- Sweet Jeebus, AOL has agreed to purchase popular liberal/Brangelina Internet destination “The Huffington Post” for $315 million! Why does AOL think this is a wise investment? And will Arianna Huffington’s citizen journalists continue to Win the Afternoon, with the hottest hot scoops (“D-List Celebrity Has Boobs” and “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Celebrities Who Have Boobs” and “BREAKING: So Many Boobs!”)? There is probably a HuffPo “personality quiz” and/or slideshow that can answer both of these important questions. [CNN]
- America won the Super Bowl last night! Did anybody else watch the “halftime show” and immediately think, “Oh, so this is what happens when Albert Speer’s Cathedral of Light has buttsex with MTV”? [NYT]
- A new reality teevee show will follow the real-life true story of a man who is hunting for Bigfoot in the hills of North Carolina, using “Zagnut candy bars” as bait. [McClatchy]
{ 152 comments }
One good thing, Huffpo can't get any worse than it is now.
Oh really? Not only do I believe it can get worse than it is now, but I fully expect it to do so in the near future.
They are going to take that as a challenge.
I'm so used to hitting "Delete" as soon as any of its drivel hits my inbox I doubt that will change now that it is owned by "All Our Liars".
HuffPo – Come for the boobs, stay for the whiny, self-important and sometimes pointless celebrity editorials.
AOL's (who knew they even existed anymore?) latest gold mine.
Try a "Snickers," fool.
Everyone knows that Bigfeet prefer "Payday" bars.
Amateurs
and all the gawker sites got redesigned. i'm glad wonkette is still here, rocking and mumbling in the corner just teh way i likes it.
Arianna's going to be pissed when she learns the real value of all those NOW 120 HOURS FREE! CDs.
I thought those were coasters.
Today we all woke up, reamed by twilight.
P.S. I want to hear Arianna Huffington sing the Star Spangled Banner once. Just once, mind you, but I do want to hear it.
She couldn't screw it up anymore than Christina Aguilera did.
Aww, come'on…ya gotta love "What so proudly we watched at the twilight's last reaming."
It was pretty obv that Christina was just doing a parody of Maya Rudolf . And she did it well.
THAT is hilarious!!
"AOL buys HuffPost"
Somehow, this is a deal that damages the reputation of *both* parties.
The most pressing question to my mind, Riley, is did Arianna pick the wrong week to quit Huffing?
She & her gay ex-husband just had to hit that sale at Penney's.
Goddamn capitalism gone awry, giving all those sweet, wholesome American dollars to that crazy furriner.
AOL can't lose! Look how well the Time-Warner / AOL merger worked out.
I had many AOL stock options when that merger was announced, the few that were vested I invested in beer, somewhat ashamedly at the time, but it turned out that beer was the best thing I could have done with those fucking things.
That one was Time Warner's idiocy; AOL made out like a bandit in that they "bought" Time-Warner with a bunch of soon-to-be-nearly-worthless AOL pretend Internet money. Now AOL is the old fogey company getting taken by the newbie Internet fake-money factory. And the circle of fail is complete.
As someone who was working for a Time Warner company when that "merger" (really a buy-out) occurred, all I can say is good luck, suckers.
Match made in heaven: AOL and Huff 'n Puff are both targeting an audience of people who don't know how to use the Internet.
Does this mean we will only be able to access Huffpo using dial up?
Where will all the olds go for their news and forwarded all caps emails about the Muslin, radical Kenyan usurper? WE HAVE PROOF!!1
Hey, that was my question!
Is Arianna quitting to take her shitty Zsa Zsa Gabor impersonation on road?
Mmmmmmm Zagnut! I'm off to NC.
WonketteCon/DNC onvention. See y'all here. I am gittin' my overalls steam cleaned.
After a cost-benefit analysis, AOL announced it was buying Wonkette as well. Price was a '72 Plymouth Duster and a five pack of Billy Beer. Wonkette was unsure where it would get the other three cans of Billy Beer, but agreed to terms.
Don't forget the player, excuse me, "playa," to be named later.
