February 7, 2011
Previously, you will remember, Egypt was Iraq. That Sharia sure gets around, eh?
Oh, and then Glenn became his favorite Dungeons & Dragons toy. Millions and millions of people saw this show and took it seriously.
This is the nation’s most popular think tank. It will be back making laws soon. [Salon/Simon Maloy]
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{ 153 comments }
Coould you imagine how wacky GB would be if he was using dry erase boards and sniffing the fumes?
he couldn't get much worse.
Yes he can, and he will.
Little known fact: Glenn's chalk is made of a blend of cocaine and orphan tears.
You know who else sniffed things?
Jesus?
Well I did hear that he sniffed Mary Magdalene, it was an exclusive on Huffpo.
Probably he was!
So all we need to do is go over to Egypt and ask 'em "how you doin'?" and they'll all want to hook up with us?
Problems solved!
if New York is the New Egypt then who is the new Cleopatra?
Kirsten Gillibrand?
And, what, Gowanus Canal is the new Nile, but the reeds are scrap metal and, um, "leaky pipes." I LIKE IT.
I do believe she meets all of the qualifications for MILF.
PhILF?
One can only hope and pray for that to be the case. And, she'd be a helluva lot more attractive than the actual Cleopatra.
That's not a real map, right? That was photoshopped, right? Please say so, even if you have to lie to me.
That was my initial reaction. Please tell me this was taken WAY out of context (and by "context"I refer to the bat-shit insane ideaorhhea spewing from Puffy McBecklesworth's beak.
Sweet Messiah, please tell me that you coined ideaorhhea just now.
Fuck, no. Google found it somewhere else.
But it's still delectable.
So it really was Glenn (or shall we say Glennda) who tried to shove hansel and gretel into her oven. Knew it all along.
Explains why the lyrics to New York New York changed
Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today
I want to be a part of it – Egypt Egypt
These riot-bound feet, are longing to stay
Right through the very heart of it – Egypt -Egypt
I wanna wake up in a place, oppresses your ass
And find I’m chased by riot police – bopped on the head
These oppression blues, are melting away
I’ll start a big protest for it – in old Egypt
If I get beat up there, I’ll get shot anywhere
It’s up to you – Egypt Egypt
So is NY considered East Egypt or West Egypt?
And why do I keep hearing Paul Dukas?
This is from when Gandalf finally got a real job and trimmed off his hippie hair and beard and joined the Heritage Foundation, thus transforming himself into Gandalf the Brown.
But Radagast was the brown wizard, and he was even more of a hippie than Gandalf, spending most of his time wandering in the woods and talking to the animals.
What was Radagast's deal, anyway? IIRC, and I probably don't, he was almost as powerful as Gandalf and Saruman, but he didn't do jack shit for mankind, because he was too busy getting high, or trying to start a viable third party, or something. Wasn't he basically the Ralph Nader of Middle-Earth?
He only really cared about protecting the animals; he did send the eagles to rescue Gandalf and join in the final battle, but that was about it.
You know who I really hate? Tom God-Damned Bombadil. I'd just really like to haul off and punch that asshole in the face.
Fuckin' Tom Bombadil.
I thought I was the only one!
But he was a merry fellow and had those cool yellow boots.
And the hot wife (girlfriend? don't remember).
So this map is actually of Middle Earth then?
Beck's probably never played Dungeons and Dragons, at least not for long; he's the type whose temperament would get him quickly kicked out of a group after throwing temper tantrums whenever things don't go his way.
It's strange, between several online videos and websites I visit, last Thursday's Community, and now this post at Wonkette, I've noticed a whole bunch of references to D&D over the past week or so. Is there some kind of D&D resurgence going through the zeitgeist right now?
For some, it never went away.
(I'M A BARD!)
I believe there must be. I was randomly discussing Gary Gygax last night.
Dick Cheney = lawful evil
Glenn Beck = chaotic evil
Joe Lieberman = neutral evil
Are you shah? Sultanly!
He is auditioning for the Caliph, when the Kock Brothers take over is complete.
Caliph Clavin, or Montgomery Caliph?
Well we know it won't be Caliph Huxtable.
The Caliph ate me baby!
Only one thing to do now… protest against the ground zero church.
Seriously, how many wingtards does it take to find Egypt in the map?
Only one, but he needs a third-grader to show it to him.
None because it is not in the Constitution so it doesn't exist.
Win
Frankly, this looks like a job for Cartographers for Social Equality.
Also, I personally believe, that U.S. Americans, are unable to do so, because uh, some, people out there, in our nation don’t have maps, and uh…I believe that our education like such as in South Africa, and the Egypt, everywhere like such as…
Home schooling! It's not just Creation Science, Flood Geology, pi=3 because I Kings says so! It's Glen Beck geography as well!
It's just that the Park 51 Community Center is making NY all musliny.
BOMB THEM NOW…while they're still confused.
The funny thing about all this is that as recently as 20-years ago Beck would have been too crazy for a 2 AM shortwave program. Wait that isn't funny at all.
The font on those chalkboards looks suspiciously anachronistic.
