Latest Wasilla Success Story: Mercede Johnston Posing For Playboy

by Jack Stuef

Oh, that little graphic says it's true. Must be.According to the world’s most trusted news source, some celebrity website we’ve never heard of, Levi Johnston’s sister Mercede is going to pose nude for Playboy. Why? And why now? Well, America collectively said, “Who? What? Sure,” when they were asked if they wanted to see Levi Johnston’s gonads in Playgirl, and it turns out other people tangentially related to Sarah Palin have naked bodies too. Oh, and Mercede is 18 now. So congratulations to Mercede, we guess. We always liked her because she was literate enough to write a blog, which is pretty impressive for Alaska and that town in particular. She is now a shining example of the great American entrepreneurial tradition of capitalizing on one’s relationship to the Palin family. This is her Sputnik moment. We are seeing Big Things.

We’re told Mercede will do what her brother didn’t — and show it all!

Oh, Mercede Johnston has a penis too. Good for her.

And now we ask this of the legacy soft-core porn publishing industry: Please do not approach Bristol about this sort of thing. [Rumor Fix via Wonkette operative chascates]

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 157 comments }

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 11:13 am

Oh goodie, now we all get to see how much body work this Mercedes needs.
Go ahead, Wonkateers with Willies, feel free to kick her tires.

Buzz Feedback February 2, 2011 at 11:24 am

What's the over/under on a tattoo on her lower back in Olde English?

Texan_Bulldog February 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

That's probably the beer she drinks.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

I think it would be "…how much bod wor," given the failure to supply the "s' on the name, but that's just me – a stickler for pointless parallelism.

MrsBiggTime February 2, 2011 at 11:30 am

Bumper bullets. Classic car styling.

walstib February 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

Taking bets: Pink or Brown? & Bare or cutesy shape?

I'm going Pink and Bare.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 11:52 am

That's what "www" stands for? Really? Wonketeers with Willies?

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 11:10 pm

And that would make Limey Lizzy and me WWV's

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 2, 2011 at 12:10 pm

This whole situation certainly gives me the willies, but there ain't no way in hell I'm kicking her. Not even with the First Dude's foot.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

Really?

Why is it that everyone involved with the Palins has to get naked at one point or another?

If so, can Christina Hendricks and January Jones become Sarah P's beauty consultants?

Weenus299 February 2, 2011 at 11:18 am

Just pray it won't be Newt Gingrich.

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

Thank you. You just killed my libido. Forever.

Crank_Tango February 2, 2011 at 11:25 am

anyway, yes, back to the ladies of mad-men, naked please. there are some nice "naked" (sideboob) pics of betty out there, and i think I will go look at them now, while I still have morning wood, i mean, before i start work.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:28 am

One actual and a thousand virtual uppies to you, MC.

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Christina Hendricks? I've never had a gay friend who hasn't told me, "we are all gay…." and my head bobs like a bladder on a stick. I'm strictly dickly. Then I saw Miss Hendrick's and guess what? I am so gay.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

She's still got a fuckload more dignity than Brisol or Sarah.

V572625694 February 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

A modest distinction, like manufacturing the world's largest microchip.

SharkSandwich February 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

I have a Sputnik moment for her.

Barrelhse February 2, 2011 at 11:39 am

Well, she's no Laika.
oh, wait…

JustPixelz February 2, 2011 at 11:41 am

Pay attention! We need more Spud-nuts moments. So says Sarah, so say we all.

Not_So_Much February 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

Crap, doesn't he have a hotter sister somewhere?

Also, fucking Wasilla. Who knew a shitty little meth town would become our long national nightmare?

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

It's our anti-Potemkin village.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

When you're young and so in love as we
And bewildered by the world we see
Why do people hurt us so
Only those in love would know
What a town without pity can do

If we stop to gaze upon a star
People talk about how bad we are
Ours is not an easy age
We're like tigers in a cage
What a town without pity can do

Gene Pitney was 50 years ahead of the curve.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

John McCain, your tumbrel is waiting.

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Wasilla=The Love Canal of the 10's.

donner_froh February 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

Mercede–without the final s–is a perfect white trash name.

Not_So_Much February 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

Originally 'Merceduh'?

ManchuCandidate February 2, 2011 at 11:17 am

Stripper Name.