AOL has received the rights to each of the Wonkette staffers's first-born. Baby K. Smith has already been dispatched.
Corn Syrup futures made a big jump today as celebrity blog Wonkette finalized its sale to FOX for 20 billion dollars. Editor Ken Layne pledged to take all commenters out to IHOP saying "It's the very least we could do. I checked."
AOL merging with HuffPuff is AWESOME. It's the Reese's Peanut Buttercups of the intertubes with HuffPuff's reasonable and not stupid commentators and blogwhoring celebs combining with AOL's bidniz acumen (TimeWarner merger worked out for everyone, right?)
AOL still exists?
what I'm sayinz…
This needs seven more fists. No one can be still be paying 20 dollars a month for that shit – so is this $300 million a part of the money Time Warner gave them to commit suicide?
I am sort of assuming that AOL's money is expected to come from a huge payoff, once they help some Nigerians with some simple bank transactions.
Did anybody else watch the “halftime show” and immediately think, “Oh, so this is what happens when Albert Speer’s Cathedral of Light has buttsex with MTV”?
I thought, "Oh, this is why you don't start drinking at 11 A.M. on Super Bowl Sunday", and headed off to the toilet bowl to hurl.
~
It's exactly why you DO start drinking at 11 am, so you can be hurling instead of watching.
Tim Armstrong was hunting for Arianna Huffington using Zagnut bars for bait but wasn't successful until he switched to a pink Blackberry curve to lure her into his $315 million lair.
As for Mr Bigfeet Hunter. First you find the turds then you find the footprints and the you get the big feets.
If Big Feets existed then you would think some poor unsuspecting hiker would find Big unexplained turds lying around on the Appalachian trail. Either it's the most discrete pooper in the woods or it doesn't exist.
Just because you're big and hairy, doesn't mean you can't be neat and tidy! Sure, Bigfoot shits in the woods but he/she/it is very careful to bury the shit in an environmentally responsible manner.
I guess the Wonkett regrets all those posts making fun of the AOL — $315M is a lot of clearance tee shirts. Can't blame Ken though; who would have guessed AOL had any money at all?
Pshaw. I'll bet Ken can *still* sell Wonkette to AOL for a weekend in Vegas.
Ken is holding out for an offer from CompuServe.
No, Prodigy is really where you earn the big whore diamonds!
GoDaddy!
Is that because Ken has a crush on the new Super Bowl GoDaddy gal Joan Rivers?
On the Johnny Carson show In April of 1965, Ed Ames made Americans laugh by throwing a hatchet into the crotch of a drawing of a man. Twenty-four years later, America's Funniest Home Videos reintroduced the gag with baseballs gone awry — the taboo was broken, and the object-to-the-crotch gag became a staple of American comedy. Yesterday's Super Bowl commercials show that the gag is still alive, with one ad showing at least a dozen crotch punches and an ad for the new Adam Sandler movie using it as a highlight.
Um… Kill me now.
Ow… My Balls
A milestone in the march of Civilization.
"It works on so many levels!"
I didn't see the ad with the dozen crotch punches but I did see a Pepsi commercial where an annoying preppy got hit in the nuts with a flying soda can. The two really annoying women at the next table in the bar hooted like a couple of monkeys. So the lesson is: shots of blueberry-flavored vodka can make anything funny.
After seeing that commercial, I said to my wife, "Didn't there used to be some sort of conventional wisdom in marketing that you shouldn't show your own product being used to assault innocent people?"
Still waiting for Fergie (of Blackeyed Peas, not the Duchess of Worcestershire-on-Ham-with-Mayo) to suffer a wardrobe malfunction.
You must admit, it's a good idea to feed Bigfoot until he's too fat to hide. Of course, he'll look like 33% of all Americans after that, so I guess the point of catching him would be moot.
Speaking of the Superbowl, which reminds me of half-time, which reminds me of Justin Bieber…
I run a small open mic in a coffee shop in my town. It's basically just a bunch of middle aged dudes playing folk, traditional, and original music. My friend the owner got a call last week from BMI telling her that she has to pay $1000/year fee because she has live music in her shop. I was telling this to my music teacher (a working musician), and he says it gets worse. BMI's fees go only to those songs that are played on the radio on a percentage. Granted, Tom Waits and John Prine might make it on to an "adult contemporary" station from time to time, and they'll get a tiny cut…however, most of the money goes to the likes of Justin Bieber (or rather, the person who writes his songs).
