought and careful reflection of your thesis, I can come to only one clear and inescapable conclusion.

    You are an ignorant douchebag.

  • Amo_of_Bogio

    a surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our midst.

    a surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our churches.


    • Amo_of_Bogio

      Sorry, no HTML skilz re strikethrough

      • not that Dewey

        The "strike" tag will do it. Enclose it in sideways triangle brackets, and at the end, precede it with a /

        EDIT: okay, viewing page source didn't work. Here's a link.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    The Amorites, or Canaanite peoples, practiced one moral abomination after another, whether it was incest, adultery, sexual immorality, homosexuality, bestiality or child sacrifice, and God finally said “Enough!”

    Then HE said, "I'm tired of all this amateur hour crap", and invented the Republican Party.

    • RowdyRacer

      a surge in incest, pedophilia, and bestiality, ESPESCIALLY in our churches.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That God is such a prankster! He only gives the rules to the white-eyes and then has them come over and kill the Noble Savages because they didn't obey them!

    Do these people ever think that maybe they've got their definitions of Good and Evil backwards?

  • Worthly Wokette Skum

    Thank you, Rumpelstiltskin.

  • hockeymom

    Some people just miss the whole point.

  • CivicHoliday

    Needs more derogatory comments about muslims. Bigotry FAIL.

  • Oblios_Cap

    We have normalized sexual immorality, adultery, and homosexuality

    Hooray for us! USA! USA!

    • BarryOPotter

      Dude is such a braggart. "Hey Bry-Bry! Nobody likes you, I mean, except your other bigot buddies and the 'workers' you pay by the hour/act!"

  • WriteyWriterton

    There better be a very special Afterlife for this idiot, where the ghosts of all the pagans/heathens/children murdered by Christian imperialists and colonialists everywhere can eat his liver for lunch every day.

    • emmelemm

      With fava beans and a nice Chianti.

      Seriously, he needs something far more torturous than getting his liver eaten every day. Fire ants to bite every inch of his skin raw, then onto a spit to be roasted in an actual fire?

      • WriteyWriterton

        Me like.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    The way Bryan Fischer rants on about sin and "bravery" I'm pretty sure he's a shit eating sub who loves it when a Dominatrix named Pocahontas (real name Jack) punishes him for being bad.

  • Crank_Tango

    Wait, Palins are Indians?

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Todd is… apparently but no one has seen the birf certificate.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Blue eyed Todd is a recognized member of the Bristol Bay Native Association for his Yup'ik ancestry and is therefore eligible to receive luxurious benefits such as bereavement transportation for survivors/loved ones of suicide, low income energy assistance, Indian health services, Chavez fuel aid and Citgo Iron Dog sponsorship, and a Subsistence pass to trophy hunting (we are talking Todd here.)

        Membership has its privileges.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Sadly, this column will likely generate a firestorm of nuclear proportions among wingers on the left rather than the thoughtful reflection the thesis deserves.

    Same as happened with the Protocols of the Elders of Zion… sigh. No one gives that tract the thoughtful reflection it deserves. I wonder why?

    Seriously though, have these guys just pluged off the deep end, lately, or what? They've gone full throttle insane.

    • Boredw/Gravity

      They have moved racism back into the mainstream.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      It's Obama. These assholes were already on the edge, (watch reruns of the 700 Club) but when we elected a black president their milky white world totally fell apart.

  • littlebigdaddy

    "A surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our midst." Sounds like someone just discovered the interwebz.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Or Sat Night at the Westboro church.

    • DoktorZoom

      Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

  • Grief_Lessons

    Tantum religio potuit suadere malorum.

    …for a rebuttal as old as his arguments.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      Well said , Sir!

  • neiltheblaze

    Naturally, giving Native Americans smallpox infected blankets was the epitome of moral.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Dear Mr. Fischer,
    Do you think it right to point the finger at the sexual immorality of others when it is clear that your own spirochetes are working their way tirelessly through your tiny, tiny brain?
    Sentient Being

  • teebob2000

    I think he's projecting the "surge" he gets in his pants whenever he "stumbles across" an incest, pedophilia or (best of all) bestiality website.

    • Barrelhse

      Yeah-"stumbles across" them on the Google Search Results page.

