anti-lobbyist racism

Yeah, Clarence Thomas’ Wife Is a Lobbyist

Can she sit on the bench too? She would probably ask questions. Really good ones.Ginni Thomas may have been forced to resign her duties as Washington Teabag Queen because she was drunk-dialing Anita Hill all the time, but that doesn’t mean she can’t make a living! (Clarence Thomas doesn’t report her living on his tax forms, by the way, even though the law says he has to. But let’s see the Supreme Court uphold that conviction.) This news has made some people upset because, uh, this Supreme Court justice’s wife is a lobbyist, for God’s sake. But it wasn’t like it was ever in question the way Clarence Thomas would vote on the things she’s advocating. It’s just that she officially gets to tell people she can deliver them a vote on the Supreme Court, if necessary, by threatening to deny her husband access to delicious cookies.

This is pretty excellent:

Freshman Rep. David Schweikert (R-Ariz.) — who courted tea party activists and who was endorsed by Liberty Central, the tea party nonprofit group she headed until December — was unaware of Thomas’s new effort.

“This is the spouse of Justice Thomas?” he said, when asked by POLITICO on Tuesday about her outreach. “No, I’ve never met her. It’s not something I’ve heard about. And I hang out with a lot of freshman,” he said.

Oh freshmen. “We used to hang out with Rand Paul too, but then his voice changed and he got armpit hair and Brittany Thompson started dating him. Anyway, why can’t we leave school grounds at lunch time?”

Roughly half a dozen aides for new members told POLITICO that their offices received handwritten meeting requests from Thomas the day after they were sworn in, as well as follow-up e-mails requesting a meeting with her — but only one of them had met with her. The rest had no plans to do so.

Haha, loser. But why did even one meet with her? To get Anita Hill’s number to post on 4chan? [Politico]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. OneDollarJuana

      It's why the Boner wants to get rid of food inspection. The FDA might take a dim view of pubic hair in Cokes.

    1. HarryButtle

      If only…he's my new representative and many of us in Scottsdale/Tempe would like to see him go away sooner rather than later. A scandal involving young boys would be a dream come true. All that much better if the youngin's a Messican anchor baby.

      I mean, I'd feel sorry for the boy, but it's really for the greater good.

    1. gef05

      You're confusing your indefinite articles with your grammatical numbers.
      "Someone get that woman some coke."

  1. metamarcisf

    Frank Zappa once wrote this verse about Clarence Thomas:

    "Standing on the porch of the Lido Hotel
    Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell
    Hot meat Hot rats Hot zits Hot wrists Hot ritz Hot roots Hot zoots…"

    1. Grief_Lessons

      With a big ol' lie
      And a flag and a pie
      And a mom and a bible
      Most folks are just liable
      To buy any line
      Any place, any time

      When the lies get so big
      And the fog gets so thick
      And the facts disappear
      The Republican Trick
      Can be played out again
      People, please tell me when
      We'll be rid of these men!

    2. zhubajie

      The Jimmy Swaggart Trilogy was the best but his other political songs were pretty good, too. What a shame he isn't here now to immortalize Palin!

      1. BerkeleyBear

        I think of them as pimps, giving Congress a taste of the good life but then turning them out to screw all of us.

  2. WhatTheHeck

    …by threatening to deny her husband access to delicious cookies

    Those wouldn’t be Oreo cookies, would they? You Know, the ones which are black on the outside and…

    1. Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

      You Know, the ones which are black on the outside and…

      …full of lard and cornstarch and petroleum-based preservatives in the middle, just like most Americans?

    1. glamourdammerung

      In other words, expect a creepy phone call from Ginni in 20 or so years demanding you apologize to Clarence.

  3. edgydrifter

    "She's who now? Seriously? Yeah, but… she's white, and… and…"
    [sound of head exploding]
    –the last words of Rep. David Schweikert (R-AZ)

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Believe in this case it's:"….the law says he has TWO…."…but explicate it any fucking way you want, man…

  4. Name_Tag

    "i've never met her. it's not something i've heard about because it doesn't involve trying to repeal things as idiotically as possible."

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Which is how you KNOW the douchebag Repupblithug is lying, because that ugly white bitch is totally about repealing things as idiotically as possible.

  5. fuflans

    That image is very disturbing. I wish you’d have chosen something else. I realize that it’s a shameful part of American history that we should never forget, but it’s too much.

  6. EdFlintstone

    No conflict here, nothing to see, move along people. Those quaint old days of "ethics" are a thing of the past with this supreme court. No recusals needed for your duck hunting buddies or your sons law firm or your wife's johns, err I mean clients.

  7. CapnFatback

    It’s just that she officially gets to tell people she can deliver them a vote on the Supreme Court, if necessary, by threatening to deny her husband access to delicious cookies.

