new judy blumes

It Would Appear There Is a Bristol Palin Memoir

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

Buy it to get the Super Saver on your next condom order!
And then it came to this: “Bristol Palin (Author)”

How could you do such a thing, parenthesis? You’ve betrayed the English language. You too, the word “author.”

Anyway, this book is untitled, because it’s hard to sum up such a long, meaningful, event-filled life in just a few words. But we will try to help Bristol out. Here are a few suggestions:

War and Peace 2

Speaking GED To Power

Like That Time John McCain Got Captured In Vietnam, But With Some Teenage Hockey Player’s Penis

A Life Well Lived, With Some Details of Nelson Mandela’s Life To Fill This Thing Out To 304 Pages

Hatchet

Dancing With the Czars: Some Additional Bizarre Things My Mom’s Ghostwriter Thinks That Isn’t Worth Putting On Her Twitter

Having Sex: The Wildly Profitable Bad Decision

Are You There God? I’m Trying To Sign My Baby Up For An Endorsement Deal

Sponsored Intermission

Pre-order now! She’s probably great at writing, we bet. (Author) [Amazon via Wonkette operative chascates]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • MrsBiggTime

    If she publishes a memoir, I promise never to read anything, ever again. And not.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Meh. Ju$t don't read anything by the Palin Family gho$t writer. You know they're all going to have their own book $omeday.

      That whole Todd-And-The-Hooker$ thing? Just a dodge to rai$e future $ales figure$.

      • MrsBiggTime

        Normally I'd dism$$ a conspiracy theory out of hand, but methink$ you're on to $omething.

  • SmutBoffin

    Following her mother's illiterate screeds, this book will be like the second hijacked plane crashing into the twin towers of American letters.

    2/7/11

    NEVER FORGET

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      verb, noun, 2/7?

  • YasserArraFeck

    How much "memoir" can you write on your palm with a Sharpee?

    • jodyleek

      All of it.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    The Young Man and his Seed

  • chascates

    Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    If I "Did It"

    • Prizepig

      Nailed it!

    • Extemporanus™

      By B.J. Palin.

      (This was my title, too. My p-ness weeps sad little tears of jealousy — well done.)

  • MildMidwesterner

    War and Peace is the wrong Tolstoy reference, Jack. I believe you were looking for, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

    • emmelemm

      I love you for that. That quote NEVER fails, never gets old. Because it's true.

    • http://doubting-timus.blogspot.com/ ulTIMum

      Yes, from the one that's described in a blurb thus: "A countess, upon losing her position in society, decides she must undergo extensive training."

    • Toomush_Infer

      " Happy families are all alike; then there are the Aristocrats!"

  • Oblios_Cap

    Coming to remainder bin near you, soon. Really soon.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It doesn't exist, yet it's already been discounted by eight bucks.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It's the only book in publishing history that's going straight to DVD.

    • OhNoGuy

      Truly, this is "pulp" fiction.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Is there an app that keeps Teh Stoopid off my iPad? Something like TrampBlocker? I'm off to the App Store to check.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I'm replying because this too clever for nothing but a thumb job.

    • OhNoGuy

      Look under "slut stopper".

  • DaSandman

    An abstract of the text of the author's first work:

    "Fuck me Levi, Fuck me Jason, Fuck me Mahmoud, uh uh uh uh…"

    More meth anyone?

    • zhubajie

      Is there a movie coming?

      • WriteyWriterton

        I'm sorry, what? "…a movie coming"? No "about" in there?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She's what, 20? Oughta be up there with those other famous thin books, like French Military Victories.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Yeah, those Napoleon and Charlemagne guys were such losers.

      • http://doubting-timus.blogspot.com/ ulTIMum

        Lessons learned differ although the instruction never varies.

        The world was watching in 1938 as Il Dousche sent his mechanized division west in support of his fascist friend Franco. The unit was immediately pinned down by a couple of Basque herders in the Pyrenees. The French learned from the episode the utter uselessness of tracked artillery in combat. The Germans learned from the same event the utter uselessness of Italians in combat.