OT, I know…but I'm still pissed that because some little rat fuck and his ilk (or rather, BMI – a different kind of rat fuck) didn't get that last squeezed penny, we may have to shut down.
ASCAP will also be calling them. The defense is to tell them no one plays anyrthing but original music. Then just get the performers to stop playing covers. In case PRO spies come by.
Apparently that won't work with BMI. I was reading about this over the weekend and their rational is, "of the millions of songs written, how will the owner know which is original or not?". Gotta hand it to them though…the mafia wishes it could operate with such finesse.
What's a PRO? And if one comes by, can we take him out back and administer some street justice? …with creative license, of course.
Ignore the call until the goons actually show up.
Unfortunately, goons no long show up with clubs and such. The show up with subpoenas.
Yeah, the only thing you can afford to do is cease and desist. Hooray for American justice. Protecting Artistic Freedom*.
(*Music Publishers)
Yeah…I reckon that if we get shut down I'll just move the whole thing to my living room. Sorry assholes…this is a private party, fuck along now.
Attorneys playing in the key of
shameblamelame.Is it wrong, that I watched that Super Bowl commercial, and prayed for Ozzy to bite the head off of Bieber?
Not wrong at all. That would be awesome.
Last night was the first time in years I did not watch the Superbowl, and it felt strangely liberating, like a sudden realization that I don't have to care about something just because society tells me to.
We found out the Packers had won when people started running up and down our block screaming. (Um, we're in Wisconsin.) Then when they found out we hadn't watched the game they burned down our house.
Local fans can be a little nuts. I've hated basketball ever since college; going to school in Chicago, when the Bulls won the championship every year except the first. And the victory was always during finals week; in June, and the dorm didn't have air conditioning.
Oh crikey, and did several different rooms have several different spoken-word rhymesters with gutwrenching basslines blaring out of loudspeakers at the same time?
I'm from Chicago and I remember working evenings at one of the hospitals across the Eisenhower from the stadium during those years, taking CTA (no car). It really sucked – and got scary with mobs, guns, all that stupid shit. Where are those mobs now that we need 'em, to protest no jerbs, transfer of wealth to the rich from the poor, neverending war, all that important shit?
You've expressed my sentiments so well. Though I never watch the Superbowl, there's still a sense of freedom in avoiding it.
This is a good first step but now you have to take it to the next level. Find someone who will have sex with you in an unconventional manner, and afterwards, don't feel guilty about it. Let us know of your progress.
Yeah, I tried that for about 12 years, but now, shit is so fucked up I need my NFL/NBA distractions. I can't stand college sports, though, that stinking pile of hypocrisy and corruption is for recently-graduated morons only.
Is it fair at this point to say that men's major college sports (i.e., basketball and football) are the most corrupt and cynical of all human enterprises, except for Pentagon weapons procurement?
You're in Chicago too, aren't you? Are you a regular reader of Rick Telander, the Ken Layne of the Sun-Times sports section? He rips college sports a new one every fortnight or so.
Yep, I'm here. I read Telander regularly. I like him, but hadn't particularly noticed his ripping. I like him more for knowing that, even though he went to NU.
It will now be called AHOL.
fitting for Azzholes on Line.
Was there a football game yesterday? Was it on TeeVee?
Uh oh…a friend of mine from high school lives in NC and he belongs to the local cryptozoology society. He's the one that doesn't believe Obama is a US citizen. This has fail written all over it.
When did will.i.am get the Borg implants?
10 minutes before they signed Fergie.
Why couldn't they buy Arianna as well and just fucking hide her somewhere?
I would be burning my Black Eyed Peas CDs if I had any. That so called show was like concentrated vomit for the ears. I was forced to go to a Super Bowl party fortunately there was plenty of food, drink and rooms without a TV but I watched some of the half time show. Why do they bother?
