According to the world’s most trusted news source, some celebrity website we’ve never heard of, Levi Johnston’s sister Mercede is going to pose nude for Playboy. Why? And why now? Well, America collectively said, “Who? What? Sure,” when they were asked if they wanted to see Levi Johnston’s gonads in Playgirl, and it turns out other people tangentially related to Sarah Palin have naked bodies too. Oh, and Mercede is 18 now. So congratulations to Mercede, we guess. We always liked her because she was literate enough to write a blog, which is pretty impressive for Alaska and that town in particular. She is now a shining example of the great American entrepreneurial tradition of capitalizing on one’s relationship to the Palin family. This is her Sputnik moment. We are seeing Big Things.
We’re told Mercede will do what her brother didn’t — and show it all!
Oh, Mercede Johnston has a penis too. Good for her.
And now we ask this of the legacy soft-core porn publishing industry: Please do not approach Bristol about this sort of thing. [Rumor Fix via Wonkette operative chascates]
{ 157 comments }
Oh goodie, now we all get to see how much body work this Mercedes needs.
Go ahead, Wonkateers with Willies, feel free to kick her tires.
What's the over/under on a tattoo on her lower back in Olde English?
That's probably the beer she drinks.
I think it would be "…how much bod wor," given the failure to supply the "s' on the name, but that's just me – a stickler for pointless parallelism.
Bumper bullets. Classic car styling.
Taking bets: Pink or Brown? & Bare or cutesy shape?
I'm going Pink and Bare.
That's what "www" stands for? Really? Wonketeers with Willies?
And that would make Limey Lizzy and me WWV's
This whole situation certainly gives me the willies, but there ain't no way in hell I'm kicking her. Not even with the First Dude's foot.
Really?
Why is it that everyone involved with the Palins has to get naked at one point or another?
If so, can Christina Hendricks and January Jones become Sarah P's beauty consultants?
Just pray it won't be Newt Gingrich.
Thank you. You just killed my libido. Forever.
anyway, yes, back to the ladies of mad-men, naked please. there are some nice "naked" (sideboob) pics of betty out there, and i think I will go look at them now, while I still have morning wood, i mean, before i start work.
One actual and a thousand virtual uppies to you, MC.
Christina Hendricks? I've never had a gay friend who hasn't told me, "we are all gay…." and my head bobs like a bladder on a stick. I'm strictly dickly. Then I saw Miss Hendrick's and guess what? I am so gay.
She's still got a fuckload more dignity than Brisol or Sarah.
A modest distinction, like manufacturing the world's largest microchip.
I have a Sputnik moment for her.
Well, she's no Laika.
oh, wait…
Pay attention! We need more Spud-nuts moments. So says Sarah, so say we all.
Crap, doesn't he have a hotter sister somewhere?
Also, fucking Wasilla. Who knew a shitty little meth town would become our long national nightmare?
It's our anti-Potemkin village.
When you're young and so in love as we
And bewildered by the world we see
Why do people hurt us so
Only those in love would know
What a town without pity can do
If we stop to gaze upon a star
People talk about how bad we are
Ours is not an easy age
We're like tigers in a cage
What a town without pity can do
Gene Pitney was 50 years ahead of the curve.
John McCain, your tumbrel is waiting.
Wasilla=The Love Canal of the 10's.
Mercede–without the final s–is a perfect white trash name.
Originally 'Merceduh'?
Stripper Name.
Daimler called and wanted the 's' back.
Probably named for the town in the San Joaquin Valley, at whose Flying J Truck Stop she was conceived.
Fortunately, now she'll have enough cash to buy that final 's'.
Unfortunately, she'd be doing so just as Mercedes' quality has fallen into the toilet.
Maybe she should consider changing her name to "Kia" instead.
Take off the last "S" for Savings! (1-800-M-A T-T-R-E-S)
"Mercedes" is plural. Duh.
Right, and I wanna see both of them.
Well, after they named Levi after jeans, the Johnstons wanted something a bit more luxurious if they had a girl.