        • DustBowlBlues

          No! Not WWII history. This is like listening to my husband. Porn or WWII history. Are those the only things men ever think of?

          • zhubajie

            You need to meet a greater variety, I'm afraid!

          • WriteyWriterton

            We also think of porn and WWII history, but, after that, we got nothing. Except more porn. Also. Too.

          • http://doubting-timus.blogspot.com/ ulTIMum

            Statistics and 9 out of 10 doctors prove there are no better alternatives to either retard orgasm or make it possible. The Battle of the Bulge in particular is a popular 'event extender,' as they say.

      • Maryrc210

        And that Joan of Arc — no-one ever wrote about her.

    • petehammer

      or "Honorable, Heterosexual Republicans: From 1900-Present" by Mark Foley (26 pages)

      • emmelemm

        How the hell did it fill 26 pages?

        And, oh shit, PUN TIME.

        • SorosBot

          Chapter 1: Dwight Eisenhower. There is no chapter 2.

          • petehammer

            There are also 10 pages of B&W photos.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Baldar, Just one note. William the Conqueror. Battle of Hastings.

    • Veritas78

      …and Fine Jewish Cuisine. Or Southern States Worth Visiting.

      • WriteyWriterton

        "Insights of George W. Bush" "A Moral History of Henry Kissinger"

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Famous Jewish Sports Legends

      • SorosBot

        Sandy Koufax, and um… OK, pretty much just Sandy Koufax.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Hank Greenberg.

  • DaSandman

    Or "Dick like a Wheel"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I hope it's not a pop-up book.

  • Oblios_Cap

    That title doesn't have a ™ by Bristol's name. I smell a lawsuit!

  • samsuncle

    “Bristol Palin (Author)” definately a sign that the end time is near. It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (apologies to REM).

    • emmelemm

      Really? I feel like shit.

  • DaSandman

    Or "My Life in Cock"

    • petehammer

      Only one?

  • Gleem_McShineys

    It's like putting lipstick on a pitbull's babymaking parts.
    Parenthesis (Spudnuts)

  • widestanceroman

    "If I Do Anything"

  • DustBowlBlues

    [applause] because that's the only way she'll ever get any.

    Seriously–I'm not published, and she is? Maybe I'll just wander into the next blizzard (where is this, fucking Montana?). What am I saying? Also, I'm not going to freeze my ass off because of this inconsequential little bitch.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      You need to get up and shake your big maternal ass on Dancing with the Stars before your story is publishable, silly.

      • mereoblivion

        'Cause Bristol's liv-ing in a maternal world
        And she is a maternal girl

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Three Free copies with a subscription to the News Max website.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Yeah, but that was already the gimmick used to hawk Mother Stoopid's (don't want to use the real name and risk being sued) book. How many Newmax subscriptions can the retards buy? Don' they already have two or three?

  • CapnFatback

    Well, she's already gotten pregnant as a teen and danced on television in a gorilla suit, so this was the logical next step. It worked for Joan Didion.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Gorilla in your Midst

    • not that Dewey

      The White Trash Album

  • SmutBoffin

    It's a good thing they put '(author)' in there. We wouldn't want anyone to get confused and think that maybe Bristol in fact edited a volume of, I dunno, Queer short fiction or something.

  • not that Dewey

    Profiles in Whoreage

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Fucking WIN.

      • WriteyWriterton

        Totes.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I'm almost a hundred pees. I hope that troll stays clear of my peeing.

    • SmutBoffin

      Happy to help! PEE POUR VOUS.

      • chickensmack

        I peed on both of you.

      • mereoblivion

        Picture you upon my knee
        Just pee pour vous
        And two more pee
        I upfist you
        You upfist me
        Oui oui!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I accidentally left-clicked on a p-score and was surprised to find a pop-up box that call the p-score the "reputation meter." By IntenseDebate's scale, we're all pretty awesome here.

      • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

        I just know I'm happy whenever my p-ness gets bigger.
        ~

        • DustBowlBlues

          Have you read the book already? That's a piece of dialogue from Levi to his hockey pals. I thought this part of the thread was about peeing, but evidently it's about leaking.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I can forward you some emails promising just that.

      • DustBowlBlues

        I think so.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Yeah, you are! You are past "Awesome" on the scale.

        Legendary!

    • 102415

      Good luck to you! This is hard work!

    • jim89048

      But how many beerfart troll "followers" do you have? And why do they think that "following" me/you/whoever will have any impact on my/your/our lives?

      • DustBowlBlues

        They give the wonkeratti a thumbs down, and fuckup the pees. When they appear, I try to never reply to them and always give them a thumbs down. As 1039403984032 said above, this is hard work. Time to take a coffee break and bite into a Spudnut. Also. [applause]

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Trying to help out.

    • smokefilledroommate

      I'm struggling to get one hundred two pees–only then will I be 'awesome'. I'll pee on you if you pee on me! Pee party!

      • OhNoGuy

        Showered with praise?

    • SorosBot

      I'm surprised that you, one of the more active and beloved commenters here, haven't reached the dark green level yet.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Bring on the asparagus.

        • emmelemm

          Ewwww!

        • smokefilledroommate

          It's just a pee party– not a deliberately smelly pee party… Sheesh, you people..

    • KochFembot

      I hate it when the trolls come through and touch my p-ness.

      • WriteyWriterton

        Show us on the doll where the trolls touched you. No, the other doll.

    • Mumbletypeg

      Alas, I never cared for frozen pees; but where I'm stuck appears to be permanent.

    • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews/ cheaphits

      More well deserved pee to all of you!

    • chascates

      I'm going to go back and pee on all of your posts!

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    "Shaking My Baby/Money Maker. The Bristol Palin Way."

  • smokefilledroommate

    Retardation Celebration: A Memoir
    by Bristol Palin™

    • SmutBoffin

      NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO PUT IN YOUR TWO WEEKS GREER

      • smokefilledroommate

        Seriously, can you imagine having that job? Ugh… *gives props*

  • undeterredbyreality

    The Young Slut and the Seed

    • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews/ cheaphits

      Or "The Story of "B"

  • jrients

    Everyone with a half-penned novel or even an unwritten idea for a book should take inspiration from Ms. Palin that you, too, can hire a ghost writer.

  • PsycWench

    OK Amazon: the book's not titled, it hasn't been released, in all likelihood it hasn't been written at all, but you know how much you're charging for it. This seems odd.

    • DeeJayKitteh

      Whatever it is, it's too much.

    • KochFembot

      They had to decide on the list price right away so the wingnut welfare pre-orders could go through.

    • GOPCrusher

      I can only hope that some publisher has not given her an advance to write her memoirs.

      • OhNoGuy

        The American Enterprise Institute or the Heritage Foundation will take care of that. For the public good, doan cha no.

    • Gunner Asch

      I think we're getting punked and the ad was submitted by somebody from Wonkette.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Untitled Bristol Palin Memoir is the title of the book, Jack.

    She/they forgot to name it.
    ~

    • Ducksworthy

      Or didn't bother. Too much trouble.

    • FNMA

      She wanted to call it "Trig," but that was taken.

      • SorosBot

        It was trademarked.

    • whiterabid

      Maybe it is titled, Name this Book.

  • Tommmcatt

    Maybe it will be like "The Story of O", only with more ostensible christ-y-ness and slightly less butsecks.

  • http://assistantatlas.blogspot.com/ assistantatlas

    Man, the death of American arts and letters is even more depressing than I thought it'd be.

    • zhubajie

      We're not going to leave the sort of artistic legacy that Florence or Venice did, that's for sure.

    • OhNoGuy

      This is just the death of the coloring book.

  • Eve8Apples

    The bag of rotting, leftover salad mix in the bottom of my refrigerator has done more to warrant a memoir than anyone named "Palin."

    • mereoblivion

      The bag of rotting, leftover salad mix in the bottom of my refrigerator is named "Palin."

