PARADE MAGAZINE TIMES A BILLION  12:29 pm February 8, 2011

Tea Party Launching Sexy New Magazine To Save America, Publishing

by Ken Layne

Sweet TransvestiteDoes that special someone in your life (unwanted grandparent in the Midwest) need a fun new magazine subscription to go along with Reader’s Digest Large Print Edition and that weird brochure from NewsMax? Well get your checkbook ready because TEA PARTY REVIEW is gonna drop at CPAC, sneetches, and it’s packed with flava such as some old wire photo of Sarah Palin speaking at that thing last year, and a hawt new feature called “Meeting the Editor,” and some otha stuff, nobody really knows … oh wait, we mean, “and even a comic strip about a Tea Party congressman dealing with the Red Chinese.” Man this is better than any dang old free subway paper full of horror-scopes and those Armenian sisters for $40 on that faggy iPad, no?

Somebody emailed us a press release from this thing for some reason:

“There’s a profile of the first Tea Partiers elected to statewide office, a look at key figures in history such as Alexis de Tocqueville and Booker T. Washington, and even a comic strip about a Tea Party congressman dealing with the Red Chinese,” Pierson noted.

The “Tea Party Review’s team of writers, artists, and editors reflect the diversity of the movement, including individuals from all over the country incorporating a wide variety of backgrounds. The magazine includes people who’ve never contributed before to a national magazine, along with people who have written for major publications like the Chicago Defender and The New York Times.”

Yeah, who is that black person Tea Partiers can mention? Booker T. and his famous peanut butter! Also let’s give it up for the Chicago Defender, whatever that is …

Here is Cee-Lo and Prince doing “Crazy” last night in New York, to cleanse the palate:

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 230 comments }

weejee February 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Is this being published by the National Enquirer?

dr_giraud February 8, 2011 at 2:03 pm

No. They have standards.

Barbara_i February 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Spoiler alert! Guess who is named their "Person of the Year?"

mereoblivion February 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Booker Tocqueville Washington?

genxr February 8, 2011 at 12:41 pm

John Galt?

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Captain Jean-Luc Picard? He loves tea.

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Man, don't even get the Tea Party started on how socialist TNG was. I'm serious.

(Disclaimer: It really was totally socialist.)

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

"You"?

V572625694 February 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm

They were gonna do that until they found out how much the shiny foil cover costs.

Ken Layne February 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

"I'm you."

gef05 February 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Pee Wee Herman?

V572625694 February 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Herman Melville?
Peter Noone?

Swampgas_Man February 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

An inanimate carbon rod, somehow still smarter than 80% of their readership?

Fare la Volpe February 8, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Il Dulce?

LeAlbatross February 8, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Jack London?

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Earl Grey?

problemwithcaring February 8, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Tom Kruse, inventor of the Hoveround?

gullywompr February 8, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I'd tell you, but I don't wanna get sued for trademark infringement.

lulzmonger February 9, 2011 at 12:02 am

David Duke?

ShaveTheWhales February 9, 2011 at 1:35 am

Zombie Raygun, obvs.

littlebigdaddy February 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Red Chinese? What is this, 1955? Oh, yeah, I guess so.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Given the whole "it's not rape if you don't get cut", "let's send children into coal mines again, that worked out well right?', "black people in charge, what is the world coming to" direction the republicans are taking us, I'm going with 1855.

OneDollarJuana February 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Ah, 1955. Basking in the glow of the Red Scare and Jim Crow.

chicken_thief February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

And having the bitches whip us up a nice dinner. On the table at 6. Or stand the fuck by….

genxr February 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm

I for one can't wait to see how these patriots who so value diversity, draw the Chinese in caricature.

Red Chinese: "Me so solly"

Teabaggers: "Dey tuk ar jerbs!"

MittsHairHelmet February 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm

It's amazing how the Tea Party'ers just take those old tropes and use them like it hasn't been 30-50 years since they meant anything.

It's like, if something was used in the conservative narrative at any time it's still valid to them, no matter how long it's been or how many times its been contradicted by other pieces of the conservative narrative.

