Hey, that dead-guy party happened yesterday. And what should you take away from this? The Reagan people want you to know they spent $10,000 on cake. Like, literally, they went around telling the press they spent $10,000 on cake, so that people would know they spent $10,000 on cake. So here you go, American public: the Reagan Library spent $10,000 on cake. Classic Reagan deficit reduction. It’s how Ronny would have wanted it.
Amid family, friends and former staffers were a few celebs: the Beach Boys, Lee Greenwood, John Stamos, who appeared at an invitation-only concert Saturday night, and Gary Sinise, one of the speakers at Sunday’s tribute at the Reagan Library in Simi Valley.
Lee Greenwood, Gary Sinise, and John Stamos? Good thing a terrorist didn’t blow this event up! We would have lost our most gifted entertainers! If they died, who would be the cast of the Three Men and a Baby reboot?
The biggest treat? The $10,000, 400-pound, official centennial birthday cake that was rolled out Sunday. The six-foot-tall chocolate confection had five tiers, 20,000 jelly beans, stars-and-stripes frosting, edible photos of Reagan and a 50-pound chocolate eagle on top.
Then everyone forced Nancy Reagan to eat the whole thing while they took photos with their camera phones. She was adorable, vomiting all over as they held her down. These are the sort of grand measures conservatives need in order to pretend he is still president and live in the past.
Here is something James Baker said, as if he is a relevant human being:
Today we again face stormy seas that are not dissimilar from those of 30 years ago.
Our Soviet Union: a single disgruntled 19-year-old Arab living in a remote cave in the middle of a dirt-poor mountain country who has dreams of killing himself. The only thing he has to his name besides two piles of rocks is a satellite phone and laptop, which means his cave is better connected and way more technologically advanced than Reagan’s War Room or even his Pentagon, probably. Yeah, things aren’t dissimilar at all. Let’s keep living like it’s 30 years ago, because that’s what’s most comfortable for the Baby Boomers.
Meanwhile, here was Newt Gingrich with his latest wife at Reagan’s birthplace yesterday:
Ugh. The Acopalypse is near, obviously. [WP/CNN/Facebook]
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Let them eat it.
If by "it" you mean a chocolate coated, Jelly Belly-encrusted bag of dicks, then yes, I couldn't agree more.
John Stamos, Lee Greenwood.
Carrot Top and C. Thomas Howell must been booked already.
Staaamoooss!
Lindsay Lohan would've been there too, were it not for her recurring role as "Celebrity Prisoner #1" in this season of L.A.S.V.U.
And Toby Fucking Keith, don't forget that gap-mouthed no talent turd.
A group of musicians I play with and myself were offered a gig to back up a Toby Keith tribute singer. After we listened to a few songs everyone (separately) came to the same conclusion that he and his material sucked and turned it down. His lyrics must have been written by a slow 8 year old kid.
Which explains his immense popularity with the trucknutz set.
But, but, he's a Democrat.
I do not discriminate between worthless assholes. Ben Nelson is also a “Democrat”, if you recall.
Did they buy new china too?
The amazing thing, when you actually think of it, is that we're still alive after these horrendous rides with drunken drivers.
Yeah, but we're on life-support, and I see flat-lining in our near future.
"Today we again face stormy seas that are not dissimilar from those of 30 years ago."
And we haven't learned a fucking thing.
Well the fat slob in the picture above did teach us that any compromise is a bad thing.
Little Debbie Swiss Rolls cost about a buck-fifty.
They have peppermint Little Debbie Swiss Rolls now! YUM!
Reagan worshipers, you're doing it wrong; the bread and circuses are supposed to be for the masses, so they get distracted and complacent and don't rise up to overthrow your asses. Keeping them only for yourselves there in the overclass makes a lot of the masses angrier at you and more likely to take your heads.
As in the recently oft-heard chant, "Death To The Bloodthirsty Cake-Eater Mubarak".
Dang, I knew that there was a disturbance in the Force yesterday in Illinois.
