THE FINAL FRONTIERSMAN  10:00 am February 4, 2011

Giffords’ Husband To Go Be Civil With Space Aliens In Space

by Jack Stuef

Mark Kelly, husband of wounded Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, will fly the space shuttle Endeavour’s final mission in April, according to a source familiar with the decision.

This is his Sputnik moment.

He’s had it rough. Can we let him blow up the Moon?

Anyway, we were sort of wondering what happens when you cry in space? And now that we think about it, what happens when a sullen teen astronaut slits his or her wrists in the bathroom? This is why we need to send an emo up there before the Shuttles stop. [SPACE POLITICO]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 41 comments }

metamarcisf February 4, 2011 at 10:14 am

Guess what – he's not coming back.

mumbly_joe February 4, 2011 at 10:46 am

Can you blame him?

ifthethunderdontgetya February 4, 2011 at 10:17 am

I don't think you're supposed to be civil with Space Aliens in Space. You're supposed to nuke 'em from orbit. Or else put up a really, really tall fence.
~

widestanceroman February 4, 2011 at 10:32 am

Since these life forms likely won't know 'no,' can't we rape them for a while first? It IS in the Real Constitution after all.

jim89048 February 4, 2011 at 11:17 am

Just the tip, or the 3/5 compromise?

GeoatBeck February 4, 2011 at 9:07 pm

What's that 3/5 compromise again? It appeared bad on the surface until you really look at what it was designed to do. Check out Fredrick Douglas.

"An excerpt from the article. Mr. Douglas first impression of the Constitution was that it was pro-slavery. After some time had passed, and he took the time to re-read the constitution,;

At a church meeting in New Bedford in 1839, Douglass made his first speech — denouncing colonization and deportation of black slaves. He remained a fervent foe of such schemes and a proponent of integration for the rest of his life. He soon fell into the circle of William Lloyd Garrison and the American Anti-Slavery Society. Douglass eventually broke with Garrison and the Society over their opposition to any kind of political involvement and their condemnation of the Constitution. Like Mr. Lincoln, Douglass felt the Constitution should be a protection against, rather than a sanction for slavery. For years, first under the auspices of the Society and then under his own sponsorship, Douglass toured the U.S., Ireland, Scotland and England speaking against slavery.

Later, he formed his own newspaper, the North Star (later Frederick Douglass' Paper) and moved his family to Rochester, New York. (In the mid-1840s, Douglas's freedom had been purchased by white friends from his former master in order to guarantee his freedom of movement.) In his paper in 1851, he wrote that the Constitution "construed in the light of well established rules of legal interpretation, might be made consistent…with the noble purposes avowed in his preamble" and called for the Constitution to be "wielded in behalf of emancipation."13

Later, in perhaps his most famous "Fifth of July Speech," Douglass declared: "Fellow-citizens! there is no matter in respect to which, the people of the North have allowed themselves to be so ruinously imposed upon, as that of the pro-slavery character of the Constitution. In that instrument I hold there is no warrant, license, nor sanction of the hateful thing; but, interpreted as it ought to be interpreted, the constitution is a GLORIOUS LIBERTY DOCUMENT."14
"

les_gvt February 6, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Geoat- Long time no see

there is no reasoning with these ???? can't even call them clowns, it would be insulting to the clowns.

If Gaga did not say it, thy don't believe it, and heaven forbid you expect them to actually learn something before the spout off

GeoatBeck February 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm

"LaMarr Lloyd

The US constitution said black people were "three-fifths" of a human (meaning white) being. The confederate South use that to o five black people slaves as three votes for themselves. The Planters in the south wanted to spread slavery across the US and were willing to separate from the rest of the nation to do so. According to the school book one read in college, The Irony of Democracy (about if the US is an elitist or plural society President Lincoln is quoted in a news paper as saying, Whether it is a question of a white man or black man being the (can't remember the exact word so I'll put dominant) I would choose the white man. President Lincoln approved the sending of ships full of slaves to br dumped back to Africa as the "Negro solution "of slavery. but that did not stop him from being assassinated by a racist actor from the right. He died because he set black people free and prevented the South from taking over the entire nation. Those same elements of hate and mental disease are still among us.