As far as Super Bowls go, that was actually a pretty good game: lots of scoring, Pittsburgh coming back after Big
Rapey ShitheadBen repeatedly fucking up their chances, Pittsburgh losing in the end. I missed 99% of the halftime show because I had to drive my daughter to her church youth group, so it worked out pretty well for me.The Super Bowl halftime show is there to let people know which musical performers are now officially washed-up has beens. Christina Aguilera had a big flashing light in her palm, which kept distracting her from remembering the words and the tune.
Oh dear, another slow-motion train wreck to watch. AOL is the disaster that just keeps on giving. It's like grafting red roses onto a black bear– it might smell a bit sweeter but it''s still a big ugly thing.
Yeah…I'm not sure if AOL is better described as a Mobius Clusterfuck or a Corporate Human Centipede. Either way…LULZ!
At first I used to read HuffPo for the headlines, then the content, then the comments to see where the prevailing liberal take was on matters of the day. Then the comment section became a ideological battle-ground that did not show political discourse in a flattering light.
I am now exclusively a Wonkette devotee for online up-to-the-minute developments in news that matter. Now, where's that next story on bumper stickers?
I'm confused. Where do you go for your celebrity skin slideshows, then?
Right here, laddy.
Animal Planet's show on Bigfoot fits right in with the History Channel's shows on aliens building the pyramids, Biblical "history" and Nostradamus. Why do all the supposedly educational cable channels all have to pander with shows on bullshit?
Sorosbot – did you suffer some form of amnesia?
No, Bill Clinton isn't in office any more. It's 2011 now, let me get you up to date: there's a black man in the White House and he replaced George W. Bush (no, it's his son). We're fighting a war in Iraq (no, another one) and another in Afghanistan. The American people suffered an awful terrorist attack (no, not like McVeigh – Muslims!) but rather than go through the effort of pulling together and standing strong, the people ordered an extra large, fried high-fructose corn syrup snack and turned on the television. People didn't like all of the "educational" stuff, so the cable channels are busy dumbing things down.
I was a researcher for a TLC series on subjects like the existence of Bigfoot and UFOs. It was my first job out of college. This was in 1996, so things haven't really changed.
Bah – step on my laborious joke why don't you?
In that caese – trucknutz and buttsex.
Don't knock boobs, Riley, boobs are one of the few things in this earth that are pure goodness, they are just good and nice, they have never harmed anyone, they don't contrive massive investment scams that tank the world economy, boobs don't invade other countries for their oil, boobs don't sell out national health care to big pharma and the insurance industry. Boobs are good, Riley. Maybe if there was more reporting on boobs here at the Wonkette, someone would give you guys $315 million, you know what I'm saying? I mean, if there were pictures, too, maybe? Its worth a try, isn't it? Do you have an ESOP? Imagine, that $315 million, and all you have to do is write about boobs a little more often, with pictures, of course. . .
You could start with that Fergie, I bet she has boobs, someone should be investigating that, to find out, and inform the world, what is it with Fergie, does she have boobs, and, more importantly, are they fergie-licious boobs? With pictures, too.
"they have never harmed anyone" wasn't there a guy in Florida who got whiplash from a stripper's boobs?
Riley really doesn't get it — he tagged the post with 'poop' but not 'boobs'!
Boobs are actually good for you!
This is simply the most incredible, amazing, absolutely wonderful thing ever. This is just the best news ever in the entire history of the universe. Fuck VE day and VJ day, this is the greatest thing ever in history.
I have already proposed that my workplace establish a "wellness program" based on the findings of this study; after we get it in place, we are going to seek a discount on our health plan premiums. I can see it already, we can use the savings to have strippers pay regular "wellness visits" to the office. . . .
This is the greatest thing ever, ever, ever in the history of the universe.
Here's how you mix boobies with football,ftw.
My god, the implications are enormous! This means that Mrs. Prom has the capacity (capacity, he he) to be one of the greatest healers in human history! And think of all the lives saved, the years of happiness and productivity added to the lives of millions, by such great medical workers as Pam Anderson, Dolly Parton, and the tragic Anna Nicole Smith.