    • SorosBot

      Also, where the hell is this increase in incest, pedophilia and bestiality he claims is going on?

      • GOPCrusher

        Where the hell did I leave that color coded map of the 2008 Presidential election results? Anyway, the places you are looking for are marked in red.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Funny, Fischer doesn’t say that God explicitly told white people to take over America like he did with those Jews

    But Jack what about the angel Bony Moroni, the resurrected indigenous American, who showed Joe Smith the stash in New York that held the Book of Moran which foretold of half the current crop of GOPtard quasi-declared candidates for prez? Would seem Bryan Fischer and the AFA won't be hopping in bed with Romney et al.

    • BarryOPotter

      Bony Moroni? I remember him! Man, that wing-ed guy would dance his ass off at the slightest provocation. I once saw him dance his feet down to his knees…

    • GOPCrusher

      I thought you said Moronie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv8tVxk6Nj4

  • Not_So_Much

    I look forward to this pantload's diatribe on all the things wrong with white folks like him. He's about one home-made haircut away from the retards at the Westboro Baptist Church for inbred hateful fucks.

    • Redhead

      I look forward to the scandal when Fischer is inevitably caught with his native american rent boy

  • Terry

    This man is going to burn in Hell, for sure. He's going to stand in a stinking pit, his skin licked by fire on all sides, and overcome by an unquenchable thirst. The only thing he can see, other than flames, is a perfectly clear view of an endless stream of Native American people being welcomed into Heaven.

    Mr. Fischer, have a real nice day.

    • ChessieNefercat

      While the angels give Native American blessings to all the new arrivals.

      • DoktorZoom

        Look, if Heaven is just going to be piping in a bunch of R. Carlos Nakai flute solos, I'll just take Elysium, thanks.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Where's scalping when we need it? Hell, where's a tomahawk missle when we need it?

  • Preferred Customer

    Does that mean that the time has come for some of our more righteous neighbors to come here and smite us?

    All the more reason to oppose immigration reform!

  • __kth__

    He's the guy who thinks the military is a bunch of pussies for giving the Medal of Honor merely for saving lives under fire rather than killing everyone they see. Also never served a day.

    In your "two wetsuits and a dildo" office pool, keep an eye out for Bryan Fischer.

  • Weenus299

    "had been guilty of savagery in warfare for hundreds of years,"

    So, we rolled into Quetzoqatl with flowers and candy back in 1519, didn't we? We marched up to MacchuPicchu bearing gifts and such, didn't we? We pushed out the Cherokee, made drunks out of the Algonquin, and rolled all over the Plains tribes, ultimately gunning them down with Whitworth breech-loading cannon, among other ordnance, at Wounded Knee in 1890. We did it all for love and Jesus.

    • Oblios_Cap

      What part of that don't you understand?

    • DashboardBuddha

      Nits make lice.

      The love of Jesus my pasty white ass.

      • Weenus299

        I hope the little fuckstick Col. J.M Chivington continues to burn in what is commonly called hell.

    • Negropolis

      So, we rolled into Quetzoqatl with flowers and candy back in 1519, didn't we? We marched up to MacchuPicchu bearing gifts and such, didn't we? We pushed out the Cherokee, made drunks out of the Algonquin, and rolled all over the Plains tribes, ultimately gunning them down with Whitworth breech-loading cannon, among other ordnance, at Wounded Knee in 1890. We did it all for love and Jesus.

      Fixed it for you.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Yet another Christian not using the words of Christ to justify his hatred of his fellow man.

    • elviouslyqueer

      "Love one another as I have loved you" = wimpy, librul, faggoty Christianity.

      "God explained to the nation of Israel that because of the “abomination(s)” of the indigenous Canaanite tribes, the land had become unclean and 'vomited out its inhabitants' (Lev. 18:25)" = manly, muscular Christianity.

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        Except that Leviticus is from the Torah. Remind me again who Jesus thought should be wiped off the face of the earth?

        • DeeJayKitteh

          In my dreams, it's the Bryan Fischers of the world.

        • elviouslyqueer

          True, but this is Fischer we're talking about, who thinks that if it's in the Bible, it's all "Christian." Never mind that, as you point out, the majority of the OT was written several hundred years before Mary popped out baby Jeebus.

