safety first

Remorseless War Criminal George W. Bush Doesn’t Feel ‘Safe’ In Switzerland

...and then the Stooges went to Gitmo forever.In America, George W. Bush is best known for his 9/11 cowboy bravery. But everywhere else (including outer space), George W. Bush is “a brain-dead alcoholic who loves torture and death, just like Satan.” In communist Switzerland and other countries with medieval laws prohibiting the use of torture and rape prisons, for freedom, George Bush is actually a criminal who needs to be arrested! This is why our former hero-president decided to cancel his appearance at a Zionist potluck in Geneva: Switzerland is a very dangerous place, with all sorts of “laws” and shit. Seriously unsafe!

Human rights groups said they had intended to submit a 2,500-page case against Bush in the Swiss city on Monday for alleged mistreatment of suspected militants at Guantanamo Bay, the U.S. naval base in Cuba where captives from Afghanistan, Iraq and other fronts in the so-called War on Terror were interned.

Leftist groups had also called for a protest on the day of his visit next Saturday, leading Keren Hayesod’s organizers to announce that they were cancelling Bush’s participation on security grounds — not because of the criminal complaints.

(C’mon. If Bush is a real-life war criminal, wouldn’t he have a tenure-track professorship at Georgetown? Or at least a visiting fellowship at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government?) [ABC/Reuters]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Best gif ever!
    ~

    • DashboardBuddha

      Almost…it's in a dead heat with the Nancy Pelosi demon gif.

  • Barbara_i

    George, you should visit Holland soon. Wooden-shoe you like to see what protesters have in store for you over there?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I hear The Hague is lovely this time of year.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Today, we are all rioting crowds in lederhosen.

    • charlesdegoal

      Lederhosen are Austrian. The Swiss wear mainly cashmere and silk. And don't riot. Ever.

      • LiveToServeYa

        Yes, the rioting is what makes it so funny.

  • Amaravilha

    That's cuckoo. They'd clean his clock.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    It's not fair to make fun of Stockholm Syndrome victims. I am referring of course to The Three Stooges. Nyuk nyuk

  • BaldarTFlagass

    George is really bummed, as he has spent a considerable amount of time lately learning how to speak Swiss so he would feel more welcome there.

    I applaud my ancestral homeland.

    • Negropolis

      And, boy howdy, if he wasn't surprised to find that there are multiple Swiss languages.

    • ttommyunger

      As soon as he gets the hang of English.

  • forgracie

    Here's hoping the stink of shame follows that tard the rest of his life. W is now reduced to touring Epcot to get a flavor of the world. Of course, I think that was the basis for his world view prior to his presidency….

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hey, you know that's not true. He's still always welcome down on Rancho de Venezuela.

      • Terry

        Doesn't Dubya have a secret chunk of land down in Paraguay or something where he's supposed to run to soon?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          That's the one I meant. I keep getting my 'nana dictatorships mixed up.

          And who cares, as long as they keep the cocaine flowing? That's gotta be W's plan down there, right? Keep himself in an endless supply of nose candy, and make a little profit, too? Kind of funny, since his dad was the one who put Noriega in jail for that sort of thing.

          • Terry

            They might let him wear a nifty uniform that accentuates his crotch, too.

    • gef05

      "I think that was the basis for his world view prior to his presidency"

      I don't think so. He would have bombed it if that had been the case.

  • SorosBot

    Well I guess being unable to travel to much of the world is kind of a punishment; not enough though, dude should be spending the rest of his life in jail.

    • OC_Surf_Serf

      He didn't travel overseas before being President and despised 'the World' while being President…so why the newfound global outlook W?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Lecture Fee$. Retired war criminal gotta make a living somehow.

        • Moonbat

          It's hard out there for a retired billionaire war criminal these days.

      • charlesdegoal

        Yeah. I have a feeling this may be an excuse just because he's embarrassed at not being able to speak Swiss.