  • aguacatero

    Ignorance is Illuminated

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    I'll have my ghostreader skim it for me.

  • samsuncle

    "It's not about the money. Really".

  • x111e7thst

    "How I got my Halibut Clubbed" by Bristol "Bits" Palin.

  • LesPaultard

    Hatchet?
    She would not survive the moose.

    • OhNoGuy

      Hatchet?
      How long does she have to sit on it?

  • nounverb911

    "The Best of Wasilla: Recipes From My Favorite Wasilla Meth Labs"

    • Oblios_Cap

      Mercede Johnson is a Playboy-Posing Slut"

      Complete w/ pop-up titties!

      • mereoblivion

        Compared to the Palin skanx, Mercede is Venus in fucking blue jeans (or out of them).

        • jim89048

          ♪♫Mona Lisa with a pony tail♪♫

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    My Life As A Dog

  • DeeJayKitteh

    Bristol Palin: The Story of a Hard Ass Worker

    • court5346

      soft ass is more like it

  • JimmyCarlBlack

    "I Am Abstinence (And So Can You)"

  • bflrtsplk

    If you're gonna write a "memoir," don't you at least need a memory?

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    Can you write reviews for books that haven't been written yet? I have one ready to go.

    • Boredw/Gravity

      If Amazon can sell a book that hasn't been written, you can write a review for it. And that's one review I want to read.

  • baconzgood

    Hemingway, Poe, Faulkner, Wolfe (Virginia, Tobias, or Tom), Gunther Grass, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Jim Joyce, Samuel Beckett, Tom Stoppard. THEY ALL PAL(IN)E IN COMPARISON.

    They were just "Authors" and "Writers". Bristol needs a "()" when she scrawls stuff to tell us she is an author. The "()" makes her important.

    • mavenmaven

      The () is her entire story *blush*

      • baconzgood

        Damn! BLOOD LIBEL!!!!

      • baconzgood

        Tee-Hee

        "()"

  • Ducksworthy

    Glad to see you're also a fan of War and Peas.

  • undeterredbyreality

    The movie: "Pregnant" based on the novel "Laid" by Bristol(tm). (Episode 537 of the "Young, Dumb and Full of Cum" Series, produced by Larry Flynt Enterprises.)

    • MrsBiggTime

      Chapter 4. Life's choices: Spit or swallow?

  • bumfug

    Not so much Kindle, more like kindling.

    • mereoblivion

      Not so much Nook, more like Nookie.

      • jim89048

        As in NaNookie of the North?

        • mereoblivion

          Wow. Just, Wow.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Madame Ovary

    • SmutBoffin

      WIN OF THE MORNING
      WIN OF THE MORNING
      WIN OF THE MORNING
      WIN OF THE MORNING
      WIN OF THE MORNING
      WIN OF THE MORNING

    • mourningnmerica

      Best.

    • not that Dewey

      A tidy win, Sheriff.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        Back atcha. "Profiles In Whoreage" gave me the lulz.

  • teebob2000

    Or, as she would probably say it, "mem-o-ear".

  • SorosBot

    This tale will prove to be an even greater epic work of literature than the also-upcoming memoirs of Justin Bieber.

  • baconzgood

    "I can see ghostwriting from my house"

    • WriteyWriterton

      McGinnis moves in next door, and she's writing a book. Coincidence? I think not!

  • PalinPussyPower

    Too much work, Bristol. Try prostitution. Less fancy words and probably the same salary.

    • zhubajie

      She can apprentice with Shailey Tripp!

  • Rosie_Scenario

    "My son, Trig. I mean Tripp"

    • problemwithcaring

      Trig's memoir: "My Two Mommies"

  • dr_giraud

    "A screaming came across the sky. It was Levi's mom on the snowmashine, bringing the meth."

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Eat, Flame, Fuck

    • OhNoGuy

      Now there's a chick flic I'd go see. Alone.

  • genxr

    This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon, they'll have finished the greatest novel known to man.

    All right, let's see… "It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?" You stupid monkey.

  • crybabyboehner

    Everything she has to say is written on her tramp stamp.