          /preacher's kid, also

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            You're a PK too? What flavor? My Daddy was a black fundie Baptist–we didn't even get to have r&b review Sunday services, because the '60s black fundies bought all the white fundie b.s. about "devil ryhthms."

    • jodyleek

      "Christianity might be a good thing if anyone actually tried it." – George Bernard Shaw

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Well, he's right-Sin City from all those pedophile priests that were kept out of prison and instead sent with the Pope's blessings to the reservations where they kept diddling the little kids. If we all die in a great gamma ray burst, I'd say we deserve it, just for that.

    Great flying sock monkeys of Zeus, where do they get this crap from?

  • x111e7thst

    I have thoughtfully reflected on Bryan Fischer's opinions and come to the mature and well reasoned conclusion that he is a pestilential gas-bag. Come here Bryan, you make me want to puke on your shoes.

  • ChessieNefercat

    "Sadly, this column will likely generate a firestorm of nuclear proportions among wingers on the left rather than the thoughtful reflection the thesis deserves. (Italics added.)

    Ego much? You hateful, ignorant, racist, homophobic, sex-obsessed (and not in a good way) monster. I hope God has a special stop for you on the way to the down elevator when you get to those pearly gates. A stop where you get bitch-slapped by the Almighty Himself before being sent on your way.

    • PsycWench

      I gave the column the thoughtful reflection it deserved but then again I didn't want to spit on my computer.

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    America in 2011 is as guilty of “abominations” as the native American tribes we replaced. We have the blood of 53 million babies on our hands through abortion. We have normalized sexual immorality, adultery, and homosexuality, all horrors in the eyes of God, and are witnessing a surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our midst

    So when we fill our measure of cool-ranch iniquity and China comes and repossesses our houses and livers, I assume you're just going to shrug and say "we had our turn, time for the orientals to have a go at it", right? Because that's how god works, isn't it?

    • PsycWench

      Notice that it's fine to kill Native American children in the name of "civilization" but abortion is the worst thing ever.

    • zhubajie

      Siberia, Central Asia, SE Asia have a lot more to offer people in China than the USA. What do they want with a bunch of worked out mines/oilfields and a bunch of fat, whiny, ignorant people?

      • MsQuasimodo

        Hell, those places might have a lot more to offer Americans. Do they consider an over 50 white lady too old for immigration? I sure ain't got any retirement or employment here, but health care job skillz. And I want to travel.

        • zhubajie

          I'm sure they do, but I don't know any details. Dave's ESL cafe listsenglish-teaching jobs around the world. Also, the site has forums forpeople working in different countries, which would allow you to askquestions.I would imagine there are sites for all sorts of occupations lookingfor americans who want to work abroad. Health care workers should bein demand.Lester Ness

  • teebob2000

    Can I say it if nobody else does?


    What a cunt.

  • baconzgood

    He's one of those backward people. You know the type, they talk out thier ass and spew shit out of thier mouth.

  • edgydrifter

    Bryan Fischer's god is that insufferable dingus you remember from high school who got his letter in football by virtue of being a lardass with decent pain tolerance, lit his own farts in class and bragged about "pounding fags" way too much.

  • SayItWithWookies

    His patience was not rewarded, and finally the day came when the sin had reached its full measure. The slop bucket was full, and it was time to empty it out. Israel under Joshua was God’s custodian to empty the bucket and start over.

    Hear that, non-Christians and any other Christians who might not adhere to Bryan Fischer's insular, xenophobic worldview? You're officially slop to be thrown out. Really, this is an appalling new low, justifying genocide. Not a surprise, but still — just because I knew it was ugly doesn't make it any less shocking to see.

    • Come here a minute

      Message to any readers waiting to dip their toe in the slop bucket: Come on in, the water's fine!

    • DoktorZoom

      Hey, now, it wasn't genocide, since some survived.

    • GOPCrusher

      Wasn't Joshua Jewish?

  • Fare la Volpe

    and are witnessing a surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our midst

    And how in sam hill would you know, Lettie Mae? Big Brother Jethro been 'sinuating he wants a threesome with you and his coon dog? Well that sounds might' gen'rous of him.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      He's talking about what he does on a regular Sat Night.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Just scalp the fucker and be done with it. That is all the "thoughtful reflection" he deserves.

    • zhubajie

      Scalping was a commercial thing, paid for by the likes of Doofus.