So that's why $arah Palin got a boob job – to enhance her career as a therapist for wanking wingers.
Suddenly I'm reminded of R. Crumb's Headless Woman.
I weep tears of joy at this revelation.
"Half the volunteers were instructed to ogle at the breasts of women daily, while the rest were told to refrain from doing so."
I'll believe the latter volunteers complied with this proscription when Lancet re-considers the rigor in that celebrated/phony autism study.
Fergie's Boobs: the ones with instruments.
My God, Huffpo is actually saving lives with stories like this one: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/04/worlds-b...
Y'all are forgetting the benefits of breastfeeding. Babies – they know what they are doing by going for the boobie. Higher IQ, improved immune system development, fewer illnesses, healthier psychological development, and a lifetime appreciation of female anatomy!!!
Right now, on Google news:
Spotlight »
Cheek Biting: Why You Bite Your Cheek and How to Stop
Huffington Post (blog)
– Feb 3, 2011
I liked the SuperBowl halftime show better when it was Daft Punk in Tron
They should have got The Naked Rayguns to reunite, what with the centennary and all that.
So has AOL actually made any wise decisions since 2000? Or even earlier?
As for the Super Bowl I flipped back and forth between it and the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet while playing a game on my iPhone. I wanted more replays of the Pittsburgh QB getting hit. Though I did watch several minutes of the half-time show in horrified fascination.
we debated trying to find the Victoria's Secret half-time show…. then remembered the group was a bunch of girls and gheyz and no one really cared about seeing girls in lingerie. So we just made fun of the black eyed peas and questioned whether Fergie is a tranny or just butt ugly the whole time.
I don't know about the zagnut bigfoot hunter, but I could watch that documentary about the guys that go "noodling" for catfish all day.
I'm guessing that AOL top brass were attracted to the HuffPo by its editorial position against corporate control of America's political, financial, and cultural life.
You: Ego project of philosophically malleable Greek mole/highly successful divorcee.
Me: <beep…beep…beep…modem squeal>
Objective: World domination, remote chance of profitability.
I hate football but I was so ready for football to come back on after the half-time show.
Do not read HuffPo when it shows up in my inbox. Doubt that will change now. Did not watch Sunday Gas Bag Shows, so I don't know what old white men think about everything. Did not watch Super Bowl or Half-Time Show….So, I've got all that going for me, which is nice.
I'm with you up 'til the S Bowl. Watched the game but not the half-time show. Learned long ago that I can spare only so many brain cells to pointless self-destruction.
I lied anyway. I tuned in during 4th Quarter.
Your pants are on fire, but your timing was excellent.
My late father, a life-long Baptist Preacher, was fond of Flip Wilson's famous quote: “A lie is as good as the truth if you can get someone to believe it.” He used it frequently and with great gusto.
This is all well and good, and no doubt news we can use, but what is happening with my personal savior and hero, Charlie Sheen?
He'll be the new E-I-C at Huffpo, what all the huffin'.
Is it just me…or does anyone else think it's interesting that Arianna is now probably richer than her gaybag ex-husband ever was? Or was it her with the money in that family? That's right, I don't recall because it doesn't matter two shits…kind of like BEP.
If you would just be nice for once, maybe they would pay $300 million AOL dollarz for the Wonkette!
If HuffPo is worth $315m, RedState must be worth over $1000.
If one was so inclined to go there, you know that RedState, Biggovernment, Stormfront, etc. are lighting up over this news. If you listen carefully, you can hear the wingnut heads popping off.
And due to the collapse of the media industry, Huffingtonpost is now in the perfect position to purchase Time-Warner. Ironic, isn't it?
Coming soon: cutting edge technology that will let you access the internet over your phone line.
True Story: Last week Al Gore penned a Global Warming op-ed for Huff Po. I went on a one man crusade against all the misinformation and bullshit in the comments section, just to see if it could be done. I spent over twelve hours trying to beat these people with a clue stick. It was so draining that I compromised my immune system. I literally come down with an awful cold which is still with me today. And then my doctor told me to avoid the comments section on Huffington Post.