She had her nose fixed to match his belly!
I caught a little of this yesterday. Did you see how after Nancy they only introduced "the Reagan family" instead of each child. Still a mess…
Her profile reminds me of Cougie McCain in that shot.
Are Newt and his new wife having a baby? It looks like Newt is about 6 months along.
Newt looks about 6 months pregnant. Guess the only time he ever sees little newt is when he looks in the mirror.
Fun fact: a baby newt is called an eft. And so is Newt's penis. Isn't learning fun!
Thank you for the info, Mr. Fink-Nottle.
My favorite newt-fancier! You have made my day.
Wodehouse had a talent for creating unforgettable characters, and Gussie is certainly one of them.
Wodehouse references merit automatic fisting, which as I understand it is a venerable British tradition, along with rum and the lash.
PG is tops, but bugger all, what about buggery? You mustn't forget the noble tradition of buggery, which is best slipped in twixt the rum and a taste 'o the lash…
I can't decide which would look more horrifying as President: Newt or Haley Barbour.
Cake sounds like it is delicious. Can't wait for my piece to trickle down to me.
In the case of sweets, it's the treacle-down effect that is at work.
Ollie Norf? Seriously?
Ollie's relationship with Raygun was the same as Larry King's to Sandy Koufax (ie: non existent.)
I have no idea who Lee Greenwood is.
Nor do I. I also had no idea the Beach Boys were still alive.
John Stamos is as 80's as it gets. Gary Sinise … alright. I think he was in a remake of "Of Mice And Men," a book I watched a long time ago. But i don't know who Lee Greenwood is, and I'm sure as fuck not going to look him (her? I assume 'him') on Wikipedia.
Gary Sinise was Lt. Dan in Forest Gump…also is in one of those 200 Law & Order type shows, not sure which one since I don't care enough to do the Google on him.
Lee Greenwood (male) is a smarmy country singer who has earned 'acclaim' singing sappy God Bless the USA-type songs and wearing shirts made out of the flag. He pretty much will open any county fair or rodeo these days.
I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died
Who gave that right to me
And I'll gladly stand up (cymbal crash)
Next to you and defender her still today
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God bless the USA.
(I can't believe I remember all of that.)
What's that, the lyrics to some parody of over-patriotic country crap?
Worst. Glee. Mashup. EVAR.
Only some of the Boys are still with us. But Brian is still crazy, but adorably.
That's The Beach Boys Minus Carl (dead), Dennis (dead), Brian (emotionally fragile, bitter), and Al (retired).
So basically Mike Love and few hired studio musicians. Yay, Beach Boys.
So it's a band that has about as much in common with The Beach Boys as the post-plane crash group that calls itself Lynnard Skynnard; or Axel Rose's new band that he still insists on calling Guns 'n Roses. Got it.
Glen Campbell was an original Beach Boy, maybe he could resurrect his career.
I wonder if Nancy has an aids ribbon tramp stamp .
Did Sarah Palin pop out of the cake wearing nothing but a pair of pasties and a "Palin/Reagan 2012 bumper sticker?" If not it wasn't a true tribute to Ronald Reagan.
Which Reagan?
Palin/Reagan 2012
Redundant?
Can be shortened to "Paligan 2012".
Should shorten it more to Pagan 2012.
I was thinking Peggy Noonan, but she might have had trouble 'popping' without assistance.
lisping "Happy Birthday to you" a la Marilyn Monroe
John Stamos? That asshat from that stupid show with those awful children. Where he was the "hip" musician uncle? That assclown? That John Stamos?
The twins who played the youngest girl ended up anorexic perpetual tabloid fodder, and the middle girl became a meth head; like Diff'rent Strokes that didn't appear to be a good place for child actors. Don't know about the oldest, though her brother's now still famous for being a dipshit fundamentalist creationist preacher.
She's a stay-at-home MILF who occasionally appears in a made-for-tv drama on Lifetime or the Hallmark channel. I think she might have also done a cameo or two in those born-again motion pictures that star her brother as a heroic fireman who questions his faith when blah blah blah but then realizes just in time that God is real and would be very upset if he cheated on his wife.