  • Come here a minute

    Thanks for your concern, Kemosabe.

  • MaxUdargo

    Yeah, yeah – crazy and anachronistic – but if you believe that the Old Testament is an accurate, literal account of God's relationship to man, aren't these conclusions perfectly reasonable? The God of the Old Testament wasn't a subtle guy. No fucking parables for him. He was a straight talker and a straight shooter and just totally and completely straight. And one of his rules was that everybody behaved and nobody buttsexed or God would take out the whole population. No individual accountability in the Old Testament. God doesn't have time for that. He's a big-picture kind of guy and he thinks in terms of empires and nations. Sometimes he deals with individual cities, but that's as granular as he gets.

    That's why buttsex is your concern, even if you're not buttsexing. If the guy down the block is buttsexing, you're in danger of God's sloppy wrath. If some guy in Eugene, Oregon is buttsexing, we're all gonna die.

    So that's why guys like Fischer lie awake all night thinking about buttsex. That's why they drive around in the middle of the night looking for buttsex. They can never rest and feel safe as long as somebody out there is buttsexing.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I can't up-thumb you enough for that.

      • MaxUdargo

        DO NOT up-thumb me. Aren't you paying attention? You'll get us all killed. Keep your dirty thumbs to yourself.

        • Negropolis

          It's not sex if you don't put it into a lower body orifice.

          • MaxUdargo

            One of us is very confused.

          • Negropolis

            No, the clever Christian virgins who give blowjobs are, though.

    • mereoblivion

      "If some guy in Eugene, Oregon is buttsexing, we're all gonna die." So if we catch that Eugene guy and put him out of our misery, we live forever? Cool.

    • V572625694

      And if somebody's doing it somewhere, and Yah-Weh's gonna whack all of us for that, you might as well go out and get a little yourself.

      Collective punishment's a motherfucker, isn't it?

      • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

        You suppose that's why all those super religious, homophobic guys keep getting caught with someone else's dick up their ass?

    • mourningnmerica

      God should at least accept teh homosexual Christians as a buttsect.

    • zhubajie

      The biggest topic in the OT is: STOP CHEATING POOR PEOPLE!!!

    • snoopyfan2010

      Eh, what about Lot? He had to leave the place for it to be destroyed.

      • MaxUdargo

        No. He was warned that the place was going to be destroyed, but its destruction wasn't contingent on him leaving.

        And the only reason he was warned was because he saved a couple of angels from a buttrape mob by throwing his daughters out the front door to be buttraped in their place. So the angels gave him the skinny. Angels: they got the inside dope.

        But what are the odds you're going to save an angel from mob buttrape? Hell, my daughter has already moved out, so I'm screwed.

        • snoopyfan2010

          Oh, it must have been a crazy person who said "I will not destroy it for the sake of ten good men" then. But I get the snark so carry on.

          • MaxUdargo

            But, you see, the whole point was that the angels couldn't find 10 good men in the city. Lot was just one guy with an over-curious wife and two kinky daughters, and women don't count.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I heard that Mr. Fischer and Joe Barton (R-Kuiper Belt) will team up with Darryl Issa for hearings on how best to honor (and apologize to) our Hero Ethnic Cleansers.

    "Bleaching History Daily" would be a good name for their magazine.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Seriously, where the fuck do Bible-thumpers get this idea that the minute Big Daddy isn't breathing down our necks, our first impulse is to run out into the field and hump old Rover into a coma? Sick freaks, the lot of 'em.

    • DashboardBuddha

      No lie, eh? These folks thing more about dog raping and wiggle their dicks in excrement than any one I know. A gay friend of mind once commented that these folks think more about gay sex then he does.

    • Serolf_Divad

      I have a feeling they've spent many a tear stained night, tossing on sweat drenched sheets, tormented by the feelings of guilt that their own bizarre urges inspires in them.

      I can tell you this much: I'd hate to be one of their pets.

    • SorosBot

      It becomes kind of frightening when you realize that apparently the only thing that's stopping them from going out and killing whoever they want is fear of the wrath of their sky daddy.

  • TheMightyHaltor

    It's groups like the American Family Association that have made me reconsider my decision to start a family.