    C'mon, Jack, if her "cookies" were really all that delicious, Justice Thomas wouldn't have to be asking around to confirm the existence of pubic hair on his beverages.

  8. PublicLuxury

    She's not a cutie is she? Shouldn't a woman have some femine charms? Perhaps it's all between the legs coupled with a heavy dose of porn.

    1. natoslug

      Clarence has the hots for John Lithgow. Ginnie is the closest he could get, outside of a pig-faced horse hybrid.

    2. Texan_Bulldog

      I imagine she can suck the brass off a doorknob. I mean it's not like Clarence stays with her for her looks or her personality.

    1. user-of-owls

      Honestly, Lizzie, I never took you for an advocate of bulimia, but there you are just sticking your finger down our collective throats with that imagery. For shame, woman, for shame.

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      And with that, I hit 105 whore diamonds.

      Thank you and good night! Tip your waitresses, try the veal!

    2. zhubajie

      Is Long Dong still alive? I write his name in for president, every chance I get! He'd revive 1/2 the world's respect for the office.

  9. Schmannnity

    I wonder what Thomas and Scalia would say about the Founders' stand on miscegenation? They would have to Original Intent her ass out of the house.

    1. OhNoGuy

      And Clarence wouldn't have to be concerned about a "hi-tech lynching" . No, no ,no this would be strictly traditional, just like the Founding Fathers intended.


    2. LionelHutzEsq

      You totally do not understand how a great legal mind like Scalia's works. Of course he would have no problem with it. The founders were perfectly fine with it just as long as you treat the spouse like a slave.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        " treat the spouse like a slave."

        Treat like a slave? Don't you mean KEEP as a slave? Jefferson died so deeply in debt, owing completely to living way over his means and dressing like a dandy and gentleman farmer and all that shit, that, unlike Washington, who freed his slaves after his death, Jefferson could only afford to free 5 of his 300 slaves. The rest were sold to pay his estate's costs. And of the 5? None were Sally Hemmings. Jefferson was a rat bastard. Adams was a more important to the founding of the republic and decent , too. (I have to tyupe particular words because, as uyou camn tell, thje keuyboard is fucked up. Blows thje mimnd of spellchjecker)

        1. Negropolis

          I never got the love for Jefferson. Of the founding fathers, his worldview and philosophy always struck me as one of my least favorite. He wanted America to stay a small, agrarian society, and deplored urban areas. He was a proto-Southerner before such a region had been clearly defined. Washington was literally from the same area, but had a more expansive, inclusive and grand view of America. Thank god he was allowed to set the tone for the nation, and even more so that Adams, a citified Yankee, followed him.

    1. Negropolis

      You said it; if she happened to be black and/or a liberal, we'd be hearing about how not only was she under federal investigation, but how Clarence, with a heavy heart, had filed for divorce (for political motives, of course).

      1. Negropolis

        The streetlights just came on, and Satan rang the dinner bell. Time to go back to hell…er…home.

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      Anyone that makes a Nagruski call out with Ginnie Thomas deserves to be fisted all the way to heaven.

  10. Gomez571

    "I don't know who Maxime thinks she's kidding. If Hagrid's half-giant, she definitely is. Big bones… the only thing that's got bigger bones than her is a dinosaur."

    1. glamourdammerung

      Oh, I had thought it was disclosure as well as taxes. My mistake.

      Still a violation of federal law though. Just as I am sure it will be added to the list of "looking forward and not backwards" AKA what used to be known as "the rule of law".

      1. OhNoGuy

        Didn't Dred Scott invalidate that? You sure? I thought it had something to do with Clarence and assholes on the Supreme Court.

  11. Walkinwiddaking

    "(Clarence Thomas doesn’t report her living on his tax forms, by the way, even though the law says he has too. But let’s see the Supreme Court uphold that conviction.)" Being the first Uncle Tom Supreme Court Justice.. well, you have to cut the man some slack.

  12. GeoatBeck

    The Tea Party is not a lobby. It is not a political party. It represents the moral majority. Many of you here have been coddled into believing your mainstream. There is nothing radical about standing up for what has been all along. The libprog agenda is what is radical. They are what has eroded the morals, they have to. They can not "progress" their agenda if we are not at each others throats. The left has all the violence and destruction and the Tea Party has none.

          1. the_problem_child

            Nope, teabagging tards who can't spell are worse than Palin, because they are the backbone of Amerikkka.

          2. GeoatBeck

            Well open up your mouth, here come the Tea Baggers!

            I crack me up! (crude, but you bring out the worst in people).

            Actually (I figure you do not know this) the Tea bag represents the Boston Tea Party, it was about many things, including taxes. The Tea Bagger thing is all the work of the libprogs.