Weenus299 February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

Daimler called and wanted the 's' back.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:22 am

Probably named for the town in the San Joaquin Valley, at whose Flying J Truck Stop she was conceived.

Mahousu February 2, 2011 at 11:34 am

Fortunately, now she'll have enough cash to buy that final 's'.

Unfortunately, she'd be doing so just as Mercedes' quality has fallen into the toilet.

Maybe she should consider changing her name to "Kia" instead.

Barrelhse February 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

Take off the last "S" for Savings! (1-800-M-A T-T-R-E-S)

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 11:54 am

"Mercedes" is plural. Duh.

Gomez571 February 2, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Right, and I wanna see both of them.

salt_bagel February 3, 2011 at 7:34 am

Well, after they named Levi after jeans, the Johnstons wanted something a bit more luxurious if they had a girl.

Aud, Bentle, and Ferrar all made the short list.

(Of course, BM was quickly eliminated.)
/rimshot

forgracie February 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

Tha Wasilla trailer parks are single-handedly bringing America out of the recession. This is truly change we can believe in.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:31 am

A fold-out for these denizens of double-wides would be six pages, if I've done my 'rithmetic right.

Weenus299 February 2, 2011 at 11:18 am

Flowers in the Attic?

DashboardBuddha February 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm

More like Flowers for Algernon.

Buzz Feedback February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

I want her to pose with a Chalupa in one hand and a gallon of Sunny D in the other.

jim89048 February 2, 2011 at 1:03 pm

There's capitalism for ya, product placement!

SenileAgitation February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

I look forward to Bristol's denouncement of this sluttish opportunism.

Terry February 2, 2011 at 11:23 am

Plus a lot of whining about why she wasn't asked.

Zvi_Bleindmeis February 2, 2011 at 11:56 am

"Mercede your such a fuckin canard your a faggot STFU."

Negropolis February 3, 2011 at 1:06 am

She's just mad that Mercede isn't showing the goods for free, and she did.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

Huh huh, you said "Johnson."

Oh, Johnston? Fuck.

Gratuitous World February 2, 2011 at 11:19 am

Happy Bday! Get paid! Wage of Majority.

baconzgood February 2, 2011 at 11:21 am

The Palin clan is getting worse than the Kardashians. They don't really do anything, they say stupid shit all the time, and yet they're still getting paid obscene amounts of money to be on TeeVee and in magazines. If this were any other place in the world this family would have been dead in a ditch somewhere years ago. As Yakov Smirnoff said "what a country".

Panty_Buns February 2, 2011 at 2:16 pm

That's why they fit in so perfectly with Fox and TMZ.

Negropolis February 3, 2011 at 1:06 am

Which one's Klohe?

BTW, fuck if I know how to spell that giant's name.

Barbara_i February 3, 2011 at 1:07 am

Klohe is the fat one without the big ass and the big tits.

prommie February 2, 2011 at 11:21 am

I want to see her naked, for sure. I am always in favor of more nakedness, not less. And its nice to see someone who is not a Palin being able to grift a few bucks out of this sordid debacle of McCain's hail-mary pass to the jeebus-babbling snowbilly cunt.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

And just think, McCain was the running back on the play.

Billy Kristol took the snap from center and tossed him a lateral.
~

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 11:56 am

Yes, there was much tossing in that playbook.

hagajim February 2, 2011 at 11:21 am

Fire up the leaf blower…this chick is gonna need some serious airbrushing. Seriously though…Hugh – is this why you took Playboy private again? So you could get a Mercede Johnston? Really? I guess all the really good porn is already available on the internets so you have to settle for what you can get huh….

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:26 am

I haven't bought a Playboy since about 1985; this is not going to drive me back to the newsstand.

DashboardBuddha February 2, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Shock and Awe sells.

Barbara_i February 3, 2011 at 1:10 am

"shock and awe sells" more like "schock and -in-law" sells.

V572625694 February 2, 2011 at 12:50 pm

Maybe Hugh wanted to take the mag back to the days of bushy pubes (or no pubes!), and publishing John Updike and Saul Bellow.

Maybe, but probably not.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Where are the Hellers of yesteryear?

Barbara_i February 3, 2011 at 1:12 am

Something tells me that she looks like she is holding Buckwheat, in a scissor-lock down there.