    • SmutBoffin

      "I aim to please…you aim too, please."

      • bitchincamaro2

        "Place 6-pack here"

    • Terry

      Her tramp stamp probably includes a buck stamp, making it the epicenter of trailer trashiness.

  • http://wonkette.com refudiatedness

    Less than Less than Zero

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Fuck'n 'n Dancin'

  • mereoblivion

    Proust in a hot tub!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      With Cool-Ranch Doritos® as Bristol's madeleines.

  • tiredalways

    "It sucks, Canard" and btw, also, too :)

  • Fare la Volpe

    Compelling evidence that venality is genetic.

    • user-of-owls

      Legions of social scientists are weeping at trying to disentangle the nurture or nature question in this particular tribe. The horror, the horror.

  • mavenmaven

    Scary Prediction: Amazon will correct this post to "Untitled Bristol Palin Memoir I"

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "Dumb for Dummies"
    "Piggley Wiggly"
    "Why Farting in a Mud Puddle is Like a Bubble Bath"
    "Preamble"
    "Rotting Dildo, Creeping Sewage"

  • straighteight

    Do It in the Butt and Other Tips for Teens

  • SorosBot

    How to make hypocritical narcissism work for fun and profit.

  • nappyduggs

    The Inuit in the Cupboard: Is That Where I Put Trig This Time?

  • Come here a minute

    Don't miss the book tour — first stop is Wash U.

  • Extemporanus™

    If Bristol goes with Jack's "Dancing with the Czars" suggestion, I've got the cover art all lined up!

    (Why do I still have that?)

  • MistaEko

    Infinite Jest 2 (Equally Frustrating but Shorter!)
    A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Shamelessness
    The Brief Wonderous Life of Tripp Notastageprop
    Eat Pray Have the damn thing anyway and mooch off name recognition
    Grifting for Dummies

  • bitchincamaro2

    To be serialized on the new and improved AOL-HuffPo, fer sher.

  • Barbara_i

    The Girl Who Kicked the Horney Nest.

  • DashboardBuddha

    America by Tart

  • chickensmack

    Up Yours, Washington University: I'll Make Money This Way

  • hagajim

    "Catcher of his Rye (Seed)"
    or maybe
    "Levi Shrugged"
    or in the self-help category
    "Becoming a Famewhore for Dummies"

  • MsElla

    The Kindle version will have the following Kindle Extras;

    Detailed photo of Bristol's tramp stamp! Take your Kindle to your favorite tattoo artist to get one just like it!

    Diagram showing how Bristol applies her blue eyeshadow, using Avon's Denim Blues Quad.

    Text of Bristol's inspirational lecture called "Only in America: Knocked Up on Monday, Dancing to the Bank on Friday."

  • jim89048

    "T²"

  • genxr

    Me Talk Pretty One Day (Or Maybe Not)

    • smokefilledroommate

      Pregnancy on Ice

  • Terry

    Staying true to her genetic heritage, Bristol will make this book all about payback time.

  • user-of-owls

    Things Fall Apart

    Oh, and my sources tell me the forthcoming unauthorized biography of her mother will be called Heart of Darkness.

  • http://wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

    Bristol Palin: If I Wasn't Knocked Out, How Come I'm on my Back?

    • FNMA

      I think you're confusing "knocked out" with "knocked up."

  • mereoblivion

    So we beat off, butts against the bride, porned back ceaselessly into the ass.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I Know Why The Engaged Bird Sings

  • Eve8Apples

    Whore and Piece (of ass)

  • court5346

    I wonder how many times "canard" is used

  • Qatarded

    Rally 'Round The Vag, Boys!

  • joobajooba

    I wrote it. Before she could trademark it.

  • MoeDeLawn

    Stately, plump, Trig came from the stairhead…

  • mourningnmerica

    "Much Ado About Nothing".

  • KochFembot

    "A Confederacy of Palins"

    • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      "A Confederacy of Cuntses"

  • GeneralLerong

    It's a plot! If you want to trademark your name, then you have to do something commercial or whatever with it? So just "write" something in the same way your mom did. Then you get your trademark and persecute all those mean bloggers who think you're an asshole. Literally.

