famous comedians

Dumb Dana Milbank/WaPo Online Team Already Break Palin Pledge

He so funny!Dana Milbank has declared that he will not talk about Sarah Palin in February, in order to get media attention. It’s working! Until he posted this yesterday: “I survived Day One of my February Sarah Palin moratorium, defeating the evil plans of ABC News’s Rick Klein. Only 27 days to go…” Yeah, that’s him mentioning Sarah Palin. But wait! Update! “The sentence as written above was posted by an editor, not Dana. So Dana’s moratorium remains intact.” However, this post still says “By Dana Milbank” at top and bottom. So are all of Dana Milbank’s columns written by “an editor,” or just this one? And why can’t the Washington Post‘s awful Geocities-meets-Soviet-Russia website just change the author on this post?

JOURNALISM.

Anyway, Milbank spends his whole time on this “Web show” referring to Sarah Palin, though he never says the word “Sarah,” just “Palin.” He is very playful, you see! So Milbank is talking about Palin more than ever, on as many media outlets as he can, although now he is being cute about it.

We see. Somebody alert the Air Force. We’re going to need to drop a whole cargo plane full of Pulitzers on this man STAT. [WP via Outside the Beltway]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

126 comments

  1. genxr

    Instead, he should spend the whole month talking about Mercede Johnston. I don't think anyone would notice.

  2. jus_wonderin

    I didn't look at the clip. By "being cute" do you mean he didn't call HER by HER given name; just referring to HER as…twat???

      1. LionelHutzEsq

        The above post was not posted by Native_of_SL_UT, but by an editor, thereby keeping Native_of_SL_UT's promise intact.

    1. somn

      can't we just agree to refer to her as "She-who-must-not-be-named"? Because then it also makes her easier to ignore when she's constantly being referred to as a fictitious wizardly antagonist.

      Less page views though probably, so there's that.

  3. hagajim

    Is Dana trying to be a comedian now? Why would you toss the best blather aside for a month? And if you do, why not do it during Lent?

    1. court5346

      This abstinence failure…will it result in a bastard child named trig, or tripp, or bookcase, or hat…

  4. Guppy06

    So which do we deride more: the fact that he chose the shortest month of the year to do this, or that he chose Black History Month?

  5. Oldskool_

    I was gonna make my monthly post in the previous thread but it's locked. I missed out on another orgy of some kind, didn't I.

  6. doxastic

    Yeah, if the Caliphate includes all the awesome places Glenn Beck suggests it will, I say hooray!

  7. Extemporanus

    The first rule of Cunt Club is, "You do not talk about Cunt Club."

    The second rule of Cunt Club is, "You do not talk about Cunt Club!"

    1. umm_huh

      As a possessor of a cunt, I respectfully ask you to not associate cunts with She Who Must Not Be Named. While mine is warm and billowy and inviting, I imagine hers is more like a Sarlacc. So, if you please:
      The first rule of Sarlacc Club is, "You do not talk about Sarlacc Club."

  8. elviouslyqueer

    Great. I finally clear my office of the Romney stench, and now I've got to air it out from the fragrant aroma of douche.

  9. ttommyunger

    I could invest all my energies toward it and still not give a flying fuck what Dana does or does not say. I cannot for the life of me imagine why any sane person would. Palin? She's looking a little puffy and fucked-out lately. God help her when she loses her looks, she'll have NOTHING going for her.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      Just imagined Her Grifterness gaining 100 pounds and crumb-sprinkled. Not a pretty sight, but still better than ever listening to her.

      1. ttommyunger

        She's not pretty now, but has a killer ass and legs and reminds me of those teachers I had back in the day who I seriously wanted to bang and never did.

          1. ttommyunger

            No. But I suspect it would make no difference. I always attended married, not that it would have mattered. I had crushes on Elementary, HS and College Educators. Always too slow, dumb and dim to make anything happen.

        1. genxr

          Two crooks in ski masks try to jimmy open the car door, then the alarm sounds:

          BLOOD LIBEL! BLOOD LIBEL! BLOOD LIBEL! BLOOD LIBEL! BLOOD LIBEL! BLOOD LIBEL!

          They run away into the night.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      The faaaaaaaaaaat has not prevented Roger Ailes from a trophy-wife, nor Newt, nor El Rushbo.

      Why should it be different…? Oh, right —

      1. ttommyunger

        The aforementioned jaggoffs should receive some compensation for having to be who they are 24/7. Plus, a man can only have sex so long every day; the rest of the day he has to put up with her shit. I learned a long time ago: no matter how hot a woman is, there is a man somewhere sick and tired of her shit.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      If he'd pledged to say only funny things about her, than we'd have silence from both of them.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    It would be awesome if Sarah did something intelligent, appropriate and productive this month and made Milbank look like a fool. But I wouldn't bet the house on it.

    1. gef05

      Let's look into the future…

      February 3rd
      A gunshop somewhere in Tucson
      Palin: Guys! We're lurching too far to the right! Let's find the commonground and love one another. Group hug! Kumbayah!"

      Cut to studio: Milbank is putting gun to head.

  11. bflrtsplk

    All Milbanks' posts are written the third grade class at Edward R. Murrow Elementary School of Journalism. Thought everybody knew that.

  12. LionelHutzEsq

    This is nothing compared to how fast Dana broke his pledge not to fantasize about Palin while masturbating.

  13. metamarcisf

    Keeping Palin off the pages of the Washington Post is like keeping rats out of the cheese factory.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, douchetard or not, at least Milbank's heart is in the right place. He just can't quit her.

