Hooray, the good people at FEMA and Homeland Security have recorded a bunch of terrible doom announcements by Barack Obama, for when we have an Egyptian-style revolt. Luckily, these will never be used, because the only thing “Egyptian-style” Americans might like is, maybe, a new kind of “Egyptian-style Anusburger Lover’s Super Bowl Special” from Dominoes, which will be a 57,000-calorie pizza-cake topped with two dozen Quarter Pounder/McRib combo burritos wrapped in Olive Garden bread stix and drizzled with corn syrup, nacho “cheese sauce” and hen semen:
“The primary goal is to provide the President with a mechanism to communicate with the American public during times of national emergency,” said Fowlkes. The change, she said, is that prior to last week’s order there was no rule in place to call for or allow a test from top to bottom.
Fowlkes said, “There’s never been a test from top to bottom where it’s issued by FEMA and it goes straight down to all the different levels of EAS to the American public. So this is a way for us to glean, okay, if there were an actual emergency and the federal government needed to activate the Presidential EAS, making sure that it actually works the way it’s designed to.”