tuesdays with fetus jar

Commie George W. Bush Doesn’t Believe In American Exceptionalism

Hey, George W. Bush found some people willing to spend time to listen to him. He thinks immigration reform will happen, even though all Mexicans want to come here to sell drugs and gay-marry each other for the government health benefits. But why does Bush want this to happen? He thinks the country is getting “nativist.” Uh oh. This guy’s officially dead to the Teabaggers.

“What’s interesting about our country, if you study history, is that there are some ‘isms’ that occasionally pop up. One is isolationism and its evil twin protectionism and its evil triplet nativism. So if you study the ’20s, for example, there was an American-first policy that said, ‘Who cares what happens in Europe?'” Bush said. “And there was an immigration policy that I think during this period argued we had too many Jews and too many Italians, therefore we should have no immigrants. And my point is that we’ve been through this kind of period of isolationism, protectionism and nativism. I’m a little concerned that we may be going through the same period. I hope that these ‘isms’ pass.”

Damn straight! Let’s end all “isms.” Capitalism, for one. Also, baptism. And botulism. No, let’s keep that last one.

During another segment of the interview, Bush also claimed that he was “through with politics,” and that he wasn’t interested in getting involved with campaigning or fundraising for future candidates.

Good. They’re not interested either. Learn yourself about the brown scourge, George! [HuffPo]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


    1. HistoriCat

      Cheney released the mind lock he had on W. George woke up one day and said, "what the hell is going on? Last thing I remember is asking Dick to help me find a VP candidate."

  1. TanzbodenKoenig

    Wow, it's amazing how much worse the wingnuts have gotten in 2 years that I can read those excerpts and say to myself "Wow, I wish the Teabaggers and Palin fanatics were more like that moron, those were the good ol' days."

    1. jrients

      I can't be the only around here who used to go around depressed at the fact that things were so bad under W that it made me nostalgic for his dad's era. Now this. Christ.

      1. Terry

        It's part of the whole plot. In addition to giving old patrician f'ers more and more money, they are leading us to believe that it's actually ok when the old patrician f'ers are officially in charge, too.

    2. lulzmonger

      There is an ethical corollary to the Overton Window – a Wild Man Of Borneo Window, if you will.

      In America, that fucker has taken off like a rocket among certain subcultures ever since the inauguration of a certain very urban former law professor.

  2. SorosBot

    Georgie, if you're through with politics, then why not stop giving all these interviews, go back to your fake ranch and just shut up so America can try and get over the trauma of the eight-year abusive relationship we just got out of?

  3. PublicLuxury

    I wonder who gave him the Cliff Notes version of history? He's not smart enough to have grasped it without LOTS of help.

  4. freakishlywrong

    I would also say, Dubya, that politics is well and through with you. Please go away and don't resurface until you are arrested. Tnxbai!

  5. baconzgood

    This falls under the old 1000 monkies typing for 1000 years saying. I mean he's given us so many botched thoughts and pregnant pauses over the years he was bound to say somthing that made sense.

    P.S. Kayne West still doesn't think you like him Georgie.

  6. SorosBot

    Socialism, hypnotism, patriotism, materialism
    Fools making laws for the breaking of jaws
    And the sound of the keys as they clink
    But there's no time to think.

  7. Texan_Bulldog

    It's okay–tea baggers don't watch C-Span. They spend all their time watching Snowbilly & the other retards on TLC. Oh and buying NASCAR collector edition cars on QVC.

    1. vulpes82

      They don't watch it, but they do call into it in order to rant about The Blacks oppressing the white man.

  8. user-of-owls

    What’s interesting about our country, if you study history, is that there are some ‘isms’ that occasionally pop up. And that, my fellow nativists, is why I steadfastly refuse to study.

  9. freakishlywrong

    OT/ but our criminal, extreme right wing Gov. in Florida just sent back all the federal monies that were to be used to establish the exchanges and to help implement ACA. Thanks for that too, fuckwits.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Or, maybe, he just learned the error of government health-care (it's ripe for abuse)?

        Har har har.

  10. Ruhe

    Speaking reasonably about the lessons of our own history? Swearing off politics altogether? Look out Bud Selig! W's comin' for your job now!

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Don't be surprised if Jeff Novitzky compares Barry Bonds to Saddam Hussein during the perjury trial, either.

      As is: I'm on Bonds's side.

  11. YasserArraFeck

    "nativism" is a contraction of the phrase "native boy jism"..also known as "Rush's vacation dessert"
    His "wafer-thin mint", as it were

  12. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oh you’re not getting off that easily cowboy. You’re going to go on Glenn Beck’s show for a week or so and help him explain world politics with nothing but chalk boards and Beck’s and your feeble brains.