Chalkboards themselves are now suspiciously anachronistic; luckily for Beck Fox's geriatric audience doesn't know that.
They are an update from the stone tablets he brought down from the mountain.
Thought those were gold plates?
This explains why the Jews always say "Next year in Bridgeport" at the seder.
I don't know, wouldn't Brooklyn represent the North American Israel?
Since Brooklyn's in New York (don't tell them, though) but Israel is not in Egypt, I'm going with Connecticut. Brooklyn can be Goshen, though.
This reminds me of Ogden Nash's famous couplet:
Ezbet el-Haggana?
No Thonx
So which would be the Gaza strip? Newark or Bayonne?
Yonkers.
Camden
They still don't let us live in Bridgeport. Heck, the Irish let in the blacks and the latinos, and I still have to live on the North Side. Wait, what, Bridgeport in Connecticut? Same difference, amirite?
Strangely enough, yeah, just about.
No surprises, then.
He's becoming lost in an ever more complex and confusing labyrinth of chalkboards. With anybody else, it would be a metaphor. With Glenn it's just… well… a man literally getting lost in an ever more complex and confusing labyrinth of chalkboards.
I'm imaging someone on his staff is fed up with his bullshit and is egging on the paranoia. At the right moment, this person will slip Glenn some LSD and watch him freak out. When this happens, cameras had better be rolling.
How are you going to be able to tell when he's tripping?
I was originally imagining a giant freak-out but obviously no one would be able to tell. Maybe he'll do the mental equivalent of breaking the speed of light – come back in the other direction and start talking sense.
He's going to re-enact the final sequence of "Enter The Dragon", with Jackie Chan standing in for Bruce Lee. As Jackie wanders through the blackboard maze, Beck will dart out and lob erasers at him, then disappear in puffs of chalk-dust.
"Today in Egypt, pro-Democracy demonstrators achieved what was once thought impossible: they literally moved their country to the Left."
FUCK!!!!! Those muslims built that mosque at ground zero and now they are closer and closer……Egypt land is in Manhattan? What next? Mexicans in El Paso? What right do they have to immigrate and worship in this country….Oh that's right this country was built on immigration and freedom….but only for white people.
Sorry, I'm still off today. Too hung over.
Well there is an Egypt, NY just outside of Rochester, I think they may be once again confused over at Fox. See what happens when you Google Egypt but don't know enough to check the box that you want to search outside the US.
And a Cairo, IL.!
And a hotel/casino that looks like a pyramid in Las Vegas!
We must take steps to stop this insidious scourge now!
Pronounced Kay-roh, thereabouts. There's a Karnak and Memphis, too.
Or Karo, the original corn syrup!
True. It's near Mexico, NY. Clearly part of a Messican Muslin conspiracy.
New York is a State of De Nile?
It's where you catch De Fish.
Does this show even have a producer? Like, who greenlights this crap, day in and day out?
Stage Asst.: Hello, Producer, sir or madame! Glenn wants to do a segment where he dresses like Mubarak and humps a pyramid that says 'OBAMA ADMIN.' What should we do?
Producer: Sure, whatever. Let that walking, talking tweener do whatever the fuck he wants. [Hits crack pipe.]
I'm pretty sure the show is produced by Zero Mostel's rotting corpse.
Yoda Beck will make you afraid.
Afraid be will you!
~
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to buying a shit-ton of coins from Goldline.
It's just Da Nile of sanity.
What's next, a map of California labeled "Mexico"?
How would baggers know? They don't want any of that elitest liberal geography education.
That would Colorado.
1st pic looks like Beck giving Egypt a prostate exam.
I thought Israel got Long Island in the 7 Day War.
I think that was South Florida, actually.
The war only lasted six days. On the seventh day, they rested.
Connecticut: We're looking at you!
The N.Y. jets now play their games across the river, in Sudan?
Jersey, Sudan, whatever. Opening credits of The Sopranos would look similar, just dustier.
Woke up this mornin',
Got a crescent moon in your eye.
And the music would be different.
Wow, I knew from the news accounts that Egypt was going through some changes, but had no idea those were geographical. Egypt, really on the move!
In Glenn Beck's defense, that map was given to him by ex-Governor Paterson.
CRAZIER, GLENN! This is good, but we know you can do a lot better! BRING IT ON!
It's here, It's there. Weird costumed guy not fully explaining things. Is Egypt now The Island?
So that's what Beck U.'s academic regalia looks like! I keep hearing "Pomp & Circumstance" every time I look at that picture of Glenn.
That's just the Clockwork Orange soundtrack playing in the background.
I for one welcome my new Egyptian overlords to the north of Jersey! Maybe we can turn the pyrmaids into casinos (very popular in upstate Egypt).
Allah fuggedaboutit, if you do.
Just a shepherd with his flock of chalkboards headed to Mount Albany..
Well since Radagast will apparently be in The Hobbit (and be one of two charters played by one of the Doctors), after that comes out it won't be just us hardcore book nerds who know who he is.
What about the blue wizards? they just disappear?
Oooh which Doctor?
Seven; and Ten is playing Thranduil.
