it's morning in america

Senate Republicans Unanimously Repeal Obamacare, 47-0!

derp derp

  • Senate Democrats were unable to convince ancient turtle-beast Mitch McConnell that he actually needs sixty votes to repeal health care reform, resulting in hours of pointless “debate” and a dumb final vote of 51-47 against repeal. Nobody expected this to happen, since the measure was “tacked on to an unrelated aviation bill” and Republicans “expected it to fail.” PLEASE STOP DOING THIS. Even bitter ol’ John McCain participated in the freedom fapping, describing the Congressional Budget Office’s cost estimate of health care repeal as “garbage in, garbage out.” Good gravy, Republicans. Maybe you guys can spend less time proposing dead-end legislation, and more time using Nancy Reagan’s Ouija board to ask Thomas Jefferson if he supports the troops or something? That would be much more productive, probably. [WSJ/McClatchy]
  • Also: Walnuts had a hawt date with Obama at the White House! Was this before or after he said the CBO was communist? [The Caucus]
  • Happy Year of the Rabbit! Buy your commemorative Chinese Rabbit trinkets at the Subway/Dollar Tree minimart today! [CNN]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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131 comments

  1. catchtheflava

    Given the state of the Democrats, I'm actually a bit surprised that it didn't pass, and that Barack didn't find some compromise with McConnell over which to repeal it. "There's no more healthcare reform, but we did get a killer reduction in the top marginal tax rate…we are the change we have been waiting for!"

  2. Terry

    The Congressional GOP's current platform contains only two planks:

    1. Plenty o' freedom fapping
    2. The exact opposite of what Obama says or wants, regardless of what that is.

    1. CapeClod

      They also have their core values. That poor people have too much money and that rich people have too little and need more.

        1. Serolf_Divad

          No doubt they've thought of it but… would you buy Mitch McConnel's grandmother? Kind of a nonstarter.

    2. LetUsBray

      Just once, I'd like to see the president go on TV and implore Republicans, for the good of the country, not to drown themselves in vats of raw sewage.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        And definitely don't jab very long, sharp needles say, um, fifteen, eighteen inches long — with real sharp points — into their eyes.

  3. Barbara_i

    Enjoy your White House visit, Walnuts! Try not to clog the Lincoln bedroom toilet while you are there. The President's personal physician isn't allowed to write any prescriptions for Cindy and the internet is not interested in any nip-slips photos that Meghan might "accidentally" take in the rose garden. Well, maybe the guys here will look, just to be polite.

    1. undeterredbyreality

      Well I, for one, will be polite. I hate to admit it, but I kinda like Meghan. I imagine her & Rachel getting together after one of their interviews. Maybe joined by Ana Marie Cox.

      Oh–too much information?

      1. Limeylizzie

        I think she likes Rachel in the way that all of us "straight" women like Rachel. That is , we would totally be agreeable to some sexytime wth her, so long as we were just the receptive party

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    I've been waiting for it to be the Year of the Cat ever since Al Stewart released that album back in '77. Is it ever going to happen?

    1. HistoriCat

      Relatively speaking? Relative to Ken Layne, I'm a sunny optimist and I'm probably the most cynical, pessimistic person I know in real life.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Speaking of whom, the sinister Layne Cat-Pope appeared on my Intensedebate page as my latest visitor. I feel kinda spooked, like the Eye Of Sauron is glaring at me.

        1. HistoriCat

          Heh – last week I looked at my Intense Debate page and saw that Sara Benincasa had visited. It gave me a tingly feeling.

  5. EatsBabyDingos

    In honor of the Year of the Rabbit, I am going to sit around smoking pot all day watching Bugs Bunny cartoons.

    1. jodyleek

      It's the year of the Bunny? Hot damn, better get me some new Energizers for the ol' Rabbit Pearl. I've gotta get to celebrating!

    2. Chet Kincaid

      That would have been an excellent plan for yesterday, here in Chicago. We even have some good hydroponic shit. But we did the responsible thing and dug our cars out.

