strange airportfellows

America’s Hottest Stars, Chuck Schumer and Snooki, Pass Each Other At DCA

Hey look, it’s that one television character and Chuck Schumer at the airport, and the television character isn’t interested in being forced to stand for another photo, much less with a guy who wants to ban bath salts, of all things.

(You can stop watching at around the 1:00 mark.)

[tvia Wonkette operative “Monsieur Grumpe’]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    Wow, that was painful. Again, I ask, who's the bigger whore?

    • WriteyWriterton

      Bigger or biggest? Cuz Sarah P's retired the trophy.

  • SorosBot

    Why do I have to know who this person is?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Because he's the senator from New York, silly.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    What is internet? What is "Snooki?" I haven't been paying attention.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      I envy you.

    • MinAgain

      I didn't either, until South Park absolutely savaged her in an episode.

      • Negropolis

        That was one of the most painful portrayals I've ever seen them do. It makes their parodies of the likes of Tom Cruise and John Travolta look rather tame.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Am I at Huffington Post?

    • WriteyWriterton

      Now I haz a scared!

    • SorosBot

      Why are all these commenters trying to tell jokes here? Politics is very very serious business, and anyone who ever tries to joke about it is just an awful evil person. Well, I've got to go stop the pediatrician from vaccinating my baby and treat my father's cancer with crystals and acupuncture.

      • HistoriCat

        Your pathetic attempt at humor is insensitive and uncalled for!!!!! My father got vaccinated and he got autism so that proves you're all a bunch of opportunistic poo-flingers! A REAL liberal would be sensitive enough to understand that we ALL need to be accepting of everyone's beliefs and NOT cast aspersions on others! I'm going back to FireDog Lake now!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Hey, someone scraped the "Coexist" bumper sticker off your car!!

  • WriteyWriterton

    At 0:24, the senior Senator from the Empire State might just take a peek at her caboose.

    • HistoriCat

      Well, he IS a Democratic Senator. I mean it's not like he's a Republican – if he was a Repub, The Situation (I hate myself for knowing that "name") would be getting some hot, hot looks.

      • WriteyWriterton

        Point taken, and, if by a Republican, we know where.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Somewhere in Chicago, Rahmbo shivers and has a sad.
    ~

    • WriteyWriterton

      Snooks is tiny enough to wear as a watch fob.

      • Negropolis

        I think she's actually short enough to legally qualify as a little person. She's 4'9", and as she says, 4'11" with the poof.

  • Weenus299

    And she's attractive to whom? Oompa Loompas? (or, Oompa Loompae?)

    • WriteyWriterton

      Morans, amigo, MORANS.

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      Yes
      ~

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    All boobs and hair with no brains.
    Snooki is kind of dumb too.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Evolution is just a theory, amirite? And Snooks proves the null hypothesis.

  • SorosBot

    It's too bad it wasn't Boehner; they could have traded tan salon tips.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Something something "tansile strength"?

  • Sophist [APPLESAUCE]

    I'm going to stop watching at around the 0:00 mark, if that's alright with you.

    • WriteyWriterton

      That's my policy for all video/audio of the Queen of the Snow-Grifters.

  • WriteyWriterton

    O/T: would a speech by the president of the NRA be a glockingspiel?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    With the greatest respect for little people, those affected by dwarfism, etc….She is a midget. An ugly one at that.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Yes, but on the "Hit it" scale, she's a what?

      • natoslug

        She's an Animal House punchline, and that's no way to go through life.

        • WriteyWriterton

          It is sad, and in a hellish way.

          [snark on]

  • Barbara_i

    I look around her neck and see the lovely Burberry scarf, retail value $335.00, and I think of all the Burberry scarves it cost me to send both of my daughters to college and I have a warm fuzzy here in my ratty Kohl's bathrobe. Snooki's Mom must be beaming with pride, but it will be my daughters, the nurses, who will be able to pick her up from her choking, in a pool of her own sick, and keep her still while they pump her stomach.

    • WriteyWriterton

      Do your daughters' professional ethics unconditionally oblige them to save Snooki, or do we have a window of opportunity, however small, to allow this to end quietly in a motel room somewhere on the Shore?