DangerHelvetica February 2, 2011 at 11:22 am

I like how that tabloid has to put disclaimers when something is actually true.

DerrickWildcat February 2, 2011 at 11:40 am

"Yes, it's true."
" This time we swear to God we ain't lying!"
" We ain't makin' this shit up this time."

sezme February 2, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Yeah, I was kind of thinking it might not be true, but then I saw that label.

Native_of_SL_UT February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

Um.. what has this got to do with Todd's massages?

MrsBiggTime February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

You are implying that this unknown young woman with breasts would not have a lucrative career posing for aged masturbators, had she not been somehow related to some guy who knocked up some unknown young woman who happened to be related to Sarah Palin?

I, for one, will not stand for such Boob Libel. Now please pass the paper towels.

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

"some guy who knocked up some unknown young woman" twice….

fixed.

freakishlywrong February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

I think when your claim to (fame?) is "Levi's sister" that 20 minutes should be just about up.

tbogg February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

Bristol wasn't asked because her thighs would take up one page alone. Paper shortages, people. Think green!

RodneyBadger February 2, 2011 at 11:28 am

If John McCain didn't pick Sarah Palin as his running mate, then Mercede would not be posing in Playboy. Just think about that for a minute.

Crank_Tango February 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

and somewhere, right now, a butterfly flaps its wings…

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 12:14 pm

I still refuse to believe that the choice of running mate was John McCain's.

genxr February 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Now we know it was Hugh Hefner calling the shots.

Panty_Buns February 2, 2011 at 2:20 pm

By any chance did John McCain and Hugh Hefner go to school together or have some connection?

horsedreamer_1 February 2, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Mercede prolly would have found a way to get to Seattle for a Casting Call, though. & maybe been picked out for a Newsstand Special.

user-of-owls February 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

They buried the real story. Will Shortz has been forced out as editor of the NYT Crossword Puzzle and will be replaced by Meg Stapleton.

metamarcisf February 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

If this is true does that mean he will no longer waste my time on Sunday Morning NPR?

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Noooooooooooooooo!

deanbooth February 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

Click here to see pictures of ___________ nekid.

That's my weakest link. Does that make me a bad person?

BornInATrailer February 2, 2011 at 11:43 am

If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Bush twins… gets me every time.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

O/T. This snow day lets me play along with other Wonketeers in realz time. Yippee!

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 2:28 pm

It's not as much fun to do when you aren't getting paid to do it.

EatsBabyDingos February 2, 2011 at 11:32 am

Winona's got herself a big brown beaver and she shows it off to all her friends

SayItWithWookies February 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

You know it's a great country when the sister of the ex-fiance of the daughter of the failed vice-presidential candidate can — okay, where the fuck is my passport?

ttommyunger February 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Join my club; I never leave the house without mine. I know, I'm fucking paranoid, but that doesn't mean I'm NOT being followed.

zhubajie February 2, 2011 at 6:36 pm

I haven't tried this myself, but I believe it's possible to buy a second, legitimate, passport from places like Guyana, Grenada, etc. I knew a guy once had 3 passports, like Joel Cairo, in The Maltese Falcon!

HolyMaracas February 2, 2011 at 11:34 am

Playboy Special Ed Edition: Wasilla's Meth Hotties.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:37 am

Toothless in Gaza…

Redhead February 2, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Whoever does the photoshopping on that cover deserves about 3 promotions and 5 raises.

petehammer February 2, 2011 at 11:36 am

How does Playboy still exist? From any perspective (financially, politically, social impact). There are numerous outlets now for serious writers (Playboy did, at one time, serve as an outlet for aspiring writers) and there are boatloads and boatloads of free pornography everywhere. So how is it this magazine still exists? It'd be like if Rite-Aid still had soda fountains for some reason. It's anachronistic.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:39 am

"How does Playboy still exist?" Faustian bargain?

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

Yeah, and with Wonkabout, we don't even need Playboy After Dark anymore.

Crank_Tango February 2, 2011 at 11:52 am

i still wanna see arielle naked tho.

natoslug February 2, 2011 at 12:51 pm

The Women of Wonkette issue would be popular with many of us . . .

horsedreamer_1 February 2, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Just don't ever call SKS a MILF.

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Mmmmm Anna Marie.