Aud, Bentle, and Ferrar all made the short list.
(Of course, BM was quickly eliminated.)
/rimshot
Tha Wasilla trailer parks are single-handedly bringing America out of the recession. This is truly change we can believe in.
A fold-out for these denizens of double-wides would be six pages, if I've done my 'rithmetic right.
Flowers in the Attic?
More like Flowers for Algernon.
I want her to pose with a Chalupa in one hand and a gallon of Sunny D in the other.
There's capitalism for ya, product placement!
I look forward to Bristol's denouncement of this sluttish opportunism.
Plus a lot of whining about why she wasn't asked.
"Mercede your such a fuckin canard your a faggot STFU."
She's just mad that Mercede isn't showing the goods for free, and she did.
Huh huh, you said "Johnson."
Oh, Johnston? Fuck.
Happy Bday! Get paid! Wage of Majority.
The Palin clan is getting worse than the Kardashians. They don't really do anything, they say stupid shit all the time, and yet they're still getting paid obscene amounts of money to be on TeeVee and in magazines. If this were any other place in the world this family would have been dead in a ditch somewhere years ago. As Yakov Smirnoff said "what a country".
That's why they fit in so perfectly with Fox and TMZ.
Which one's Klohe?
BTW, fuck if I know how to spell that giant's name.
Klohe is the fat one without the big ass and the big tits.
I want to see her naked, for sure. I am always in favor of more nakedness, not less. And its nice to see someone who is not a Palin being able to grift a few bucks out of this sordid debacle of McCain's hail-mary pass to the jeebus-babbling snowbilly cunt.
And just think, McCain was the running back on the play.
Billy Kristol took the snap from center and tossed him a lateral.
~
Yes, there was much tossing in that playbook.
Fire up the leaf blower…this chick is gonna need some serious airbrushing. Seriously though…Hugh – is this why you took Playboy private again? So you could get a Mercede Johnston? Really? I guess all the really good porn is already available on the internets so you have to settle for what you can get huh….
I haven't bought a Playboy since about 1985; this is not going to drive me back to the newsstand.
Shock and Awe sells.
"shock and awe sells" more like "schock and -in-law" sells.
Maybe Hugh wanted to take the mag back to the days of bushy pubes (or no pubes!), and publishing John Updike and Saul Bellow.
Maybe, but probably not.
Where are the Hellers of yesteryear?
Something tells me that she looks like she is holding Buckwheat, in a scissor-lock down there.
I like how that tabloid has to put disclaimers when something is actually true.
"Yes, it's true."
" This time we swear to God we ain't lying!"
" We ain't makin' this shit up this time."
Yeah, I was kind of thinking it might not be true, but then I saw that label.
Um.. what has this got to do with Todd's massages?
You are implying that this unknown young woman with breasts would not have a lucrative career posing for aged masturbators, had she not been somehow related to some guy who knocked up some unknown young woman who happened to be related to Sarah Palin?
I, for one, will not stand for such Boob Libel. Now please pass the paper towels.
"some guy who knocked up some unknown young woman" twice….
fixed.
I think when your claim to (fame?) is "Levi's sister" that 20 minutes should be just about up.
Bristol wasn't asked because her thighs would take up one page alone. Paper shortages, people. Think green!
If John McCain didn't pick Sarah Palin as his running mate, then Mercede would not be posing in Playboy. Just think about that for a minute.
and somewhere, right now, a butterfly flaps its wings…
I still refuse to believe that the choice of running mate was John McCain's.
Now we know it was Hugh Hefner calling the shots.
By any chance did John McCain and Hugh Hefner go to school together or have some connection?
Mercede prolly would have found a way to get to Seattle for a Casting Call, though. & maybe been picked out for a Newsstand Special.
They buried the real story. Will Shortz has been forced out as editor of the NYT Crossword Puzzle and will be replaced by Meg Stapleton.
If this is true does that mean he will no longer waste my time on Sunday Morning NPR?
Noooooooooooooooo!
Click here to see pictures of ___________ nekid.