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ arclight2012

          You guys kid but Swiss German is so damn strange and different than what they speak in Germany, that Swiss people often get dubbed or subtitled on German television. So there is kind of a Swiss language. Just don't tell the Frenchies or the five remaining Romansch people there.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Remember in the immediate aftermath 9/11 when Bush was flown about the country in secret while Dick Cheney and Condoleeza Rice stayed in the Whithouse to run things? Only time I've felt a modicum of respect for Cheney. This is that same sort of gutlessness. I mean, seriously… are you really that scared that the Swiss are going to arrest a former American head of state*? What a pussy.

    *Regardless of how much you deserve it, you worthless enabler of torture and defiler of our nation's founding principles.

    • Terry

      Maybe the Swiss want to arrest Bush to balance out the arrest of Julian Assange. Balancing the EU karma, so to speak.

      • Serolf_Divad

        I was going to try to work in a "sex by surprise" joke, but then I remembered, Bush doesn't have sex. He doesn't drink or have sex. He just wanders from Product Manufacturing Association speaking event to Product Manufacturing Association speaking event reading the same hollow speech, picking up a speaker's fee and just being generally pathetic.

        • Terry

          Yeah, exactly. Too bad that none of his many failed business attempts were successful. He could have had a happy life being pitiful in a boardroom somewhere, rather than being inflicted on this country and the whole overall.

  • Ruhe

    Larry! Crouching behind the piano as usual, always hoping to sneak in a musical bit. The bastard deserved that pie.

    • MrsBiggTime

      If by "Larry" you mean "Donald Rumsfeld," it's all making sense now.

  • CrunchyKnee

    I've learned more from the Curly Howard library then I ever could at the Shrubya pResidential library.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Actually I heard the reason he didn't go was because he's mad at Swiss Miss for making the marshmallows so small.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    …about time W ended up in some prison that's not just Dallas, Texas

    • MsQuasimodo

      He should have been exiled to Irving. Or, Grapevine.

  • i_AM_ready

    Say what you will about Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and Al Gore, but at least they don't have to worry about getting arrested if they leave the house.

    • twaingirl

      Until Palin 2012. Then arrested for being unpatriotic.

  • PocketsTheClown

    Maybe he cant ski.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Since the fucker can't operate a Segway, I'd say that's a safe bet.

  • Ruhe

    W. is no war criminal. Like Rummy, he knows that those interrogation techniques are harsh and even disturbing but using them saved lives, precious American lives. And those sorts of choices and the spiritual compromises they entail are the kinds of choices big boys have to make. It's a lesson he learned early on. Nobody likes to poop but everybody does it.

    • x111e7thst

      Senator Vitter begs to differ.

      • Ruhe

        Touche.

        • LionHeartSoyDog

          Douche'

    • Lascauxcaveman

      "You can't handle the poop!"

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Did Babs show Dub canned poop? Is that how he learned the lesson?

      • HistoriCat

        Paula showed him.

    • Worthly Wokette Skum

      saved lives, precious American lives

      Are there any other kind of lives?

      Evidently not.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        See, the way he threw that in, made me look at the trollish content as sarcasm. has to be, right? I don't know which way the fist goes on this one.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Torture does.not.work.. Why do it then? We need to step away from this Jack Bauer, "we don't have time!" bullshit.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      We sacrifice lives every day for what we hold to be American values. Ask Judge Roll in Tucson — oh wait, he's dead from an easily obtained gun.

      If we are serious about what we believe, we live up to those beliefs — especially when it's hard to do. That includes humane treatment of our enemies, presumption of innocence, trial by jury, respect for religious creeds. To do otherwise is cowardly.

      • Ruhe

        Indeed. My point, obscure as it was, was that people like Bush and Rumsfeld love, especially in their memoirs, to portray their lazy embrace of expediency as actually being part of a long, very arduous, process of making tough decisions. They are, after all, in the kitchen because they CAN handle the heat…this is what they want us to think. The truth is that they have elevated the mere making of decisions above the much more risky "making good decisions", a task that they find is unfairly dependent on the depth of one's own knowledge and the historical judgment of others.

    • ttommyunger

      Frankly, I like a good poop. I usually work in a couple a day, just for grins.