          3. glamourdammerung

            I guess their are a few morons in every group.

            Yeah, but at least most of ours are coming over here from Breitbart's clown festival because they were told to.

          4. glamourdammerung


            I was the one of the folks that pointed out how you try to change the subject when you are shown to be wrong.

          5. GeoatBeck

            Again with the circular logic. Like a liberal you are doing just what you claim the other is. I haven't been wrong yet. Contrary to libprog popular belief, a misspelling or grammar error, does not invalidate an argument. Which is funny, as they are just as likely to make one. If you have an example, show it.

          6. DustBowlBlues

            I accidentally gave you the trolls thumbs down. Sorry. I'm replying to make up for it. I will thjumbs up you from now on.

          7. GeoatBeck

            No, I would rather debate. I rather we were throwing facts around and not feces. Misinformation and propaganda can be dangerous in times such as these.

          8. GeoatBeck

            Really! You mean I do not have to stay here, I can go?

            I bet you could just ignore posts and move on. Is that allowed?


          9. glamourdammerung

            The fact I could ignore your posts does not refute the fact that you are only here to troll.

            You can keep crying about it all you would like, but that also does not refute what I clearly pointed out about your behavior here.

    1. Rotundo_

      Golly, I guess I never thought of things that way. I'm sure that all the money Dick Armey and the Koch brothers are pouring into this spontaneously generating movement that isn't remotely related to Republican Party interests is being given with no quid pro quo whatsoever. Patriotic gestures from patriots. Thanks for setting us all on the correct path and showing us the light. Tax cuts and military budget increases forever big guy. May you bask in the sweet glow of liberty forever! THANKS!!!!!1!!!1!

      1. GeoatBeck

        What money is that? There is no way and no amount of money that could have energized the people in the time span that it happened. My neighbors, fellow citizens and I, receive/received squat. That is what your mother ship needs you to believe and you have never actually talked to anyone in the Tea Party. Bringing American down to the median (by means of global wealth redistribution) is hardly a strategy for success as we clearly see.

        1. Rotundo_

          My eyes opened again, Thanks for sharing the wisdom, and I look forward to the bright future that Tea Party policy will bring to our great nation, Thanks again for getting the truth out there and keep up the good fight.

        2. mourningnmerica

          I talked to a bunch of Tea Party people. They are, by and large, extremely ignorant, slow witted, willful old people united by no more than their hatred of non whites. Now please do what you Tea Baggers do, and sniff my fucking balls, from the underside. I don't mean to imply 'Tards are not welcome here, but shit, don't you have a Re-Enactment event to go to or something….

          1. GeoatBeck

            I am finding the very opposite to be true. You are a pretty good example of that. Mom must be proud.

            Perhaps you are mistaking your inability to grasp the subject at hand with their perceived ignorance?

      2. LionelHutzEsq

        And don't forget FOX News giving them unlimited support and slanting their news to support them.

        1. GeoatBeck

          Opposed to all the slanting by the state controlled media. Fox was not that big to have done this. This only shows how slanted the lefties were, that even with the almost exclusively left news stranglehold, the truth shined through. David against Goliath. The good conquered.

          1. LionelHutzEsq

            Are you capable of doing anything but spouting inane cliches you heard on the radio? How is the media "state controlled"? Was that true in 2002 when WaPo and Judy Miler were repeating everything that Cheney was telling them without question? Or did this just happen in the last two years with our glorious Kenyan leader? If so, why has Glen Beck's Chalkboard been so quiet? Why has Sarah Palin's Twitter account not let her post it? Dear God, they must be part of the conspiracy!!!

            GeoatBeck, we have traced the source of your thoughts. They are coming from inside your head. Get out of your head!

          2. GeoatBeck

            Which is it? At first you mock it as a lie, then you invoke a previous administration.

            We? You mean your handlers? I can not believe you did not get the memo. I can't believe you are still in denial. I could go all day starting with Jeffrey Immelt, GE owned NBC, MSNBC and White House press access.

          3. LionelHutzEsq

            Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding.

            But access is hardly control, is it? Or are you arguing that since Jeff Gannon had access to the White House, there was state control of male escorts during the Bush Administration?

            I mock you for two reasons. First and foremost, if you can't bring the funny here, you are committing a terrible sin. You should repent son.

            Second, if you can't provide any support to your arguments, you are a danger to our civilization. Please give one proof that we have "State Controlled Media." And, no, the fact that the Times hasn't found out the truth about Obama's birth certificate doesn't count.

          4. GeoatBeck

            The administration are like pimps or a pushers, they give access and to continue to get that access, you do as they say. That is control my friend (Chicago politics). Not sure what you birth certificate comment is about.