That's my weakest link. Does that make me a bad person?
If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.
Bush twins… gets me every time.
O/T. This snow day lets me play along with other Wonketeers in realz time. Yippee!
It's not as much fun to do when you aren't getting paid to do it.
Winona's got herself a big brown beaver and she shows it off to all her friends
You know it's a great country when the sister of the ex-fiance of the daughter of the failed vice-presidential candidate can — okay, where the fuck is my passport?
Join my club; I never leave the house without mine. I know, I'm fucking paranoid, but that doesn't mean I'm NOT being followed.
I haven't tried this myself, but I believe it's possible to buy a second, legitimate, passport from places like Guyana, Grenada, etc. I knew a guy once had 3 passports, like Joel Cairo, in The Maltese Falcon!
Playboy Special Ed Edition: Wasilla's Meth Hotties.
Toothless in Gaza…
Whoever does the photoshopping on that cover deserves about 3 promotions and 5 raises.
How does Playboy still exist? From any perspective (financially, politically, social impact). There are numerous outlets now for serious writers (Playboy did, at one time, serve as an outlet for aspiring writers) and there are boatloads and boatloads of free pornography everywhere. So how is it this magazine still exists? It'd be like if Rite-Aid still had soda fountains for some reason. It's anachronistic.
"How does Playboy still exist?" Faustian bargain?
Yeah, and with Wonkabout, we don't even need Playboy After Dark anymore.
i still wanna see arielle naked tho.
The Women of Wonkette issue would be popular with many of us . . .
Just don't ever call SKS a MILF.
Mmmmm Anna Marie.
Barely Legal is an ethical step-forward for Wasilla, AK.
At least it's better than the faded former celebrities who try posing for Playboy to restart their careers after they've gotten old; I'd have rather seen Tiffany naked before she got fat, Hugh.
I think Kirstie Alley is in the pipeline.
Gonna take a lot of Crisco to slide that one through.
If she's really like her brother, she'll get fat before the shoot and then hide all the good parts with her hands.
NY Post headline: Mercede Bends!
Oh lord, won't you buy me a Mercede nude; my friends all drive Bristol I must make amends.
Dang, you're good at those
Bring us more Wasilla meth hotties!
Just think, Sarah could have been invited to Hef's mansion, but passed her up for a younger model.
Well, it's not like anyone from Wasilla is ever going to appear in the college/co-ed edition of Playboy. At least Hugh is equal opportunity nekkid.
Let me guess: it won't be the college coeds issue.
Now, unfortunately, yes, no thanks to you.
Jim Rome says on occasion that no one aspires to porn. "You don't get into porn. You end up in porn." The Palin clan and the greater Wasilla area may be a place where that wisdom does not apply.
I contend that Sarah will end up doing a spread in Playboy, in fact I would not be surprised if Hef isn't working on a mother/daughter pictorial. With Mercede already putting her name on the dotted line, this may be just the push that was needed to get Brisket on board.
Similarly, you don't aspire to Wasilla. You end up in Wasilla.
Can we PLEASE just give Alaska back to Russia. Not ONE of the Palin clan or their clingers-on have done anything productive, contributed anything to society (other than numerous headaches and scratched-out-eyes) or done anything worthwhile with their lives. Palin herself has actively tried to set society and women back decades.
The repubs are so concerned with spending and the budget right now – just how much do we pay to every Alaskan citizen in exchange for right, the oil we get from them? How much do we spend on other social programs – like food stamps, welfare and medicaid – for them – shit, how much does the US spend on just the portions of those programs that Bristol and her offspring use?
Let's just get rid of the damn iceburg, with all the Palins and Johnstons and the rest of the crackheads on it. I'm actually dead serious.
Now, the Palin clan my never have done anything productive, but their deeds have been extremely reproductive.
Sell it to Japan!
Shoot will be "classy" – click the link and scroll halfway down – she contacted Gryphen about it apparently.
http://theimmoralminority.blogspot.com/
She'll be fine once she learns not to use her sleeve as toilet paper.