  • ShiftyParadigm

    Eat, Pray, Fuck

  • fuflans

    O: a presidential novel.

  • HistoriCat

    She's a hard ass writer.

    • zhubajie

      What, she's farting on pieces of paper?

  • Sassomatic

    This just proves to me that this entire country has a raging case of memoir diarrhea. This is like the yellow bile liquid kind.

  • HolyMaracas

    Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (that don't fit me anymore)

    w/ co-authors Pillow and Wiper Palin.

  • OneDollarJuana

    It was a dark and horny nite.

    • OhNoGuy

      Aren't they all.

  • mourningnmerica

    "A Night In Bristol".

    • SorosBot

      One night in Bristol makes a hard man flaccid.

  • mereoblivion

    Much Ado About Huffing. King Leer. The Harlot Letter. Great Sexpectations. A Farewell to Charm. (Whatever, I got dibs on the Cliff' Notes.)

  • mourningnmerica

    "The Diary of Fat Skank".

  • widestanceroman

    "Schemes of My Mother"

  • SorosBot

    Willow is also coming out with her own memoirs, "stfu. Your Such a Faggot".

  • MrsBiggTime

    My impression of memoirs was that they are written as one looks back at a career or life well spent, or perhaps just before dying (see "Lifetime Achievement Award). Now I can add "did it in the back of an F10 pickup and Mama made me famous!"

    • Redhead

      Either that or after something big and life changing (like going through rehab and getting sober – there seem to be a bunch of those kinds of memoirs).

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Bristol Palin™ could have a lot in interesting things to say about Sarah Palin™. Or tell us about First Dude™ and his hott honey Shailey Tripp™.

    Chapter one : "My Mother the Star"
    Mom's screeching voice almost made me go back to high school to hear fingers on the blackboard. I was feeling a little nauseous anyway and that put me over the edge. Later I learned I actually had "morning sickness" which is caused by sperm. But that day I was still "in the dark".

    When my dad got home that morning, I told him about my "episode". He laughed kinda loud and said "If yer knocked up, name the kid Tripp. I like that name." He was in a good mood.

    • MrsBiggTime

      Chapter Two:
      It was about that time Daddy hurt his back and started seeing his massage therapist.

      {portions embargoed until they are written}

      I just love a happy ending!

  • Barbara_i

    Horton Hears a Ho.
    The Lying, the Witch and the DNC Wardrobe.
    Valley of the Dulls.
    Battle Hymen of the Trigger Mother

  • mourningnmerica

    "The 7 Habits of Highly Defective People".

  • whiterabid

    One score a few years ago, my daughter met her father.

  • Lazy Media

    Story of Uh

  • moralturpentine

    "Maidenhead Revisited"
    "List in the Time of Syphillis"
    "Double Indignity"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Lady Slatternly's Lover"

  • mourningnmerica

    "Bitch Mom, Whore Mom".

  • Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    I'm holding out for Trig's memoir.

    Trig Palin (author)

    • Gleem_McShineys

      (autisticthor)

  • Boredw/Gravity

    You just know that the opening line will hands-down win the Bulwer-Lytton competition this year.

  • Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

    "Poor Bristol's Almanac"?

    • Natl_Indecency_Cmdr

      "A Penny Whored is a Penny Earned"

  • bigdupa

    "Last Call of the Wild Drinking Binges"
    "Blubber 2011"

  • doxastic

    I've met a lot of teenagers and even was one myself. And I am sure as fuck that they do not have a book's worth of interesting things to say. Even the ones without troglodytes for mothers.

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    "Havin' mah bahbe: An Alaskan Auddessey"

  • http://doubting-timus.blogspot.com/ ulTIMum

    Yeah, well, I heard it's pitching a show for the Cooking channel all about carving caribou and has the catchy title: THE GREAT FILET SHOW – Modern Abstinence in the Kitchen.