Also the non-Stamos, non-Saget dude was the antagonist of that Alanis Morrisette song (google sez it was "You Oughta Know").
I'll take "I Love the 90s" for $600, Alex.
Newt is thinking: "That candy really looks good–I bet they wouldn't miss one or two…or the whole fucking bowl."
Gawd Gingrich is fat. His tie circumnavigates his pork belly, then points to where blondie tells him his penis used to be. (Felt good to say that.)
I saw Nancy Reagan on teevee describing how much she enjoyed State Dinners. The pageantry, the hobnobbing, the personal touch. But Obama welcomes Chinese premier and gets shit from Reagan-worshippers for wasting money.
OT, but I saw George W Bush at the superbowl with Laura. But who was that sitting two seats away? Condi Rice. Get a room you two.
Get a room, you three, maybe?
Bush was also sitting next to John Madden, I knew I never liked that douche bag Madden.
As a Raiders fan, I can only hope that Big John was not sitting there by choice.
Old George has a wife and a concubine; why not Young George?
The choice of celebrities to honor fellow B-list Hollywood star seemed appropriate to me.
Well Jon Voigt and Tom Selleck would have been over the top, and Kelsey Grammer was busy banging his new wife.
Yeah, but you know Victoria Jackson's calendar was pretty much wide open. She must be miffed to have been excluded from such august company.
And where was the other serially family values challenged wingtard, Kelsey Grammer? Schtupping another 29 year old?
This one doesn't have Crohn's disease so giving her head is a little less challenging.
If that's Newt's wife, then who is he dating now?
He' converted to Catholicism so probably another 12 year old boy.
Win.
Reminds me of the celebratory press the Reagans got when they replaced that simple hick (PhD) Jimmy Carter.
We haven't learned a damn thing, as BaldarTFlagass pointed out above.
~
What does a nuclear physist know about governing that a B list actor doesn't? Or for that matter thinking?
In 2004 people were supposedly watching Al Gore's weight to guess if he would try to win another presidential election. By that measure, Newt is about as 'not running' as possible.
What? No celebratory "Blow-Bang," that woulda been the best tribute ever, Nancy could have sucked off everyone, reduce them all to calling her "Mommy," show them what Frank had in the Oval Office while Ronnie was taking his nap.
Because nothing screams I Love America like a 50-pound chocolate eagle.
As long as its made High Fructose Corn syrup it is American as deep fried butter.
As long as its made High Fructose Corn syrup
it is American as deep fried butterand is deep-fried in butter.Fixed.
Let them eat Jellybeans!
One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.
One man's dementia is another man's affability.
One man's Philadelphia, Mississippi is another man's City on a Hill.
I am so sick of white people.
Tell us how you really feel.
One man's aids epidemic is another man's Tuskegee experiment.
Is Newt's wife trying to look like Cindy McCain or, more likely, did Newty try to marry himself a Cindy clone?
My thoughts exactly! My guess is that Newt wanted as cunty and trollopy a wife as possible.
Cake AND candy?? WHY do we hate Reagan again?
Interesting read on Ronnie RayGun's presidency and tenure as Governor:
http://mises.org/daily/5009/The-Reagan-Fraud-and-...
This was a terrorist event! Reagan is/was worse than Osama. Why is this cell allowed to freely operate? Hey, Janet! Bust the fuckers and then take their cake away.
Yes, but does the cake literally become Reagan, or does the fundamental substance of the body of Reagan exist in conjunction with substance of the cake?
(As an aside, reading that made me throw up in my mouth a little. I may never eat anything ever again. Also, too, today we are all 50-pound chocolate &c.)
Time to transubstantiate!
You must be speaking of Transubstantiation, the change of bread and wine into the of the Body and Blood of Jesus Reagan. After Father Foley distributes the sacrament, he grabs the nearest intern and says Amen.
