strange airportfellows

America’s Hottest Stars, Chuck Schumer and Snooki, Pass Each Other At DCA

Hey look, it’s that one television character and Chuck Schumer at the airport, and the television character isn’t interested in being forced to stand for another photo, much less with a guy who wants to ban bath salts, of all things.

(You can stop watching at around the 1:00 mark.)

[tvia Wonkette operative “Monsieur Grumpe’]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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      1. Negropolis

        That was one of the most painful portrayals I've ever seen them do. It makes their parodies of the likes of Tom Cruise and John Travolta look rather tame.

    1. SorosBot

      Why are all these commenters trying to tell jokes here? Politics is very very serious business, and anyone who ever tries to joke about it is just an awful evil person. Well, I've got to go stop the pediatrician from vaccinating my baby and treat my father's cancer with crystals and acupuncture.

      1. HistoriCat

        Your pathetic attempt at humor is insensitive and uncalled for!!!!! My father got vaccinated and he got autism so that proves you're all a bunch of opportunistic poo-flingers! A REAL liberal would be sensitive enough to understand that we ALL need to be accepting of everyone's beliefs and NOT cast aspersions on others! I'm going back to FireDog Lake now!

    1. HistoriCat

      Well, he IS a Democratic Senator. I mean it's not like he's a Republican – if he was a Repub, The Situation (I hate myself for knowing that "name") would be getting some hot, hot looks.

      1. Negropolis

        I think she's actually short enough to legally qualify as a little person. She's 4'9", and as she says, 4'11" with the poof.

  1. Barbara_i

    I look around her neck and see the lovely Burberry scarf, retail value $335.00, and I think of all the Burberry scarves it cost me to send both of my daughters to college and I have a warm fuzzy here in my ratty Kohl's bathrobe. Snooki's Mom must be beaming with pride, but it will be my daughters, the nurses, who will be able to pick her up from her choking, in a pool of her own sick, and keep her still while they pump her stomach.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      Do your daughters' professional ethics unconditionally oblige them to save Snooki, or do we have a window of opportunity, however small, to allow this to end quietly in a motel room somewhere on the Shore?

      1. MsQuasimodo

        I know, 3 days late … I've asked myself "if I was present and Dubya Bush was also present without any help and he started choking on a pretzel, would I help him?" as my professional ethical dilemma (I'm an RN). Really tough call, but I would. Because: he would know that he owed his life to this feminist Marxist, like, forever. And the world would find out, and I would be Gitmo'd if I did not help him. And the world would find out that America has citizens who follow ethical precepts that include "doing unto others", unlike Xtian fundies. I would get 15 minutes of fame in which to state "what would it solve to let the killer of millions die?"

    2. donner_froh

      "my daughters, the nurses, who will be able to pick her up from her choking, in a pool of her own sick, and keep her still while they pump her stomach"

      While (possibly) thinking, "I aced organic chemistry for this?"

      1. MsQuasimodo

        Please don't denigrate the intelligence of RNs. Sure, they have a negative/sexy media image which they seem unable to overcome. And no, it does not take "organic chemistry" to resuscitate someone, but it takes knowledge of chemistry in order to understand physiology, pharmacology, and pathophysiology underlying illness, trauma, &c. Plus lots of clinical experience. Also, RNs don't take organic chem. Pre meds do (yeah, they're probably smarter than we are, we're just a bunch of dumb cunts.)

    1. natoslug

      I'm either growing up or coming down with something, as my "I'd hit it" reaction seems to be failing me. Then again, it could just be that I don't see anything about her that could possibly be considered attractive. If I want short and stout, I'll get a teapot.

      1. Tommmcatt

        She's what I imagined a female dwarf to look like back when I was 13 and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

        1. natoslug

          She's what I imagine a female dwarf would look like on discworld, if you shaved it and covered it in spray tan. Considering my wife has the same build (although at 5'3", probably towers over her), I shouldn't criticize the general shape. It is the personality and the vacant looks that make me shrivel at the thought of any sort of encounter, naked or otherwise, with snookie.

          1. WriteyWriterton

            "She's what I imagine a female dwarf would look like on discworld, if you shaved it and covered it in spray tan."

            That vision is an excellent weight-loss program in and of itself. An sich.

        2. SorosBot

          It's true you don't see many dwarf women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for dwarf men. And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no dwarf women, and that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! Which is, of course, ridiculous.

          1. natoslug

            "…and the rider lying on the ground with his horse lying on top of him with all four legs in the air means that the rider was either a very incompetent horseman or owned a very bad-tempered horse."

          2. MsQuasimodo

            Goddamn (I know, 3 day late comment) Wonkette is the only blog I've found where commenters quote fucking Discworld. Nobody else has even heard of it. How about them vampires from Uberwald?

  2. ttommyunger

    Chuck passed Snooki, Snooki passed wind, nobody noticed. I passed a Snooki once, bled for a week. Never passed a Schumer. That would be brutal. I shit a Wildcat once, that was nothing compared to a Schumer, I'm sure. Had enough, Jack? Fine, this is what you get for putting drek like this out in the Wonkesphere.

  3. GOPCrusher

    Just checking here, yep here it is right here. The fact that anyone knows who this person is, is one of the Signs of The Apocalypse.
    May 21 is rapidly approaching.

  4. BigTymeGuns

    Man, I tell you. I don't know about all that. The senator looked way too eager to take those pictures. It could have been a fun picture. They could have posed with some Airsoft Guns and some skimpy outfits. That would have made Primetime TV. Opportunity……FAIL!

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