Well Ten has the ears for it.
That sure is a big stiffy in his hand.
Actually that stick is the trunk of a sugar maple sapling that was attacked by a honeysuckle vine. Probably killed it.
So, my guess is that this is how an Egyptian walks.
No, like this. http://www.videohippy.com/video/81244/Travolta-wa...
Breaking footage of the Muslim Brotherhood turning violent against other protestors. They have such an old world style to their dress and facial hair.
You really expect Beckers to be able to differentiate between Egypt, New York and Egypt, the country that is currently all over the news because it's in turmoil and full of people he doesn't like and Palin doesn't trust?
So, Megyn, now we really know who lost Egypt!
Or misplaced it, at least.
I really don't like that Megyn bitch, I hope she pops off about Stewbeef picking on her. Another Daily Show Faux News fight would be good for my soul.
No no no, Egypt takes our money, while New York gives money to Dixie. It's really more of an Arkansas than a New York.
me too and i thought the exact same thing.
Yeah, well, who put da Nile over dere?
Nile goes up, Nile comes down. You can't explain it.
The Egypt Thruway is closed, man!
I think Beck took the brown acid.
You're all missing the point. Egypt could be anywhere. We are all Egypt.
It's the mirrors…and the smoke….
Thank God for the crack FOX News fact checking staff who provided Beck with his maps, and verified for Megyn Kelly that no one ever on FOX ever called anyone a NAZI.
Look at Glenn and right away he could be Abrahan down from Mount Ararat, or whatever the hell that is, where he received the 10 Commitments from the Tea Party Pharisees.
Robe, in a light brown color..check
Staff for climbing mountain..check
Tablets with crap written on it..check (like the other one written in God's hieroglyphs.Fuck, if you can spell that word without looking it up you are the big G.O.D himself)
It's like in the end of that 2010 movie with Roy Scheider, when the monolith went to the surface of Jupiter and started multiplying at an exponential rate, eventually making the planet collapse. You have been warned.
Seriously, why would Fox invest in buying a map? it's not like their viewers would notice the mistake.
That Sharia sure gets around, eh?
It sharia does.
Sharia and sharialike.
Maybe a crack suicide squad of Beck's loyal followers can hijack a couple of hot air balloons and crash them into the pyramids and the Sphinx.
There's not enough crack in the world for that suicide squad.
Rod, turn thyself into a serpent and end all our misery.
I has teh sads because I know this wormy fuck is a millionaire adored by millions of actual American Citizens and I know for a fact he couldn't make muster in any unit I ever served in. Would not last a week!
Remember when Beck went to Wasilla? Maybe the deal is that if he helps recruit enough mush-brains to get S. Palin elected President, Beck gets to be Secretary of State.
I do believe,
We are on the eve
Of destruction.
NY is the state where in which they film this abortion of show. Just to be clear, that is a mislabeled map of these people's own fucking home state. Let that sink in, folks.
Any vaguely country-shaped thing will do, in all fairness.
Eek! I live in New York. What if the Egyptian government is overthrown, Sarah Palin becomes President, and is on the same geographical page with Glenn Beck? She might order air strikes on New York thinking it's Egypt.
As long as I get a pyramid i'm ok with this
glenn beck sarah palin michele bachmann
all Israel all the time
controlled media
federal reserve
Israel first!
9/11 scam
AIPAC
I like the robe, he looks like a Hogwarts wannabe, and I know this guy is on Team Voldemort.
Tahrir Square, Times Square. You say tomato, I say apple. Same difference, right?
I turned on his show yesterday for the first time in a while, and was astounded at the sheer number of chalkboards covered in crazy. It reminded me of the scene in "Seven" where they break into Kevin Spacey's apartment and find all his obsession-filled notebooks.
Spacey's character in that movie probably made more sense than Beck.
I think what he means is that the Muslims at Sing Sing and Attica need to rise up against the Democrat dictators in Albany and rule New York along with the common people from Elmira to Mott Haven. Lets hear it for the proletariat!
Or he could think that NY is the new Egypt with Coney Island as Sharm al Sheik.
Aw, crap. If that's Egypt, I live in Saudi Arabia. That's not so wicked pissah.
I guess I park my car not far from Qatar.
Where does this leave Djibouti???
I always read LOTR as a post-post-post apocalyptic novel where the ring was only magic in the Arthur C Clarke sense of it being indistinguishable from it.
Oh FOX is there anything you can't fuck up? These guys couldn't do a proper map grafic with a map, a dildo and a PhD.
Seriously Egypt looks nothing like NY you fucktards!
My first thought was, "Man, will Radagast be pissed," so fear not, you are not alone.
… I'm not even that big of a LOTR nerd. The weirdest things just stick in my brain. XD
Like those dirty hippies even recognized the sacred institution of marriage…
I'm suddenly thinking porn version of LOTR – Lord of the Cock-rings, maybe? The four hobbits getting down with Tom's wife, the hot human/elf action. And of course the dramatic conclusion when it turns out that Sauron has 38DD breasts and she has a four-way with Frodo, Sam, and Gollum.
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