Maybe they're so ignorant of reality because they use their entire brain to remember every conservative enemy/grievance since WWII.

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 8:18 pm

It's not just the T-tards, unfortunately. Lots of "liberals" are full of Yellow Peril paranoia about post-communist China.

LionelHutzEsq February 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Well, we will surely do better in Viet Nam this time.

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 12:33 pm

YES! I needed somthing to line my bird cage!

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

If the Tea Party has it's way, no fish will go unwrapped! For freedom!

WunkRocker February 8, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Always Review your TP before wiping your bunghole. Also.

FlownOver February 8, 2011 at 12:34 pm

Watch your back, New Yorker.

Fare la Volpe February 8, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Move on over, NAMbLA Monthly.

Gleem_McShineys February 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Prepare yourself, Charmin Ultra.

angryclownspawn February 8, 2011 at 12:34 pm

This is the LAST thing my crazy relatives and in-laws need. It's challenging enough for them to try and keep all of their Glenn Beck quotes straight. Now someone expects them to READ?!?

LeAlbatross February 8, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Imagine all those lips moving, all over the nation…

trampndirtdown February 8, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Imagine the crossword clues.

Badonkadonkette February 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I'm gonna get it for the "Goofus and Reagan" cartoons.

twoeightnine February 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Goofus and Doofus?

Oblios_Cap February 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

and even a comic strip about a Tea Party congressman dealing with the Red Chinese.”

Sounds worse that Mallard Fillmore, if that's possible.

And they said print media was dying!

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Who the fuck still uses the phrase "Red Chinese"? I thought that was retired in 1972; maybe this Pierson dude thinks Chiang Kai-shek will rise from the grave.

SayItWithWookies February 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Rush Limbaugh still says Chicom. Like, every day. Apparently there's a whole demographic out there that thinks of Major Frank Burns as a war hero.

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Ah, so the people who think the racist old ching-chong Chinaman voice is acceptable; got it.

V572625694 February 8, 2011 at 12:49 pm

You'd think they'd understand: China is still a totalitarian dictatorship, just not a dictatorship of the proletariat. Let's see, who are the other dictator candidates again…oh yeah, business guys. These are your peeps, Teabaggers! And if you're done using that tolulene, just dump it in the river — it'll be somebody downsteam's problem. And if your workers get injured welding structural steel 40 floors up at 11:00 PM, there's plenty more where they came from.

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm

And the government tells women what they can do with their own wombs, and what religions they are allowed to worship. Truly, modern China is a wingnut paradise.

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:23 pm

This is literally what they want, except they imagine themselves the oppressors, not the oppressed.

They're just so cute!

doxastic February 8, 2011 at 2:16 pm

I thought they had at least settled on ChiComs (which is infinitely funnier).

Gleem_McShineys February 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm

See? This is their Big Tent!
You can use all kinds of different terms to refer to exactly the same talking points!

BlueinVA February 8, 2011 at 6:06 pm

My MIL used the term Oriental and a really offensive old-timey AA slur until the day she died. Made me want to slap her upside the head. I was with her once when she asked a white couple where they got their Oriental baby. She had money to burn and retired to FL w/ her second husband. Pretty sure she voted for Buchanan — on purpose. She'd have been a Teabagger, but wouldn't have bucked up for a magazine subscription.

Oh, yeah, she said Chinaman, too.

GodShammgod February 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

I wonder which will have more pages; this magazine or Bristol's autobiography.

chickensmack February 8, 2011 at 1:05 pm

I wonder if she has an editor that can put "unh… unh… harder! deeper!" into readable format.

Fare la Volpe February 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Doesn't count if they're pop-up.

LeAlbatross February 8, 2011 at 1:53 pm

It did for Bristol…

horsedreamer_1 February 8, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Everybody knows Booker T wrote "Time Is Tight". Peanut-butter was some other dude.

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Everyone knows that green onions go good on a peanut butter sandwich.

MoeDeLawn February 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

with an icy heineken. Oh brother, that is livin large, I'm telling you.