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    Ya know, I work for the federal government, and sometimes feel a little guilty because my job allows me plenty of free time to waste on the internet. But then I look at how much time is wasted by both houses of congress on useless shit, for twice the pay, and it makes me feel like I built the transcontinental railroad, by myself, in comparison.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Sorry, we're still working on the Dick Tracy Two Way Wrist Radio and the One-Man Flying Trash Cans.

      2. SorosBot

        We were promised hoverboards and flying cars by 2015; get cracking, there's only four years left!

          1. SorosBot

            And without that glasses shit; dammit I want actual 3D movies and TV that does 't give me a headache.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      I used to work for the Feds, too, but before the internets. All I had time to do was have long lunches with pitchers of beer. Not much got done after lunch, but everyone was in a great mood.

    2. ttommyunger

      The dirty secret of Federal Service is: Job 1-Get to work on time. Job 2-Discussion and decision on lunch. Job. 3-Lunch. Job 4-Critique of lunch. Job 5-Angling a way to get off early without getting busted. Ya-b-Dee-Ya -b-d-Da-That's all, Folks!

    3. zhubajie

      Walt Whitman wrote poetry at his desk at Interior, till his boss read some of it and fired because it was "dirty." I think the boss was the only loser!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Having a university education disqualifies you from being able to understand any of the shit the Republicans come up with, math or policy or ideology or what have you.

      1. Limeylizzie

        No kidding, and having an advanced English degree makes you want to throttle the Baggers for purely linguistic reasons.

        1. elviouslyqueer

          Oh please. We with the advanced English degrees don't need to fall back on our fancy Derridian/Chomskyian/Saussurean coursework for that. We just need a functioning cerebral cortex and a healthy reliance on the id.

      2. elviouslyqueer

        Having a university education any education whatsoever disqualifies you from being able to understand any of the shit the Republicans come up with

        Fixed.

        1. HistoriCat

          Having a university education any education whatsoever a grip on reality disqualifies you from being able to understand any of the shit the Republicans come up with

          Fixed your fix.

  7. baconzgood

    I'm glad we live in a country that has people with enough gumption to waste our time and money.

    1. inedalo

      the GOP does not see this as waste of money. for them it is a way to force the Dems to vote Yes to support health plan, so the teabaggers can use it against them when the dem. senators face re-election in 2012. it's called Dirty Politics.

  8. mereoblivion

    In Israel, every year is the Year of the Rabbit.
    Darn. Now why didn't spellcheck catch that one?

  9. Bluestatelibel

    I'd actually be happy if the Repubaturds waste their time trying to pass legislation that has no chance of ever passing. Next up: let's repeal the interstate highway system!

    1. mumbly_joe

      Truth is, Joe Manchin knows what the rest of the damned fool Senate has yet to realize:

      Bills 're fer a'shootin, not fer a'votin' on.

  10. mumbly_joe

    Again, as long as they're busy with grandstandy legislation that doesn't go anywhere, they're not trying to impeach Obamar or rewriting the laws so only "rape rape" counts as rape, or trying to defund the EPA, or passing bills of attaindair based on doctored claims against nonprofits that help the poors. Or, for that matter, passing smaller, subtler, incremental amendments to the ACA that are more likely to pass the Senate and thus more effective at weakening or undermining the already-weaksauce law as it now stands.

    Maybe they should introduce another bill to try to repeal the whole law, again. Sad that it is, but with Republicans controlling a single house, and Democrats suffering from their characteristic pussitude, our best case scenario is the introduction of a shit ton of dilatory measures by Republicans that end up simply maintaining the status quo. How depressing.

  11. slithytoves

    It was especially heartening to watch this nonsense debate while the Islamic world tries to pull itself through the birth canal of freedom. What current event should more occupy our efforts than that which will have the greatest impact on our welfare and safety?

    And Huckabee goes on record as saying Obama should support Mubarak.

    Na na na na, na na na na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye.

    1. SorosBot

      Why does Huckabee hate democracy?

      Actually, it is kind of funny how the right, as it reflexively opposes everything Obama does, all started coming up with bullshit reasons to claim we should support Mubarak over the protesters as soon as word got out that Obama was pressuring him to step down.