    • lulzmonger

      Torture: Not used in WW2 to combat fucking Panzer divisions & V-2 rockets, but okey-dokey to use in the 21st Century to combat some mooks with RPGs hiding in caves?

      More like "the land of the bedwetting pussies & the home of the chickenshit Mama's-boys," amirite?

      Dick-waving gibberish about "big boys" notwithstanding, the shocking truth is that prisoners loosen up when you treat them well & clam up when you beat, starve or terrorize them. This obvious fact was old news back when Dubya was still giving frogs firecracker enemas, so it's not as if they can plead ignorance. Note also that they weren't allowed to do anything unless the big kahunas like Cheney had personally signed off on it first, & none of the BushCo elite had any working experience with prisoner interrogation. The logical conclusion is that they did it because they're a bunch of sick fucks who get off on sadism & power-tripping.

      Also, attacking & then invading Iraq without any motive of self-defense against a REAL threat? Yeah, a lot of Nazis got hung for that – it's the war-crime of aggression, & it doesn't come with a statute of limitations.

      Bush is guilty as sin.

      • Ruhe

        Please see my response to ShaveTheWhales.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      You may need to use the {snark} flag more often.

      • Ruhe

        Word. I even tried to clarify further above and still get hit with "Literalist" smack. With that in mind let me display my bona fides. George W. Bush is the worst president ever and, yes, a war criminal and an evil hypocrite of a christian. I, on the other hand, am guilty only of being unnecessarily obtuse.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is really cramping his style, seeing as to what a renowned, experienced world traveller he was prior to his presidency.

  • chascates

    Bush can always make deposits to his secret Swiss accounts via wire transfer.

    • Terry

      He probably doesn't know he HAS secret accounts. They're likely being handled exclusively by his mother and wife.

      • charlesdegoal

        Don't you dare compare that wimp with Ronald Reagan.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe he could share a cell and talk film with Roman Polanski.

  • MinAgain

    Dress him in a Nazi uniform and have him carry a stolen work of art, and he'll be fine.

    • Terry

      or wheeling a pallet of gold bars.

    • Oblios_Cap

      So that's what Harry did wrong. He forgot the stolen painting.

  • freakishlywrong

    Well, if the shoe flys…

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Shoe fly pie actually. But needs moar apple pan dowdy.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Roman Polanski's gonna have to bring his A game if he wants to ruin more little girls' futures than our freedom-exportin' fuckhead.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    It is nice to see that actions have consequences, even if the actions are those of a blood lust maddened psychopath with close to unlimited power and the consequences are only being embarrassed for the duration of a couple of news cycles.

  • baconzgood

    Tee-Hee
    "Bush"

  • Oblios_Cap

    W. will always be welcome at the court of his Liege Lords in beautiful Saudi Arabia.

    Unfortunately, there isn't any wood to chop. But the man-kissing and hand-holding with the Princes will make a different sort of wood that George is fond of.

  • widestanceroman

    Or is he afraid of a germ-filled pat-down? If I were a devious security agent, I'd blow my nose with one hand and scratch my ass with the other first just to watch him cry.

  • charlesdegoal

    I did a little time in Switzerland. Not the worst place to be incarcerated. We had a choice of menus, for one thing. It's better to be outside, but if you're going to be behind bars anywhere, you could certainly do worse.

    • Terry

      Texas, for instance.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Do tell.

    • ttommyunger

      Jesus Christ, those are the most liberal motherfuckers in the world, my mind reels just imagining what you have to do to get locked up in fucking Switzerland! Axe Murder, perhaps? Oh wait, rat out the Bankers? Right, forgot about that.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Or, try to build a minaret.

        • Negropolis

          Yeah, no kidding. I don't know how the Swiss got such a liberal reputation. Just because they are a well-functioning nation doesn't make them liberal. They didn't even let women vote until, what? The 80's, was it?

          Your nation would be nice to, if it was the world's back-alley bank.

        • ttommyunger

          Those people are just weird.