102415 February 8, 2011 at 1:19 pm

It's peanut butter jelly time.Peanutbutterjelly peanutbutterjelly. There you go.

genxr February 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm

His name was Skippy, I think.

walterhwhite February 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Pea-nut, pea-nut butter
I like peanut butter, creamy peanut butter
Crunchy peanut butter too!

Swampgas_Man February 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Wasn't he the FIVE TIME, FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE TIME FIVE FREAKIN' TIME world champion?

mereoblivion February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Cee-Lo used to write for the Chicago Defender? (Are they crazy?)

edgydrifter February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Tea Party diversity: white, pinkish, ivory and milky–the whole rainbow!

OneDollarJuana February 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Don't forget the nauseating yellow of belly fat.

Crank_Tango February 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

how can you forget the red necks?

Sparky_McGruff February 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Nicotine Orange and Congestive Heart Failure Gray are acceptable too.

walterhwhite February 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

And the whole intellectual gamut – from stoopid to stoopider

Redhead February 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm

I heard a couple actually prefer Doritos to Cheetos, and there's one guy that likes Bud Lite better than PBR! Wow, what diversity!

CZL February 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Don't forget token.

valgal2342 February 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm

The only brown they accept are those with soiled depends.

lulzmonger February 9, 2011 at 12:06 am

Liver-spots = DIVERSITY!

BaldarTFlagass February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

The only way this could be better is if they had a Hawt Ladeez of the Tea Party centerfold, for the fapping.

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Uh..Balder, have you seen some of them teabaggin' laydeez? T'aint a set a teeth betwixt em'. And they's old and fat…

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Yeah, these are people who find Sarah Palin attractive; their beauty standards are suspect.

BaldarTFlagass February 9, 2011 at 7:19 am

Sheesh. This is the one message board that I thought that I would never, ever have to explain the concept of irony.

V572625694 February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Okay, you got Michele, Sarah, and they're both a bit saggy after all they babbys. Who's next?

Can't really see that feature running too many issues.

chicken_thief February 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Theyz gotz Xstine and her infamous undergrowth, too!

Q. How can you tell O'Donnell's broom from the other witches?
A. It's the one with the sanded-smooth handle from her steel-woolish crotch hairs.

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 1:05 pm

I can't see this ISSUE running too many issues.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

…from Transexual, Transylvania!
~

Amaravilha February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Good choice of Booker T. over DuBois…..

… and that famous "man of the people," the aristocrat Alexis.

LesBontemps February 8, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Plus, French, too, also.

valgal2342 February 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm

that cracked me up too

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

The “Tea Party Review’s team of writers, artists, and editors reflect the diversity of the movement…

You mean they have people of northern European and western European descent?

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm

They let people in regardless of whether they're Protestant or Catholic.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

They have both kinds of music, country and western.

WriteyWriterton February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

"…Tea Party Review’s team of [...] reflectS the diversity of the movement," but no basic familiarity with subject-verb agreement.

petehammer February 8, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Ease up there, Writey… they are American patriots, not magazine edito… oh.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 1:03 pm

They don't care if you fingers are stained from Doritos or Cheetos.

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 8:20 pm

No, they will have Nazi, Fascists *and* Identity Xtns!

OneYieldRegular February 8, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I'll look for this wherever I pick up my latest copy of "The Watchtower."

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 12:37 pm

Now this IS "lame stream media".

horsedreamer_1 February 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Also: don't knock the Armenians. They are America's greatest treasure. Kirk Kekorian, who had the ice-sculpture replica of Michaelangelo's David pissing vodka at his birthday party; Dr. Death, Jack Kevorkian; & beatific CBS sideline reporter Armen Keteyian. &, course, the Kardashian sisters.

littlebigdaddy February 8, 2011 at 12:42 pm

And Atom Egoyan, for those depressing movies.

OneDollarJuana February 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

But I like Ana Kasparian of the Young Turks.

102415 February 8, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Thanks! It's about time we got some respect.

Limeylizzie February 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Not to forget the lovely Armenian lady who threads my eyebrows, you have to love that beauty procedure and only those from a truly hairy ethnic background can do it properly.

trampndirtdown February 8, 2011 at 9:53 pm

All I know about Armenians is don't order Turkish coffee at an Armenian restaurant, fast speech and gesturing will ensue.

