it is time for you to stop all of your blogging

Canada Urging HuffPo Bloggers To Revolt, Like In Egypt

Stop stop, stop blogging, stop blogging ...There is literally nothing more important on Earth than America Online’s purchase of Arianna Huffington’s celebriporn blog. Nothing. This is why Canadian agents provocateurs are leaving comments on the NYT calling for insurrection. Insurrection! This particular Canadian (we hide his assumed name to protect ourselves from the tanks of oppression) wants HuffPo bloggers to quit writing free blog posts for the HuffPo. Sounds like sedition to us!

Didn’t anybody pay attention to Barack Obama’s toastmasters presentation at the Chamber of Commerce meeting in the IHOP this morning? We are all pro-business now! ALL OF US. Write your free blog posts and do it like you love it, or else AOL could fail.

Listen to this traitor Canadian:

It is time to rebel, Egypt style. Don’t file your blogs unless there is at least a token reward, a minimum $20 for well thought copy of 60 words or less, and much more for in-depth pieces.
Rebel. Bloggers are being taken advantage of on Huffington Post and on other so-called news sites which depend on free labor. Demand payment. Rebel.
Rudy H______
Canada

Canada! We knew it.

Uh, twenty dollars is a bit steep for anything that gets less than about 20,000 page views. (Trust us on this.) But we agree that Huffington Post bloggers should get like a dollar per blog post, as long as they write no more than two blog posts per month. That’s the ultimate goal, for America: Reduce the number of blog posts and twitters and status updates and comments and everything, just reduce reduce reduce, to save money, for health care or something.

[NYT/Wall Street Journal]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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116 comments

  1. Barbara_i

    The posters should be paid. The rest of us can just be whores and hockey players, eh?
    I will be late to the IHOP. Soros, order me some Moons Over My Hammy and I'll bring the usual flask of gin.

      1. Beowoof

        As a former hockey player let me say whore's are always welcome. However, that was a long time ago when I played hockey and these days I remember the hockey more than the whores.

    1. Numbat_Dundee

      The bloggers would have to part Lake Erie and the board of AOL would have to learn how to drive chariots so that they can follow them and get the full Cecil B. De Mille treatment.

  2. meufchelou

    "Uh, twenty dollars is a bit steep for anything that gets less than about 20,000 page views. (Trust us on this.) "
    Really , Ken? Isn't that because you ARE the Man, oppressing the impoverished comedic hipster bloggers. FREE RILEY!

      1. Cicada

        You were downfisted by the oppressors, so I upfisted you for freedom. Surely this is an act on par with the Egyptians rebelling against Mubarak.

        SOLIDARITY 4EVAR!

  3. OneYieldRegular

    To steal a line from Betsy and Pansy: "We're planning a coup but we have to have a latte first."

  4. MsElla

    It took the AOL deal for people to realize that working for free for a thriving site is pretty damn stupid?

  5. forgracie

    $20 bucks for 60 words. Shit, I'm starting to suspect Ken has been taking advantage of the Wonkette illuminati.

  6. HolyMaracas

    "It's time to rebel. Egypt style"
    Wait…didn't Egypt shut down the Internet? I'd pay money to see these "bloggers" trying to revolt without an internet connection (or via HuffPo/AOL dialup perhaps?).

  7. SorosBot

    Mr. (?) Canadian, what you are advocating, people stopping work until the conditions of their employment are improved, is called a strike, not rebelling.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      SorosBot: If there had been unions in Silicon Valley before the Dot.Bomb, all those good people wouldn't have been working 100 hours a week hoping for a major payday in a couple of years.

  8. ifthethunderdontgetya

    (we hide his assumed name to protect ourselves from the tanks of oppression)

    Nice try, Ken, but the Barack Helicopters of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security have seen through your parenthetical camouflage and they are outside your house!
    ~

  9. SexySmurf

    A minimum $20 for well thought copy of 60 words or less? How much for the celebrities that slip their nips or flash their vages?

  10. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    I am totally willing to be a scab. I will do 60 words or less for five bucks plus all the homeopathy I can eat.

  11. SorosBot

    Careful there, if the bloggers want to be treated like professionals someone might actually start fact-checking their work; which would eliminate at least half the content.

  12. chickensmack

    HuffPo has six thousand contributors?! That's more links than I look at in a year!

    Somehow, I picture six thousand twenty-somethings wearing Tina Fey-ish glasses, bundled to their cheeks in a scarf and tuke, because they're typing something on their iBooks in frostbitten fingers, feeling the only heat in their bathroom apartment coming from its dainty little processor fan, because you can't earn royalty checks on unclicked articles.

    Amazingly enough, they all have moderate-to-high pee points.

    1. Ken Layne

      Twenty-somethings will barely work when they *do* get paid.

      In reality, the armies of HuffPo bloggers are mostly weird housewives in their 40s and 50s and 60s, writing these liberal blog posts about whatever. There is nothing wrong with that, other than everybody should quit blogging and facebooking and everything, but there certainly aren't any 20-something hipsters that I know of, beyond maybe a couple of interns in the LA office.

      1. chickensmack

        So… you're saying that some Canadien is encouraging a bunch of gin-swilling, menopausal cougars to revolt for a twenny?

        Fuck!! I thought we could count on Canada as a last refuge once Sarah Trademark takes over the country. Now that I see they're just word whores. Now I have to speak Spanish after 2012, because being a drug mule in Mexico is now my only retirement option.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Shit, I didn't even know Antedeluvians On Line had money. Or is this just some sort of '80s nostalgia/RR's birthday prank?

    1. Negropolis

      This is the only site where I'd see the word "Antedeluvians" mentioned in casual conversaton. Well done.

      I've heard that AOL is older than (assorted bodyparts of) Joan Rivers.