  15. WriteyWriterton

    A few years ago, I read WaPo on line daily, and Milbank with particular interest. Little did I realize that it was my version of gaper's delay.

  16. Cat_Damon

    Come the fuck on. I'm reminded of the way ESPN never fails to carry a story on LeBron James, even if he hasn't done anything newsworthy. Anything to keep one of their biggest cash cows on peoples' minds, I guess. It's the same thing here. I don't read Milbank on a regular basis, and I don't plan on doing so now. Whether it was an "editor" or Dana himself, the fact that the WaPo took up any amount of space talking about a stupid fucking keep-away game instead of any of countless more important stories out there is, sadly, predictably disappointing. When you come back from your "moratorium," Dana, what will you write about? That Sarah Palin spoke at two gun-rights events the week after the shooting in Tuscon? Or that she was really the victim of [insert thing that had nothing to do with SP]?

    Good riddance, sir. And fuck you, WaPo.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      Upppies, C_D. Transgender surgery notwithstanding, a b*tch will always remain a b*tch. Likewise for media-poodles, even after neutering by wingnut/Hiatt management.

    2. Radiotherapy

      The WaPo is more dated than a rotary phone. Even fucking Howie Kurtz jumped the ship. This story is just stupid/funny.

  17. Come here a minute

    Must … not … comment … on … Snowbilly … OH SARAH, I just can't quit you! The stupid is so mighty it is like the strongest magnet in the world.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      She needs new insulting handles. I'm soliciting suggestions. I haven't gotten any traction with either "Her Grifterness" or the "Fortress of Griftertude."

      1. PuckStopsHere

        I'm gonna go with stupid, fucking cunt. But I'll want a taste when the lamestream media runs with it.

      2. bflrtsplk

        Helicopter Moose Hunter Fraudulent Swig of Cat Piss says it all, but it's too wordy. Carimooseo Barbie? Nah. Too derivitive.

  18. TanzbodenKoenig

    I like how they strikethroughed the opening sentence but then left the title of the article as "Day one of the Sarah Palin moratorium"

    1. lulzmonger

      Wow, that's some address: my browser told me it was "seized by ICE" when I tried to paste the link … BEFORE I even activated it.

  19. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Hey, shouldn't we be applauding Dana's efforts? Lay off the snark on this guy.
    I'm looking at his picture and I see a man who is…
    Seriously he's trying to…
    Ummmm…
    Awwww what the hell.

    LAST TIME I SAW A MOUTH LIKE THAT IT HAD A HOOK IN IT!!!!!!111!!!!!
    I feel better now.

  20. mavenmaven

    Did he, didn't he, this is too confusing. Can we go back to talking about Mercede getting nekkid?

  21. di_da_is_alpha

    Palin Derangement Syndrome has only two known cures, growing up and becoming a "conservative", OR, washing down a few thousand milligrams of oxycodone with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

    1. glamourdammerung

      So says the clown that spends a great deal of time trolling here because of a clear obsession.

      1. di_da_is_alpha

        Not clear, transparent, just like the Obama administration. Oh wait, the Obama administration isn't transparent at all, Obama just said it was going to be. Never mind.

        1. glamourdammerung

          You really must be a random text generator.

          Come up with what you would think would be a witty retort that refutes my comment about your obsessive behavior and post it in a few days after the thread is dead. Or just cry more in a few days. Either way, my point was valid and we both know it.

          1. di_da_is_alpha

            You believe whatever you want. Some idiots still believe that marxism will work and that 9/11 was an inside job. As far as witty remarks, you're not a very good straight man. More power to ya.

    2. GOPCrusher

      I find it amazing that these so-called "conservatives" accuse the Left of being "afraid" of Bible Spice, while the leaders of their own party are trying to put as much distance from her as they possibly can at the same time.
      Perhaps she should be encouraged to go for a third-party run for President? That way the Libertarian Candidate won't be at the bottom of the election results anymore.

      1. di_da_is_alpha

        It's not that amazing if you really think about it. Who the hell labeled us "conservatives" anyway? The status quo gots to go. And speaking of "gots to go" I've put enough money in Layne's pocket for now. Regardless of what "glamourdammerung" thinks, I only pop in here once in awhile. See you in a few days, my wonkette brother (or sister).

      2. glamourdammerung

        I thought when people were claiming folks were scared of Palin, they were referring to her mentally disturbed followers trying to cause them physical harm.

  22. iburl

    This can only be done with software. The human will is too malleable when faced with a person so habitually stupid. It's as if you asked me to sit quietly without comment while watching 'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'.
    If we can blow up a reactor in iran with code, surely somebody can make a worm that changes all instances of the string 'Palin' on every computer to something random like 'Icehole'. 'Sarah Palin' could be altered to 'American Idol Season 3 Walk-out' .

  23. trampndirtdown

    “Tea Party rebutter Michele Bachmann is under fire for saying the Founding Fathers eliminated slavery. Sarah Palin is very upset. Another female Republican trying to steal the dumbass vote.” –Jay Leno
    When you've lost Leno you've lost the old uniformed vote. Bye Bye whore.

    1. glamourdammerung

      I am more surprised that Leno apparently finally stopped with the "Bill Clinton got blown" jokes.

  24. horsedreamer_1

    Muslin Brotherhood? Sounds like some sort of Gay Mafia.

    They're battling with the Latin Kings & Hell's Angels for control of the Meth trade in the Southwest, right?

  25. LiveToServeYa

    Everything I know about Dana Milbank, I learned on Wonkette. Who is he? What does he write? Cancel that, I don't care.

Comments are closed.