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Yay! The country faces such a dirth, a deficit if you will, of crackpot, wingnut "news" sources! And the tundratwit does not get nearly enough publicity. This is very needed.

Swampgas_Man February 8, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Coverage from dirth to beath.

chascates February 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

As someone who spent his working life in printing and publishing before being laid-off (and with the employment for my vocation almost nonexistent) I have to applaud any new print publication, however ridiculous. Most new magazines last 18 months on average, even free ones. May the entire teatard movement crash along with it!

OneYieldRegular February 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I assume one can make $$$ by selling this new magazine door-to-door, like GRIT.

V572625694 February 8, 2011 at 12:54 pm

It's a shame, isn't it? Nothing like crisp type and hi-rez photos on good coated stock. Computer screens have got a long way to go before they hit that level of resolution and legibility.

donner_froh February 8, 2011 at 2:08 pm

As another veteran of printing and publishing (currently unemployed, retired or consulting, depending on who is asking) I am in favor of anyone who want to pay money to print words and images on paper even if they aren't worth reading or even looking at.

Schmannnity February 8, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I like the feature: Where are they Now? Next month's focus: Jim Crow.

Oblios_Cap February 8, 2011 at 1:03 pm

And Joe McCarthy in April. They're saving Bunker Hunt and his brother for the Silver Anniversary issue.

bflrtsplk February 8, 2011 at 1:25 pm

July: Remember Sarah Palin?

MarshallBanana February 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm

We could only dream.

PabaBritannica February 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Can't wait til the swimsuit issue. I hear that Phyllis Schyalafaaleflafly is gonna provide some good old fashion American cheesecake in that one.

Come here a minute February 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

This is gonna be like the Oprah magazine — Sarah on the cover every month.

HistoriCat February 8, 2011 at 2:15 pm

S

insidebeltway February 8, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Alternating with Michelle Bachman.

teebob2000 February 8, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Will they have a feature "Teabagger of the month" article?

Mumbletypeg February 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Not sure, but the "Diarrhea of the Mouth" feature honors should go to Glenn. Every time.

walterhwhite February 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

with accompanying photo spread

Boredw/Gravity February 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Needs moar Norman Rockwell cover art.

Worthly Wokette Skum February 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Norman George Lincoln

littlebigdaddy February 8, 2011 at 12:41 pm

But are they going to have hook-up ads in the back? Cuz who wouldn't like some 60-something, batshit crazy, scooter-ridin action?

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I'm all up in that shit. Hover-round me long time.

Oblios_Cap February 8, 2011 at 1:05 pm

If they're like most handyman magazines, they'll definitely have plenty of ads for various performance-enhancing methods.

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Ads for Asian "wives"!

__kth__ February 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Coming soon to every doctor/dentist's waiting room in Wingnutistan.

Dr_pangloss February 8, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I know one freedum loving dentist/lawer will have it her office.

PabaBritannica February 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

I hope there's a food section.

"A Review of the New Montana Bacon Beef Anus Burger at Arby's: Reagan Would Eat It"

BeWoot February 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm

And recipes. Say, five easy meals you can make with cream-of-mushroom soup and lard.

Eve8Apples February 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Do they include a box of crayons or do I have to buy my own?

Oblios_Cap February 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

This is Capitalism. You need to steal a box of crayons from a somebody poorer than yourself or go without.

Native_of_SL_UT February 8, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Nothing says grassroots like a glossy magazine telling people what to be angry about.

mereoblivion February 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

It's the angry imbecile's version of Real Simple ("Date-Night Clothes Under $100!")

OkieDokieDog February 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Sarah please. No one believes that your penis is that long.

MissTaken February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Really? I interpreted it as Sarah demonstrating just how hard her nipples get when she thinks about Reagan.

mereoblivion February 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

"Shady Pines Senior Care, Walmartville, TX":

Rumor spreadin' a-round in that Texas town
'bout that shack outside La Grange
and you know what I'm talkin' about

Steverino247 February 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Just let me know
If you wanna go

FNMA February 8, 2011 at 1:46 pm

A-HA-HA-HA-HA

Or something like that.