Reply#2 – Thu Aug 19, 2010 11:30 PM EDT
Ron B.

The 3/5ths was a method of allocating voting rights. Because slave owners wanted to count their slaves as population, it gave the south unfair numbers of representatives in the House. Slaves could not vote so the extra numbers gave the South extra votes even tho they weren't really people.

Did you read the history of the man? If you didn't, I believe you would find it interesting. Just do a search on his name, you will find several articles. Ron.

I found this quote from ; UL-Lafayette computing support services.

Of the 55 Convention delegates, about 25 (almost half!) owned slaves. The delegates from Southern (slave) states wanted to counts slaves as part of their population. This would give the Southern states additional representatives in the U.S. House of Representatives. Delegates from the Northern (Free) states strongly opposed this, arguing that if slaves had no rights to vote (or any other rights of citizenship) then the South should not be given additional representatives in the House. Also, the North feared that counting slaves as part of the South's population would allow the South to have enough representatives in the House to out-vote the North on issues regarding slavery. The South likewise feared that not counting slaves as part of their population would give the South too few representatives in the House, thus allowing the North to out-vote the South on issues regarding slavery. The compromise they reached would arbitrarily count each slave as 3/5 of a person. Thus, neither North nor South fully got their way, as slaves were counted in part toward population when determining how many representatives the free whites should have in the House of Representatives. Hence the name "3/5 compromise." Not wanting to put the word "slave" in the Constitution, the delegates agreed the Constitution would state that population would be determined by counting the number of "free Persons . . . plus three-fifths of all other Persons . . ." Of course, if one is an "other person" rather than a free person, obviously the "other person" must be "not free"; in other words, a slave

LaMarr, thinking back to the times, some people did what they could to end slavery in the only way they knew how and still stay in a position to be able to do anything.

The 3/5th was a compromise suggested by the North as a way to prevent the South being able to override anything that came up that might be negative toward slavery. I think Lincoln was against slavery, but sometimes you have to do one thing in order to accomplish another. If I'm not mistaken, Lincoln did not call the war a war against slavery, but against secession. Not until the war was either nearly won or was over did he proclaim them free. (Someone could correct me on that if I'm wrong, it's just a distant memory?).

There are still as you say, people who harbinger racist views, (on both sides), and I've not had to live with the problem. I'm sorry that any one has and I hope things have gotten better for you.

My impression is that more and more black people have begun to come out from under and work their way up. We see more Black people in corporations and higher up the ladder. We see people like Barbara Jordan and Condalisa Rice, Colin Powell, President Obama becoming roll models for the younger generation. I've seen more occasions where white and black are working together in good paying positions with corporations and far less of the separation I used to see. I know there are still problems, and there will be for a while yet, but it seems to be becoming much more natural to see Black and white not seeing the color in each other. Hopefully things will keep improving and maybe some day people will no longer separate one from the other. I really hate it when people start shouting racism solely for political gain, it brings things back up and re-fuels the fire. Real racism of course should be routed out, but never lied about."

SorosBot February 4, 2011 at 10:21 am

We've all seen the Star Wars prequels; I don't need to see another annoying emo kid in space again.

Monsieur_Grumpe February 4, 2011 at 10:26 am

Yes. The world does not need another Wesley Crusher.

LionelHutzEsq February 4, 2011 at 3:29 pm

If only Wesley was Emo, he would have been interesting.

Gratuitous World February 4, 2011 at 10:23 am

If the moon is in the cross-hairs, o'reily's gonna shit.

horsedreamer_1 February 4, 2011 at 10:31 am

Keep Calm & Carry On.

GuyClinch February 4, 2011 at 10:34 am

It would be so nice if he could take Jared Laughner up there with him and eject him in a little capsule filled with wasps and bedbugs.

widestanceroman February 4, 2011 at 10:59 am

Let's take him for a space ride Mittens style!