  • LeAlbatross

    It strikes me just now; I don't like this idiot. Amazing, and I don't even know him personally. I wish to call him names and strike him about head neck and shoulders with, say, a planet. How odd.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "I wish to call him names and strike him about head neck and shoulders with, say, a planet. "

      I'm thinking God feels the same way. But he really could smack him with a planet.

  • V572625694

    Can't remember if it's the Mormons or the Jehovah's Witnesses who believe the American Indians are the Lost Tribes of Israel, but it's pretty hilarious either way.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      That'd be Mormons, trying to outdo their belief in magic underpants.

    • zhubajie

      Mormons. I Nephi also teaches that G-d's true children as "white and delightsome."

    • MsQuasimodo

      When I worked on the Rez, I was very surprised to find that there are Navajos belonging to the Mormon, Jehovah's Witness, Seventh Day Adventist, and Baptist religions. WTF?

  • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

    Fischer is just trying to get attention back from those filthy Egyptians.

  • philpjfry

    It seems to me that those christians who profess their faith loudest, are the least christian in what they do. Fucking self rightious douche bag sacks of shit. Do they ever get the disconnect between the hate and intolerance they spew and what any real religon is supposed to be about? No of course they don't. Fucking self rightious douchebag sacks of shit.

    • Barrelhse

      I could only give you one like. Fucking self-righteous douchebag sacks of shit are fucking worthless human beings and a waste of goddamned skin.

    • zappadoo76

      "Fucking"? Horrors!

  • Extemporanus™

    Wait, Bryan Fischer's Indian name is "Chief Being Racist"?

    Hahaha, suck it, Costner!

    • DoktorZoom

      I'm pretty sure his Lakota name is Dances with Cocks.

    • Negropolis

      I thought his indian name was "Chief Humps-Like-Small-Dog" or "Chief Hung-Like-Gerbil."

    • BornInATrailer

      Faps In Closet

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Jack–thanks for the excepts since I would rather spend the rest of my days on a urine soaked cot in a homeless shelter while surrounded by hungry rats than read all of a Fisher column.

    He does write: "America in 2011 is as guilty of “abominations” as the native American tribes we replaced." If you follow that to its logical conclusions then neither the original owners/inhabitants of the Americas nor the current usurpers have a claim to the land since we are equally fucked up (in the eyes of Bryan Fisher).


  • LiveToServeYa

    This man is just *full* of Sitting Bull.

  • DeeJayKitteh

    If prayer and Christian morals prevent poverty and alcoholism, how does Mr. Fischer explain trailer parks?

    • GOPCrusher

      I wish I could give you more than one thumbs up for that, but it would probably be considered sodomy.

  • Redhead

    "We have normalized sexual immorality, adultery, and homosexuality, all horrors in the eyes of God, and are witnessing a surge in incest, pedophilia and even bestiality in our midst."

    Err, Fischer? I don't think the "we" you mean there is America so much as the AFA. Nice try, though. It DID distract me from the racist shit spewing in the rest of your column for about 3.5 seconds.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Just more evidence why revealed religion — where The LORD hands down His morality without underlying principles, explanation, or sense of what's important or not — is always stupid and wrong, even in the rare circumstances in which it conforms to the tenets of basic human decency, since it never has any way of keeping out the most odious, racist, hateful, small-minded, disgusting and certifiably pathological tropes that any four-year-old brought up with a modicum of humanity and critical thinking could dismiss with a couple of simple questions.

    • yyyaz


  • DoktorZoom

    You should have seen the rough draft. The type just stops, then, scrawled in the margin, a single sentence: "Exterminate all the brutes!"

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Perhaps this worthless piece of shit should visit the Pine Ridge Reservation (Prison Camp) on the Nebraska-South Dakota border. Even the most hardened asshole would puke in disgust of the squalor that they live in. It's an endless cycle of violence, suicide, alcoholism, despair, and unemployment.

    What's worse is the caravan of hippie new agers that visit the Pine Ridge Reservation to be one with the Native Americans. When they see it's basically hell on earth, they get their asses out of there within two hours and go to Taos to have their Auras drawn by more "normal" Native Americans.

    If you've never heard of the Pine Ridge Reservation or don't know much about it, spend a minute or two and google it. Be prepared to have your soul sucked out of your body. I'm not exactly sure what should be done, but something has to give.