GregComlish February 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

Barely Legal is an ethical step-forward for Wasilla, AK.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 11:39 am

At least it's better than the faded former celebrities who try posing for Playboy to restart their careers after they've gotten old; I'd have rather seen Tiffany naked before she got fat, Hugh.

BaldarTFlagass February 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I think Kirstie Alley is in the pipeline.

jim89048 February 2, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Gonna take a lot of Crisco to slide that one through.

kbnx February 2, 2011 at 11:42 am

If she's really like her brother, she'll get fat before the shoot and then hide all the good parts with her hands.

magic_titty February 2, 2011 at 11:49 am

NY Post headline: Mercede Bends!

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

Oh lord, won't you buy me a Mercede nude; my friends all drive Bristol I must make amends.

GregComlish February 2, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Dang, you're good at those

PeaceWithHonor February 2, 2011 at 11:49 am

Bring us more Wasilla meth hotties!

WhatTheHeck February 2, 2011 at 11:50 am

Just think, Sarah could have been invited to Hef's mansion, but passed her up for a younger model.

Texan_Bulldog February 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

Well, it's not like anyone from Wasilla is ever going to appear in the college/co-ed edition of Playboy. At least Hugh is equal opportunity nekkid.

magic_titty February 2, 2011 at 11:57 am

Let me guess: it won't be the college coeds issue.

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Now, unfortunately, yes, no thanks to you.

Ruhe February 2, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Jim Rome says on occasion that no one aspires to porn. "You don't get into porn. You end up in porn." The Palin clan and the greater Wasilla area may be a place where that wisdom does not apply.

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 12:20 pm

I contend that Sarah will end up doing a spread in Playboy, in fact I would not be surprised if Hef isn't working on a mother/daughter pictorial. With Mercede already putting her name on the dotted line, this may be just the push that was needed to get Brisket on board.

seppdecker February 2, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Similarly, you don't aspire to Wasilla. You end up in Wasilla.

Redhead February 2, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Can we PLEASE just give Alaska back to Russia. Not ONE of the Palin clan or their clingers-on have done anything productive, contributed anything to society (other than numerous headaches and scratched-out-eyes) or done anything worthwhile with their lives. Palin herself has actively tried to set society and women back decades.

The repubs are so concerned with spending and the budget right now – just how much do we pay to every Alaskan citizen in exchange for right, the oil we get from them? How much do we spend on other social programs – like food stamps, welfare and medicaid – for them – shit, how much does the US spend on just the portions of those programs that Bristol and her offspring use?

Let's just get rid of the damn iceburg, with all the Palins and Johnstons and the rest of the crackheads on it. I'm actually dead serious.

SorosBot February 2, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Now, the Palin clan my never have done anything productive, but their deeds have been extremely reproductive.

zhubajie February 2, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Sell it to Japan!

L188188 February 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm

Shoot will be "classy" – click the link and scroll halfway down – she contacted Gryphen about it apparently.
http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/

Barrelhse February 2, 2011 at 7:13 pm

She'll be fine once she learns not to use her sleeve as toilet paper.

VinnyThePooh February 2, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I'm assuming that this is intended to be the Scared Straight version of abstinence training, targeting young men.

HistoriCat February 2, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Are we talking first time nude-pose Jessica Hahn or the later, surgically-enhanced Jessica Hahn?

DashboardBuddha February 2, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I'm with you, Gunner.

seppdecker February 2, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I'd strip if it got me out of Alaska.

Ancient_Hackery February 2, 2011 at 12:31 pm

How long will we have to wait for Sarah Palin's 7-minute word-salad commenting on how this makes her a victim? Waiting, waiting……

VinnyThePooh February 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm

BIRTHIN' HIPS! BIRTHIN' HIPS!

imissopus February 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Or Gennifer Flowers posing for Penthouse. I was a freshman in college and my neighbor had given me a subscription as a going-away gift. I lived on an all-male floor that year and that issue circulated for weeks.

cheaphits February 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm

Remember the lady, Fawn Hall…Ollie North's assistant?

Pretty woman and she turned down $1Mil. to pose.

littlebigdaddy February 2, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I'm just surprised Bristol "Meth" Palin didn't beat her to it.

Fuck Toad February 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Aw man, I thought she seemed like an okay gal.