Worthly Wokette Skum February 8, 2011 at 12:45 pm

A substance almost, but not quite, entirely unlike journalism.

fuflans February 8, 2011 at 12:46 pm

and a specil cee-lo shout out to TPR:

Fuck you!
And fuck her too!

genxr February 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Crayons not included.

DemmeFatale February 8, 2011 at 12:48 pm

The Cee-Lo (actual singing!) and Prince (actual playing!) duet almost got the wretched taste of the Super Bowl Halftime Show out of my mouth!
Thanks, Ken!

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I was hoping more for a Prince version of "Lets Go Crazy".

Uh-oh let's go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij-jM8CcQIQ

Ken Layne February 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Right. "Can I play this guitar?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QKajzKmyhw

ShaveTheWhales February 9, 2011 at 1:45 am

I'd forgotten the doves or bats or whatever.

Jeez, an actual musician.

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I was so sick of sifting through dozens of publications. Now all my tea parties are reviewed in one place.

ManchuCandidate February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

So it's People for Fat Stupid Yet Politically But Not Physically Active People.

EatsBabyDingos February 8, 2011 at 1:05 pm

I greatly resemble that remark.

Love,
Newtie

Oblios_Cap February 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm

So it's only home delivery; none of that "going to the store" stuff required?

arbit February 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Over on teapartyreview.org there's an intriguing feature story titled "Cor in Rup American Tion Politics", which i'm dying to know more about.

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Ugh. Went to the site. Another wingnut intertube fail. The only thing that works on it is a poll asking these retards what they like to see cut from the budget to rein in the debt. And, of course, one the options is " Repeal Obamacare". As though the CBO never scored it to reduce the deficit. Ignorant fucks, thy name is Teaparty. Or, actually, it's the Koch Brothers.

Amaravilha February 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

You missed "What's Inside," featuring irony-free articles such as:

# ¨Why the Elite Media Hate Us
# ¨Glenn Beck vs. the Communist Party: A Tale of Two Rallies
# ¨The Left’s War on Science and Reason
# ¨How the Top Colleges Turn Kids into Stupid Leftists
# ¨The Tea Partiers vs. the Race Baiters

WriteyWriterton February 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

You can win great prizes, Olds, selling subscriptions at the Senior Center/Hoveround Charging Station!

Gay Mexican Intern February 8, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Nice little address-label addition there, Ken.

amyamnesia February 8, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Shady Pines, Ma!!

SmutBoffin February 8, 2011 at 12:58 pm

I'm not the biggest Prince fan out there, but that motherfucker knows how to swing an axe.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 8, 2011 at 1:09 pm

One of the most underrated guitarists.

Robert Smith from the Cure also plays a mean guitar underneath all that pouty make-up.

Two cases were the personas get in the way of music.

Extemporanus™ February 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm

And how to make one weep.

mereoblivion February 8, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Ya got that right. Holy mother of mercy!

WorkTheSaxofone February 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm

My palate is now so clean you could eat off it.

Extemporanus™ February 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm

And while his final note is still ringing in our ears, he throws his guitar straight up in the air and it never comes back down!

THAT is how you end a fucking solo, gunslingers!

[FUN FACT: George Harrison's wife didn't want Prince to perform the song because he supposedly wasn't very familiar with it (?!), and only learned the chords minutes before taking the stage.]

jim89048 February 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Extemporanus™ February 8, 2011 at 5:17 pm

That was a really beautiful little performance!

Seriously, though, thanks for the link.

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Seeing him live is something everyone should experience.
His rendition of Purple Rain in concert will bring tears to your eyes.

gef05 February 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

On their website's forum is the following question:
How Do I Get Involved in My Local Tea Party?

Below the question is this text:
0 People would like this answered

I have nothing to add.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

If their reporter doesn't get a White House press pass I will be very disappointed.

ManchuCandidate February 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Jeff Gannon still probably has his old one kicking around.

Wadisay February 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Attention, marketers of Nazi regalia: Your vehicle has arrived.

bumfug February 8, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Nothing says "Tea Party" like Alexis de Tocgueville.

