About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

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74 comments

  1. Barbara_i

    What cheap ass "Baby Maybe" generic rubbers is he buying? Julian, pay full price so that you won't have your wiki leak.

  2. arcane_allusion

    Jack, are you suggesting that if we cut Julian's thing just right, it will grow another head?

    Of course nobody in the class will be able to do this and instead it will just die.

  3. Native_of_SL_UT

    I can't wait until we get to the part of the trial were they let the jury pass the evidence around amongst themselves. I hope they don't spoil my fun by just passing around these pictures of the damn thing. They should pass the real thing around.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Another thing, as with the 67000, yearly, for landscaping (that is breaking America's budget), for which to blame James "Earl" Carter.

  4. edgydrifter

    Bad news for Bristol–the condom was just offered a morning radio gig in Arizona. That's going to be stiff competition for her.

      1. ttommyunger

        The truth doesn't wear rubbers, it rides bareback like the reckless rebel it is: Tally Ho, Motherfucker! ;)

  5. axmxz

    Few people know that "Wikileaks" is actually just the description of Assange's performance in bed: quick and drippy.

    1. BornInATrailer

      Oh thank goodness. I was just going to ask someone to convert it for me so I'd know which way to comment.

  6. DashboardBuddha

    From the Gawker article:

    "small scratches were observed in a few areas close to the split edge." However, the damage showed "no trace of what could be assigned to tools."

    Tools? What the hell…who needs tools to rip a condom? Did the victim have nails?

  7. aguacatero

    A stark relic of Pacific Gas & Electric's brief and unfortunate foray into the family planning market.

      1. aguacatero

        The utility has recently been found to have had some welding problems with its natural gas pipes. I don't know about the status of the band's welds.

  8. Amo_of_Bogio

    Hey Jack, I think you mixed up the pics between this one and the "ruggedly handsome" boner article.

  9. DoktorZoom

    Ha-ha–this reminds me of the opening scene of The Blues Brothers, where Frank Oz is giving Belushi his personal effects: "One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One…soiled. "

  10. mereoblivion

    "Frame delen av kondomen." Didn't some Ibsen character famously say that? Or Strindberg? Or Victor Borge? (If I keep hopping around Scandinavia, I'm bound to find the right language.)

        1. Moonbat

          Lutefisk is definitely rubbery, although I wouldn't say it was "tasteless," exactly. More like "vomitous."

  11. PublicLuxury

    Are they sure the condom belonged to Julian? It could be Tawd Palin's hooker screwing condom. I bet it's Tawd's. It's just like a Palin to try to cash in on for profit used condom trading.

  12. Limeylizzie

    My sister-in-law is Swedish, I shall have her translate , of course her English is somewhat odd but still…

    1. user-of-owls

      Such a terrible boor am I for being so tardy (and a codswollop off topic), but I do owe you this for your touchingly sweet affirmation some days ago. So:

      Scrapes floor with his foot while trying to hide a sheepish blushing grin.

  13. bflrtsplk

    Is that the same one George Costanza got from Kramer in that Seinfeld episode? It didn't work then either. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Single Condom Theory.

  14. Ducksworthy

    Would it be blasphemy to claim to see Jeebus face in a broken condom? No? How about claiming Jeebus wants tax cuts for billionaires? Is that blasphemy?

  15. iburl

    Wow, swedes are even more pervy than i thought. Ken Starr's book may have been pornography, but there were no spooge or rubber pix.

Comments are closed.