Barrelhse February 2, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Now you'll get to find out!

philpjfry February 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Maybe all the lady pols should join together in a photo spread for playboy, you know like girls of capital hill. I mean who wouldn't want to see Nancy Pelosi naked. Just try and get that inmage out of your mind.

ttommyunger February 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Playboy has never looked more sophomoric than it does today, and that's saying something. Porn is great for rubbing one out, and it is everywhere, free. Why anyone would fork over a Duckett for that rag is beyond me. And Hugh Hefner! That pussywhipped serial monogamist has given both whore-mastering AND voyeurism a bad name. Let Little Miss Nobody's sister show her snatch to the fucking Polar Bears for all I care.

themcwow February 2, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Bristol has had a penis too.

jim89048 February 2, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Poor Sadie. If she only knew how to dance, like that other one.

LionelHutzEsq February 2, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I'm just waiting for Playboys "Girls of the Blogosphere" issue, which I assume will feature this layout, K-Lo and all our other favorites.

HistoriCat February 2, 2011 at 2:33 pm

K-Lo? Goodbye lunch …

sportshort February 2, 2011 at 1:38 pm

When did the Alaska Idiots become the farm team for the National Idiots?

Chet Kincaid February 2, 2011 at 2:03 pm

There's no source for this on the skanky website you're using for a source, and every other "news outlet" on Google News is attributing it to this self-same site. I don't expect much from Wonkette in the way of "journalism," but I expect you guys to do a little more legwork before you just parrot the lowest lifeforms on the Web. Like, you could even email the woman!

BeWoot February 2, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Do they still ask the Playmates to list their favorite books?

Panty_Buns February 2, 2011 at 2:13 pm

This would be an excellent opportunity for Kathy Griffin to try to hook Mercede up with one of her (Kathy's) friends, thereby getting closer to her lost love Levi again.

horsedreamer_1 February 2, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Oh, Mercede, if only you would have done anal with an "hot for DC" type, at the cost of a toaster, then the Wonketteers would love, love, love you.

BUTTSECKS!!1!

Schmannnity February 2, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Wasilla: Center of the White Trash Universe.

GOPCrusher February 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Posing for Playboy will be a plus, when the local gentlemen's clubs are advertising her exotic dancing performance.

JackObin February 2, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Damn, I was hoping she would appear in the centerfold of National Review.

zhubajie February 2, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Comning soon! All Todd's Hookers!

trampndirtdown February 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm

$arah will totally support her on this, you know Spudnuts and entrepreneurial spirit and all.
Oh wait you mean she didn't ever mean a fucking word that came out of her stupid piehole. You mean to tell me that she doesn't even think about her idiotic talking points before she shits them out. Two faced cunt.

Negropolis February 3, 2011 at 1:15 am

What's the stand price for a Playboy, these days, and what's the price for a lookie-look down at the girl on the corner? I wonder if a hooker's ever sold a look-over? I hear that a lot of their customers end up just talking to them, so how much for a once-over ogling?

WriteyWriterton February 2, 2011 at 11:27 am

Z.

Sophist [APPLESAUCE] February 2, 2011 at 12:12 pm

I'm pretty sure we're getting into DD-list territory here.

CapeClod February 2, 2011 at 12:40 pm

9th level. I think Dante wrote about it.

horsedreamer_1 February 2, 2011 at 2:19 pm

This is Jessica Cutler redux. Save for the fact that Mercede is not an… WHORE!

court5346 February 2, 2011 at 2:22 pm

fugly

Lascauxcaveman February 2, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I've been shopping for a used Mercedes, but I've more of a '68-'72 model in mind. These newer ones just don't do it for me.

Pass.

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 11:27 pm

Brazilian soccer balls have been kicked less.

WunkRocker February 3, 2011 at 11:43 am

Tits or GTF…oh wait, Also.

Barbara_i February 2, 2011 at 11:30 pm

In the same issue the "celebrity interview" is Mason Reese, the former Underwood Deviled Ham spokes tot. http://tinyurl.com/6xq5mol

UW8316154 February 3, 2011 at 12:15 am

As a '65 model, I love you for that.

horsedreamer_1 February 3, 2011 at 8:44 am

There was some talk, when the Washingtonienne posed, that AMC would appear as well. & considering her career trajectory since, AMC should have done it.

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