This bizarro news is like Border's suddently deciding to buy Blockbuster.
Who thought this was a good idea?
And, uh, Arianna? Why on earth did you sell to this piece of crap company–the same company that fired a bunch of people, made a bunch of crappy investment, failed at one of the most stupid, idiotic mergers in media history, crapped all over its earliest supporters, and is about three steps from falling into the grave? You couldn't have found a better buyer? You better make sure that payment is in cold, hard cash–AOL's been known to be a bit late on a few payments lately. What a horrible, awful, move by both companies. Look for AOL and this Post website thing, whatever it is, to be out of business and bankrupt within five years, easily. Gawd, people, this is certainly NOT the future of journalism, media and the internets thing.
Lots of thumbs up to you, sir or ma'm!
1. Sell for $300 million
2. Laugh as AOL fucks up everything in time-honored fashion
3. Buy back from AOL for $3 million
4. Profit!
Are you sure Fergie's a she?
Ana Marie Cox on WNYC's Brian Lerher Show this morning, when asked how the HuffPo/AOL merger would affect journalism, kind of snorted that it's bad news for writers trying to make a living at their craft. She further explained that HuffPo is notorious for not paying their writers, as in, letting them write for free in each writer's effort to get published–anywhere. She later amended the assertion, stressing that it was the bloggers who are not compensated. This may explain why AMC is at GQ, and may never find her byline at HP in the future. I was hoping she would say something snarky like, "Well, this merger means absolutely nothing for serious journalists, but if your beat is cleavage on the red carpet, you can expect mad offers for more fodder, blah, blah, blah." She may not have said it, but I know she was thinking it.
have they changed the name to "LOL" yet?
Let me get this straight Arianna Tom Sawyer'd a bunch of bloggers to work for her and has now made a mint off it. Good work if you can get it
Why did HuffPo censor Jesse Ventura's 9/11 article after publishing it?
"AOL Buys Huffington Post."
So, you take two sucking entities, and collapse them into a media blackhole? Arianna is laughing all the way to the bank. She couldn't care less what this means for Huffington Post; and really, why should she? When you have something that sucks as bad as HuffPo, why not drop the pretenses of what it really is?
Whorington Post, here we come, baby.
Hi!
I just closed my account at Huffaol. I think I was blacklisted after posting criticizing the merger because I was unable to post the original criticism or any other subsequent posting. The merger was very disheartening to many Huffaol users and they are fleeing the site in mass. To me Huffaol was a small and independent political and social commentary site mixed in with some silly stuff where I could go to unwind and get some breaking news. With this merger, small and independent is out the window. I think I am going to make Wonkette my new unwinding home. I hope you are not too harsh on me for being a former Huffaolic.
You should hold a fundraising benefit, to raise the money to buy $1000 worth of dildos to mail to the BMI attorneys.
Well, on another Chi-town subject, let's see what "The Chicago Code" gets right or wrong tonight! I am having a hard time picturing the high-yella hotness of Jennifer Beals as a Chicago police chief, but maybe she'll spill Italian beef juices on a police report, or buy some churros at a crime scene.
I don't know if I can bring myself to watch any show where, in a promo one of the characters says, "Let's do this." I might watch, though, just to see how laughably wrong this show gets everything about police, law, and order.
Did you notice the evil king of Chicago corruption is, umm, a brother? I'm sure that the Lombardos and Accardos would have a laugh or two about that.
If at some point he says, "I'm the hog with the big nuts!" they'll have at least done a little bit of homework.
I couldn't bring myself to watch the Chicago-based medical shows that were all the rage in the 1990s-early 2000s. I worked at some of the hospitals they occasionally filmed exterior shots at, and a few movies. Princess Di visited County during that time. My actual shifts had more interesting, real life drama, than the shows.
Deep-dish reference in 3,2,1…
Okay, now I'll watch it. Let's meet here again tomorrow in some thread and share faux outrage about how terrible the teevees is.
Send them a bag o' rat dicks from vermin caught in the alleyway.
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