Is Newt fucking Cindy McCain?
Newt sure has bad taste. And Ms. Newt's taste is pretty shitty, too.
BTW -Fuck Ronald Reagan and the horse he rode in on.
I am often amazed how blind some will be when marrying cash.
I sorta pictured Newt's latest wife as a little younger, less old-cougarish looking. You're a relatively famous guy, Newt, that's the best you could do?
She must be wealthy.
If I recall, she was in her late 30s when Newt was cheating on his second wife with her. Perhaps she has not aged well.
Why would anyone marry Newt?
And yet Jimmy Carter still lives on.
Suck. On. That.
Appropriately, Reagan's "birthplace" looks like a cheesy movie set. All that's missing is a wax figure Mary Pickford.
Who decided that emulating Marie Antoinette was a good idea?
They probably need a guillotine to cut a giant f'ing $10,000 cake, but I am pretty sure they didn't share any with the peasants.
If they really wanted to fire up the young voters and get people psyched about Reagan again they would have spent $10,000 on coke. It would have been a proper nod to the eighties as well.
The article didn't mention it, but the amount spent on coke included a few more zeros at the end.
Interesting that they would single out Stamos…only reason he was there is because he doubles as the Beach Boys drummer in his spare time. Speaking of Beach Boys…I think there is only one original left.
Yeah, and he's the lame one. There is no Beach Boys without a Wilson in the band.
Just like Ronnie, a $10K 400-pound cake is perfect for fat retards and rich bastards to drool over.
The Reagan "administration," along with the failed presidenies of Nixon, Bush I and Bush II, were four of the absolute worst–actually, the four worst–presidential "administrations" in the history of the United States. They were all corrupt, criminal, unethical, psycho, loony, moronic, idiotic, ridiculous, asinine, backwards, wayward, religiously crazy, crazy in general, psychotic, offensive, unprofessional, and full of uneducated, inexperienced thugs and criminals who put this country backwards 100 years, every time. The four presidencies have no legacy, there is no myth, they are not deserving of praise, and they all need to noted for what they were, overall, and at all levels: failures.
I dunno, they took some good pictures once in a while.
Is that 100 years concurrent or consecutive? Because I'd kind of like to meet a viking.
Eh, you'd be disappointed. They were generally a lot shorter than you'd imagine (nutrition) and they didn't actually wear horns on their helmets. Just a bunch of hairy, sweaty guys with leather outfits and B.O.
Sort of like your average Harley rider.
I don't subscribe, but apparently there's a myth busting film showing on HBO tonight. It's called, "Reagan". Someone please watch and report back here. Thank you.
Unfortunately, they DO have a legacy — the ongoing collapse of the US!
Today is more similar to 20 years ago, since we're cleaning up after some conservative idiot's mistakes yet again.
$10, 000 cake/Palin 2012
That's like a Cake/Fruitcake ticket.
"…edible photos of Reagan?"
this too shall pass.
Well done!
Stamos was once married to Rebecca Romijn, to his credit.
But not hers.
I like the Marine standing behind Nancy, as if to say "Look — we weren't all killed by Reagan's blindly stupid and reflexive foreign policy blundering!"
When did Newt marry Nancy Reagan?
Nancy Reagan Gingrich. Newt Reagan Reagan.
When did the Beach Boys, Gary Sinise and John Stamos completely lose their minds, their sanity and their respect? We know when that happened to Lee Greenwood–about 20 years ago, or more, when that stupid song of his became a hit, he got horribly rich, and he realized he never really had to work an honest day of work ever again. That's usually when most of these nimrods lose their minds. But, again: What was Gary Sinise doing there? What a bunch of morons.
"What was Gary Sinise doing there?"
Didn't he lose both his legs in the 'Nam?
…Answer? They got old and scared. And am I the only one who finds it odd that the Beach Boys were there? As in James Watt vs. the Beach Boys?
He's researching his next American Playhouse role as a 50 pound white chocolate eagle?