    • DoktorZoom

      Don't worry, the smug asshole would find only proof that it's all the heathens' fault. Now, if we could find a way to make him actually live there for, say, 20 years, there might be some hope that reality might sink in, but I wouldn't give it better than even odds.

    • emmelemm

      So, I did that, read a couple articles about Pine Ridge, and yes, my soul took a little beating. If there is a God, he's a real asshole.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        I'm glad you spent some time looking this place up. Tell other people about it. This should not be happening.

    • MsQuasimodo

      Aaron Huey's photos of Pine Ridge: http://www.youtube.com/user/TEDtalksDirector#p/se

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        Wow, yeah. I don't know what to say. It's truly sickening. I'm really ashamed.
        Thanks for the vid. I think everybody should have to watch that.

        • emmelemm

          I didn't watch the video (may do that shortly), but my poking around led me to this, which is also Aaron Huey's work:

          Harpers Article

  • yyyaz

    Mr. Fischer is cordially invited to share a special guided tour with me of the killer scenery along the rims of Canyon de Chelly and Canyon del Muerto. I'll even arrange a special "reception" for him from the locals.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Well Adam and Eve's sons and daughters had sexual immorality with each other too, but they were just trying to be fruitful and multiply as God commanded them. They had an excuse to behave like that.

    P.S. Noah's sons and daughters too, presumably.

    • DashboardBuddha

      And don't forget Lot's daughters getting him all drunky so they could screw him for babies.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        So God had two choices. He could just populate the planet with a couple of million unrelated humans from the get-go, (easy enough, I mean He's GOD for godsakes); or he could create a single man and wife and let their kids fuck each other, an abominable situation which He would temporarily overlook. Let's see what scripture tells us He decided to do……

  • Asa_Hawks

    Let it be known that no one of European descent has ever done anything bad ever ever, and everyone of non-European descent had it coming. Please give this idea some thoughtful consideration.

  • ArmoredBore

    Wow. I'd call this guy a pustulent fartsack, except that would be an insult to actual bags used for the storage and transport of flatus gases

  • mavenmaven

    Remember, when he says Christians he means White European Christians.
    After all, most Mexicans are devout Catholics. He knows that his White Euro Jesus hates them anyway.

    • HistoriCat

      Well we all know that Catholics aren't really Christians.

    • zhubajie

      That's why GWB's invasion has mostly eliminated the local Xtns from Iraq.

  • PublicLuxury

    Hey Fischer! It takes one to know one.

    Playground logic never fails.

  • http://www.twoeightnine.com twoeightnine

    Many of the tribal reservations today remain mired in poverty and alcoholism because many native Americans continue to cling to the darkness of indigenous superstition instead of coming into the light of Christianity and assimilating into Christian culture.

    Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Yes, it's their fault for not being Christian. The white Christian man is completely not at fault. Robert Bennett was a sweet man who did not fuck over the entire Navajo tribe.

  • chickensmack

    And now it's time for Your Lesson In Jesus.

    A Christian man said these horrible things.

    Tune in tomorrow for Your Lesson In Jesus.

  • politics_nerd

    god damn i cant get on the first page to save my life.

    also, idiots are so awesome.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Violent, rapey, economic and geographical oppression and forced sterilization by the White Man from contact to today is finally explained away.

    You'll hear no complaining from me ever again.

    • XOhioan

      But was it "forceable" rape? Wait, it was the Indian/Cannanites so it don't matter.

  • SorosBot

    Hey Bryan, time did not run out for the Canaanites; according to archaeological evidence they became the Israelites, who did not come their borders but were there already, following the bronze age collapse and rebuilding of their culture. Similarly, the child sacrifice thing you point to is probably not true, but comes from Roman propaganda against the related Carthaginians who practiced the same religion of Ba'al.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Enough with the facts already…you'll harsh his thesis buzz.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Once upon a time we served up Christians to the Lions for sport. I think they got their payback by now. . .

  • mumbly_joe

    You know, I can actually say with confidence that open endorsement of genocide probably should be met with a "firestorm of nuclear proportions". Historically, it sometimes has been.

    Seriously, does Bryan Fischer want to genocide America? Is that what he's saying at the end there?

  • LionelHutzEsq

    Know who else are heathens and practice deviant sex?


    I'm must saying it has been a few years since we invaded someone, and the Japanese are asking for it.