DerrickWildcat February 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Does Tea bagging involve penetration?

MrsBiggTime February 8, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Not if you do it right. And by "right," I mean completely wrong.

Zombie_Reagan February 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I love this choice in the poll (of how to lower the national deficit) on its website:

"Permanently extend all Bush-era tax cuts for the middle class as well as wealthier Americans."

Yep, this is a REAL grassroots movement. Pay not mind to the Koch brother behind the curtain.

SorosBot February 8, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Someone should explain to them what "lower" means.

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Well, when you cut off all other spending that doesn't include weapon procurement, it makes sense.
In fact, let's just not pay our military personnel anymore, if they truly loved America, like our Tea Bagging brethren, they would be willing to go kill foreigners for free!

politics_nerd February 8, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Looks too glossy to be used as toilet paper. Shameful waste.

chicken_thief February 8, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Tocqueville I get – he hated Arabs, too and believed blacks and "injuns" were mentally inferior to whites. But Booker T….?

problemwithcaring February 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm

He gave a speech in 1895 Atlanta that basically claimed if white people gave Blacks jobs and industrial training, they would (and should) stop clamoring for social and civil equality – including, interest in such "white pursuits" as a liberal arts education.

Of course, his stance of accommodating of white oppression won him a lot of support and funding from white southerns for his for universities and ultimately led to his position as defacto Jim Crow-era "spokesman of the Negro race." He, however, was at odds with Du Bois and many other Black and white intellectuals who, while recognizing the utility of Washington's posture with whites, felt such a strategy tacitly accepted the idea that Blacks were inferior (at least in the civic and social sphere.)

Check out Du Bois's essay "Of Mr. Booker T. Washington and Others"

EatsBabyDingos February 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I'd look at the pictures if it had Palin's famous camel toe.

MrsBiggTime February 8, 2011 at 1:04 pm

But how to distinguish Tea Party Review from its competition?

Highlights for Children: Hidden Pictures® and challenging puzzles
Tea Party Review: Conspiracy theories®
Highlights for Children: Crafts that promote creativity
Tea Party Review: We let Chinese kids do our crafts for us, cheap.
Highlights for Children: Super fiction and nonfiction stories that encourage reading
Tea Party Review: Impossible to tell difference between fiction and nonfiction
Highlights for Children: Jokes and riddles just for fun
Tea Party Review: Jokes get elected
Highlights for Children: Exciting science experiments
Tea Party Review: Science is for elite smarty-pants
Highlights for Children: Drawings and poems from kids
Tea Party Review: Plagiarized drawings and poems from kids

Midway117 February 8, 2011 at 1:06 pm

WOW! What a big media week. First Arianna Saves Community Journalism, and now this. I Logged On to their Webpage, and thingies just kept a-slidin' by. Then I saw this note:

"Please be advised that Explore is not showing our webpage correctly. Use Firefox, Safari or Googlechrome. "

I do use the Googlechromes, but whatever.

freakishlywrong February 8, 2011 at 1:19 pm

It's not displaying in the Firefox either. They just suck at all technology save the Twittah. And that's because it's impossible to make any sense on the Twittahs. Hence, wingtards lurve it.

MrsBiggTime February 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Looks just fine in Mosaic.

Steverino247 February 8, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Sarah: "I once had an idea this big…"

YasserArraFeck February 8, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Insanity Fair

PalinPussyPower February 8, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I love that cover. Former Governor Dingbat looks like the wingnut version John Travolta in a white suit and disco fingers. And they're both teabaggers what a coincidence!

Oblios_Cap February 8, 2011 at 1:10 pm

If it doesn't have an advertisement on the back cover telling me how I can make money and win prizes selling "Grit" I'll know it's not really the party organ.

The Tea Party Organ.

Gleem_McShineys February 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm

The Tea Party Organ.

What is 'The Scrotum,' Alex!

baconzgood February 8, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I can't stop looking at the link and it's "What's inside" bullet points. It's funnier than Richard Pryor.

chickensmack February 8, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I guess Cindy Crawford may be too old for the powdered wig deal again.