      • MsQuasimodo

        I know, 3 days late … I've asked myself "if I was present and Dubya Bush was also present without any help and he started choking on a pretzel, would I help him?" as my professional ethical dilemma (I'm an RN). Really tough call, but I would. Because: he would know that he owed his life to this feminist Marxist, like, forever. And the world would find out, and I would be Gitmo'd if I did not help him. And the world would find out that America has citizens who follow ethical precepts that include "doing unto others", unlike Xtian fundies. I would get 15 minutes of fame in which to state "what would it solve to let the killer of millions die?"

        • WriteyWriterton

          It's never too late for a great answer like that.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      "my daughters, the nurses, who will be able to pick her up from her choking, in a pool of her own sick, and keep her still while they pump her stomach"

      While (possibly) thinking, "I aced organic chemistry for this?"

      • WriteyWriterton

        …and reaching for the Prozac, which won't help here, no.

      • MsQuasimodo

        Please don't denigrate the intelligence of RNs. Sure, they have a negative/sexy media image which they seem unable to overcome. And no, it does not take "organic chemistry" to resuscitate someone, but it takes knowledge of chemistry in order to understand physiology, pharmacology, and pathophysiology underlying illness, trauma, &c. Plus lots of clinical experience. Also, RNs don't take organic chem. Pre meds do (yeah, they're probably smarter than we are, we're just a bunch of dumb cunts.)

  • Tommmcatt

    Okay, which one of you straight guys would hit that? I know you're out there…

    • WriteyWriterton

      Quoting J. Benny…"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

    • natoslug

      I'm either growing up or coming down with something, as my "I'd hit it" reaction seems to be failing me. Then again, it could just be that I don't see anything about her that could possibly be considered attractive. If I want short and stout, I'll get a teapot.

      • Tommmcatt

        She's what I imagined a female dwarf to look like back when I was 13 and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

        • natoslug

          She's what I imagine a female dwarf would look like on discworld, if you shaved it and covered it in spray tan. Considering my wife has the same build (although at 5'3", probably towers over her), I shouldn't criticize the general shape. It is the personality and the vacant looks that make me shrivel at the thought of any sort of encounter, naked or otherwise, with snookie.

          • WriteyWriterton

            "She's what I imagine a female dwarf would look like on discworld, if you shaved it and covered it in spray tan."

            That vision is an excellent weight-loss program in and of itself. An sich.

        • SorosBot

          It's true you don't see many dwarf women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for dwarf men. And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women, and that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! Which is, of course, ridiculous.

          • WriteyWriterton

            [Falling off horse]

          • natoslug

            "…and the rider lying on the ground with his horse lying on top of him with all four legs in the air means that the rider was either a very incompetent horseman or owned a very bad-tempered horse."

          • MsQuasimodo

            Goddamn (I know, 3 day late comment) Wonkette is the only blog I've found where commenters quote fucking Discworld. Nobody else has even heard of it. How about them vampires from Uberwald?

  • chascates

    Snooki really does look like a turnip turned upside down.

  • hagajim

    Is Snooki what they call Bristol in New Jersey?

  • ttommyunger

    Chuck passed Snooki, Snooki passed wind, nobody noticed. I passed a Snooki once, bled for a week. Never passed a Schumer. That would be brutal. I shit a Wildcat once, that was nothing compared to a Schumer, I'm sure. Had enough, Jack? Fine, this is what you get for putting drek like this out in the Wonkesphere.

  • GOPCrusher

    Just checking here, yep here it is right here. The fact that anyone knows who this person is, is one of the Signs of The Apocalypse.
    May 21 is rapidly approaching.

  • MinAgain

    You do know that even typing Snooki's name causes your I.Q. to drop 10 points, don't you?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'd have thought Snooki's senators would be Menendez and Lautenberg.

  • Negropolis

    Schumer has got the creepiest old-man-grin I've seen in a while.

  • BigTymeGuns

    Man, I tell you. I don't know about all that. The senator looked way too eager to take those pictures. It could have been a fun picture. They could have posed with some Airsoft Guns and some skimpy outfits. That would have made Primetime TV. Opportunity……FAIL!

  • ngableh

    When you see it..