I'm assuming that this is intended to be the Scared Straight version of abstinence training, targeting young men.
Are we talking first time nude-pose Jessica Hahn or the later, surgically-enhanced Jessica Hahn?
I'm with you, Gunner.
I'd strip if it got me out of Alaska.
How long will we have to wait for Sarah Palin's 7-minute word-salad commenting on how this makes her a victim? Waiting, waiting……
BIRTHIN' HIPS! BIRTHIN' HIPS!
Or Gennifer Flowers posing for Penthouse. I was a freshman in college and my neighbor had given me a subscription as a going-away gift. I lived on an all-male floor that year and that issue circulated for weeks.
Remember the lady, Fawn Hall…Ollie North's assistant?
Pretty woman and she turned down $1Mil. to pose.
I'm just surprised Bristol "Meth" Palin didn't beat her to it.
Aw man, I thought she seemed like an okay gal.
Now you'll get to find out!
Maybe all the lady pols should join together in a photo spread for playboy, you know like girls of capital hill. I mean who wouldn't want to see Nancy Pelosi naked. Just try and get that inmage out of your mind.
Playboy has never looked more sophomoric than it does today, and that's saying something. Porn is great for rubbing one out, and it is everywhere, free. Why anyone would fork over a Duckett for that rag is beyond me. And Hugh Hefner! That pussywhipped serial monogamist has given both whore-mastering AND voyeurism a bad name. Let Little Miss Nobody's sister show her snatch to the fucking Polar Bears for all I care.
Bristol has had a penis too.
Poor Sadie. If she only knew how to dance, like that other one.
I'm just waiting for Playboys "Girls of the Blogosphere" issue, which I assume will feature this layout, K-Lo and all our other favorites.
K-Lo? Goodbye lunch …
When did the Alaska Idiots become the farm team for the National Idiots?
There's no source for this on the skanky website you're using for a source, and every other "news outlet" on Google News is attributing it to this self-same site. I don't expect much from Wonkette in the way of "journalism," but I expect you guys to do a little more legwork before you just parrot the lowest lifeforms on the Web. Like, you could even email the woman!
Do they still ask the Playmates to list their favorite books?
This would be an excellent opportunity for Kathy Griffin to try to hook Mercede up with one of her (Kathy's) friends, thereby getting closer to her lost love Levi again.
Oh, Mercede, if only you would have done anal with an "hot for DC" type, at the cost of a toaster, then the Wonketteers would love, love, love you.
BUTTSECKS!!1!
Wasilla: Center of the White Trash Universe.
Posing for Playboy will be a plus, when the local gentlemen's clubs are advertising her exotic dancing performance.
Damn, I was hoping she would appear in the centerfold of National Review.
Comning soon! All Todd's Hookers!
$arah will totally support her on this, you know Spudnuts and entrepreneurial spirit and all.
Oh wait you mean she didn't ever mean a fucking word that came out of her stupid piehole. You mean to tell me that she doesn't even think about her idiotic talking points before she shits them out. Two faced cunt.
What's the stand price for a Playboy, these days, and what's the price for a lookie-look down at the girl on the corner? I wonder if a hooker's ever sold a look-over? I hear that a lot of their customers end up just talking to them, so how much for a once-over ogling?
Z.
I'm pretty sure we're getting into DD-list territory here.
9th level. I think Dante wrote about it.
This is Jessica Cutler redux. Save for the fact that Mercede is not an… WHORE!
fugly
I've been shopping for a used Mercedes, but I've more of a '68-'72 model in mind. These newer ones just don't do it for me.
Pass.
Brazilian soccer balls have been kicked less.
Tits or GTF…oh wait, Also.
In the same issue the "celebrity interview" is Mason Reese, the former Underwood Deviled Ham spokes tot. http://tinyurl.com/6xq5mol
As a '65 model, I love you for that.
There was some talk, when the Washingtonienne posed, that AMC would appear as well. & considering her career trajectory since, AMC should have done it.
Comments on this entry are closed.