    1. Beowoof

      As a college student at Niagara, I can say much Molson's Golden was consumed on campus. Somewhere along the line, Molson's Golden lost its panache and was replaced by Labbats. Now Labbats Blue is the Brew of Choice here in Western NY.

      1. Crank_Tango

        Gross to Blue. It was great for dollar blues night at the Icon back in the day, but Canadian or gtfo!!!

      2. LakeAfflicted

        I was like, I don't have to drink this stuff just because I live in Buffalo right now, and they were all like, nobody's going to bring you a Genny you Rochester tart, drink it down. I did and it was so awful I took a bath in Canadian Club when I got home.

  14. OneTrueLiberal

    Franklin was never paid more that $5 for his "Fireside Chats."

    But they were all written by the boys at The Daily Worker anyway.

    Cordially,

    Eleanor

    1. Beowoof

      Ah did your online porn service cut out, is that why you came in here for a break from the constant masturbation?

    2. Negropolis

      Why don't you get back to doing what you do best, Neilist. You know, sucking dick at The Daily Wanker.

  15. Extemporanus™

    Any suggestions for what color we should change our Gravatards to as a showing of solidarity with HuffPo's beanless hobobloggers?

    1. Cicada

      I vote for white, as it contains all of the colors in the spectrum. We can adopt a bunch of cool slogans too, like "White Pride" and when we march, we can chant "White Power". It'll be awesome!

  16. Plowmon

    That damn soshalist Rudy better watch his ass, Sarah Palin lives next door! LESS REGULATION, NO MOAR COMMIES, LET THE FREE MARKET RAIN!!!

  17. Troubledog

    Pay for writing blog posts? hahahaha this idea is retarded go away retarded child

    Pay for generating page views: extremely viable, self-policing, vibrant and sustainable

  18. DonnyKerabotsos

    So writing is a job, huh?

    Well, sifting through the Kim Kardashian posts (let me take a guess– she hates her latest magazine spread) and guessing the 'celebrity baby' while searching for some actual news on HP could also be described as a job…

    So where do I send the bill?

    1. Extemporanus™

      I want my two dollars!

      [NOTE: Because IntenseDebate blogs cocks in hell, it is unfortunately necessary for one to refresh the page after it loads in order to jump to the specific comment referenced to by that link which thereby renders any marginal entertainment value it may or may not contain utterly unworth the extra effort required of one to uncover it.]

  19. __kth__

    If I could get a six-pack of Keystone for a week's worth of comments here…I'd still be down 3/4 case of Keystone. But it would be a start.

  20. Come here a minute

    I refuse to comment on this post until I am paid a fair wage for my labor!

    Nothing? Yeah, that sounds about right to me — I'm glad we got that settled.

  21. jus_wonderin

    It took me forever to load this story (I used my aol connection over an att network). So, what's all the flap about the Time-Warner deal????? Hunh???

  22. MarionNYNY

    Aren't most of the bloggers on Huff Post movie stars? Do they really need the money? The issue should be: should movie stars be allowed to blog for free while millions of authentic bloggers starve? Screw putting a donate button on your site, we should unionize. I'm sure people would be thrilled to pay for content on the Internet. There's so little available free.

  23. Redhead

    Anyone who would write for no compensation has about as much talent as is required to write for the HuffPo (and not a bit more).

  24. chascates

    I'd like a nickel for every 100 tips I send in and a quarter for every 20 you publish. Or at least pictures of drunken Wonkette interns.

  25. Pragmatist2

    Stupid Canadians!
    Here in Capitalist America, you don't actually have to do anything to get rich.
    Divorcing well is quite enough thank you. It worked for Zsa Zsa and it worked for Arianna.

  26. sezme

    This article as over a thousand page views now, Ken. You can afford to put cheese on that Whopper tonight!

      1. problemwithcaring

        I beg to differ – censoring Jesse Ventura is the sole redeeming quality of Huffington Post.

        1. Beanball

          Well, I double beg you. Jesse is a hoot and a highly trained professional entertainer, unlike *some* people.

  27. Panty_Buns

    The Huffington Post Does have a few good bloggers like Valerie Plame Wilson, Naomi Wolf, Glenn Greenwald and Bianca Jagger but there is no way they have 6,000 genuine news and celebrity gossip constipating bloggers. Many of the alleged bloggers there have dumb mean snark but lack the wit or insight that Wonkette commenters have. Will AOL go AWOL over the quality of the Huffington Post's news constipation abilities? Will "net neutrality become "net neutered"? I'll be looking for Wankerette followups regarding the Huffer.

    1. Beanball

      Greenwald actually works for Salon dot com, and is an occasional contributor to the Cato Institute's website.<shudder> Anything you see by him on HuffPo is a cross-post. But shit, HuffPo gets over 20 million pairs of eyes a month, which is pretty damn impressive whether AOL cares about it's high fructose content or not.

      Given the price tag of 315 million simoleans, they've already demonstrated that they probably don't care.

  28. mrblifil

    I remember for a while there David Mamet was blogging political cartoons that he seemed to have scrawled on the back of a cocktail napkin. They were desperately unfunny. I chimed in to the effect that he should restrict himself to sharing the ones that at least got him laid. Shortly after he stopped posting them and I stopped patronizing HuffPo (except to peek at Katie Perry's boobs every now and again).

  29. Negropolis

    Wait, when was the last time Canadians rebelled over anything? For fuck's sake, your head of state is still Grandma Lizzy sitting on fancy pot wearing a fancy hat in a fancy palace over there in Sharron Angleland.

    I dare you syrup-sipping, puck-slapping, maple leaf-worshipping moose jockeys to come down here and try to forcibly join Michigan to your most unholy dominion.

    (**Psst…hurry, please. They beat us when you're not looking**)

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