    • GOPCrusher

      I'd be for giving them a pass, if they stop pixellating the naughty bits in their porno movies.

    • SorosBot

      What do you have against the perfectly normal and healthy practice of demons raping teenaged girls with their tentacles?

  • Toomush_Infer

    This is just his opening argument on why white Christians should be allowed to take over the casinos…..BTW, I did a bunch of work on a Mdwakenton res back in the 70s – the first time I ever saw someone there mow a lawn was a year after the casino opened….yep, morality…

  • Guppy06

    Nothing justifies genocide like the Old Testament.

  • PalinPussyPower

    What's the over/under on this guy being a queen? If you read between the lines, what he's really saying is, "I am a power bottom."

  • ChessieNefercat

    "Many of the tribal reservations today remain mired in poverty and alcoholism because many native Americans continue to cling to the darkness of indigenous superstition instead of coming into the light of Christianity and assimilating into Christian culture."

    They don't remain mired in poverty and alcoholism you stupid asswipe. They became mired in poverty and alcoholism because of the coming of so-called "Christians" with their so-called "Christian" morals and ethics.

  • BornInATrailer

    I am not a Christian. This enables me to look forward to the day when sweet death embraces Bryan Fischer without feeling hypocritical. (Non)membership has its privileges.

    • Negropolis

      Sweet death is going to give him a naughty French kiss, and steal away all of his little breath, the poor bastard.

    • ttommyunger

      I am a Christian, although a terrible one, and I would, if given the right opportunity, crush his larynx with pleasure.

  • XOhioan

    Regarding his remarks, I have nothing to add. Except that his head looks like it was pinched quickly out of a ball of Sculpey.

  • MarshallBanana

    Bryan Fischer: Proof that there is no God.

    • jmarsh04

      Or, proof that Satan has infiltrated the Church, as God warned us in the Bible. You know, if you're into reading that sort of stuff.

      It would explain A LOT.

  • Barrelhse

    I'd like to know when the morons who listen to this drivel are going to wise the fuck up.

  • http://assistantatlas.blogspot.com/ assistantatlas

    Shorter Bryan Fischer: Hey guys, remember that time we committed genocide? That was awesome. Those guys totally deserved it. God loves genocide. Hooray for white people!

  • jmarsh04

    God also told us to stone our children to death for talking back to their parents. God must be pretty pissed off that America hasn't made that into law, and I find it very curious that Mr. Fischer has neglected to mention it. He must be some kind of double agent, perhaps working for the devil, because every good Christian knows to murder their kids for defiance. Christ, it's in the Bible.

  • Neoyorquino

    " . . . debased forms of sexuality." Why am I just learning this now? I knew I should have dated that girl back in high school. Also, I think Bryan is fantasizing about one too many "indian uprisings" (if you know what I mean).

  • TanzbodenKoenig

    "Keep it in your pants, bigot" should be a bumper sticker

  • BeWoot

    I wash my hands after all my abortions. Also, I don't get to practice nearly as much debased sexuality as I would like … but then I'm only one-quarter Injun.

    This Bryan Fischer, though, really, really deserves some grievous bodily harm.

  • DoktorZoom

    Brian Fischer is actually an Angel of God Almighty, who is tired of people relying on / blaming Him for everything instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. Fischer is just part of God's retirement plan.

  • randoracer

    A fun hobby is (legally) tailing these people and (legally) taking photos of them with their rentboys whenever they're outside or in public places. Makes 'em very uncomfortable for some reason. Anyone live near Bryan Fischer who has a camera? Don't consider it stalking — consider it enforcing Christian morals on this douche.

  • mourningnmerica

    I'm as mellow with sexual abomination as the next guy, but I draw the line at homosexual bestiality. It's just rude. Come on.

  • SaintRond

    I read the article. The author deserves to be taken to the nearest reservation and tied to the back of a pickup truck.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I bet this guy doesn't like the negroes, either.

  • Sue4466

    Fuck him. Fuck him straight to hell.

  • GregComlish

    "incest, adultery, sexual immorality, homosexuality, bestiality …"

    Ok, I know that they at least claim to dislike the homosexuality and adultery, give or take the occasional rentboy-airport-bathroom-meth-fellatio. But incest and bestiality?? Aren't those the staples of a wholesome Christian upbringing in so-called 'Real America'?