  • MissTaken

    "Clan of the Mama Grizzly Bear"

  • doxastic

    Truth and Meth-heads

  • problemwithcaring

    It was some hard ass working times, and then there were some lazy ass faggot times, there, also.

  • widestanceroman

    'Decision Points' (subtitled 'All Her Own, Sittin' Way Up High')

  • smokefilledroommate

    Diary of Anne Skank

    Primary Colors: Why I Like Blue

    Tripp Needs a New Pair of Shoes

  • SenileAgitation

    A Mumu for the Misbegotten
    Chapter 1
    "What of it?", I replied angrily. The dopey screener from Senator Macgregor's or whatever's campaign had been hassling me all frigging morning about Mom's retard baby and the picture Levi posted of them together after swimming or something wearing hardly anything. Over and over the nerdy creep kept asking the same thing but saying it different like I would ever rat out Mom or Dad or Levi. We are close, and that's what America means to me: a place of being close, where clothes don't have to always fit how they did last week and sharing love means not being afraid to share everything. People outside maybe don't understand, but fuck them, you know? They haven't lived what I have, and haven't seen the things I have late at night when people think I'm asleep.

  • problemwithcaring

    The Audacity of Poke

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Grinder in the Sausage Factory

  • FlyOverGirl

    Oh, I adore the Wonketters who added the following tags on Amazon:

    Crayons Not Included.
    Endless Madlibs Possibilities .
    Baby Makers .
    Joke .
    Narcissism .
    Tripp out man.

  • Numbat_Dundee

    IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a teenage hockey player in possession of a penis must be in want of a condom.

    • crybabyboehner

      That McGuane guy don't hold a candle to Miz Bristol.

  • HedonismBot

    Bristol Palin, "author."
    There, fixed.

  • Qatarded

    My Country, Jizz of Thee

  • OldRedneck

    OMFG!!! Ya' know — sometimes I encounter something that is so goddammuthafukin stupid, all I can do in reaction is bang my head into the desk over and over and over . . .

    • WriteyWriterton

      Couldn't hear you over the sound of my weeping.

  • DaSandman

    Rememberence of Cock Past

  • LiveToServeYa

    Hah! 'Bristol Palin Boudoir' is more like it.

  • thejazzmonger

    Hahahaha….. Gulp!

  • Veritas78

    How Can I Lose Weight When You Make Me Swallow All This Cum?

  • Beetagger

    This will turn my Kindle into kindling.

  • Redhead

    Does Bristol really think people will pay $3 a page for her memoir?

    • SorosBot

      Replace "people" with "right-wing organizations who want to artificially get the book on the NYT Bestseller List", and yes, they will.

  • mickeymusing

    "The Faces of Meth: Wasilla, Walmart and the Men I Have Loved'

  • problemwithcaring

    This thread is so hilarious and almost makes this news worth it!

    Almost.

  • zhubajie

    Raising (a kid in) Arizona!

  • mumbly_joe

    Knocked Up: The Novelization

  • Ancient_Hacker

    From Here To Maternity

    The Levi, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

    Two ways to make a Million Dollars, $25.99 at a time.

  • OhNoGuy

    That's the Great "Gets-by"

  • WriteyWriterton

    More good titles in one place than I've ever seen anywhere.

    May I add Whore and Fleece?

  • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

    Why not just rip off… er I mean tie in with Mama's book. How Going Rogue Got me Knocked Up.

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    ***Bristol, none of this is your fault.
    You are not responsible for any of this.

  • Joey_Ratz

    A Farewell To Charms.
    The Treasure Of Wasilla Madre.
    The 'Tard Inside Me.
    Paradise Lost By Dashboard Light.

    A Steinbeck-style social realism, write-as-they-speak format might suit her well.

    Travels With Trig Tripp In Search Of America
    Of Mice And Men Also

    Still, I'll wait until the audiobook comes out, narrated by mommy Sarah.

  • Dolly_Varden

    "All I saw Wasilla: My life as a Palindrome"

  • RIGHTYOURSELF

    " A Sale of Two Titties"