Last year, Lindsey Graham decided to use his formal Ham Biscuit Veto, the constitutional provision that allows closeted senators to block any bill that offends their dainty self-importance, to stop immigration and climate-change reforms from happening, because he was so upset about the health care. But now Lindsey Graham has decided the immigration thing is allowed to happen again! Our grateful Mexicans thank this august man for changing his mind once again. Except because Graham’s party took the House and a number of seats in the Senate, it would appear immigration reform is about as likely to happen as Lindsey Graham’s millionaire boyfriend Shep Huntleigh is going to show up to whisk him away from the vile little Teabaggers.
Lindsey is joining up with the Senate’s boy genius Chuck Schumer and forming a veritable DREAM TEAM of legislative talent.
And Schumer and his staff have quietly begun reaching out to some unlikely players in the Senate, including Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, who has professed a newfound freedom since winning reelection last year without the Republican Party’s help.
Meanwhile, that fucker McCain couldn’t possibly stop hating Mexicans once again now that he won re-election, right?
And in one closely watched comment, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) let it slip recently that Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) “seems to think that there’s a shot at this.” It led to a round of speculation that the McCain of the past, the senator who ushered a comprehensive bill through the chamber in 2006, might be ready to come back.
Hey hey, look who’s back! John McCain has magically rediscovered the wisdom of the 2006 John McCain, the man he was before he became a bigot because he was afraid of losing to some talk-radio host.
Well, obviously Lindsey Graham needed to get this done before Lieberman left, so that he and Joe and John can dress up in their evening gowns and throw a ball to celebrate how they’re basically the greatest, most powerful senators ever.
And then Graham will be raped by Marlon Brando. [Politico]
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Oh Lord, if "bigot" were a cologne he would reek of it.
Who knew bigotry smelled like Honey Baked Ham and Pillsbury Grands?
Herman Cain.
Or if he didn't, he'll find out soon enough.
And in this case, santorum and Pep-O-Mints also, too.
I don't know, man. I think his new fragrance is actually called "Eau du Hypocrisy."
Ham biscuits without borders!
I was with you until the Marlon Brando thing.
A bizarro tribute to the recently departed Maria Schneider, probably, she of the butter stick. Not in the best of taste, I'm afraid.
No, no, no. He's saying Lindsey is just like deludedly superior drama-queen Blanche duBois from Tennessee Williams' Hambiscuit Named Desire.
Which he is.
'Cause he's always depended on the kinkiness of senators?
Damn, you're good. I tried for five minutes to think of a funny way to work that quote in somehow, but you just went done and did it.
Many thumbs up.
He should have left it at "And then he could pass the butter to Marlon Brando."
And here I thought it was all about (Viva) Zapata.
His face shines like an ape's ass.
"Shiny!"
Dear Wonkette: my ability to make snarky comments about Lindsay Graham is seriously compromized ever time you use the phrase "ham biscuits" because try as I might, I eventually lose focus midway through formulating my posting as my mind wanders and I start salivating just thinking about those delicious ham biscuits.
(p.s. It does not help when you post an actual picture of a plate of ham biscuits… even with Linday's smiling visage smack in the middle)
MMMMM….ham biscuits.
"It does not help when you post an actual picture of a plate of ham biscuits… "
Truly great posts are submitted only while blindfolded.
But are there Reagan jelly beans in those ham bisquits?
Those jelly beans really knocked the hell out of the place…
Is Lindsey joining up with Chuck Schumer…or hooking up with him? Just asking…and who fucking cares about John McCain…he's a cranky old has-been (never was) who compromised his entire soul so he could get re-elected so we'd have to listen to his completely out of touch opinions for six more years. Fuck him!
he and Joe and John can dress up in their evening gowns
This endless immigration posturing has become the queen-sized drag.
Walnuts should finish building the 'dang fence' around what's left of his soul.
Well good for Juan. This will give David Gregory a reason to have him on MTP. He's just not out there enough, y'know?
It's easy to pretend to do the right thing when you know there's no chance of it actually happening.
Oh, Lindsey, you are such a tease! Is there nothing you won't do to see your name on the internets? Stay sweet, now.
Has it already been FOUR AND A HALF YEARS, Charlie?
PS–I just got my cheap-o Wonkette shirts! YaY!
the constitutional provision that allows closeted senators to block any bill that offends their dainty self-importance
And he would have used it again, but Jorge broke her heart and ran off with the ham biscuits. Miss Lindsay will have her revenge!