      • charlesdegoal

        What they often say about Switzerland is that everything there that's not prohibited is mandatory. Is that *liberal*?

        • ttommyunger

          I'm not smart enough to understand your comment, or the Swiss.

  • Weenus299

    Lighten up Dubya. At least Rummy's not there to stab you in the back three dozen times, and then feast on the stringy meat dangling from what's left of your spine.

  • http://littlewanking.blogspot.com/ harry_palmer

    9/11 cowboy bravery = hiding under the bed on Air Force 1 while people who were going to get their health care claims denied for their trouble actually did something worthwhile.

  • PublicLuxury

    The Swiss have cocoa, period. Bush has Truknutz. Obviously the Swiss are pussy little commie gays Kenyan lovers Alp yodeling freaks suckin on a cough drop. Bush has Truknutz so he is immune from any whiners trying to arrest him.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Obviously the Swiss are pussy little commie gays Kenyan lovers Alp yodeling freaks suckin on a cough drop.
      But they do it in a timely fashion. Nice wristwatches. But if you fuck with them, they will pull out their Army knives and cut you, bee-yotch.

  • V572625694

    The Swiss need to send Dog the Bounty Hunter after W. I'd watch that show a hundred times.

    • SorosBot

      Considering that George Bush doesn't care about black people and Dog hates them, I think the two would get along instead.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        But who would you rather have a beer with?

        • SorosBot

          Well, assuming the beer is in a bottle so I can smash it over their heads, Bush deserves it more.

    • ttommyunger

      You can watch those sorry posers for me.

  • bumfug

    Why don't these people who want arrest Bush shut the fuck up and let him get there first?

  • Radiotherapy

    Yes we canton!

  • Wadisay

    It's days like this that make me wish the Swiss practiced extraordinary rendition.

  • MiniMencken

    In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. In the United States, they have had over two hundred years of democracy. What has that produced? Trucknutz. Discuss amongst yourselves.

    • Moonbat

      *intense zither solo*

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      …and the theory of relativity, LSD and whatever it is that that CERN thingie does. Switzerland's done all right.

    • Limeylizzie

      God, I love that film. Carol Reed only made two that were truly great, the other being "Odd Man Out".

  • MrsBiggTime

    The idea of GWB in some Swiss lockup, "bitch" to the inmate with the most cigarettes, is about the only joyful fantasy this miserable life will allow. That and the upcoming Dick Cheney/Lorena Bobbit nuptials.

    • zhubajie

      Dick's already a eunuch; can't you tell?

  • el_donaldo

    Wow. So George Bush and Roman Polanski have something in common. Well, that and the anal rape of someone/something that was in their care and responsibility for a short while.

    • mumbly_joe

      Come on, it's not as though Bush has a legion of sycophants who are going to the media and trying to excuse his crimes as "not torture torture".

      Oh, wait.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Protest = "Security threat". Feels like 2002 all over again, but without my "friends" calling me a traitor for saying that nothing good could ever come from invading Iraq.

    • GOPCrusher

      Yeah. It's amazing how many of them "don't want to live in the past" when you bring up Iraq, isn't it?

  • chickensmack

    And to think the von Trapps went to Switzerland for their freedom. He gots it all backwards.

    • mereoblivion

      If he went, they'd make him sing "I Must Have Done Something Bad."

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    "'Waterboarding is torture, and Bush has admitted, without any sign of remorse, that he approved its use,' said Katherine Gallagher, an attorney with the New York-based Center for Constitutional Rights," who traces her commitment to human rights to her days in Catholic school when she was punished for holding her hands in her armpits, then smelling her fingers.

  • hagajim

    Is it just me, or do a lot of Repugs seem to end up as war criminals to the rest of the world? What is with that?

    • GOPCrusher

      American Exceptalism!

  • Ducksworthy

    Oh poor widdle Georgie. Afwaid of a widdle war cwimes twial. Boo Hoo. Come on George. Be a man. Stand up to this liberal world outside these here Unnuted States.

    • GOPCrusher

      George should show them he's a real man and not a war criminal and go anyway.