            How is Emmelt in the White House anyway. He lost more than 36,000 jobs, almost wiped out his investors (many of which were GE employees) took stimulus money and made jobs over seas and now an advisor to Obama. Think it might be because he ran his media groups into the ground to support him?

            You sir are a danger, accepting whatever your handlers tell you as truth, makes you very dangerous. You have nothing I have seen to bring to the table. You attack, if attacking was what brings success, we would have not seen the 600 plus turnovers from Democrats. Wake up and wise up.

            I provide plenty of support, it is just no one can dispute it, hence the attacks and name calling. Read for yourself.

            PS – I find my own understandings, I am not part of the "free stuff" crowd, needing one given to me.

        2. DustBowlBlues

          Slanting the news? You call that slanting? You, sir, are a master of understatement.

          (Ack. Keyboard makes me go back amnd delete all kimnds of shjit–esp. Ms. mnot to memntiomn uy)

          Let's all just thumbs down trolls to fuck their pees and move on. If my keyboard weren't so difficult, I'd give the nitwit a lecture on revolutionary history and the Boston Tea party. Then again, replies help his pees, hence I am responding only to you.)

          1. glamourdammerung

            After they have to play the "any disagreement is trolling" nonsense instead of manning up after being called out on only posting here to insult the users, I tend to agree. They are going to keep insisting their are somehow a victim any way around. After all, that is what movement conservatism is about anyway.

          2. imissopus

            Don't forget claiming they only want to "debate the issues." Of course their perception of the issues is so far removed from any reasonable sense of reality there really is no way to debate them in a meaningful sense. I say just ignore the goat fucker – nothing anyone here says will change it's mind.

    2. AznMom420

      Man who taught this eagle to talk all these goddamn words. Shouldn't you be out in the garage with my total gym and my singing fish statue?

      1. GeoatBeck

        Let's test your hypothesis. I have been involved with the Tea Party since it's inception. I think I know a wee bit of what it is and is not. So are you just showing your stupid or do you have a frame of reference in which you conclude you obviously misinformed opinion?

        1. AznMom420

          I agree two years is a really long time to do anything and that's really special! Our little baby movement has definitely mastered all of the finer points of the terrible twos, but soon I'm sure you'll grow out of shouting NO! at your nanny state and shitting in your overalls. Two more years and you can almost sit at the big kids' table without spilling your sippy cup.

          1. GeoatBeck

            Is that your way of acknowledging that you folks have no clue and your only response can be some mindless, childish dribble?

            All you hear is no, that is programmed by your handlers so I can hardly blame you.

  13. OneYieldRegular

    Could someone please tell me why the little institution for which I work seems to have FAR more stringent policies regarding potential conflicts of interest around spouses and partners than the WTF-ing Supreme Court of the United States?

  14. BornInATrailer

    Would have preferred a story about an Amtrak train hitting Ginni while she fed on a deer carcass.

  15. cheaphits

    Lillian McEwen, who was the woman who partook in Thomas's "freewheeling sex life" between 1981 and 1986 has a story to tell. and is flogging it to publishers.

    "He was obsessed with porn," McEwen also said of Thomas, a claim that is particularly relevant to Hill's allegations that the then-chairman of the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission had repeatedly relayed scenes from pornographic movies to her."

    These people are creepy.

  16. mourningnmerica

    How can she be a Tea Party lobbyist, when she is personally contributing to the mongrelization of the races?

    1. Schmannnity

      Good news. They haven't bred, like so many conservative couples. See, e.g., Chief Justice Roberts, Pat Buchanan, Anne Coulter (thank God), Laura Ingraham, (thank God), etc., etc., etc.

    2. DustBowlBlues

      It's like the guy here whose daughter has two illegitimate children by a black guy. He still uses the N word, except it doesn't count for his family. (fuck this keuyboard) Rules don't apply to the stoopid.

  17. Veritas78

    Is this the sort of white woman that someone was wondering "whey dey at?" If so, I think we can all breathe a little easier.

  18. SudsMcKenzie

    He still, presumably, has to sleep with that. If this was anyone but a Supreme Court Justice, that would be justice served.

  19. Negropolis

    Why couldn't Clarence get himserlf a decent-looking white woman, at least? She must have a rather ample posterior.

    1. karen

      What does pointing out stupidity and hatred on both sides do? Republicans are whores, Democrats are whores. If you would actually like to have a discussion about a topic, then start a discussion with empirical evidence, not talking points and bias. Otherwise, snark or GTFO.

  20. BklynIlluminati

    Wonkette you need to check your voicemail. Someone is asking for an apology a Ginni somethingorother….

  21. XOhioan

    Let's dispel the notion that this is an interracial marriage. Toads do not marry out of their species.

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