  • snoopyfan2010

    Well that explains why the they weren't the ones kicked out of paridise.

    • SorosBot

      Haven't you heard? They've paved paradise and put up a parking lot (ooh, chop chop chop chop).

  • fuflans

    justin bieber is canadian.

    that is all.

    • BZ1

      and was home-schooled

    • Negropolis

      And, yet, he's affected an African American accent, thanks God for every award and accomplishment, comes from a broken family, and is a s dumb as a box of rocks (heard the guy on Letterman. Moron.).

      If this kid ain't an American (I know he's not; I've been to his hometown), he sure as hell better be given honorary status, 'cause the little bastard fits right in. I used to just be annoyed by him, but the more I see and hear of him, the more enraged I become.

      • fuflans

        HA! stratford!! i place i know very well.

  • Rotundo_

    I'm still trying to imagine where he got his stats on bestiality: Is he combing the internet looking for articles about these incidents or is he basing this on personal observation? One tryst with a sheep at your brothers' farm does not make a trend.

  • the_onceler

    Bryan Fischer is an asshole. There, I said it.

  • BZ1

    What, pray tell, is the most debased forms of sexuality? Uninformed minds need to know!!

  • Negropolis

    What a vile pig-dog of a man, this is. I pity the young man this bastard is oh-so-assuredly sexually abusing.

    I'd like him to go to a poor reservation, and then cross the street to the trailer park on the other side and tell me what's different. Behold your the works and wonders of your American Jesus in all of his drunken, cheeto-dusted glory, fuckers.

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    So Native Americans were a bunch of superstisous murdering buttfuckers? This coming from a guy whose people worship a collection of old campfire stories, and made killing people an art form? And doesn't everyboby like a little assplay now and then?

  • ttommyunger

    Am I relieved! I was afraid I had shit myself and then suddenly realized Bryan Fischer had opened his piehole again.

  • http://www.marinmaven.com marinmaven

    So this is the guy who said that we were feminizing the Medal of Honor because the last recipient could claim a high enemy body count. Surprise! Fischer is a total chickenhawk who has never did any military service. This fountain of bile and ignorance overfloweth. He, Fred Phelps, Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh make quite a quartet or four horsemen of hate-filled idiocy.
    Just finished Sarah Vowell's The Wordy Shipmates about the early puritan settlers who would masscre — burning men, women, and children for one accidential killing of a white man. They even had another tribe help them because they promised not to kill the women and children. Morals? From the very beginning white men were hiding behind the bible to do horrible, unspeakable things.
    This all invokes Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer again.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    Church of LSD

  • smitallica

    Sounds like somebody didn't get comped at the Choctaw casino and is none too pleased about it.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Goddamn, I hate religion! Or maybe just the assholes that use religion to fuck over their fellow man. Either way, if God does exist, he is going to be seriously pissed when those asshole shuffle off this mortal coil.

  • MsQuasimodo

    And the US military/foreign policy *always* engages in actions of the highest moral and gentlemanly caliber, also, too … we *never* murder, torture, falsely imprison, spy upon, take away civil rights, stripsearch, grope, engage in the underground arms trade, or wage war without full consent of congress and always after open debate in our glorious media! We white Europeans have a reputation to uphold!!! (cough, hack) Wait, what?

  • Two_Eagles43

    It is indeed a terrible shame that there is still such racial prejudice in this country. More of a shame is that people like this cannot see how seriously they have crippled the acceptance of TRUE Christianity among the first nations here. Mr. Fischer needs to consider what example he is showing to those who might be seeking truth. If the first Europeans had shown that they lived according to the principles set forth in the Holy Book, they might have made many converts. But then, that would mot have been Satan's purpose. He tried to completely obliterate that possiblity by influencing the FALSE Christians to commit genocide!

  • karlrschneider

    If Native Americans had employed more strict immigration rules 250 years ago, Bryan Fischer would be cleaning toilets somewhere in Eastern Europe right now…

  • http://www.trsohbete.net Trsohbete.NeT

    Yet another Christian not using the words of Christ to justify his hatred of his fellow man. trsohbete.net

  • Redhead

    He forget to say "Green Balloons!" to his Native American rentboy and the resulting choking left him with permanent brain damage?