Which reminds me: Anyone remember the cover of Spy Magazine with a photoshopped OJ in Continental Army Dress Uniform on the cover, after he was acquitted? The cover was one thing; the internal accompanying shot was fucking priceless, however.
http://anonymousbitches.blogsome.com/images/oj_sp

102415 February 8, 2011 at 1:34 pm

I loved that magazine until they made fun of the Union Square Green Market. I still have my Hillary and the Whip copy though.

twoeightnine February 8, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I thought it was called "The Daily?"

ShiftyParadigm February 8, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I'm sure the "Dear Bristol" advice column alone will be worth the price of the magazine.

YasserArraFeck February 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Dear Bristol – my boyfriend says that if we do it in the butt, it's not sex and I'm still a virgin. He says he'd much rather do it the reg'lar way, but he's only doin' in my butt 'cause he's concerned about my reputation, seein' as how we're gonna get married, an all, as soon as he gets the ankle bracelet off and he can leave the trailer. I'm so confused.
Signed: Confused

Dear Confused – your man is right on – doing it in the butt is A-OK. In fact, ever since I became a virgin again, I only take it in the back door, thus preserving my status as "America's (re)Virgin" (TM). Remember, our Lord Jesus, when he created woman, gave us three holes to play with, but only one of them is, like, you know, a sin. The others are good to go. Like that wise man Meatloaf once said: "Two out of three ain't bad"……

Zombie_Reagan February 8, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Wait, they do know that Booker T. Washington is black, right? That fact can't be popular with their readers.

fartknocker February 8, 2011 at 1:13 pm

At Christmas will they be selling pop-up Christmas cards that sing pat-re-otic Toby Keith songs? Maybe the Grandpa and Grandma Teabaggers in Tennessee who sang a sweet serenade about Tundra Twat will sing background vocals with Toby.
http://wonkette.com/435444/sarah-palin-never-exis

To control costs the magazine will be printed in China or Mexico.

hockeymom February 8, 2011 at 1:16 pm

That's Star-Bellied Sneetch, to you.

JoshuaNorton February 8, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Tea Party Review’s team of writers, artists, and editors reflect the diversity of the movement

So technically, all those jobs could be filled by the same white pot-bellied old guy on a Rascal scooter. (and probably are.)

And one intern to run out to KFC at lunch time for a dozen Double Downs.

donner_froh February 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Now we know who the seat that Helen Thomas vacated at presidential press conferences and in the White House briefing room.

Weenus299 February 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

That's what the dying print industry needs. Another sinking ship.

Serolf_Divad February 8, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I promise you, this is a vanity project by some lunatic right-wing gazillionaire with more money to burn than God.

Fare la Volpe February 8, 2011 at 1:24 pm

including individuals from all over the country incorporating a wide variety of backgrounds

From the borders of Kentucky to the tip of Tennessee, from the upperest of middle class to the lowest of the rich, from the whitest of the sheets to the darkest of the milk, truly the Tea Party reflects the great diversity that is our US MURiKA.

Serolf_Divad February 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Don't forget about the one black guy who somehow manages to appear in all the pictures.

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 4:31 pm

The one in the tuxedo and white gloves?

Swampgas_Man February 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I wanna know who "awarded" their winning photography.

Weenus299 February 8, 2011 at 1:30 pm

One choice to "In what area do believe deficit-spending cuts and taxes should be cut?" found on that Fuck-a-zine's Web site:

"Permanently extend all Bush-era tax cuts for the middle class as well as wealthier Americans."

WTF? This even makes stupid look good.

joobajooba February 8, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I played Booker T. at all my parties.

102415 February 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

All they need to sell is just one issue. The crazy Muslims at the corner store will be selling it you bet. They sold the Sarah Palin magazine. Both copies.
That reminds me how many Muslims belong to the Tea party?

Eve8Apples February 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Does "Award Winning Photography" include pictures of Brett Favre spanking the little viking?

Extemporanus™ February 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

This new retard manual will undoubtedly be one of the Highlights of our day.

sqeptiq February 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Are they going to have a conservative MILF swimsuit issue?

portermelmoth February 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I'm sure they'll have a dandy film review section.