V572625694 February 4, 2011 at 11:16 am

Many fists of admiration are raised in your honor.

widestanceroman February 4, 2011 at 12:41 pm

That explains the odd sensation in my honor this morning.

JustPixelz February 4, 2011 at 10:35 am

I sure hope Cap'n Kelly doesn't "accidentally" drop something on NRA Headquarters while he's up there. That would be sad … but protected under the original intent of the Second Amendment, which does not prohibit throwing Glocks at things from space.

Not_So_Much February 4, 2011 at 11:21 am

Giant, frozen shit-cickle of doom through their roof would make me can has many smiles.

CapeClod February 4, 2011 at 10:46 am

Nothing like flying a 20 year old used vehicle into the most hostile enviornment known to man. I bet the aliens laugh when they see that thing coming.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 4, 2011 at 10:55 am

Or perhaps, quiver their tentacles derisively.
~

Monsieur_Grumpe February 4, 2011 at 11:14 am

The shuttle is the Pacer of the universe.

V572625694 February 4, 2011 at 11:17 am

Vega? Trabant? Citation? Le Car?

So many to choose from.

Not_So_Much February 4, 2011 at 11:21 am

Yugo

Moonbat February 4, 2011 at 12:18 pm

You put it that way, it sounds pretty ballsy.

Well, even more ballsy than "being an astronaut" already is, I guess. Uber-ballsy. TruckNutzy, I mean to say.

Weenus299 February 4, 2011 at 10:52 am

If ETs start pulling pistols with extended magazines, there will be hell to pay.

EatsBabyDingos February 4, 2011 at 10:57 am

I'd rather send Sharron Angle and her merry band of Merry KKK Kosmeticians. Mebbe they can have a "purty party" and scare all the aliens away with their batshit crazy glares.

harry_palmer February 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

Wouldn't it be better to strap that bald-headed freak who shot her to a missile and launch him instead?

donner_froh February 4, 2011 at 11:08 am

Mark Kelly has more class and guts than the entire U.S. Congress taken as a (w)hole.

SorosBot February 4, 2011 at 11:10 am

Now that it's controlled by the GOP, Congress is better described by replacing the l in whole with an r.

Oblios_Cap February 4, 2011 at 11:15 am

Hope he remembers to take a towel.

proudgrampa February 4, 2011 at 11:20 am

Klaatu barada nikto.

MissTaken February 4, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I'd like to see China top this. Space cold war my ass.

Oh wait, they're paying for it.

LionelHutzEsq February 4, 2011 at 3:34 pm

But how will the shuttle get into space?

Unless…., God?

MinAgain February 4, 2011 at 4:11 pm

In space, no one can hear you bleed.

ttommyunger February 4, 2011 at 8:47 pm

His head has always been in space. Her head; much more space now. Too soon?

ShaveTheWhales February 4, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I'll give you a fist for being too soon.

ttommyunger February 5, 2011 at 10:16 am

Well, these 2nd Amendment solutions are tough love, aren't they?

politics_nerd February 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Godspeed sir!

denverite February 7, 2011 at 1:02 am

This guy reminds me of John Edwards, for some reason…

GeoatBeck February 6, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Yes it has been awhile. Good to see your still knee deep in it. Gaga and John Stewart ( they still do not realize he is a comedian, even after he tells them, they still think it is valid news). It is sad. The amount of psychological help they are going to need, to come to terms with reality and the truth, will be phenomenal. It kinda like following of Manson.
.

I'll do what I can for them but they have to make an effort. You would think my charm and wit would be enough. ;)

I wonder if he knows the first slave owner was a black man and the slave was white?

"
In 1640, the year Johnson purchased his first property, three servants fled a Virginia plantation. Caught and returned to their owner, two had their servitude extended four years. However, the third, a black man named John Punch, was sentenced to "serve his said master or his assigns for the time of his natural life." He was made a slave. "
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part1/1narr3.html

From PBS?

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