  • mereoblivion

    Moe looks distraught that his bro' is pelting our Prez.

  • freakishlywrong

    It's the .gif that keeps on .giffing.

  • horsedreamer_1

    If the Swiss are so intent on bringing government thugs to justice, how has Davos never deteriorated into a mass arrest?

  • johnnymeatworth

    so much for that "bring 'em on" bullshit….

  • Steverino247

    You torture people when you're angry with them, not to extract information. Torture only provides inaccurate information. The FBI agent who handled Saddam Hussein proved that the method he used was the most effective. Masterful work by the FBI.

    Example 1: Mistreatment of US PW's in North Vietnam. What the hell was North Vietnam going to do with information like where we kept the livestock aboard our carriers? (They really asked that and punished "wrong" answers.) They were very angry that we were bombing the hell out of them and they couldn't stop it.

    Example 2: Mistreatment of members of a loose association of Muslim extremeists who may have a distant relative who had a wet dream about flying planes into the WTC. We were angry that it was done and the guys who did it died in the crashes. So, we hurt anybody who looked like the guys who did it.

    Put W in an astronaut diaper, drug him and let him awake in a cell at the Hague. By not prosecuting our own war criminals, we make Hermann Goering's statements about why he was arrested look like the truth. And I hate it when Nazi war criminals look like they're honest.

    • HistoriCat

      Or you torture people to get them to say things which will back up your desired outcome. Once you break them, get them to say that of course Saddam has WMDs all over the place and he and Osama bin Laden planned the September 11 attacks together. Who cares if it's totally bogus? You have to put on a good face for the rest of the world.

      • GOPCrusher

        They tortured Chalabi?

  • DangerHelvetica

    "I hate these filthy neutrals, Laura! With enemies you know where they stand, but with neutrals? Who knows! It sickens me."

    • doloras

      Switzerland is now on Beige Alert.

  • riverside68

    Wait Wait, GW has a defense: diminished capacity (DimCap in the trade).

    And exhibit A is only available on Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/405491/cartoon-violence-is-so
    (Sorry I don't know how to do that hip embed thing, but I love linking to that cartoon.)

  • awesome_dude

    I could just imagine the international shit show that would happen if the Swiss did arrest him and Obama would have to bail his cracker ass out.

    • GOPCrusher

      Don't think it would be international. But AM radio and Faux News would blow up.

    • bflrtsplk

      Yeah. Obama would have to go to a bail bondsman in Switzerland with a truckload of cash, then to the jail so Shrub could do the perp walk with his coat over his head and sign the dumb dry drunk out, then get him a seat on Air Force One close to the bar, then keep him under house arrest at a secret location.

      It ain't easy being Preznet these daze.

  • Numbat_Dundee

    He would be tortured by the Swiss also. I believe they like to dip their prisoners into melted cheese.

    • bflrtsplk

      Don't forget the Swiss Chocolate Fondue. That shit gets real hot.

  • JackObin

    The Bush Drunk cannot spell Switzerland, does not know where it is and probably fears it because he thinks it is ful of holes from all that cheese. Congratulations Yale and Harvard.

  • awesome_dude

    Where would the Swiss incarcerate Bush anyway? I don't think they'd be comfortable mixing him in the cell blocks housing people for littering, not holding doors open for their gender-neutral companions or not telling the exact time.

  • snoopyfan2010

    Can't…… stop…… laughing.

  • zhubajie

    Can't some group hire a bounty hunter or 20, haul him before an al-Qaeda tribunal?

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Blood Money Tour has been canceled
    as per Gordon Duff at Veterans Today

  • ttommyunger

    Poor Dubya. Looking so old and tired now. Nobody loves him anymore. Can't even go over to where they make all that great chocolate. Bummer! Oh well, there's always the bottle, George. Never mind the rest.

  • lulzmonger

    He fears their third evil twin, Nativism.

  • Crank_Tango

    wow. i'm impressed.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Meanwhile, I cannot stand it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    me, too. i didn't realize there were so many foot-fetishists here on the Wonkette.