Suggestions for Commiewood to supply as fair and balanced options for the masses in need:

'Who Is John Galt? I Mean Really?' – the miniseries
'Bob Jones In Love' with Gary Crosby
'Oral Roberts' Fixation'
'The Annunciation' – when Glenn found Him

Of course The Review will spearhead a movement for the creation of a righteous studio complex to be commissioned and built in good & proper tea bagged territory.

neiltheblaze February 8, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Power to the Sheeple, right on.

LiveToServeYa February 8, 2011 at 1:58 pm

The pages had better be nice and soft.

manythousands February 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

THIS…IS….THE XFL !!!!!

doxastic February 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

The Tea Party will celebrate Uncle Tom in honor of Black History Month!

mavenmaven February 8, 2011 at 2:06 pm

The cover has grammatical wonders on it, clearly addressed to the sign makers of the tea party:

"a physician on obamacare and what to do about it"

PublicLuxury February 8, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Writer and tea party is an oxyMORON.

mumbly_joe February 8, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Oh dear god, are they actually trying to take credit for Booker T Washington?

I mean, I guess they have a point- after all, Washington, too, was criticized by the NAACP. Granted, in Washington's case, it was for not making the case for civil rights vocally enough*, whereas in the Tea Party's case, it's for being a bunch of racist fuckheads. But other than that, they're practically an identity!

*Incidentally, history is sort of on the NAACP's side there. Half of Letter from a Burmingham Jail, written 60 years of segregation later, is basically King outlining the case against the "go slow" approach.

KochFembot February 8, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Tea Party Review = TPR.

Toilet Paper Roll? I think so.

valgal2342 February 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Will it be made out of chalk boards?

Barrelhse February 8, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Scott Brown profile/centerfold? Or is his name Mudd?

MistaEko February 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Tea Partiers like Booker T because he was the only figure in black history to endorse "separate but equal" and "have the black community pull itself up by its bootstraps" because it was either that or face down mobs who wouldn't stand for his goal of educating the negroes.

Tocqueville's new-world boner will get 7 kinds of misquoted and his "churn of wealth" observations (old style estate taxes) will be brushed politely under the rug.

And Red China hasn't been used since "We Didn't Start The Fire", and even then it was a reflection on a very very old term.

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I think "Mongol Horde" has been used more recently than Red China.

problemwithcaring February 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Washington was rebuked about 80 years ago, by DuBois, the creation of the NAACP and every other Black activist in America since…..so who in the hell are they attempting to win over with an article on him?

Next they will profile The Honorable Elijah Mohammad.

googuse February 8, 2011 at 4:24 pm

It's Tiger Beat for old people!

googuse February 8, 2011 at 4:27 pm

I thought that the Philadelphia Trumpet already had that market cornered?

GOPCrusher February 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Will Alan Keyes write an op-ed on how the Democratic Party is taking advantage of the Darkies ™, as an example of Tea Bagger diversity?

jim89048 February 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm

I'd rather run the gauntlet of card-flappers on the Vegas Strip and read their products than whatever this thing is.

JackObin February 8, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I understand the first issue has a connect-the-dots puzzle of Pugsly Limbaugh fallating Clarence Thomas.

ttommyunger February 8, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Or vice-versa.

BarackMyWorld February 8, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Booker T was the best thing about WCW right before it was bought by the WWF ten years ago.

zhubajie February 8, 2011 at 8:16 pm

"a Tea Party congressman dealing with the Red Chinese,”

At a "happy" bath house, I'm sure.

snoopyfan2010 February 8, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Power to the People??? Lennon would be proud.

BTWBFDIMHO February 8, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Meeting the Editor…Is she The One with The Degree in Journalism?

ttommyunger February 8, 2011 at 11:55 pm

They just can't take their eyes off the rear-view mirror: a new magazine offering in the online era. Great thinking, gang!

ShaveTheWhales February 9, 2011 at 1:47 am

These people should simply burn in hell for putting "Power to the People" on the cover of this piece of dreck.

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