      1. mumbly_joe

        It's actually kinda neat watching the competing interests with in the GOP duke it out on this one. You have the handful of True Believer neocons who actually bought all that "human rights, freedom and democracy" bullshit about Iraq and Afghanistan, and then you have the rest of them, and most of the theocons, and many of the relics from the Cold War that created this whole "client state dictator" problem in the first place, all of whom were really just using the whole thing as a smokescreen for anti-Muslim animus and unconditional support for Israel's right-wing, for whom the loss of a terrible, brutal, oppressive dictator, but one who was on Our Side, is literally the worst case scenario, fuck all that democracy noise.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      "Islamic world tries to pull itself through the birth canal of freedom. "

      This makes me visualize Andy Dufresne's escape in Shawshank Redemption.

    3. Terry

      …and Beck and the gang think that the Egyptian protests and goverment overthrow could happen here, too.

  12. freakishlywrong

    Since taking over the world in their "historic" victory, where the American People™ told them to fuck up as much stuff as they can in 2 years; after ceaselessly whinging about "jawbs, jawbs, jawbs" for the first 2 years, here's what the fucking assholes have done:

    1. Repealed Health Care Reform
    2. Re-defined rape. (ABORTIONZ!)
    3. Attempted to repeal Health Care Reform
    4. Attempting to dis empower the EPA

    Sheesh!

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    We had a class song when I graduated high school. Maybe the 112th Congress can do the same. I nominate Billy Idol's popular ditty from the early 80s.

    Well, there's nothing to lose
    And there's nothing to prove, well,
    Dancing a-with myself, oh, oh, oh, oh.

  14. ManchuCandidate

    I propose that you guys rename yourselves from US America to White Somalia to better reflect the end results of GOPer rule.

    It seems Freedums is really Freedums from Thought and other brain hurty activity.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I've contended that since Nov. 3rd.
      Republiklans in my office look at me like I'm nuts when I tell them that the only difference between us and Somalia is indoor plumbing and better roads.
      Maybe once American society has descended into the kind of chaos that we are seeing in Egypt, Americans will put down the Cheetos and drag their asses to the voting booth and we can go back to Majority Rule in this country.

  15. randcoolcatdaddy

    I would support Obama's health care plan, but I'm afraid that nude pictures of me will wind up on the Intertubes.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        These down-fisters remind me of the prank-pulling youngsters of my youth, but they forgot the matches, forgot to ring the doorbell, and forgot to put the dogshit in the paper bag when they left it on the porch.

    1. not that Dewey

      But replies count at least as much as fists in the pee-protocol, and they can't anti-reply to your comment. You'll get there.

  16. undeterredbyreality

    Is "garbage in, garbage out" McPain's version of "tide goes in, tide goes out", or a description of the republican plan for the next two years millenium?

    1. BarryOPotter

      I interpret it as "see, this is what you get when you allow Republicans to take over: garbage in, garbage out.

  17. MinAgain

    Next up, the Republicans bring a vote to the floor to repeal winter. And really, who wouldn't support that?
    .

  18. Oblios_Cap

    CBS had McCain on this morning talking about Egypt; however, I left the room rather than listen to his "opinion". Explain to me again why we are expected to care what that loser thinks.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I think it's part of the Obama Administration's plan, especially when there's a sag in his approval ratings, to encourage McCain to make the rounds on the blah-blah circuit. This makes America aware of the nightmare that could have been, and more thankful than ever that they voted for the O-Man.

      1. PublicLuxury

        Pee trolls never have the courage to show themselves. They know they cannot possibly keep up by posting a counter argument so they sneak around. They're like a mean 8 year old. They know they're too stupid to participate so their jealousy makes them want strike out in any way their pea-sized brain allows.

        Actually, I pity these special education kids/trolls. They just can't keep up.

        1. mumbly_joe

          To be fair, the vanilla trolls have the same problem, but usually try to side-step their inadequacies by changing the subject or by "storming off in a huff" because of things like "profanity, on Wonkette, which is of course known for its polite humor and language".