  13. harry_palmer

    "he wasn’t interested in getting involved with campaigning or fundraising for future candidates"

    because a) he's a selfish, self-absorbed twit, and b) they won't let his radioactive ass anywherre near them

  14. nounverb911

    In related news, Skull and Bones has announced that they plan on replacing Geronimo's skull with W's as soon as it is available.

  15. ifthethunderdontgetya

    I'd say it's pretty exceptional of a country to give a cretin like Dumbya two four-year terms as its chief executive, in spite of a record of accomplishment limited to not choking to death on his own vomit and being born into the right family.

  16. DeeJayKitteh

    Wow, it's amazing what he says when he doesn't have Cheney and Rove's hands shoved up his ass, trying to make his mouth move.

  17. littlebigdaddy

    I hate to be paranoid, but I wonder if this legacy polishing is intended to open the door for a Jeb Bush candidacy. The Teabaggers are split among various white trash types, and a Bush could easily win the country club crowd. Mittens and Huntsman are both magic underwear types, which will not play well in the Bible Belt.

  18. Guppy06

    "One is isolationism and its evil twin protectionism and its evil triplet nativism."

    Or, as I like to call them, "my base." heh heh

  19. An_Outhouse

    The baggers were through with Georgy a long time ago. After all, he wasn't a real conservative.They desire purity, just like another movement in history.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Until you accuse The Idiot Prince of being a war criminal. Then they get all up in your face defending the retard.

  20. BlueinVA

    Is it just me, or has Dubya been reading up on history? He was never this expansive when he was president. Or is it just that he sounds like Einstein after two solid years of Palin and the Tea Baggers?

  21. hagajim

    I'll have to add the quotes from that interview to my famous list of W doucheisms….just like the fools don't get fooled again….dipshit.

  22. CivicHoliday

    Really, all this proves to me is that his dumb cowboy act was, in fact, political theater. That doesn't make him a better president (in fact, more insidious) but it does make you wonder what the last 8 years might have been like had it not been for Rummy, Cheney, Wolfie, and all the other hawks.

  23. CapeClod

    Too bad that he never had a time during his presidency when his party had an overwhelming congressional advantage and he could have pushed through comprehensive immigration reform.

    What? Nevermind.

  24. MiniMencken

    George, I'd like to acquaint you with a favorite ism of your Third World dictator buddies, Faradism.

  25. Preferred Customer

    Wait. Did he get a brain transplant since leaving office? How the F*&K is he this coherent? I not only understood everything he said, I found myself agreeing with it.

    Was he just suffering from lead poisoning when he was in the White House?

  26. OneYieldRegular

    Good heavens, who was that terrifying zombie audience? Ah. Got it. They've been listening to him for nearly 40 minutes by this point. I'm saving a screengrab of that for my desktop, just so I Never Forget.

  27. Sassomatic

    George W Bush sounds intelligent and reasonable compared to the current GOP leadership. We are through the looking glass people.

  28. lulzmonger

    Whoa, dude! You applied the OTHER "N" word to America? In public?

    Your private plane: I'd make mighty damn sure it's VERY well-maintained before every single flight you ever take in it from now on. SRSLY.

  29. SilverFox

    First it was his lovey daughter being OK with gays, now this? Why are the Bush's playing these mind games with me this week?

  30. deanbooth

    The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, "maize." Another famous Indian was "Crazy Horse." In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.

  31. Negropolis

    It have been nice if he didn't play retarded in office all those years and took on the crazier wing of his party, instead of feeding it bullshit. Whatever his actual policies, his tone on immigration has always been moderate, especially back in his days as governor; an on a personal level he always had a good relationship with hispanic and latino communities. In fact, if you watch clips of interviews and debates during the Republican primary in which he ran, he seems down right centrist by today's Republican Party standards; it's scary as hell.

    I don't know; these words of his give me a total sadz. :( It actually makes me more disappointed in him. This is sort of like the "Ground Zero mosque" controversy, last year, that he could have squelched given how publically protective he was of Muslim American communities, even if he did later on refuse to tamp down on the rampant Islamophobia that infected just about every corner of his party, and even parts of the other major party.

    1. smellyal8tr

      It would have been a totally different eight years w/out Cheney and Rummy. If W had stood up to the right (and that's a big IF) and picked Ridge or Keating as VP, things would have been much, much different. 9/11 would probably have still happened, but W wouldn't have been stampeded into war by the remnants of the FORD (!) Administration. Too bad, really.

  32. sqeptiq

    If only someone had convinced him that moronicism was also a bad thing, he wouldn't have run for president.

  33. BarackMyWorld

    Despite the fact that their policies were 99.9% identical, Reagan is beloved by the Tea-baggers, and Bush reviled.

    What's that say about the baggers?

    Either there's something they know about Dubya and/or Ronnie we don't, or they have the intellectual consistency of a schizophrenic used-car salesman.

Comments are closed.