Ohmagawd but we can't AFFORD healthcare we have to cut the budget there's no money how're we gonna PAY for everything so much waste everywhere but the deficit we're digging a hole for future generations the debt my gawd everyone needs to be financially responsible we need accountabil-…OOO! CAKE!
I think people spend entirely too much time kissing Nancy's ass. When she expires, a goodly portion of this Reagan worship will go along with her.
Also, the picture's blurred, but I can't make out any combat ribbons on the Marine behind her. Just those bullshit ribbons they give Generals that had a fingernail involved with planning some NATO Boy Scout camp out in Norway. Anybody have a better view?
Corporate & Corpse Cock-Sucking Corps. of America, Inc. "Blowing Away the American Dream Since 1980." (TM), also.
Nancy's starting to look a lot like Charles Nelson Reilly, ya think?
Any shout out of 70s era Hollywood Square participants should immediately be rewarded in p-points. Extra points for Paul Lynde and Wally Cox.
Or quotes from the inimitable comic stylings of Cliff Arquette.
Gary Sinise??!!
Nooooooooooooooo!!
He's dead to me now. (The others were never alive.)
Sinise has been a righty for a while, I think. hard to believe, I know. Slightly O/T I accidentally watched an episode of his CSI show once when I was out of the country, and he might as well have had "Just Mailing It In" stamped on his forehead.
-Cake or AIDS! Cake or AIDS! You, Cake or AIDS?
-Eh, cake I guess.
-Wonderful. You! Cake or AIDS?
-Um, AIDS.
-Alright, here's your AIDS.
-Whoa, wait no, I thought you were kidding! I want the Cake!
-But you said AIDS!
-Well, I changed my mind!
-….alright…you know you're lucky I'm a Reaganite.
Just Say Dough!
Of course, the covert message of the cake and jelly beans was meant to be "screw you" to Michelle Obama and her idea of a healthy America.
Win!
Newt married Cruella DeVille?
You shouldn't have mentioned the Beach Boys. I now have "Sugar, Sugar" stuck in my head.
I don't know whether to LOL or smack you for that one.
[/big Beach Boys fan]
The Archies
Newtie, you're going to have to buy longer ties if you let that gut drape out much farther, and those chins! I guess all that goes to explain the Mona Lisa (in the coffin) Smile on wifey's puss: she knows Newt has a cute way of getting on and off-like a fucking steam roller!
Today we again face stormy seas that are not dissimilar from those of 30 years ago.
So there must have been a bible inside that cake, after all.
Fuck you hard, Jim Baker.
I don't mean to be indelicate, unkind, or rude, but BURN IN HELL, SCUMBAG!
If they really wanted to find Reagan, that cake needed some Zagnut bars.
What do the rest of us get to eat? Oh, right. Merde.
Newt looks pretty pleased I guess Cruella DeVille stopped crabbing at him after he bought her that puppy fur coat.
If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will
Has the line to piss on his grave gone down yet?
Edible Reagan faces? Edible fucking Reagan faces? I sincerely hope that some of the kitchen minions were Central Americans and that the baboons that ate his odious face are experiencing what the spooks call "blowback."
True story: the Reagan Library is located in Simi Valley as a "thank you" to the jury that acquitted all the Rodney King cops.
Get some good Newt pate that way. Newt pate, uhhhhnnnnn….
Looks like Newtie's wife stole Barbie's hair.
Are all Republican wives drugged to the eyebrows?
Man … a pack of rich pink slimy asshats fawning over a guy who'd boozed & drugged himself into being an afffable imbecile many years before he ever had Alzheimer's.
He simpered & pranced through his terms of office led by a stack of cue-cards.
Pappy Bush nailed it: Voodoo Economics … & Teh Gipper was their zombie.
And you thought that money from Iran just went to the Contras!
Looks like Newt is saying a prayer… bowing his head at the Reagan Alter/Dresser.
Maybe he just dozed off… climbing the stairs is a lot of work no doubt.
Nope! That there is the real thang!
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