In her flouncy evening gown, I daresay she will!
Ham tacos? Ham burritos? Ham enchiladas? Ham nachos?
Green eggs and ham biscuits?
Would he be going apartment hunting in these parts? Is that what you're leading to?
Wait, apartment-hunting in your parts?
How did this man survive grammar school without getting pantsed every day?
Why do you think he prefers dresses?
Good point. Luckily Hamsbiscitz combs his hair just right so it doesn't show.
I would say that Boehner is the new Snooki, seeing as they are both the same delightful shade of orange.
Is this rape FORCIBLE?
He has always relied upon the handjobs of strangers.
Is it just me, or is he a dead ringer for Rue McLanahan?
And shouldn't the headline be "Brokeback Immigration Reform?"
You take that back about Rue McLanahan!
Well, he is much more feminine. . .
And I'm sure he's seen a lot more dicks in his life.
"If there's one thing that I cain't stand,
It's a ethnocentric racist.
Now, you take back that thing you said
About Aristootle Onaissis."
Lindsey's approach to legislation is like a ricochet biscuit. If it don't bounce back, you go hungry. Bow bow bow.
This initiative may not square with the House's single-minded focus on jobs (…and abortion…and healthcare). You're going to need to consult with John "Orange Biscuits" Boner and Erik "Ham Blintzes" Cantor about this.
Had to fist you for "Ham Blintzes."
Lindsay probably changed his mind on immigration when someone told him that ham biscuits are good with chorizo, too.
Yet another attempt by a sexually ambiguous South Carolina pol for some type of relevance in the strange new world of Tea Bag politics.
Good luck, honey.
One of Bobby Kennedy's Castro Assassination schemes involved plying the dictator with savory South Carolina ham biscuits. The deliciously deadly breakfast treats would either cause Castro to stroke out, or to liberate Cuba in order to get them openly. A team of CIA agents, Mob hitmen and right-wing Cubans was dispatched from Biscuit Bay off the the coast of Miami–but they could not resist the ham biscuit stash en route, and immediately infarcted upon landing in Cuba, meeting their demise at the Bay of Pigs.
I was attending Mardi Gras with Fidel Castro
Buxom cross dressers threw fake gold coins at our feet
As we discussed the fate of the revolution
Suddenly, CIA men dressed in bikinis
Tried to stab us with fountain pens
Fidel blew mustard gas from his cigar
And immobalized the lot of them
19 tequilas later we had a deal
Havana goes back to the mob
And Fidel and I open a chain of Kentucky Fried Chicken shops
Ain't life sweet? I feel good
I feel better than James Brown
I feel better now
I feel better than James Brown
I feel better now, how do you feel?
Who wrote(not wrote) that?
James Brown is dead.
That's exactly how I remember it!
~
This is all to Paul Ryan's credit (as it were) — after his version of the budget is passed, the teabaggers won't be able to say the Mexicans are coming over here for the welfare.
Hey! I'll have you know that Lindsey Graham is a staunch heterosexual.
Until the booze kicks in.
We should celebrate a system that allows 100 individuals to throw powerful temper tantrums that stop the work of government!
Lindsey just realized the he needs new farm hands down on his plantation.
You do know that Shep Huntleigh references will not get you a buyer at $315 Million, don't you? Nothing says "Non-Profit" quite like a Shep Huntleigh reference.
Try boobs. Boobs sell.
Well, I reckon you don't need to know how to bake bisuits to know how this story is gonna end.
Lindsy and his "pool boy" Eduardo must have finally buried the hatchet.
Goddamit how am I to get through my day with unabated ham biscuit fantasies consuming my mind? Why did that picture have to rape my eyes so?
“seems to think that there’s a shot at this.”
I don't think shooting illegal aliens can really be considered reform.
“Anything Lindsey suggests, I will have an open ear to,” Schumer said.
Careful, Chuck.
Phenomenal "Streetcar" references.
"I'm very adaptable to circumstances."
Fresh new plate of legislative ham biscuits but Lindsay where's the surprise ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgWn7zbgxZ4
Blah immigration blah de blah HAM N' BISCUITS!!!! WHY DID YOU SHOW ME THE HAM N' BISCUITS I'M HUNGRY!!!!!!!
Late to the party here, but I have a question.
Every time we have an article about Lindsey Graham you use that photo of that ugly ugly woman – who is she?
Why is Lindsey not in Israel with the Huckster?
Aw, shucks. (Tugs at unruly forelock, kicks pebbles . . .)
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