    1. HistoriCat

      It's not a p-troll. It's a brave Freedum thumber! Sneaking behind enemy lines, reconnoitering the enemies and bravely committing counter-operations. Then he goes back and boasts about his exploits to his buddies. Probably wearing camouflage undies while he does it.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        Well, isn't it a cute Freedum Thummer. I guess we could cut it some slack since it can no longer vote multiple times for Bristol on Clomping With the Stars and is starved for a noble purpose in life?Nah.

      2. jodyleek

        And these are the same idiots who are always squawking about "voter fraud" and picture IDs at polling places. No voting unless you show yer face and Wonkette ID, ya pussies!

      3. BarryOPotter

        Probably wearing camouflage undies while he does it.

        Into what kind of background can one blend with skid-marked undies?

  19. DaSandman

    The simple turth of the matter is that the ruling class plutocrats feel threatened and their meat puppet Repugs are going to continue this fake vote shit until they win or are destroyed.

    I vote for the latter.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I, too, would prefer the latter, but given the intellectual level of the general electorate in this country, I fear the former.

  20. PsycWench

    Walnuts had a hawt date with Obama at the White House!
    I like to imagine that Obama purposefully knocked over Walnuts' coffee, reached out and took one of his cookies, and then looked at him and said "I'M the president, bitch. Watcha gonna do about it?"

    1. Steverino247

      That would be much more productive than anything else McCain would have done that day. Where can I get a job that pays that much, has all those perks, and gets everybody absolutely wet to have me on their TV show when I've not done a damned thing since I left the Navy?

    2. widestanceroman

      And make Walnuts sit on the floor while Obama eats said cookie over him. How adorable would Walnuts be trying to shake away crumbs with his flippers?

  21. PublicLuxury

    I'm going back to bed. The country isn't near as dysfunctional when I'm in avoidance/sleep mode.

  22. harry_palmer

    Put a rider that no Congresslizard loses his Ukranian nurse if this shit passes and the "centrist" Dems will vote repeal. Or explain more carefully that's the case, since it's probably in there already.

  23. twaingirl

    No offense to Ken, but I sure do love waking up to Riley and his America. Or, conversely, just waking up to Riley.

    1. vulpes82

      Riley's Morning is a gentle tongue-punching of the fartbox, while Ken's is a smothering of any hope or idealism that might once have breathed within you with a pillow of misanthropy.

  24. Beowoof

    Alan Grayson was roundly criticized for his statements that the republican health plan was don't get sick, and if you do get sick, die quickly. And yet the republicans actions are a clear indication that is their plan.

    I was thinking of wishing illness on the republicans, but that would mean more claims which would drive up the rates for their government sponsored health care that we pay for. It is a dilemma for me.

  25. BklynIlluminati

    Keep fucking that chicken Repubs. Still waiting on any legislation that even quasi resembles job related.

  26. DoktorZoom

    Dang–I just know that for the next month, I'm going to still be writing Year of the Tiger on my checks.

  27. hagajim

    These Rupublicans are like whack-a-moles…just when you think you've done something they fucking pop their hard little heads up and have to be smashed back down again. Once again, I shall use the Boehnerism of CHICKENSHIT! But only if the Dems do it apparently.

  28. ttommyunger

    I for one am encouraged by the stalwart and brave efforts the Republicans have been putting forth to obliterate the jobless problem in Ameri….What? Oh, wait, nevermind.
    On an unrelated note, Tony Blair and Mike Huckabee have taken their heads off of Netanyahu's lap long enough to gulp some air and profess the worthiness of Mubarak, so; they've got that going for them.

  29. GOPCrusher

    Maybe next, Sen. Rand Paul (R-Dumbfuckistan) can propose a repeal of the Civil Rights Act?
    I guess America will see first hand what the Republiklans meant when they screeched that "We need to slow down and get things right.", they actually meant we need to bring government to a complete stop and then put it in reverse.

  30. Negropolis

    Out of curiosity, who were the two Democrats that didn't/couldn't vote? I'm still not used to seeing 53/47, or in this case, 51/47. Way, way, WAY too close for comfort. But, in a Senate where 60 votes is a majority, the difference between 58/59 and 53 doesn't really mean anything.

  31. Sparky_McGruff

    Does that mean John Boehner is a fat orange Tinker Bell? I hate to break it to him, but that's not pixie dust he's spreading around.

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